How Stress Is Making Me Bald At 31

Since having the toddler 3 years ago I’ve been shedding hair faster than a snake sheds its skin. Of course the doctor told me I was only losing the extra hair I’d gained during my pregnancy! He looked at me with a slight smile as I protested that actually my hair had began thinning during my pregnancy! Seriously, there were no luscious locks in need of shedding here! The look on his face said it all… He thought that I was overreacting… My panic, unjustified!

As a child, teenager and young woman in her early twenties, my hair was thick and healthy. During my later twenties and drawing closer to the big 30, my hair was struggling to keep up. Now as I write this, age 31, my hair is so thin you can just see my scalp. I have some noticeable patches to the front area of my head.

Another visit to the doctor almost 3 years following the first and my worse fears are confirmed… My hair is falling out! Why? I’m told its stress!

If I was going to lose eyebrows and lashes then it would have happened already… Well, I guess that’s something positive at least!

I’ve read about this happening to both children and adults, both men and women. Some people lose all their hair in a speedy fashion and sadly experience no regrowth. Others are more fortunate and the hair comes out at a much slower pace and new hair continues to grow, only at a far slower pace (looks thin but not noticeably bald). I kind of fall within the latter, only now I’m losing the hair faster than ever before and I suspect that the regrowth of my hair is much slower!

Annoyingly, I don’t over style my hair, I use heat defence spray when blow drying and despite owning GHDs straighteners I’m careful and don’t use them on a daily basis! Whenever I do straighten my hair I do well to protect it by opting for a good heat protector and intensive conditioning treatment. So… Why do I consider the above to be so annoying? Its simple… I’ve taken steps to avoid damaging my hair only to discover I’m literally forcing it from my scalp with the power of my mind alone. As I sit worrying about certain happenings in my life somehow its my hair (whats left of it) paying the price.

Yes… I’ve felt somewhat stressed, more so these past few months for sure. There are a lot of things happening in life right now, not only I, but my family as a whole have been dealing with a lot stuff of late. Its the type of stuff that makes you sick with worry and no matter what you do its one of those situations that are way beyond your control. Yes, this is stress at its worse, the type fuelled by worrisome thoughts that when combined with other everyday pressures, they become extremely explosive! The end result… A 31 year old women preparing to wig shop!

As some may expect, I went through the motions… Checked the mirror every 20 minutes as so to ensure their was still hair on my head, brushed my thinning hair ever so gently and lastly… I used all the “miracle” hair treatments, the ones promising hair like that of Cheryl Coles.

But no more! I’m now just getting on with things! After all worrying about something that is caused by stress isn’t going to get me anywhere now is it? I’ve decided that I’m going to have fun with what hair is left on my head, starting with colouring it pink… Yes pink! I’m using a less harmful colour treatment and may even throw in a little blue if I’m feeling adventurous. Why? You might ask? Well… Why not?

I’ve come to realise that in life there are much more pressing issues then that of my fading hairline. By adapting this attitude I could also be doing my hair some good. However do I expect to correct an issue caused by stress if I’m stressing even more as a result?

Its all about the inner issues and its them that I’m concentrating on banishing. We as parents, human beings even, will always be stressing about something! I’ve just got to learn to let it out and deal with things in a more productive way, rather then letting it go to my head… Literally!

An Overflow In Hormones

Sometimes in life we feel we do our best yet our best is never good enough.

Little man is having a real time of it lately. Since his been in his independent special school for children with autism and Aspergers, I have had hardly any calls or emails reporting problems. However, I wish I could say the same for last week.

Little man wasn’t able to go swimming this week so, he helped out at the poolside. I can’t blame his school. They do everything in their power to ensure no child is left behind, and believe me sometimes I’ve found myself surprised that little man hasn’t been sent home for something or another. Last week I think he just pushed them to far.

Thankfully it was taken into account the fact his sleep pattern has been simply hectic. What with us stopping the slow releasing melatonin his been a little sleepless and off the wall.

So… Just what has he been up too you may ask? Well, his been argumentative with staff and actually caused the school bus to stop in its tracks on the way to swimming. Again he was acting a bit of a class clown.

If this wasn’t enough already, little man is also being somewhat inappropriate when it comes to the subject of sex.

He started to ask questions relatively early on. Well, his last year of primary school that is. But now its kinda gone to overload and his constantly wanting to raise the subject. This is fine, completely normal I guess. He is a boy of 12 years old in his first year of secondary school. Nonetheless, little man hasn’t got the required social skills mastered as yet, so, when it comes to dealing with this subject in the most appropriate of ways he struggles. This means he tends to say things that are not really acceptable, he also thought he would announce to the class that he enjoyed watching a bit of naughty TV on his computer when we are all sleeping at night.

Now, when they say children with Asperger’s syndrome do not lie, then please remember… This is absolute pony! Yes, little man is too honest at times, he doesn’t lie very well at all and if directly asked something truth comes before lie. However, he has the natural ability to make stuff up and this was very much the case on this occasion! You may ask how I know? Simple… We have content lock so this isn’t possible. I’ve also been removing the playstation from the bedroom at bedtime. I once woke up to him playing wrestling in the small hours and have removed it ever since.

We have had a long chat about telling stories that have hold no truth. I tried to explain that this type of thing can easily land parents in trouble when children state concerning issues. We are most lucky that his school really understand both his condition and him as a child. If he started making claims like this in mainstream… This would have lead to the AWO to come knocking on our door… No question!

Little man hasn’t been in trouble for this… After all his just a young boy with a sudden overflow in hormones and an over curious mind. I’ve emailed the school about my concerns, mainly that I don’t feel confident when explaining things to him as he seems to either act quite silly or ask questions I just don’t feel I cant answer. With this the school have stated that when they return in the new year, sex education will be a new edition to the timetable.

Somehow I’m guessing (if not hoping a little) that discovering the ins and outs of sex will have him running back to his Lego and computer games in seconds with no further interest for the next 10 years or so… Lol!

Being a kid growing up in this world is scary, but for a child on the spectrum its that bit scarier. Little man is just curious to discover everything the world offers… Including sex.

As for us mothers… Well, it makes us feel older than we actually are… Much, much older. A sudden increase in worry lines are almost certain and I’ve noticed what looks like a train track running along my forehead! Lets just not mention the black eye bags… Seriously, don’t even go there!

Dear Little Man

Dear Little Man

One day I’ll set you free, you have my word on that. I’m sorry you feel held back…. I never wanted this.

You see, its not that I don’t trust you because honestly I do. It’s them I don’t trust, those in this world can be so crawl, more than I hope you will ever need to know!

I know you feel it’s so not fair when the boy next door you’re age goes everywhere. You think its because you have Asperger’s that I worry and say I’m holding you back,! Maybe you’re right, but only a bit… I just don’t think it’s safe out there.

Your just 11 years old, still so young, so much to learn. I am your mother and it’s my job to keep you safe from others.

You go to the park the local shops too, but to have you go far would be a worry to myself and others.

I hope that one day you’ll see that everything I do, I do it for you, not me!

As the days tick away and the years grow closer, your Independence and awareness will be much much stronger.

Little man… its difficult for me… I just love you and want to keep you safely near me.

So… please dry your tears, because with time you will see, that all that I do is simply because I care so much for you.

Love mum

The Panic Attack

Not every day is easy when you’re an 11 year old boy with Aspergers Syndrome.

Little man is currently in year 6 of his independent special school. He will be making the move from primary to secondary in just a few short months. Although this is within the same school complex, this is still a massive step in Little mans journey.

Maybe this is why his current teacher is doing a great job to teach the children in her class some effective steps to independence. Every week Little man and his class peers embark on a creative cooking challenge which results in him bringing home some really tasty treats. However last week not only would they be cooking but first they had to go out shopping and purchase their ingredients.

Little man was dead excited and he left the house in high spirits despite having very little sleep the night before.

However at about 2 PM I received a phone call from his teacher. She explained that little man wasn’t feeling himself and was actually quite upset. He had expressed a need to speak with me so I said to put him on the phone. She was right, little man was indeed very upset, he sounded muddled confused and panicky. He repeatedly told me that he didn’t feel right and that I just didn’t understand as something seriously wasn’t right. Normally when the Little man isn’t feeling well he is rather quiet and reserved, so something definitely wasn’t right here!

Now I don’t drive and the school Is a good few miles away from where we live. Little man gets transport to and from school which is provided by the LEA. I asked him if he could possibly wait as he only had one and a half hours remaining until he was collected, this however didn’t go down well and he seemed to become quite erratic in his speaking.

I was quite concerned and it seemed he’s teacher was too as she volunteered to drive him home herself. Yes, I’m not actually used to such kind and thoughtful actions as things in mainstream school were of an extremely different story.

His teacher accompanied by a TA bought him home within about 20 minutes or so, much quicker than I could’ve collected him myself. This I was most grateful for.

Seeing little man and from speaking with his teacher and TA it was pretty apparent that little man had experienced a panic attack. He had claimed several times that he was feeling dizzy and he even asked one of his teachers if there was a possibility of him collapsing.

Little man looked tired and as white as a ghost. His forehead was sweaty and eyes were red, there was no doubt within my mind that this particular panic attack had been caused by his lack of sleep combined with the excitement of his planned day of shopping and cooking with he is friends.

He also had a bit of a tummyache which he had complained about the night previous. Once home he spent quite a while in the toilet something you wouldn’t find him doing while in school. Now in his own environment he seemed to relax and calm down somewhat. Lying on the sofa with a blanket over him, he drifted off to sleep pretty quickly.

Panic attacks are extremely scary for any adult let alone child to have to experience. The mind is a pretty powerful tool and during an attack there really is no reasoning with this tool. How do I know? Because I’ve been there before! My first experience of a panic attack was when I was a teenager. Seriously I thought I was going to die right there on the street and in my panicking state I started requesting that random people call me an ambulance. There is no words to describe the feeling you experience during a panic attack. The sheer terror you feel within. You really feel close to death, at that moment in time you actually couldn’t feel any closer if you tried!

Those who’ve never experienced a panic attack will never know the true extent of how frightening an experience this really is. The whole world around you is moving yet somehow you feel impounded to the ground your body is heavy, too heavy to move, your heart beats faster and you’re hand begin to uncontrollably shake. Your mouth feels dry, it’s hard to swallow even breath. I wouldn’t wish it on anybody especially my own little boy.

Dont judge Aspergers parent’s

I  don’t care anymore what other people think!

I have wasted so much time worrying what other people think of my parenting. It used to bother me so much when i was out with my son Giovanni’ and people would pass comment if he was acting in away in which they didn’t understand.  I would fell the need to explain his condition. Some people were nice and more understanding’ then there were the others that would fell the need to tell me that it’s a load off nonsenses. They were the people that upset me. Most telling me that some good old fashion punishment was what he needed. I wanted to educate the world. My son’s school was no better. I was having trouble with him in the morning’s having only a few hours if not any sleep the night before i was really struggling to get him up and ready. Most days he would refuse to wear the clothing i had provided him with. I now understand why this is but at the time i was in need of some help. I had yet to be referred to Kaledoscope so it was a very tyring time. I found my son’s school no help and two years on this is still a on going problem. Now when ever i hear someone say something about Giovanni i just walk away. It’s took a long time to be able to achieve this but i don’t want to waste any more time. Time that is better spent on Giovanni and his little sister Alice. I know I’m a good mother that loves her children more then anything. And maybe next time you see a parent who is having a little trouble with her child you will THINK  before you pass judgement. It’s hard enough being a parent. But being a parent of a child with ASD is some what harder.