Tag Archives: supermarket

The day I came close to breaking point

9 Sep

I would be telling lies if I said everyday was a good day in our house! Yes, we have had many bad days…Little man can often go weeks at a time without having a major paddy. However with my hand on my heart, Little man has never been as highly challenging as he was Yesterday (Tuesday, 08, September)

Things were pretty much “normal” when I collected him from school. He done a fair bit of moaning, not surprising given the times in which he finally goes  off to sleep of a night. I knew he must have been feeling pretty crappy, so didn’t pay too much attention to his name calling and stroppy ways. I had not prepared my self for what was to come that evening! My gosh it wasn’t pleasant

Tuesday 08 September 2010 would be a date I would remember for time to come, as I’m almost certain that this was the day I very near hit breaking point.

My nine (Very soon to become ten-year old) had gain total control over me! His mother. He seemed totally uncaring, selfish and extremely hateful towards me. Let me explain my meaning for TOTAL CONTROL! I had become so tired and sick of the situation we were now in. My son had me crying in public, I then went on to have a panic attack in the supermarket. Can you imagine the scene.. Mother with two of her children and her nephew stood on the food aisle in Sainsburys crying as her nine-year old throw himself around the store. Yes, his had the classic supermarket meltdowns but this was oh the DADDY of them all. He abused me with hurtful remarks, Throw items, refused to move, bashed his 7-year-old sister across the supermarket with a trolley, cried, jumped up and down screaming “Please, I said I was sorry”  as I contemplated leaving the shop. I considered running way, or better still screaming, nothing precise, Just screaming to let some frustration out! Instead I just ended up with a crying daughter, a migraine, and one hell of a panic attack. God only knows why it’s called a panic attack as I was far from panicking! I was just utterly exhausted, drained mentally, and shocked at the extent of the behaviour and worse the inability to care about mine and anybodies upset.

Not knowing if I was coming or going I realised that we were fast becoming a tourist attraction. I’m used to stares, unwelcome comments from snort nosed strangers. I don’t normally rise to such ignorance. However When some couple stopped to have a nose, like we were caged animals at the zoo I had no choice. Was the situation that bloody interesting? Well, this couple seem to think so and unlike other fellow shoppers peeking as they passed on by, These guys were grabbing their popcorn and were in the front row! Needless to say, they got their show! One which concluded with me asking if they had nothing better to do in their lives then stand watching us and somehow find our abominable display entertaining. Yes, they said nothing just scattered of shaking their heads. Our the trip came to an end with me having this panic attack and members of staff asking if I was Ok. I felt so silly! A panic attack over my child.. I kept thinking they would think I couldn’t cope! It’s ironic really, as stood there I felt like I couldn’t, and felt so for a good few minutes. Then I remember, the challenges we have faced together and I allow myself to have that breakdown, after all do they contend with things like this on a daily basis. Just like little man slowly filling up in till he explodes and it comes gushing out, I needed to do that too and at home laid in bed next to my daughter who was so tired and unable to cope with him constantly storming into her room name calling. I found myself crying again. Listening to him going up and down the hallway acting out the same bus routine he does every single day and night I wondered if he really did have feelings as today would suggest he didn’t!

I know my son does have feeling, if anything he can be over emotional. It just seems at times that he considers himself to be the only person in the world. ..I know that it was just a really bad day, ones I bound to see again, It just sometimes we get through them better then others.

.. Well, my children have been back in school for five days but have only attend three of them days. I emailed the AWO (attendance and welfare officer) who works for the LEA explaining why my children were not in school. How could they go to school that morning following the kind of day we had the day before ? My daughter didn’t sleep till the early hours and I managed a few hours only once I heard the announcements of random bus stops being shouted out, I knew it was safe to. This must have been at least 5am. I’m surprised the baby, my nine month old son got some sleep given the extent of the noise throughout the night.

I decided to go to the school to speak to little mans class teacher. Turns out that the teacher was away from class and told the children before leaving to behave or they may not attend the trip he was planning. Little man freaked when his friend started to misbehave and was now convinced there was no trip. Such a small thing can seem so big to Little man. Since I’ve told him that the trip is still on, his settled a lot more. Today was like yesterday never existed, and he was polite and well behaved. So Tuesday wasn’t a great school day. It was a worrying, anxious school day, which resulted in him coming home to take it out on mum. 😦 We have had worse things happen, worse days but never with this degree of challenging behaviour. It just goes to show, that our children on the spectrum can become bubbling volcanos within a second, No warning no sign. The smallest and most simplest thing to us, is the most huge to them. Challenging behaviour can be triggered by al sorts… You’ve been warned!!

Oh one last thing! I started smoking again after a year and a half. Yes, I was disappointed with myself, and it’s a stupid thing to do… But my god it felt so good! Stress & cigarets are a match made in heaven.


6 Mar

This post may make you giggle

You see it did me, but it also made me turn a funny shade of red.

We went shopping on Wednesday evening ( brave given the trouble Little man gave me last time! Read my post what did you say about me mum? and you will understand where I’m coming from. Well yes we were shopping and yes yet again little man was not the most easiest child to shop with’ But I coped! G had his pocket-money with him, as did his sister Alice. As she browsed the toys little man strolled down the aisle putting milk, yogurt, toothpaste, mouthwash and other strange products into his trolley. Note when I say strange I mean strange items for a 8yr old boy to want to spend his pocket-money on! Don’t you agree.

The last item he got was a child’s bottle of bubble bath. He then lined up a the checkout beside the one I had chosen for us. He was going to pay his own shopping bill, then pack it away. G was acting the big man. Let me add something here. This was not play to him it was very much real. I sometimes feel that he forgets his 8. He is forever trying to get in on adult conversations, passing his views like it’s the norm for a child to do. The thing is he speaks like a little man ( That’s how the nickname come about ) When he does this to random people strangers in fact. They look at him in total disbelief. He knows mummy and daddy don’t want him talking to strangers but some how he just don’t allow himself not to talk to them so your forever on the run making sure his not starting conversations with random people. Has anybody seen Home alone the film? Well it’s a really well-known film so I guess you all have! Well G at the checkout reminds me of the scene when the little boy Kevin is in the supermarket doing the shopping. His all alone and when he gets to the checkout he comes across like a funny little man. His also 8 in the film. Well that’s just what it was like with G apart from he wasn’t really alone even though he acted this way and was asked a number of times where is your mum or dad?

I gave the checkout girl a wink! She either fault I was a lesbian or I was confirming little man was with me and yes he was for real! She smiled as she scanned the items of interest though the till.

” hey how are you this evening? “

“fine love fine but busy”

MY GOD LOVE!! Where that or any of it come from I was unsure. After all I’m just mum!

The girl let out a chuckle. G looked up as to say WHAT YOU DOING THAT FOR?

“So are you paying for your mummy’s shopping?”

Um no this is mine not my mothers shopping as you can see mum gets rubbish stuff that is no use to me”

Well I had to laugh and I know she did! I think everybody heard. She shook her head in total disbelief. And said where did you get him from? OH NO WRONG THING TO SAY! Just as this Thought hit my messy head out it come…

” What a silly thing to ask my mum! I come from inside her, I came from a egg implanted in mum that my dad helped to put there. And can I get on and pay now I’m a busy busy boy.

Well I laughed, she laughed, the supermarket laughed. But I also wanted the floor to grab me and suck me in so no one would see my strawberry red face that kind of felt like it was burning in flames.


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