My Child’s Diagnosis Didn’t Give Me Depression! The SEN System Did That!

7 Apr


Its funny, Just recently I found myself engaged in conversation With a fellow parent at my daughter’s school. We were discussing depression, a subject I won’t hide from!

This parent reads my blog and is aware that depression has sometimes been a part of my life… More so than not.

So, if I’m ever asked a question I will try to answer it openly and Honestly. I’m not ashamed to say… “Yes I had depression” Why should I be? So, Having engaged in conversation for at least five-minutes with this lady I suddenly came to realise that there was some type of crossed wires on her part in regards to a depressive episode I experienced around 3 years ago! This started me thinking… Does everybody think the same way?

So I wanted to explain something, and do so very clearly! My son’s diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome didn’t bring out any episode of depression within me. My child being on the autism spectrum has never actually left me feeling depressed! However, what has had me running for the antidepressants is that of the things that come with that diagnosis (like it being stuffed in a brown envelope and shoved in your hands). I’m not talking in relation to little man’s autistic traits, his sleepless nights or sudden angry outbursts! I’m talking about the battles to get others to sit up and listen. Basically, It wasn’t my child’s Asperger’s syndrome that depressed me it was the system in which I now found myself battling with.

You think a diagnosis is going to change thinks. The right help and support will come and be handed to you on a plate… Well dream on, it most certainly won’t! I learnt almost instantly, that for some, my sons diagnosis wasn’t worth the paper it was written on.

Over the years I’ve come to realise that being a parent to a child on the autism spectrum makes you a stronger person. It gives you fighting power, the type you never even knew you had! Because when your a mother its not only your job to ensure your child has everything they need to lead a full and happy life but the love you have for them that drives you. Almost any mother can relate to this regardless if their child is autistic.

Battling schools for appropriate educational services, educating society about autism and getting your child’s voice heard is all part of the package but it doesn’t necessarily mean its going to come with instructions, and I guess it was this aspect of his diagnosis that hit me the hardest.

Being told little man had Aspergers Syndrome was hard, I can’t deny it! No matter how prepared you think you are, you never are… Not really! Even when you’re told by specialists that its almost a certainty and you’ve therefore done all your own research and have reached the conclusion that “Yes, they are right… you can see it too!” I guess its because it makes it all the more definite, more final! But what must be remembered is that little man was the same child he had been the day before receiving a final diagnosis and I wasn’t depressed then!

Its all to easy to assume that the giving of a diagnosis is the reason why a mother crumbles and starts suffering such conditions as depression. What one must remember is that its all that comes after… The fight to make others do the right thing by your child, its this that can really drain your energy both physically and emotionally.

So if your about to receive that final slip of paper enclosed within a brown envelope, then brace yourselves… As the battle begins.


7 Responses to “My Child’s Diagnosis Didn’t Give Me Depression! The SEN System Did That!”

  1. sherrisiegel April 28, 2013 at 6:08 pm #

    Reblogged this on Sherri Siegel and commented:
    Re blogged post about the frustration that comes with parenting on the spectrum.

  2. littlewhitescale April 26, 2013 at 8:10 pm #

    I liked the picture at the bottom of your post. It spoke to me because I have Asperger’s Syndrome and a lot of those words describe me.

  3. seventhvoice April 26, 2013 at 10:47 am #

    Reblogged this on seventhvoice and commented:
    “You think a diagnosis is going to change things. The right help and support will come and be handed to you on a plate… Well dream on, it most certainly won’t! I learnt almost instantly, that for some, my sons diagnosis wasn’t worth the paper it was written on.”

  4. Lynne Baxter April 8, 2013 at 1:29 pm #

    Oh how true! 😦 so unfair.

  5. Emily Rees April 7, 2013 at 3:58 pm #

    so very true sadly….we had al of the above and more resulting in a SN school not coping with my child and being home educated for almost 6 months.Child loved this but turned our world upside down I gave up work,friends and both of us having a normal as it gets life.Things are better for J now in a better school and is totally unstood thank goodness.But 9 years on and still struggling with EP,SALT,OT,SW and child has Autism,severe learning disability and behaviour problems although makes us mummys stronger I guess! 🙂

  6. AutismMumma April 7, 2013 at 2:29 pm #

    Completely agree.
    It was a relief (ish) to receive D’s diagnosis as we thought she would then receive adequate support.
    It has been a battle for a statement (obtained at 2nd attempt), support at mainstream school and then transfer to SN school.
    It’s a constant battle to get her medication every 3 months, appointments at the GP are pointless – as they don’t understand autism – but necessary to get the referrals. And then the referral letter gets lost, anything marked as “urgent” is treated anything but.
    I’ve liked it to being in a big lake, putting your hand up, hoping someone will take your hand and help you, sometimes they do, more often than not, they don’t.
    It’s time that the powers that be recognised just how much stress carers are under.


  1. Don’t Judge Me. Just Love Me. Asperger’s Diagnosis on the horizon. | seventhvoice - April 26, 2013

    […] My Child’s Diagnosis Didn’t Give Me Depression! The SEN System Did That! ( […]

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