Tag Archives: fight

My Child’s Diagnosis Didn’t Give Me Depression! The SEN System Did That!

7 Apr

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Its funny, Just recently I found myself engaged in conversation With a fellow parent at my daughter’s school. We were discussing depression, a subject I won’t hide from!

This parent reads my blog and is aware that depression has sometimes been a part of my life… More so than not.

So, if I’m ever asked a question I will try to answer it openly and Honestly. I’m not ashamed to say… “Yes I had depression” Why should I be? So, Having engaged in conversation for at least five-minutes with this lady I suddenly came to realise that there was some type of crossed wires on her part in regards to a depressive episode I experienced around 3 years ago! This started me thinking… Does everybody think the same way?

So I wanted to explain something, and do so very clearly! My son’s diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome didn’t bring out any episode of depression within me. My child being on the autism spectrum has never actually left me feeling depressed! However, what has had me running for the antidepressants is that of the things that come with that diagnosis (like it being stuffed in a brown envelope and shoved in your hands). I’m not talking in relation to little man’s autistic traits, his sleepless nights or sudden angry outbursts! I’m talking about the battles to get others to sit up and listen. Basically, It wasn’t my child’s Asperger’s syndrome that depressed me it was the system in which I now found myself battling with.

You think a diagnosis is going to change thinks. The right help and support will come and be handed to you on a plate… Well dream on, it most certainly won’t! I learnt almost instantly, that for some, my sons diagnosis wasn’t worth the paper it was written on.

Over the years I’ve come to realise that being a parent to a child on the autism spectrum makes you a stronger person. It gives you fighting power, the type you never even knew you had! Because when your a mother its not only your job to ensure your child has everything they need to lead a full and happy life but the love you have for them that drives you. Almost any mother can relate to this regardless if their child is autistic.

Battling schools for appropriate educational services, educating society about autism and getting your child’s voice heard is all part of the package but it doesn’t necessarily mean its going to come with instructions, and I guess it was this aspect of his diagnosis that hit me the hardest.

Being told little man had Aspergers Syndrome was hard, I can’t deny it! No matter how prepared you think you are, you never are… Not really! Even when you’re told by specialists that its almost a certainty and you’ve therefore done all your own research and have reached the conclusion that “Yes, they are right… you can see it too!” I guess its because it makes it all the more definite, more final! But what must be remembered is that little man was the same child he had been the day before receiving a final diagnosis and I wasn’t depressed then!

Its all to easy to assume that the giving of a diagnosis is the reason why a mother crumbles and starts suffering such conditions as depression. What one must remember is that its all that comes after… The fight to make others do the right thing by your child, its this that can really drain your energy both physically and emotionally.

So if your about to receive that final slip of paper enclosed within a brown envelope, then brace yourselves… As the battle begins.

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DON’T GIVE UP

7 Nov

I sit here today and I write you this post, a post that shares a very important message!

Don’t Give Up!

Too many parents tell me about the fight they currently face to obtain a diagnosis for their child. They tell me how others see them as uncaring because they are so eagerly chasing a label, one so many, wrongly claim to be unnecessary.

They tell me they just feel like giving up. They state the professionals have suggested they just wait a couple more years, see how things go!

They tell me they are tired, worn and lost.

I tell them it was the same for me… I state how I experienced the doubt, self judgement and sleepless nights! Then I tell them where we are at today!

Yes, I was tired… I don’t think I realised just how much till things had settled. I remember feeling that my concerns were looked upon as nothing but parental paranoia.

I remember wanting to scream out loud “Just shut up and listen” No, correction, I remember shouting this statement more times than I care to remember.

I questioned my own concerns. I felt that maybe I was going mad or worse that it was just me being a mother who was unable to do the job of parenting correctly.

I remember watching the months turn into years as I continued my battle, one that was just to get my foot in the Child Psychologist door.

In between there was issues, ones that turned into significant difficulties. More importantly, difficulties that could have been avoided or at least decreased in scale, if someone had just listened.

I did all I could do, yet it never felt enough.

School attendance fell, school phobia developed, but again, no one listened. Court cases and school attendance officers made my life more difficult and the fact I was found guilty and fined… Well, that just lead to my depression, lack of trust in the British justice system and great weariness in the operations of the LEA and everybody in it.

You sit there and think “Oh God, there really is no answer, no solution, no way to make them listen!” and as I started therapy I remember the endless tears that required my therapist to fetch more tissues. I remember the relief I felt, just to have someone… Sit… Just sit and listen.

Over the course of the battle, I saw my child become a target form both children and adults. I watched him change in personality as he tried to become someone he wasn’t… Someone who he thought he needed to be in order to be excepted.

Life is better now… I didn’t give up!

Little man has a diagnosis and this later lead to appropriate schooling and a much happier child!

You are the parent, you know your child. Don’t let anybody tell you differently.

Don’t give up!

Unlucky for some.

19 Feb

I have been stressed, moody and on edge so much these last few days but who can blame me.

My life is a soap opera right now. Why is it that god decides to land so much on one person at one time. You can guarantee if one thing goes wrong  more problems will follow. Yes there is the huge issues at little mans school, The added pressure of an upcoming court trail and now to make things worse my home is undergoing massive plastering works involving knocking all the hallway and landing walls back to brick. Can you imagine the amount of dust and dirt? Of course we could not remain living in the house. Harley is just a baby and Little man and his sensory problems well it would have made him crazy.!! But being away from home has also caused its own set of problems. Yes my mother who we are staying with only lives streets away but it could be miles away for all it matters to little man. His routine has gone out the window and his finding it hard to deal with ( So am I ) As always his sister is paying the price for his emotional discomforts. Yep his on the war path and poor Alice is the target. I have been keeping a close eye on him as his been lashing out at her and it’s making everyone really unhappy. I have tried sitting him down and explaining why we need to be here and why it’s important we pull together and fight it out but to him it’s just a massive inconvenience and I have caused his life to tip upside down. Whats worse is dad is not here to help with his melt down as his watching the house why the workmen are there.

I  myself  had a major melt down. The workmen were messing around and not doing the agreed works. These are works that have been rebooked so many times due to problems with poor communication within the housing. It got so bad I was in the middle of a complaints investigation and that was the reason they had agreed to fix all of the problems within the house over a three-day period. Well he was saying nope that’s not what ive been told to do with every single thing I pointed to. I was getting so angry and had to get a manager to come back around. In the end I throw everyone out and phoned the complaints officer in tears. I told him apart from once again not carrying out agreed works I was being spoken to in such a rude manner ( The manager ) He sorted it after I threatened to phone the local paper.  Three children one being a new-born and one on the autistic spectrum living in dangerous conditions would make a great headline. He knew I had a ton of pictures to back me up and having already appeared in the paper after our ceiling collapsed in April 2009 I wasn’t joking. So now all the agreed works would be carried out plus anything else I needed doing. This was a wonderful outcome but meant works would continue for a longer period of time. This could be at least two weeks. A horrid thing for my little man. What an adjustment he would have to undertake. I also didn’t want this to affect him getting off to school of a morning as they return after the half term break on Monday. I would also have to go home and clean like crazy as the dust would be to overpowering for any of the children. When I popped home yesterday I was in tears the house was wrecked. If little man could only see his room he would freak. Worse of all the workmen had let us down again! The lazy gits had not covered anything with dust sheets I really don’t know if all our belongings can be saved 😦

Being at my mums has had an upside. Mum has watched the kids a few times giving me the chance to concentrate on finding a solicitor ( something I was having a huge problem doing ) It seemed all the firms I rang didn’t deal with that type of case I was faced with going it alone. But just when I fault things could not get much worse A solicitor rang and said he would help me. I have an appointment Monday. I really hope that he thinks we can win. I feel sick thinking that school are going to get me prosecuted when they are to blame.

Well lets hope the weekend brings smiling faces 🙂 🙂

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