How Stress Is Making Me Bald At 31

Since having the toddler 3 years ago I’ve been shedding hair faster than a snake sheds its skin. Of course the doctor told me I was only losing the extra hair I’d gained during my pregnancy! He looked at me with a slight smile as I protested that actually my hair had began thinning during my pregnancy! Seriously, there were no luscious locks in need of shedding here! The look on his face said it all… He thought that I was overreacting… My panic, unjustified!

As a child, teenager and young woman in her early twenties, my hair was thick and healthy. During my later twenties and drawing closer to the big 30, my hair was struggling to keep up. Now as I write this, age 31, my hair is so thin you can just see my scalp. I have some noticeable patches to the front area of my head.

Another visit to the doctor almost 3 years following the first and my worse fears are confirmed… My hair is falling out! Why? I’m told its stress!

If I was going to lose eyebrows and lashes then it would have happened already… Well, I guess that’s something positive at least!

I’ve read about this happening to both children and adults, both men and women. Some people lose all their hair in a speedy fashion and sadly experience no regrowth. Others are more fortunate and the hair comes out at a much slower pace and new hair continues to grow, only at a far slower pace (looks thin but not noticeably bald). I kind of fall within the latter, only now I’m losing the hair faster than ever before and I suspect that the regrowth of my hair is much slower!

Annoyingly, I don’t over style my hair, I use heat defence spray when blow drying and despite owning GHDs straighteners I’m careful and don’t use them on a daily basis! Whenever I do straighten my hair I do well to protect it by opting for a good heat protector and intensive conditioning treatment. So… Why do I consider the above to be so annoying? Its simple… I’ve taken steps to avoid damaging my hair only to discover I’m literally forcing it from my scalp with the power of my mind alone. As I sit worrying about certain happenings in my life somehow its my hair (whats left of it) paying the price.

Yes… I’ve felt somewhat stressed, more so these past few months for sure. There are a lot of things happening in life right now, not only I, but my family as a whole have been dealing with a lot stuff of late. Its the type of stuff that makes you sick with worry and no matter what you do its one of those situations that are way beyond your control. Yes, this is stress at its worse, the type fuelled by worrisome thoughts that when combined with other everyday pressures, they become extremely explosive! The end result… A 31 year old women preparing to wig shop!

As some may expect, I went through the motions… Checked the mirror every 20 minutes as so to ensure their was still hair on my head, brushed my thinning hair ever so gently and lastly… I used all the “miracle” hair treatments, the ones promising hair like that of Cheryl Coles.

But no more! I’m now just getting on with things! After all worrying about something that is caused by stress isn’t going to get me anywhere now is it? I’ve decided that I’m going to have fun with what hair is left on my head, starting with colouring it pink… Yes pink! I’m using a less harmful colour treatment and may even throw in a little blue if I’m feeling adventurous. Why? You might ask? Well… Why not?

I’ve come to realise that in life there are much more pressing issues then that of my fading hairline. By adapting this attitude I could also be doing my hair some good. However do I expect to correct an issue caused by stress if I’m stressing even more as a result?

Its all about the inner issues and its them that I’m concentrating on banishing. We as parents, human beings even, will always be stressing about something! I’ve just got to learn to let it out and deal with things in a more productive way, rather then letting it go to my head… Literally!

Life In The Spectrum Bubble

Maybe you’ve noticed, maybe you haven’t, that this blogger hasn’t been the most active these past few weeks? I’m not being lazy, experiencing writers block or falling behind! No, I’ve simply been taking time out, working on other things!

As a parent, especially to one on the autism spectrum you sometimes feel as if your whole life is taken up with social skills training, advocating, battles and special interests. You find it difficult to shut off your mind, think about anything else, take real time for you, yourself as a person.

This isn’t a good thing, we all need to just be ourselves, doing some of the things we love from time to time. Its not that I don’t love parenting my son as I do his siblings, and it isn’t because I dislike blogging because, actually… I love it! I just needed a little me time.

Things at home haven’t been too eventful… If anything drama levels have remained reasonably low so I don’t have much in the way of news to report. Little man has been experiencing some sleepless nights (as usual). What’s worse is his been experiencing some awful toothache and this has affected him badly. He is very sensitive to this type of pain and is having difficulty coping with it. His senses are in overdrive, and with refusal to see the dentist I think we are both at our wits end.

I also got a letter from his school today threatening court action. Little man’s attendance is well below but when his refusing to sleep and then attacking me as I try to pull him from his bed of a morning it isn’t the easiest task to undertake. Its not that little man dislikes school because he actually quite likes it. However, changes such as new children in his cab, new teaching staff and friends leaving, makes little man want to shut the world out.

Between looking after little man and the toddler during the day, I’ve also been busy working on my own stuff. Myself and a friend have been doing some selling at bootfairs, vintage fairs and craft markets, selling mainly that of vintage items, jewellery and other lovely bits. I actually love doing this, especially during the warmer months. Not only does it raise some much needed funds but it gets me out doing something, meeting new people.

We have to remember that just because we are parents of children on the autism spectrum, it doesn’t mean we can’t have interests, time spent on other stuff! We should be able to do this without feeling guilty too.

I’m not denying that when your child is on the autism spectrum life becomes a bit more hectic, it does! However, you adjust and adapt, making routines and adjustments as best you can.

Its easy to find yourself stuck in the autism bubble, you’ve just got to pop it, remembering that before your child’s diagnosis you concentrated on other stuff! After all,its not healthy to do nothing but study the best therapies and educational resources all day long.

We are far better parents when we are more relaxed, free from stress and happy overall.

All my children need a sane mummy… And I’m just working hard to avoid myself becoming anything other than that! After all I’ve been there and it isn’t a pretty place!

Thank Goodness Its Over

Firstly, let me start by wishing you all a very happy new year. Here’s hoping all your hopes and dreams are granted this year.

We may only be in the first few days of 2013 but what an eventful few days these have been… Well in our household anyway! With the children still off school it sure hasn’t been quiet!

Little man’s routine has gone totally off course and once again as a result I have a child who sleeps all day and is awake all night. Yes, I do drag his backside from his pit most days but when you’ve spent most the night awake yourself it is kind of tempting to let him sleep. One, your able to get stuff done and two… Have you ever tried dragging a 12 year old boy from his bed? Especially one who has the tendency to wake in a super foul mood? I rest my case!

Still, its to be expected I guess! Christmas and New year does tend to interfere with the body clock of a child on the autism spectrum. OK, he isn’t the best of sleepers generally, its just that bit worse these past few weeks. That’s why I’m kinda glad its all over now… Well it will be once the children are back at school. I don’t wanna sound all ba humbug, I actually love this festive time of year though I also love a little normality in the house (not that we are your average family on most days but I guess you get my drift).

So… Let me tell you a little about our Christmas and New year…. There was lots of fun in our house. Christmas itself was really pleasant. Yes, dinner was a tad later than expected, but it was actually really nice and chilled. That’s as chilled as Christmas can be! I know for some it can be a really stressful day. Especially when you have a child on the autism spectrum who likes everything to run like clockwork. However, this year we managed an almost stress free day. Keeping things small really helped. There was no huge family dinner, just me and the kids and their father. We briefly popped to my mums in the morning which was really short and sweet, then we sat watching Christmas TV with a load of Quality street within reach. Dinner did ran a little late as mentioned but I blamed the Turkey! It had clearly been living in another time zone when living as it had no intention on playing by the rules and cooking in accordance with the timescales so clearly stated on the packet. Little man did get a little stressed at this point but so did I. Maybe it was a mix of his Aspergers traits and that of hunger. I’m guessing it was more of the latter as I know I was close to starting on the pudding I’d prepared at some point.

As mentioned in a previous post, that of Boxing Day didn’t go so well. With no schedule as such little man was handed a dose of the post Christmas blues and handled this in the only way he knew how… With a Good old fashioned meltdown… Little man style.

As the days passed, Little man kinda felt as if he was in limbo. The week between Christmas and New Year is a hard one for little man and I can kind of understand why. I swear, even I was unaware of what day it was occasionally. With money spent up on Christmas I found myself with nothing else to do but watch television and even I was getting pretty bored of this. What with one day being a holiday and the next day not, supermarket opening times still up in the air and not knowing if the rubbish would be collected or not (not great when you have a bin full of turkey bones, rotten veg and a truck load of gift wrap) you can’t blame him for the confusion… or me for the lack of schedule planning.

As for New Years Eve, well, this was spent with my mum. Just myself, mother and the children. So again a pretty quiet family affair (that’s if you don’t include the noise that was coming from little mans direction)!

You see, little man gets somewhat excitable when it comes to New Year. He is petrified of fireworks, but only when stood beneath them, so the prospect of watching them on the television is one of great excitement for him. As the stroke of midnight grew closer little mans excitement was growing off the scale. He had come up with this wild and somewhat bonkers idea to do his own countdown for the benefit of his youtube channel (have I not yet mentioned his growing fascination with creating videos for youtube? Another time maybe). Anyway this meant that he wasn’t only sat filming the mental piece clock but that of the TV. As the stroke of midnight finally came we were not only greeted by the sound of the fabulous London firework display on the TV as well as a somewhat loopy firework hating barking dog running around mums living room but the sound of little man as he commentated the whole thing in his own unique style (sweet you may thing but you were not the ones reaching for the Paracetamol so early on in the night)!

So… There you have it. With all the festivities well and truly over I’m just about ready for the year ahead. I have our holiday to butlins in April to look forward to but before that I have a monster high themed sleepover/party to organise for a very excited 9 soon to be 10 year old daughter…. The joys of being a kid!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas too…. Heres to a splendid & wonderful 2013.

Escaping to the seaside

So, I did it, I got away for a night. I left for Brighton on Sunday afternoon and returned on Monday evening.

Ok, Ok… this isn’t the longest of breaks, but a break this was which I sucked every minute out off.

My recent post “I don’t feel like me anymore” displayed my somewhat depressive state and as a result I shared my escape plan with you all.

So, how was my 24 hour break away? It was Bloody fabulous, that’s what it was!

I wasn’t alone in my escape for “me time” I took along a close friend also in need of TLC and as we sped off down the M25, music playing loudly with the wind in our hair we were itching to reach destination Hotel Du Vin.

Thanks to my Mad Blog Awards win back in September, I was able to book a room at the Hotel Du vin with the gift card I won. I had longed for this night for so long and now the pending realisation that I was finally getting it was shown as pure delight upon my smiling face.

Like Thelma and Louise (minus the crime) we were on a mission.

Destination reached, we unloaded our overnight bags from the boot of the car and headed to the hotel entrance with a hop and a skip in our step.

The hotel was stunning and for me it screamed relaxation. Given I was using my gift card I ordered a lovely room with a Monsoon shower (a room in itself) and the object of my desire… A roll top bath that I visited countless times during my one nights stay (I told u I sucked every minute out of it) laid in a mountain of bubbles, book in hand, I peacefully indulged my senses and for the first time in weeks failed to hear my own continuous whining voice within my own head.

God, it felt good to be me.

To really get the most out of my short but relaxing break I booked a table at the Bistro Du Vin and as much as I love my children, to be able to eat a whole meal uninterrupted was something I really enjoyed, something I’d forgotten to be possible. I guess the fact it wasn’t a nibble of the kids popcorn chicken or sausage and mash that made it even better. Feasting on a three course feast is something this mum isn’t used to, to say it was a treat would be very much an understatement!

In case you’re wondering what it was I ate (and even if your not I’m telling you regardless) here it is…

A starter of fresh crab from the sea on French toast. The picture is a tad dark and really does it no justice. Take my word for it, it was mind blowing.

Then I had a main of Salmon

Dessert, well this actually failed to make it into the album because as soon as it hit the table I decided to hide it in my belly… You know… Just in case they decided to take it away again. The “it” I’m referring to was in fact the best Chocolate pave ever, what can I say… I’m only human!

Following a stroll beside the moon lit water, a good giggle and yet another swimming session in the bath, my head hit the pillow and my body received a long overdue dose of kip… When you hardly experience such a normality you begin to sodding appreciate it’s beauty when it comes your way.

Having slept I woke up ready to face a day of shopping in the Lanes finished with a couple of hours lazing on a deck chair with my toes dipped in the sea… Bliss.

First though it was breakfast which I’m told is the most important meal of the day! Yes this may be true nonetheless I never have any, I simply never have time in the mornings! Little man isn’t the easiest child to get out of bed, this sometimes takes a lot of asking over many hours (I guess the fact that he normally doesn’t fall asleep until 4 AM really doesn’t help this situation)! By the time everything is done and the children are of to school i’m simply no longer hungry. Today though things will be different! Me and my lovely friend were shown to a table and told to help ourselves to the cold buffet while our hot breakfast was cooked. I really enjoyed it, I actually didn’t know what to start on next, everything was just so scrummy.

Having filled our bellies in a way I’ve never experienced at such an early hour, we checked out and said a reluctant goodbye to what had become my sanctuary for the night. Slowly strolling through the beautiful Brighton Lanes in the morning sunshine was a rare treat but such a pleasurable one.

Then resting my tired feet on the pebbled beach I wondered if I felt any differently within myself. I was more relaxed that was apparent, I’d smiled and definitely laughed a lot, this is also apparent…

… So maybe I wasn’t depressed after all, maybe… just maybe I’m tired. Some days are good others are bad, I know that. I just sometimes feel that I’m drowning in my own craziness, and yes sometimes this causes me to feel a little guilty. Why? I don’t know? I’m the mother, it’s meant to be stressful at times… Maybe that’s why?

I’m home now and I’m not hiding behind the bricks that make up the walls of my home, there are no curtains drawn and no box of
Kleenex by my side. That’s just got to be a good sign right?

Bottom line is I don’t know what the future holds… Who does?

Something I do know is that I had a sodding good time in Brighton! That much I’m sure on.

With that I’ll leave you with a few pictures as proof… See I told you I had fun…

I don’t feel like me anymore

Lately I’ve not been feeling like me, my head feels as if it’s in a different zone from my body, I’m here but not fully.

I really can’t explain what it is I’m feeling, not even to that of myself. Why? Because I just don’t know!

Nothing huge has taken place, no drama out the ordinary. I’ve had just as little sleep as always… So no, I’m no more tired than usual (not physically anyway)!

Yet everything that I do I’m only half focused… I feel as though I’m running yet getting nowhere! The littlest of things are grating and grinding me down, the house is a tip and my motivations a miss!

I don’t want to drag my sorry arse down to my GP, leave with prescription for Prozac in hand. I don’t want to be an emotionless pill popping trance walking zombie again, because I’ve been one before and I don’t want to go there again.

But the signs are all there, not answering the telephone when it rings, lying on the floor when the door bell rings, crying over jeremy kyle when I’m normally peeing my pants laughing at that show.

I ask myself the same question over and over again… “am I going crazy”

My children are driving me loopy and although this is no more than usual, I’m finding myself snapping more quickly.

Take today for example, Little man comes home from school with yet another letter highlighting his challenging behaviour, I’m sat on the phone where I’m placed on hold for what seems like forever. Now I don’t even want to be making this call, yet it’s unavoidable, it’s one of those really important calls. 40 minutes later, having sat frustratingly on hold somebody finally comes to my assistance.

The Little man is fully aware of my stress, he even suggests at one point that I just hang up and give up, so when he starts blowing on on those football supporters horns (you know the really loud ones that almost deafen you) as soon as I’m connected, I’m simply not impressed. Fully aware I’m now in a position to talk to someone and having continuously requested he stops, he continues with his annoying horn blowing antics. The guy on the other end of the line, suggests I call back at a more “convenient” time, I feel like screaming “there is no F#*%#*% convenient time” instead I request he waits one minute (given I’ve waited 40 or more) so I can sort out my child’s menace like behaviour, only the cheeky so and so (yes, I can think of more fitting names) puts down the receiver and hangs up on me!

I look at the Little man his laughing by now. Placing my hand over my mouth as to muffle the scream, I jump up and leave the room. Retreating to my bedroom I let out a giant sob, Yes, I feel sorry for myself… Very much so!

It’s not long before little sister is home and she’s injuring her finger while forcefully trying to remove her bike from the back gate, the toddlers screaming his hungry and the little man is again blowing that bloody horn. A moments madness I take the horn and in a fit of anger I break it! It was either the horn or my head against the newest brick wall. With a margarine slowly approaching I feel to drag my sorry backside to bed but have dinners to cook and after school activities to sort!

I’m hoping to have a night away in Brighton next week. I’ll stay at the hotel du vin, relax in a roll top bath, eat chocolate till I’m sick and watch soppy movies in a large king size bed!

The next day I’ll get some retail therapy shopping in the lanes and chill-lax with fish and chips on the beach, before skipping home refreshed! Well… That’s the plan at least.

I just want some “Me time” is that so bad?

Christmas Meltdowns, Supermarket Style

Anybody with a child on the autism spectrum will know that meltdowns are that bit different from your more ‘typical’ tantrum and that during this festive time of year they tend to be on the increase.

This is true for Little man, what with all those emotions mixed together, excitement, anxiety and more, there is just bound to be an increase in this behaviour, however knowing about it can make it that bit easier… OK, not that much but hey any improvement is better than no improvement isn’t it?

It’s extremely hard to avoid those things that make our children over stimulated especially when it’s the whole business of Christmas itself that tends to bring about such behaviour! Supermarkets are always that bit more crowded, then there’s all the festivities happening around us.

My Little man has never coped well with the whole shopping situation and I discovered last year just how much worse this becomes at Christmas! Seriously, there is no quite time to shop in December, nonetheless this is a good time however to try to raise some awareness for the condition and how sensory overload can play a huge part in our children’s behaviour! Just think about it, how do you feel when you’re darting around the supermarket last-minute trying to get all the bits for your Christmas dinner, everything is sold out, the place is bursting at the seams with other shoppers who are walking about at the pace of a snail and in the background you can hear people rattling charity tins as the local choir stood at the stores entrance belts out the sounds of “Ding Dong Merrily On High” yet there you are feeling a little less than festive when you’re in a rush and somehow no matter how fast you go… Nothing seems to get done!

Come on, we’ve all been there haven’t we? Well, I know I have and I’ll be honest when saying… It leaves me feeling bloody stressed out to the max.

Yes, we shouldn’t leave things till the last-minute but not every family is in a position to shop at the beginning of the month, myself included!

I don’t know 100% but I’m guessing this is how my son feels on trips to the local supermarket, just how I feel when christmas shopping at the last minute, so can you imagine how much worse it becomes for the child with Asperger’s during such a festive period?

I say I’ve learnt my lesson every year, have I really? No of course not, I still return to the supermarket the next year, kids in tow, battling the crowds as I try to do my Christmas food shop and it’s always the same… the end result is… Cans of baked beans rolling down aisle 10 and Little man shouting some pretty offensive language (at me of course) while kicking anything or worse, anyone in his reach! Not a pretty thought is it!

If you’re in a position to leave that little darling at home, I’d say… GO FOR IT! If you’re not then if you can, then do it as early as possible to get it out the way!

There is always the option of paying for your Christmas at the beginning of the year, and this isn’t just for the reason of spreading the cost but also avoiding the big Christmas rush and therefore huge Christmas meltdown.

Still, I don’t know why I’m telling you this? Do I take my own advice?

Never… though I really should! Still like many, I always find that Christmas is the last thing I want to be thinking about come January and then before I know it we’re in November and this mum is panicking BIG STYLE!

Maybe next year I’ll order myself a big fat hamper filled to the rim with Christmas goodies! Who knows, I can only but hope I hear myself saying that in January!

I hold my hands up, I do still have stuff to buy and I do see one or two meltdowns on the horizon.

Here’s a couple of things I will be doing to help avoid a blow up or a least a monster scale meltdown!

The biggest advice I can give myself or anyone else who are yet to shop, would be not to get too stressed! (Easier said than done, I know). However, when I’m stressed Little man easily picks up on my mood and therefore becomes more stressed himself! This is an important lesson I’ve learnt to date, regardless of the time of year or situation.

Another example why stressing is a super bad idea is the fact that it causes me to parent poorly, I can’t do the job that I’m meant to do, I become a wreck and becoming a wreck results in a worse meltdown from Little man. It’s all about remaining calm, dealing with the children best I can and getting the hell out off there!

Another piece of advice of valuable advice I can offer, is… Ignore the judgemental finger pointers, the glaring eyes of your fellow shoppers, who gives a rats arse what they think? Seriously it’s so not worth it!

Yes, I’ve stood in the supermarket trying to educate my fellow shoppers on autism, aspergers or sensory processing and at any other time I’d say, ‘Yay… go for it’ but at this busy & already stressful time of year, my advice is worry about no one but you and the children, get your shopping and get on out of there.

You could always do what I’m planing and wear a t-shirt with the words,

“Merry Christmas my child has Aspergers”

Related articles

• A Christmas party- Mummy blogger style (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• “Mum, your christmas presents belong in the trash!” (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• Never Ever Again (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)

“Mum, your christmas presents belong in the trash!”

23 

Days till Christmas

On Christmas morning the children wake you up at the crack of dawn, keen to get going on their marathon of gift unwrapping. Your Child squeals with delight and surprise when they discover what’s been hiding under the tree! 

 But what if they don’t? I mean, what if they say..

 “Thanks but no thanks” 

 How would that make you feel?

 As a mother of a child with Aspergers, I know all to well how that feels, except the words above are a not exactly of his choosing!

 “Yuck, that’s nasty”

 “How much was it?”

 “I don’t like these mum”

 “Have you got the receipt so we can exchange it for something way better”

 All these terms and more have been used by the Little man, you may feel his spoilt or selfish, greedy maybe!

 The reality is Little man don’t do well with surprises, the thought of someone getting him something not of use or something he doesn’t like is a total worry that could literally mess up his whole entire way of thinking. 

With this in mind, it is safe to say that,“No, my son does not believe in Santa Claus” that much is clear to see.

 His choices for gift have always been… Well, lets say a little “absurd” though I’ve noticed that since his been “allowed” to be part of a school community his slowly becoming interested in other things, things that are considered more “Socially accepted” (though I’m pretty sure that nothing will be able to replace his “special interest” in transport) you may think his a bit of an anorak? If he wasn’t my son, would I think the same? 

 Anyhow, regardless of any of that above (to be honest I don’t know why I’m even bringing that into it) because it will always be the same whether he likes buses, Lego or the latest Nerf blaster! The bottom line is, he don’t do well with surprises and unfortunately when them “Surprises” are not to his liking he doesn’t do well on subtlety either and it would seem that Little man isn’t the only one!

 Yes, I created the A boy with Asperger’s (ABWA) Facebook page around a year after this blog as kind of an extension, that I hoped would somehow do well in the world of  “Social media” and to my surprise, it went down a storm, so much so we now have eleven amins and almost 4,500 members. The page has seen myself and many others through some difficult times and for many Christmas seems to be one of those! 

 We are quite lucky in the fact that despite Little man’s present opening can be somewhat disastrous, if not thought through, and the fact he can be quite impulsive especially around lots of people, he still copes far better than some children on the spectrum during Christmas

 After engaging in a group discussion on the Facebook page this week, it came to light that the whole situation surrounding gifts and surprises, was by far one of the biggest issues for our children at Christmas. However there was a lot of discussion around the topic of Christmas dinner, social gatherings which sadly included visits from the extended family.

 I found many parents with the exception of a few, complained that their families failed to fully understand or even accept their child, which made occasions like Christmas even more difficult families.

 I mean… Our children don’t mean to be so blunt, it’s not as easy for them to smile politely and say thank you, when let’s be honest they feel the given gift is best of in the trash than actually taking up space in their bedrooms.

 I remember from such a young age, Little man would so bluntly show his utter disappointment in a gift he had received. This made me dread Christmas and birthdays, I used to try desperately hard to… “BEG” him if you like, to not say anything rude and if he didn’t like something we would sort it out when everybody had left to go home! He would just look at me before coming out with a thousand and one… “But why” questions. Once convinced he knew the drill I’d just about relax and out it would pop… “Nan… what ever made you think I wanted this” I’d go darting over from wherever I was and quite literally gag him.

 This isn’t always the case anymore and most of the family understand this is just his way! My mum learnt her lesson quite early on and began taking him shopping for his own gifts (not usually a great idea is shopping, what with the tendency to quickly convert into meltdown mode, due to the sensory overload of the busy situation) but like myself, my mother has a plan (one that doesn’t always work… it a 50/50 thing) quite periods and the mid relaxation break at a costa branch normally helps! Strange choice for an 11-year-old I know but a decaf with cream seems to somehow make a bad situation a not so bad one.

 While on my Facebook page reading some Crimbo tips from my fellow parents of children on the autism spectrum, I discovered a few I wanted to share!

 Please bear in mind some of these children find the whole occasion that is Christmas far too much to bear and cannot cope with it at all. Many really do not like the whole social situation that comes with Christmas, where little man wants to socialise, he just has difficulties doing so.

 Christmas tips for the family of a child with autism  given by parents from the ABWA facebook page.

 One of our admin on the page… My tip is, don’t do it! Jo has asked for no decorations, to know what presents are, to do very little, to spend it at home with a mince-pie or two just me & him & Dr who! I think the buffet idea is the best tip I’ve heard of, that and allowing aspies plenty of space away from it all if there is a family gathering taking place (L)

Parent from page… Jamie hates surprises and too many presents overwhelm her so Xmas starts tomorrow for us, a present a day for advent and anything she isn’t happy with I will swap for something she wants. Xmas day will be very casual with a couple of presents to open when she’s ready and no Xmas dinner, just a normal day as far as food is concerned!

 Parent from page… Eli is obsessed with his nintendo dsi and zones out when playing games so we take it with us when we go for family holidays and he has as much down time as he needs. We don’t force him to sit with us or socialise…. He seems to visit when he wants and the dsi gives us all some peace.

 Parent from page… All my family are very aware of Liams need to get away so they always tell him which room he can hide out in when he wants and we bring his ds and he is happy. No one is allowed into his chill out room, as for presents he gives me a list of what he wants including stocking fillers… I get what I can and pass the rest on to the others then we move onto a ratio, vouchers so many previous Christmas ruined because we bought what we thought he might like …..big mistake

 Parent from page… For kyles bedtime routine (kyle is just 5) we have made a picture board using photos we took of him doing various things, they look so nice and also I think it makes it more personal for his understanding when he sees himself doing it in his room etc. I am hoping to get something to attach the pictures with at the moment so its like his “diary” he has at school. I am now trying to get some of the other things we do like taking a bus trip out etc 🙂 hope this helps x

 Parent on page… My 7-year-old son knows every present he’s getting! Last year he went on and on and on and on and on and on for a month before xmas, I learnt this year and he helped me choose everything so no surprises but he doesn’t care lol. x

 Parent on page… Limit the amount of time friends and family spend visiting you – everyone has this big thing about spending the whole festive period together but for my son this is like torture. So we have family over on the xmas day bit and have a limit on the amount of time they can spend with us , and this helps my son to stay focused and calm as he knows there is an end in sight and he knows when the time is coming where he can chill and just be himself. I will say that my son has a thing about being fully dressed, and eating in front of people, so for him it is good to know that he only has so long left till he can strip and stuff his face with xmas goodies!

 Parent from page… For those, like my son, who hate opening presents if they don’t know what it is, ask the giver to write the label ‘To Jake, a toy tractor with love from Auntie Julie xx’. It takes the stress out of the moment. Of course,if they don’t want the tractor that could be interesting too!!. X

 Parent on page… It doesn’t matter if you don’t open the presents all in one go, we do ours over the whole day and sometimes keep hold of some for the next day too. It seems too overwhelming for my lot and I wouldn’t say they’re spoiled either!

All the comments above have been left on the ABWA facebook page and permission has been obtained for their use within this post. Please remember these are personal comments from parents of children on the autism spectrum and the comments will be protected by the copyright that protects this blog

Toys for the sensory seeker

Some children with autism and SPD love the sensation they get from certain tactile experiences.

Little man can is very tactile defensive, but also seeks out certain textures. He is a child who becomes very anxious and one who likes to fidget.

When Little man broke up from school at the end of term (autism special school) his teacher gave him a gift called a squishy mesh ball. The ball is very sensory friendly, filled with a goo like substance, the ball is covered in netting and when squeezed the ball pushes though the netting and appears all bubbly. Little man loved it!

Just over a month later I was sent a link to a website so that I could check out some products to review. The site is owned by a well known retailer called ‘Hawkin’s Bazaar’ I was overjoyed at what I discovered! So many of the products just throw themselves at me. These are toys at silly prices that many  children with autism, SPD (sensory processing disorder) & ADHD would not only love but greatly benefit from. I even came across that Little squishy mesh ball, little man loves so much at the bargain price of £2.50.

I picked four items that came to a total of just £10.50 these were…

1x Little terrors £2.50

 1x The Germies £2.50

1x Pack of bath crayons £4.00

1x Flexiface £1.50

Little terrors, The Germies and Flexiface can all be found on their website under the category labelled, ‘Stress’ Here’s my opinion on why these are great for children on the spectrum!

Both Little Terrors and The Germies are toys that have been designed to offer some kind of comfort as a stress reliever. It is said that such items are beneficial because when held and squeezed it helps to naturally clam the person/child down, removing the stress, giving them something else to concentrate on. 

The Child with autism get this same comfort when feeling anxious, stressed and upset. It also provides the child with some degree of sensory stimulation. It can be used to redirect certain other behaviours such as hand flapping while also working as a fidget for the child who feels the need to constantly use their hands. Just by holding one of these the child maybe able to concentrate on school work, or remain clam in a challenging, stressful situation.

Another fun thing about the Little Terrors and The Germies that make them really appealing to children, are their design. Both are designed to resemble little monsters if you like, and when squeezed both give a great sensation and visual experience. The Little terror felt as if it was filled with sand, however once sqeezed you could see it was filled with lots of little balls. If you sqeezed slowly, you could then carefully remove your hand and the balls would stay in place making it look like monster brains (if you know what I mean) well if you don’t just check out the picture below!

Little mans favourite the Fexiface can be used for all the above and so much more. This is a toy that I remember as a child. My mother brought me a Fexiface some twenty-one years ago or more when I was around eight. I remember it well, it was during a day trip to Margate, we brought it from a joke shop. The Fexiface has three little holes on the opposite side which you insert you fingers into. You can then move your fingers about which causes the fexiface to change facial expression. For such a small price this is a toy that can potentially help your child learn how to better understand facial expression. Though I’m sure Fexiface was never created for such a purpose as this, it sure does a great job at it. Myself and little man played a game where I would ask him to change the fexiface facial expression to a display a face that was happy, angry, sad, etc. We had brilliant fun and for me it brought back some lovely childhood memories.

Bath Crayons are excellent. These are great for the creative child. They come out really well and we used them on the bath room tiles. All three of the children had fun drawing on the bath room tiles while actually being allowed to do so. Little man hates sitting in the tub. Again this is for sensory reasons, he would rather stand and wash under a power shower, sitting in the bath makes his skin wrinkle which upsets him. The Croyons are a great distraction and in a way helped him to relax.

The other great thing about Bath Crayons is the fact you can use them as a visual aid. If your child uses symbols to help them sequence things, like a bath routine these are perfect. You can easy draw the symbols on the tiles, allowing your child to wipe off or even cross out each action they have carried out. A great alternative to using magnetic or Velcro visuals as despite them being made to be waterproof, the stream and condensation from the bath will eventually have an impact on this type of product.

We had great fun testing all the products and would highly recommend these toys as sensory products as they offer this feature and so much more.

So, why not check out Hawkin’s Bazaar online or visit your newest store where you will find the above and more. 

Note some toys/gadgets aimed at adults only. 

Related articles

• Cost-free effective ways to help your child on the spectrum (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• Some Sensory Success (littlefallofrain.wordpress.com)
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Just one wish

hello readers

So, there’s a few days left of the Easter half-term and as it draws to an end so does my ability to stay calm cool and collective.

I always long for the half-term due to the whole mess that is, ‘Little Man’s Education’, however with him no longer in the mainstream setting that caused him so much confusion and instead receiving an education through a tuition plan applied by a tutor on a one-2-one basis at the local library his been longing to go back. The lack of routine this Easter is driving him loopy. Yes, I try my best to make things predictable but life isn’t always agreeable. What with a string of assessments in preparation for our upcoming tribunal and the fact I’ve been so unwell, resulting in my shorten temper, things have just turned crazy.

His spent much of his time indulging in his ‘Special interest’ by getting stuck into and memorising a stack of bus routes, but come the second week his perched on the edge like some ticking time bomb.

Off course the bomb went bang and so did my head. His been a complete nightmare the entire week!

Will he comply with any request… Hell no! He seems to think the world is plotting against him, yet I’m starting to think it’s me it’s plotting against! His arguing with his sister day and night (yes, kids argue but come to my house and tell me this is normal)! His also disturbingly loud (ask the neighbours) and has trashed the house more then once!

Meltdowns… I know all about meltdowns… Do you? We are not talking tantrums here, are you crazy! This is some hardcore S***, “Excuse me”, but this is something that I his mother will refer to as ‘Torture!’

Unless you’ve been there, lived it and breathed it, you can never begin to understand just what it is I’m rambling on about! It’s not like the ‘terrible twos’ nor is it the ‘boys just being boys’ scenario ! No, it’s the, ‘AUTISM SPECTRUM SCENARIO!’ If I ever need reassurance that such blow-ups are a direct result of his AS then I just look at his eight year old sister and it’s confirmed in a blink!

I can’t fully explain what its like for him! His low tolerance for certain everyday situations that trigger stress, his inability to control his emotions in a more socially acceptable manner! The reason I can’t explain is simple,”I’m not in side his head, I’m on the outside peeking in, just wishing I could fully understand!”

As his mother it’s my wish that I could fully understand what his thinking, what makes him tick! Give me a wish and that’s what I’d wish for, “TO BE INSIDE HIS HEAD”, It’s hard not to become frustrated for I have tried to learn so much about his condition, but not even a masters in autism will ever get me close enough! I’m a parent to a child with Aspergers, I’m not a mother with Aspergers!

Nevertheless there is something I can share with you… What a meltdown is like for me, a parent of a child with Aspergers! I have plenty of experience as I’m sure many of you have! Meltdowns are one of the hardest things I have to deal with in terms of little mans difficulties and although my son has a huge amount of great qualities that make up his personality , I wont pretend like its all Little professors and I don’t believe in the sugar coating approach… Sometimes things are just dam right bloody hard!

The ‘Daddy’ of meltdowns (not like there’s a type) normally drives me to the point of insanity, it causes me to question my own parenting skills and ability to cope with the situation at hand. I’ve quite literally stood on the spot and let out a high pitched scream, fallen to my knees & begged god for a break regardless of my current company, I’ve cried and asked god, “why me?” I’ve even had a full blown panic attack (YES IN THE SUPERMARKET)

Little over the top you think? No, in-fact this description actually does the ‘DADDY MELTDOWN’ no justice. There are no boundaries, no limits in which he knows he shouldn’t push… his impulsiveness that causes a worry inside me that I cannot explain.

Have you ever took you child out and feared them having some kind public tantrum? I have! I do!

But at least now I have learnt to cope… “TO some degree”, at least! I suppose its like anything, it all depends on ones frame of mind at the time! Sometimes I’m super confident and use a number of self-coping skills why trying an array of learnt techniques to discover the underlying issues surrounding his challenging behaviour! Sometimes these ‘ISSUES’ are clear, other times its mind-boggling!

Then there are the times I feel like grabbing my coat and legging it! Running like Forrest Gump in the direction off the unknown, but anything is better then here (Well of course I don’t leg it! But yes the thought does cross my mind)

A meltdown in our house can least an hour, an afternoon, the entire day and night, and sometimes…. A good few days!

Of course we will normally be over the screaming and the smashing things up by this point (Oh yes he loves to beat the hell out of the doors or the staircase) If the meltdown is one lasting over a day, his normally more tearful on day two, he wont let go and feels so wronged. This can be hard as he likes to go on and on about it, ear bashing me all day! He will sit sobbing, telling me I’m the worse mother in the world and how could I be so selfish when I didn’t agree to him having something or another. To some point its like talking to a person who has consumed to much alcohol simply because there’s no reasoning with him!

Of course it’s much better for him to have a meltdown in the safety of the home! Yes, I like it behind close doors too! Who don’t!!! But unless we are happy to confine ourselves to a life of isolation, then we have to deal with it! I was looking through some pictures on my iphone taken during the summer of last year. With every trip (Well, almost) is a picture of little man at the start of a meltdown.

If your out and about and you see a child with an expression like that on his face, “BEWARE HE MAY BLOW!” In all seriousness, seeing a child having a meltdown isn’t something to stick your nose up at, Nor is it your job to judge the child or the parent in that situation! After all… You never know the underlying causes, all you do is contribute to a very stressful situation.

Basically if don’t fancy mum giving you the finger in the supermarket, then keep your eyes on you’re trolly and your nose in your own business!

Related Articles

• John Robison: When Should You Tell A Child They Have Asperger’s? (huffingtonpost.com)
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“Stressed! Who me?”

Stress! it’s something we all face at one time or another through life. Some people are stressed because of work, others have exams at uni and deadlines to hit! Then there are the parents.. stressed out because their children have kept them on their toes the entire day! The stressed out teacher who has encountered cheek from at least a fourth of his pupils out of his thirty something class………. I can go on all night you will never run out of examples.

What makes one person stressed, is a walk In the park to another. It’s very easy as a parent of a child on the autism spectrum to get frustrated and almost angry at others when they are sat complaining on the bus, train.. where ever it may be, about they’re “stressful” day at work, or the well dressed woman sat chatting with her friend about the stress she encountered while shopping on busy Oxford Street in the West end! You sit rolling your eyes thinking in ones own head, “Try my bloody day! The battle to remove my child from his bed, the challenge to persuade him to dress then go to school when his only had a few hours sleep meaning you have too!” That’s it now you’ve got me started… “If I have succeed in my morning quest, I’m then collecting my child from school at 12pm, his ten years old yet on half day and that’s even if his lasted that long!” You try hard to stop this bitterness but it keeps coming…. “Try shopping in Sainsburys with your ten year old verbally bashing you as you try to shop or better still throwing himself into shelves while screaming and shouting he hates you while having a full on meltdown… You don’t even know what’s upsetting him! But my god you need to find out. This is Sainsburys, I only wish I could shop in Oxford Street!!!!” It don’t stop coming…. “Bedtimes your child is still beeping and acting like a bus at 2am and all I wanna do is sleep”

The thing is… this guy and this woman both have the right to vent no matter what the reason is behind their stress! I’m not saying that just because I have a child on the spectrum my life Is harder then his or hers! That’s beside the point! These people haven’t done anything wrong.. I’m just sat there and if it has been a bad day I’m proberly just feeling extra sensitive and sorry for myself… If anything I’m just acting bitter. But why? I love my life and wouldn’t change it (I would change certain things that have happened, but wouldn’t we all!) A few mornings ago little man woke up in the worse mood and as result decided to beat up my bedroom door. Things like this I would change! The smile on his face as we board the 450 bus is priceless 🙂 This I would never change.

As a mother to three.. I get stressed! And beleive me, it’s not all down to my little aspie man. What do you do as a way to unwind? Read a book, watch a little telly, or chill to the sounds of London late night love songs on heart? Us mummy’s are normally only part free to indulge in mummy time, once our little angels are in the land of nod us mummys go for it! The thing is little man don’t sleep till the early hours! I put the baby to bed and like magic (99% of the time) he goes to sleep within minutes. How different my boys are! As soon as baby is fast a sleep I find myself getting ready for the night a head. There is normally so much I want to do, but just as much I have to do! Once my daughter is in bed, I start the battle to get little man in his! This is a battle that can go on for hours & hours… When he does follow his bedtime routine (we made a timeline using visual aids) he will normally just lay there in his bed in complete darkness, talking to himself about bus routes or acting out the bus doors opening and closing. Though I can hear him.. Beeping away, I know his in that bed and with this I jump in mine, Mac in hand and normally I will do a little blogging. Yep off Loading all my crap onto you guys is my stress reliever. If I didn’t have the blog I would be a “bonkers” Mummy (yer don’t think I don’t know what your thinking!) I only wish I got more time as it’s often the case that I pass out before I’ve even logged in!

A few nights back I really did have the chance for some me time. The childrens father was here taking care of the kids and I was laid upstairs with mood lighting (lamp dimmed) waiting for a TV show that I really wanted to see “I don’t watch much telly and I really wanted to see this show” I woke up the following morning fully dressed and in a state of utter confusion. Do u know I jumped out of my bed and stood there in the middle of my bedroom for a good five minutes trying my hardest to piece together what was going on!! Did I watch my programme? why in gods name is it light outside? Where’s my Children?

Once i had finally placed my brain firmly back in my head it all came back to me… well the children being with daddy, the mood lighting and just how comfortable I had felt! typical me had passed out again. Just then my daughter appeared fully dressed and ready to go to school. Daddy had stayed over as I was somewhat sedated and he had got the children ready for school (Well Not little man) he was doing his usual morning routine…Refusal to get up, washed, dressed…ect..ect…ect…
Well, I must have needed that sleep! Like they always say, “Everything seems better in the morning after a good nights sleep” So…. Did it? Did it heck!!

So yes I like many get stressed! It doesn’t mean I can’t cope or I’m having a breakdown! It just means I’m human.

After all… Life is stressful.. But it’s also Incredible rewarding, given the chance!