Tag Archives: Wego health

#HAWMC DAY 19 – An Invitation for five

23 Apr

OK, what if I was to throw a dinner party and as a result I get to invite any five people I like! This can be anybody and they are guaranteed to turn up. Now, how do I know this for sure? Because this “Dinner Party”  is just a fragment of my imagination that provides the inspiration for this post, well, that and them lot over at the wego health blog who continue to provide the daily prompts for the #HAWMC with this one actually being some 4 days late!

So, as this isn’t really actually happening in the real world, you should note that I can therefore invite who the hell I like. Yep, the living and that of the dead are not even exempt from the guest list (however freaky that may be)! The Point… There is no hard rule, I may fancy inviting the Prime Minster… Cough… Yer Right… don’t think so! Maybe my dear granny, best mate or even my childhood crush (though I’m not sure how well he’ll be holding up)! I can even invite the drunk guy who physically beats up the bus stop, “YES BUS STOP” right outside my house on most evenings! Bottom line… You’re all invited to see just how this mum’s imagination works.

Firstly I must tell you what I’d throw together spend hours carefully preparing and cooking (and no this wasn’t in the rules but I’m telling you anyway! Now, please note, this is not my speciality, in-fact I can’t say I’ve ever made such a feast ever before… I’m no Nigella unless you count nugget surprise as posh nosh? Yer, I thought not!

My menu is in fact inspired by none other than Pinterest currently one of my favourite online places to be. The recipes I chose had sold themselves to me through there mouth watering images that I’ve either re-pinned or come across during a blog reading session.

Starter: Tomato Basil Fresh Mozzarella Salad
Pin originally from bellasblog.blogspot.com

Main: Lemon Chicken
Originally from annies-eats.com

Looks yummy doesn’t it?

Dessert: Key Lime Cheesecake Bars
Originally from bhg.com

And let’s not forget what we’re drinking! I chose the very pretty and hopefully tasty drink “The Taste of Summer”
Originally from theregoesthecupcake.com This would defiantly be on the menu.

So, I guess the only thing to sort now is the guest list…

OK… The first would be my Late Grandmother who I referred to as Nanny Peg. My Nan lived with us or rather we lived with her! Not that my mother lived elsewhere, we all lived together. However my mother working full-time and my father not living at home made such an arrangement ideal. Plus I loved it!

My Grandmother was a very down to earth woman, however brought up in London’s Eastend meant she knew how to look after herself and her family. A single mother of two, who worked nearly all off her life (even when she watched us after school she still worked part-time during the mornings). I admired my grandmother for the person she was, very strong-willed, a woman who wasn’t afaird to have an opinion regardless if the opinion  differed from that considered to be the “norm” Open and honest was just one of many characteristics making my grandmother the wonderful person she was! Of course we were close, like you wouldn’t beleive. It was hard when she got sick and by this stage she had moved in with her son, my uncle, as she needed lots of rest! By now I was 17 years old and found I missed her dearly. Nonetheless I found myself spending fast amounts of time with her and although this was something I loved to do, sadly it wasn’t just for social reasons. My grandmothers Kidneys were failing and she was very sick. Dialysis 4x per week which required us to be travelling back and forth into the city to London’s guys hospital. Sometimes I’d come home alone as she’d be kept in for something or another. Other times we’d enjoy doing a detour on the way home, off we would go to chill in a cafe or coffee shop and chat for an hour or more. The above continued for many months in-till my grandmother started home dialysis which required her to set this up herself not 4x a week but 4x a day! It was quite simple, the machine was doing the job her kidneys were failing to and if she didn’t do it she’d die and no one was ready for that, especially me.

I can’t remember which day of the week it was but a week day it must have been as my as my uncle was working and my grandmother had told him that she was going to call me to see if I wanted to visit and have some lunch that afternoon! I never got that call… the only call I got was the one that suddenly changed my world forever, the one that caused me to feel such a indescribable pain, one I’d never experienced before and never wanted to again! With the phone to my ear, I stood looking at those before me going about their day as if in slow motion! Inside my heart was bleeding, outside my body was physically & uncontrollably shaking, my feet rooted to the spot I was stood at! I tried screaming but the words failed to come out… I never got to say good bye, I just wanted to tell her how much I appreciated her, how dearly I loved her.

Quite strangely it wasn’t my grandmothers kidney disease that ended her life but a heart attack instead!

My Nanny Peg would be the first on the guest list! I’d tell her the words I still long to and introduce her to my three beautiful children. I discovered I was pregnant with Little man on the day of her funeral. I still believe he was her gift… my grandmother never did anything by half’s and was the first person to teach me that important lesson that “Normal doesn’t exist we’re all individuals!” My grandmother also once told me that… “Whatever Normal is meant to define, it’s boring anyway! I do hope she’d be proud of her great grandson as well as his 2 siblings! I also hope that she’d be proud of the person I’ve become in the 13 years she so sadly went away. 

My next guest would have to be my very good friend Donna. She’s a massive support to me and we do so much together. Since having the children, there’s not been many friends able to stick around to maintain a friendship. I think Donna likes the fact we’re your “non typical” type of family and to be honest I appreciate that she enjoys the company of her sometimes crazy mate who often struggles to know if she’s coming or going. 

My friend Donna along with my grandmother would actually turn out to be the perfect guests as they are both strong, outspoken characters which really highlights why our friendship is a strong one. Donna does have some of them same amazing characteristics about her, and although she is much to younger than that of   my grandmother, these two ladies would probably get on well.

Now, you may of expected a guest list of sexy men and A listers, you may actually consider my list a tad boring? Truth is I’m a family girl hence why guest 3 would have to be my amazingly wonderful mother. My mother continues to support all that I do and was amazingly supportive both before and after Little mans diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome. My mother is a really relaxed person, she is able create and hold an awesome conversation and is an intelligent women regardless of whether she thinks so or not. I love my family and along with close friends I don’t think I could have dragged my arse through these past few years and remained intact (mentally that is)! A dinner party wouldn’t be incomplete without that of my mother and to see her sat with my Grandmother, the mother she sadly lost, would be an image I’d cherish till the day I died.

OK, Guest 4 … Now this maybe somewhat not what you expected, especially following the announcement of my first three guest, but for me the choice of my next guest is a logical one! Hans Asperger, the man who gives Asperger’s Syndrome it’s name! 

Now, I wouldn’t change Little man, though some difficulties he experiences I’d of course fix in a heart-beat. I love my child the way he is and am no way looking for the so-called “Cure”

I’ve always been extremely interested in psychology, the working of the mind, why we as humans do the things we do! I’ve had to learn all I can about the condition my child has been diagnosed with which has therefore brought about much interest in the subject as a whole. I’d love to ask the man who gave my child the “label” he holds today some questions. What with it being his discovery, I’d love to learn more about his past studies, hear his thoughts and pick his brains. It would be wonderful if he’d be willingly to shed a little light on the grey areas helping me understand autism  just a little more.

Hans Asperger, the medical professor who passed away in 1980 2 years before I’d actually made my appearance in this world, died having little if no idea what type of impact his studies into medical psychological disorders and that of the condition he referred to as “Autistic Psychopathy” (AP) would have on those in the world today. His studies and there findings recorded within over 300 publications were largely ignored during his living years, that was in-till the last year of his life “1980” when suddenly others become interested in his findings and that of the “Autism Spectrum” It was only then that the condition known to us as Aspergers Syndrome, got given its official title after that of its discoverer. Sadly regardless of the rise in those bringing awareness for the condition, it is still sometimes disregarded by many!

Hans has been described to have displayed the very characteristics he described as AS traits. A talented & intelligent man who was described to exhibit the black & white thinking style of someone with AS as well as that of his language and learning skills. Han Aspergers has been noted to have done some great things such as opening a school for those described as having AP and AS. Sadly due to the bombing of the school during the war it was therefore destroyed along with many of the earlier papers he wrote on the autism spectrum during that of the 1930’s and the early 1940’s.

Its documented that Hans Asperger was a kind and caring person who’s passion was to get the children he believed to be on the autism spectrum an efficient & decent education therefore enabling them to approach their adult lives as happy young people with good prospects and an array of opportunities ahead of them.

Sounds like a man who shares many of my interests and defiantly someone worthy a seat at the table.

Oh… I almost forgot, I’m a dinner guest short!
OK, the last dinner guest would have to be… MMM…. let me think… MMM… Oh yes, “Robbie Williams” Why? Because he can provide the entertainment’s and his pretty great to look at too!

#HAWMC DAY 15 – Writing Style

16 Apr

We all have one, our very own unique writing style.

Its something I believe we all acquire regardless of how or where we were educated.

I remember my literacy lessons at school quite well. It was always a subject I loathed and as mentioned before, if you asked me back then if I would every engage in writing as a hobby, literally do it purely because I enjoyed it, you can be sure I’d answered with the term NO WAY!

Regardless of the above, I guess I was never really bad at it (though grammar wasn’t my strongest point and still isn’t). I much preferred art and drama but on the whole secondary school wasn’t one of my favourite of places and I therefore regrettably skipped a reasonable chunk of it.

Now, I’m passionate about writing, its something I engage in daily whether blogging or just scribbling in my diary.

Looking at my writing style I’ve established that I’m quite versatile depending on what I’m writing about, where it’s going, its intended audience (if any) and of course my current mood are all factors that contribute.

Regardless of my love for my Mac Book, I’m a person who still loves to use good old fashion pen and paper. Many of my published post (and many an unpublished post) can be found drafted in one of my many note books.

I feel my best posts are those that have been written on the spur of the moment! This quite often happens at times I feel the need to vent or just declutter my mind a little. Its times such as these I feel I do less thinking more writing! It just seems to flow and when it does it normally results in some pretty good material.

I guess my writing style is one of honesty and emotion with little touches of humour here and there! My personal opinions are stated open and honestly, I let my emotions do the typing, I say how I feel normally leaving little back! Laying it out there for the world to see can be a risky way to write but it works for me!

As for humour, I guess many don’t expect to find it on a blog where a mother writes about parenting a child with Aspergers Syndrome. However, those that parent a child like mine will completely relate to some of the funny situations I sometimes find us in. Other times I find myself adding the odd bit of humour to a potentially  depressing or difficulty situation I’m writing about! This sometimes comes out unintentionally and in many formats. I guess it’s just that common scenario of, “If I don’t laugh I’ll cry!

Will you find any bad language on my blog? Does my writing style consist of profanities? I try to keep it as clean as possible and I don’t write a post full of bad language! However, you may occasionally find the odd swear word has somehow wiggled its way in there! Again this is life and sometimes life can be a tad shit… Oops :0

So, have you ever sat beck and asked yourself what’s you’re writing style?

Post 15/30 as part of the Wego Health #HAWMC

#HAWMC DAY 14 – A Little piece of paradise

16 Apr

The morning air is warm, the ocean breeze causes me to catch my breath…

The clear white sand glistens like millions of tiny crystals as its hit by the suns bright glare.

 I close my eyes only and listen to the light sweeping motion of the calm ocean waves that lay before me. It’s still early and the sound of a dolphins echo is the only voice to greet me.

 I drown myself in this moment, capturing my surroundings, storing the memory like a postcard.

 I spent the day as if I’m floating in nothingness, drifting in and out of a peaceful sleep I wake to drink freshly squeezed lemonade, so cold it cause my brain to freeze.

 A million miles away from my home, I desperately miss the presence of my children but I’ll return a new women, recharged and ready for anything the world has to throw at me. 

 I’m not selfish, I’m human! We all require a break from time to time, some space to declutter a frazzled mind, recharge one’s batteries. This I’m sure will make me a better mother.

 Yes, I could choose to spend an hour sat reading in Greenwich park, though given the choice, I’d much rather opt to chill out in the Maldives!

 Hay… A girls entitled to dream right?

image via google images 

Post 14/30 of the Health Activist Writing Month Challenge (#HAWMC) set by Wego Health.

#HAWMC DAY 12 – Stream of Consciousness

13 Apr

Today I looked in the mirror and stared at the reflection before me. I feel myself shudder before turning away quickly as I desperately try to block out the image I’ve just seen staring back at me.

How bloody superficial and yes, I suppose it is! Ok, I may not be back in my size 8 jeans despite my youngest transforming from baby to hyper 2-year-old, but life isn’t just about a jean size is it?

I’m no superficial chick, honestly I’m not. However, I am one who can find herself whirling down that downward spiral into the dark land of no mans land!

Many woman experience the issue of needing to feel comfortable in ones own skin, it’s just that for some… Things go a smudge too far!

I find it hard to write about my past demons when it comes to food. I’m pretty good at expressing my innermost thoughts through my writing especially when writing about my life as a parent and that of Little mans Aspergers Syndrome but this is different, something of a challenge!

Yes, there has been some soul pouring post, I’ve laid myself bear when writing about my almighty battle with OCD, to face it, reframe from fear and I guess… Live with it (that or the prospect it’s never far from sight).

I’ve also told of my journey to combat anxiety and the horror of the recurring panic attack… Unfortunately, these have never left my crowded mind and although I often tend to find myself chest high in the deep of things these often hit me at different periods within my life at least allowing me periods of time panic attack free.

Although I’ve written some pretty soul pouring post whether about discrimination, depression or something else all together my past eating disorder is something I hold back on, it’s not even a subject myself and family often speak about though it did land me in hospital at just 11 which still breaks my heart thinking about.

Regardless of how dispirited I feel when looking at my own reflection I try my best to bury any bad thoughts deep in my mind, I’m a mother of three children, I have my own 9-year-old daughter to set an example to.

So, here I am, trying to do things the right way! No quick fixes, no taking things that bit too far. The truth is no matter what I look like, how many nights I’ve spent awake resulting in huge black bags hanging under my eyes, I’ll never be 100% happy with myself! At my thinnest I continued to have them low days, that’s the problem, it’s a disorder, once you’ve lost them 5lbs you started off wanting to lose you go on to want to lose an additional 5lbs, then another and so on. I now try to see past my reflection! I know I have many good qualities… I’ve just got to love them that little bit more!

Post 12/30 in the wego health callenge #HAWMC

#HAWMC Day 7 – The faces of shame

8 Apr

Pretty & slim I know she was, looking back I now remember! But the mirror didn’t lie, why would it?

No longer able to cope with the disgust that stared back at her she began to run, though not physically but mentally she ran!

Food the root of all evil, yet her only control, it’s predicability she feed from, the shame she hid from!

Trapped in a maze, unable to escape the high walls that surround her, she’s falls at each hurdle.

Tomorrow would be better was something she often told herself! it was her mind, she had control of it, it didn’t control her…. Or so she thought.

Deep down did she understand the dangers as her hair fell all around her, her beautiful white teeth crumbled like chalk as her young innocent body cried out to be feed?

I think that yes she did but somehow it failed to stop her. To far she had come, to now let her efforts go to waste and fail again!

Fighting her own mind, her inner voice won every time. The defeat taken badly… The battle never ending, inside she was dying a little more everyday!

To stop would now be a danger, seriously, it meant the lose of control and for that she’d be punished the worse way how! Her family would suffer, quite possibly die around her, how selfish that would make her!

Counting and checking dominating her young life almost as much as food, combined this lead to a somewhat complex way of life. One consumed with shame all at her own blame!

Laid in a hospital bed the mid-days sun shone through the cracks of the curtain, slightly lightening a darken room. Closing her eyes she failed to escape the faces of shame, fuck, it had all gone so wrong… It wasn’t meant to be this way!

This post is 7/30 in the daily #HAWMC set by Wego Health. The freestyle challenge is to raise awareness of child mental health, eating disorders and OCD.

#HAWMC day 6 – Health Haiku

8 Apr

Firstly I must apologise for the late posting of 2 of my daily #HAWMC challenges. The 6th was my 30th Birthday and I sadly ended up spending a good part of it in children’s A&E due to the toddler hurting his knee (his Ok, though this is another post all together). Then on the 7th I spent most of the day trying to compensate for the things I needed to do on the 6th therefore leading to another missed challenge. It’s day 8 today and I’ve got some catching up to do, so without delay let me tell you about the challenge set for day 6 which wasn’t an easy one, surprising given the little writing it required me to undertake! However, it’s also hard to get your message out there when you’ve been restricted to only a few words or characters.

The prompt was to write a Health Haiku.

A Haiku is a “miniature Japanese poem consisting of 17 syllables – five syllables within the first line, seven in the second and five in the last. No rhyme or meter scheme is employed when writing a haiku. The aim of the haiku is to create a sharp message in little words.

Here below I’ve created three different Haiku’s all inspired by my son’s Aspergers Syndrome.

Emotion feels me
I cannot express how much
Because that is me

Lost in my own world
A much safer place to be
Alone but feel free

Reaching out to you
You don’t see me see at all
Ignored in this world

To discover more blogs taking part visit the Wego Health Blog

#HAWMC Day 4 – Why I chose to share my story

4 Apr

Why do I write about my sons Aspergers, and has my reasons changed since I first started writing this blog?

I can’t deny it, they have indeed changed and quite a lot I may add. I’m more passionate about raising awareness now than I was 3 years ago when I first started blogging. There was no specific plan, I didn’t suddenly make the decision to share my story then go looking for somewhere to put it! I guess you could say it was as if myself and WordPress just crossed paths one day and as a result here I am some 3 and 1/2 years on. I quickly discovered that WordPress offered me a platform to off load both my worries as well as achievements, ones that others took for granted, such as managing to get your child dressed and into school that morning or something as simple as your child allowing you to cut his finger nails. Honestly, I never imagined people were reading it or would even want to, right then and there It was purely for my own sanity!

But like most things in life stuff changes and my very first blog comment saw to that! This was received from a mother just like myself, one who understood the daily struggles as well as them times we felt the need to celebrate! I soon began to discover a whole new world, one that consists of those who finally understood my situation. Why? Because they too had a child like mine! Many had already fought a host of battles, others were still fighting for a diagnosis in-order for their child to receive the support they terribly needed.

I have some very loyal readers, ones that have been there since day dot! They have witnessed our journey from the very beginning, they have seen myself evolve from a mother plunging into the depths of depression to the person I stand today.

Those watching from the sidelines saw myself try to climb the mountain, continuously falling at many points on the way. There were so many times I felt like giving up, admitting defeat, then with the encouraging words read within a string of comments I’d pull myself up and start climbing again, till I finally reached the top.

It’s actually strange sitting here thinking off all them huge mountains we’ve needed to climb since, and how like the first I’ve continued to fall only to eventually reach the top. As a parent of a child with Aspergers and Special Educational Needs, I’ve found myself stood facing every typical hurdle from diagnosis, discrimination, statementing and of course the big old battle of getting the right educational setting to meet my child’s complex needs. There are plenty of others nested in between and I’m under no illusion that there are plenty more still to come (after all my son is only 11).

Over the years I’ve learnt a lot not only about my child’s Aspergers and various other needs, the system and the ins and outs of education law, but that of myself and the person I had become, my inner passion to help any parent who felt as I once felt, scared, worried and a lone.

I discovered I’d opened a window to our life and that window was not only providing me with an outlet to off load my inner thoughts but provided others with something they could relate to.

As a result the Facebook page was born, with now 12 committed administrators who help me keep it ticking over its become a supportive and informative online haven for some almost 5,000 members.

If you told me some 4 years ago we would be where we’re at today, I’d never have believe you. An exhausted mother with a son refusing to sleep or even go to school, assessments every other week that were sending Little man into a frenzy of meltdowns I felt powerless to control, a top draw loaded with Prozac… Yet still a good few months from diagnosis, and let’s not forget a school attendance order and a pending court case… Like I said I’d never had believe you!

Embarking on such a journey has helped me to eliminate built up anger or the glowing red cheeks as I cringe with embarrassment as my son throws himself around the supermarket. I now embrace his Aspergers and try to remind myself of this when things go sour (though I’m only human)!

But above all else, it’s helped me unleash a passion I didn’t no I had, to raise awareness for what some refer to as the hidden disability! I’m passionate to help anyone who finds them self stood in a crowded room screaming yet no one looks up, or the parent struggling up that mountain!

It wasn’t just a diagnosis we brought home one day but the willingness to fight all that comes our way, get through it and then help others to do the same.

Now that’s why I continue to share my story and It’s my son existences that lights the way!

This post was written as 4/30 in the #HAWMC want to learn more or discover post from various other health activist? Click Here.

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