Let Me Tell You About Matthew!

I only met Matthew a week or so ago, his not even really a friend of mine.

The story of how we met is an important, yet interesting one, that goes something like this!

So, it was late… Gone half past one in the morning. A friend was staying over at mine which meant she was able to watch the children while I dashed to the 24hr petrol garage at the end of my road. Now I don’t normally make a habit of taking late night trips to the garage, but there are times when a girl needs some chocolate and this was very much one of those times.

So… Moving on… Matthew who I was yet to meet, was being quite loud as he walked across the car park leading to the garage. I thought that maybe a couple of lads had likely drunk to much and were now on their way over! Well, I was wrong!

Matthew, around 20 years old, dressed in all the latest clobber (stylish trainers, jeans and a hoody) was walking with a middle aged man and a dog. By now I was busy trying to direct the woman on the other side of the glass window around the shop floor like some crazy lady as I demonstrated a string of erratic arm movements and silly actions in order for her to select the items that I wanted! (seriously, her face when I showed her 5 fingers indicating that I wanted 5 cream eggs was a picture.)

Matthew was now stood staring at me, admittedly, I did feel a little uncomfortable at first! Back at the glass window Matthew then started speaking to me. In all honesty, he wasn’t making much sense when he grabbed ahold of my arm while laying his head on my shoulder and requesting I take him home.

By now a reasonable length queue had formed. People were trying to keep their distance from Matthew who was now making his way down the queue asking those in it a string of strange &random questions mainly surrounding the topic of what car they were driving.

I looked at the guy with the dog, he smiled and shook his head saying… “I’ve just met the young lad can’t seem to shake him off” I nodded as I stroked his dog.

“How do you know his name?” I asked.

“He told me” he replied.

He then went on to state…

“Actually he wouldn’t stop talking about motoring, how certain vehicles are made, who makes them and so forth”

With that something clicked within my head…

“No…. surely not! No… I’m reading to much into it” I thought.

Now, I had paid for my items and should have been heading home. It was late after-all and I didn’t want my friend to worry but something inside me just stopped me from leaving.

Matthew was now stood by my side. He was telling me he was cold and asking for my coat. I explained that I was also cold and that my coat was designed for a woman and wouldn’t actually fit him.

At this point an extremely rowdy woman dressed in very little and so obviously a little worse for wear shouted “For Goodness Sake, he don’t want your coat his going to rob you, you silly cow”

Moving my eyes in her direction, my request for her was that she should simply shout up.

By this point I had decided that I’d probably been gone long enough for my friend to call out a search party so turned around and started to walk away.

The middle aged man and his dog were now ready to leave and I could hear him talking to the dog as he walked behind me. Suddenly I felt the sensation that someone was incredibly close to me. Before I knew it these hands just grabbed ahold of my shoulders. Throwing my whole body around I see Matthew!

“Oi Matthew, Get Off her” Cried the guy with the dog.

“What do you want?” I asked. Followed by the question… “Matthew.. Are you Ok?”

He was now crying, begging that I’ll walk him home. He then went on to tell me through muffled speech that the drunk lady had gone and told him to fuck off!

Something wasn’t right! Matthew may have looked the part, young fresh faced, nicely clothed with one or two cheeky one liners.

Matthew so clearly wasn’t drunk and if he was planning on robbing me I’m sure he would have done so by now!

As I took hold of his arms to move them from me (his grip had become tight and uncomfortable) His sleeve slightly shifted from his wrist and there it was… An ID bracelet. Taking his arm I held it into the light to get a closer look. “Matthew… Do you have autism” I asked as I looked up into his eyes only for him to quickly look away.

“Well, he can’t have!” said the guy with the dog who had come running to my rescue”

“He… He looks so normal” he said as he shook his head in disbelief. Yes, I guess he was displaying a certain amount of ignorance, though intentional this was not! Actually this man was one of the only people in that queue who actually didn’t misjudge him as a robbing thug.

I took out my phone from my pocket and punched in the numbers that were scripted on his bracelet. I then told him I’d be staying right there with him in till his mother had arrived to collect him.

Matthew seemed pleased with that idea and suddenly peace had been restored. We sat on the wall facing the car park, and as we were sat here Matthew went on to share with me his love in motoring. He was incredibly intelligent and had so obviously self taught himself well on the subject. In many ways he reminded me of my Little man.

Matthews mother was lovely. Turns out that Matthew was thought to have been in his room sleeping. She told me that Matthew had a diagnosis of HFA (high functioning autism) sadly he had never been given much support when in education and as a result his social skills were very poor. I then learnt that although Matthew Is capable of going out alone, at night he struggle as he becomes quite frighted. Regardless of this fact, he has such an interest in checking out the vehicles in the car park that he just goes on autopilot. Its only once he has indulged his interest that he realises how late it is and then starts requesting that strangers assist him home. His mother informs me that the bracelet is handy but he forgets his wearing it. It really was lucky I’d seen it as the last time this happened he had ended up spending the night be hide bars.

We walked up together. Turns out they live just off my road.

My friend looked relieved to see me alive and was just about to wake three sleeping kids to come look for me! Lucky for me she understood once I’d explained.

Let… This be a lesson to you all! You really shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.

Things are not always as they first seem… Matthew is proof of that!

How My Son With Aspergers Has Changed Since Attending A Special School

So, little man has been in his independent special school for children on the autism spectrum for some 18 months now! With this, I’ve decided to write a post concentrating on all the positive changes I have noticed in this time.

1 – Improved confidence: This is one of the most apparent changes in my child. He is more confident in his own skin. Special interests are celebrated and his not afraid to share his likes and dislikes with peers. His no longer ashamed of his differences and is more able to see them as positives rather than negatives.

2 – Moods: Little mans moods are less impulsive than before which is because he feels much happier than he did when he was in a mainstream school. Ok, he can still become angry and agitated at the flick of a switch but I can defiantly see a reduction in this type of behaviour.

3 – Attitude to learning: Its very apparent that Little man is more willing and excited to learn. I love it when he comes home raving about the stuff his has learnt. His enjoying his lessons and finishes his day with a head full of new knowledge that he just can’t wait to share.

4 – Improved social skills: Yes, we still have a long way to go but his learning new skills daily. The fact that he actually has a whole school period every day dedicated to social skills training means the improvements are really starting to show. He tends to be less impulsive with the things he says to others. Overall he has a better idea when it comes to behaviours that are socially acceptable.

5 – Willingness to attend school: Little man actually looks forward to school now! The only issues we still have is with his sleeping leading to some issues with attendance. However, the fact he likes his school and wants to attend is just amazing!

6 – Better Understanding of Aspergers: He has a knowledgable understanding of Aspergers Syndrome and feels Better able to talk about how the condition applies to him.

7 – Independence: Since attending his new school little man has noticeably become much more independent. He still requires lots of visual clues but is more independent when it comes to creating and following a routine that his independently applied to a visual schedule. This is a really big achievement for Little man and is a huge step in the right direction therefore giving me more confidence that he will cope OK, when it comes to his life as an independent adult. His even cooking on a weekly basis. He brings home some amazing dishes that put my own to shame.

8 – Better reactions to sensory stimuli: He is still very sensitive in many ways and to a certain extent probably always will be. We have noticed some slight improvements in this area though, which is mainly down to the work he does with the occupational therapist while at school.

9 – Engagement & concentration: Although his attention span remains pretty short he is slowly showing some improvements in concentration levels. Good relationships with teachers and a high teacher to pupil ratio means he is engaging in tasks and able to complete work projects more so than he was before.

10 – Willingness to try: This is a change on a huge scale. Little man is more willing to give things a go in all areas of life. His added confidence is a big contributing factor. The fact he is less scared of failing means his less scared of trying. Little man was sadly discriminated against while in mainstream school and this lead to problems both at home and in his learning environment. The fact he is finally moving on from this, making friends and enjoy his school life is simply awesome to witness.

Little Man Has Turned Scottish

Have you ever heard about those with Aspergers being able to change their voice (the way in-which they talk)?

I have, you see, I’ve been living with a child who has suddenly gone from English to Scottish basically over night.

His obsession with WWE and TNA wrestling is the cause. His favourite wrestler is Drew Mclntyre and he happens to be from Scotland.

The Little man started out by just copying his entrance walk into the ring, he then started to paint his face the Scottish flag and now his mastered the accent.

Now, I have nothing against the Scottish people of the world, I have many Scottish friends. However, the little man is not Scottish and although the accent is mastered down to a T, he is actually driving me loony speaking this way.

Yes, of course in the beginning it was a little bit funny (after all he sounds just like him)! But you really can only tolerate so much of it. His even using the voice when it comes to him requesting things etc. I don’t think his doing it at school… Well, I can only hope he isn’t that is!

Over the years Little man has spoken in a number of tones and voices, ones that he hears and then copies. For many years he would switch from his everyday tone of voice to that of a monotone one, as if he was a talking computer. His also had a strong interest in transport and would recreate the train and bus announcements… He always got it spot on. Now with his ever evolving interest in wrestling I was convinced it was just going to be the mimicking of the entrance and the actual matches… But this, this is just bonkers!

However, this type of behaviour isn’t one that is completely unknown with those on the autism spectrum. I decided to look into this more and had a look on google to see what I could find. I actually came across a conversation trend on “Wrong Planet” that was started by a 16 year old British girl with High Functioning Autism. She states that she is a naturally quiet person but when she does speak she speaks with a strong Irish or Scottish accent despite her naturally having a British accent. She states she chooses to speak this way and people now know her to do so.

There is also a section in a book wrote by Tony Attwood on this very subject. I took this quote from the Tony Attwood website … “My mother tells me I was very good at capturing the essence and persona of people. At times I literally copied someone’s looks and their actions. I was uncanny in my ability to copy accents, vocal inflections, facial expressions, hand movements, gaits and tiny gestures. It was as if I became the person I was emulating (p.22).

Being Driven Crackers

Wow… Little man is driving me crackers. This evening his done nothing but talk about wrestling to the point I’m almost smacking my own head against the wall!

His overly obsessed now, I truly never thought anything could come as close as his transport obsession! Obviously I was wrong.

The worst part is how his interest in wrestling is keeping him awake at night again. His back using the melatonin but as usual its not providing much relief. Worse still school inform me that his acting very out of character. It’s been reported that his been saying pretty bizarre stuff like “He would be more popular if he went to prison” this was said as he was asked why he was misbehaving… Another one of his answers was “He gets more respect and makes more friends this way!”

School enquired if it was his medication that could be causing such behaviours… I didn’t think so, but now I’m sat writing this I’ve come to realise that he does actually have more unsettled school days following a night on melatonin.

Anyhow… Back to the obsession that is wresting.

Recently little man discovered a competition on the Internet that is centred around his interest in wrestling. The good think is that the competition doesn’t only relate to his interest but also in that of literacy… Something he is actually reluctant to engage in.

In order to win his dream prize of meeting his favourite wrestler and watching a live show, he will need to complete a number of literacy and wrestling related tasks.This is great as it will encourage him to do literacy but he refuses to let me share it with his teacher. Yet, his literally talked about this competition non stop and has been demanding that we get started right away.

Last night I was in bed sleeping when I was suddenly rudely awaken at the crazy hour of 3.55 am by the little man. His reason for this was to ask me a question, one that apparently couldn’t wait until a sensible hour! The question was “Mum, How many people do you think will enter the competition and how much percentage does this give me off winning?” I swear if looks could kill… I was livid, not that the little man could tell because he just keep asking… On and on and on…

Its not only the competition that’s kind of grating within my slowing brain, its also the non stop noise that comes with having a wrestling mad 12 year old son. Sometimes I could swear we’re experiencing an earthquake (regardless of the fact we live in the UK). The banging and crashing about is just unbearable. I find myself screaming at the top of my lungs for him to cut it out but 99.9% of the time he cannot hear me above his own noise pollution.

I have heard the same tune, the same cheers, and the same sodding intro that all accompany his favourite wrestler into the ring a million times. If its not blasting through the TV speakers its being played full whack on youtube and if its none of the above you can bet your life on it that his mimicking every word therefore commentating the whole intro from memory.

I can look little man dead in the eye and tell him “Sorry son but I couldn’t give a monkeys backside about whatever his name is” yet he will take no notice, continue feeding me with not so fascinating facts on his favourite wrestler! I try to show an interest, I really do but actually it scares me to try as once I’ve started I’m quickly wishing I hadn’t as hours later I’m still trying to break free.

I dunno… Maybe as he ages these obsessional interests will be more self controlled. I hate the thought of him being a young man who totally dominates an entire conversation based around his own interests. Its just not healthy… He could lose out on friendships and relationships.

Nonetheless, with his great ability to learn combined with his social skills training provided by school, I’m hopeful that all will come good in the end.

Check out Little Mans wrestler inspired face paint…

Aspergers and Birthdays

Well, it’s that time of year again! Little man is well on his way to becoming 12 and don’t we all know about it!

Now I love my son but what I don’t love is his constant banging on about his birthday… It’s driving me completely insane!

One of the traits of Aspergers Syndrome is that of obsessiveness.The tendency to go on and on about something of interest with no regard to the listener. Little man does this with his ‘special interest’ he also does this in the run up to his birthday! Now, I understand all children have the ability to become over excited about their birthday and most do! But for my little man this starts a little to early. His birthday is on the 1st October and he starts his birthday talk every July like clockwork.

This all starts with the searching and marking of items in the Argos catalogue. As his aged his discovered the beauty of the internet and now searches for his gifts on various different sites. Play.com and Amazon are just a few of the places he’ll look.

Over the past 2 months I’ve discovered at least 1 email per day in my inbox from the little man.The subject box always reads the same ‘G’s Birthday List’ I’ve actually had to create a folder just for his spam mail!

There does seem to be one or two differences this year compared to pervious years! He seems to be constantly changing his mind, going from one demand to the next! I seriously cannot keep up! Little man will normally get an idea of what he wants and then stick to it. This indecisive behaviour is something that combined with the constant birthday chatter is completely driving me bonkers!

Little man seems to have little concept of the value of money. Some of his requests have been dam right ludicrous when it comes to the cost. His requested everything from vintage slush puppy machines to real working shop tills. Then there’s the more “normal” requests like a Playstation 3 or a PC. These request are normally fine but money hasn’t been great these past few months and with a few weeks to go I’m hoping to get anything.

I remember when the Little man’s birthday and Christmas list would consists of a lot stranger items than anything of the above. He would ask for batteries, padlocks and even fizzy pop. I’m sure regular readers will already know this from my past posts on the subject.

As for what we are doing for his birthday, I just don’t know! His Aspergers makes surprises a no go and the need for me to get my butt in gear and start pulling a plan together is a must. I’ve been wracking my brains tonight and I’m just not getting that big bulb going off in my head!

So, heres hoping that one goes off very soon, because before you know it, it will be Christmas!

Did you know it was just 14 weeks to go?

When special interest turn deadly

I like blogging, you like reading!

I’m a bit obsessed with twitter, shopping and art! You really love football and Facebook!

Admittedly some of us over indulge our sense with our interest, we spend a little to much time tweeting or playing a computer game when we could actually be doing something much more practical. However, we are fully aware of this naughty bit of pleasure seeking and therefore find ourselves eventually applying some self discipline. A good example of this would be a person needing to go to work, they may want to stay home engaging in whatever it is they love doing but they understand that this won’t pay the bills (that is unless the work is their interest)!

As some may already know, little man has very intense interests and these are what one would refer to as a “Special Interest” when I write about little mans interest I struggle to find the right words, especially ones powerful enough to create a visual picture in the readers mine. For these reason I often worry that those who have such little understanding of Aspergers Syndrome and special interest, may only ever really compare this to that of the above.

Today I’m going to try and change this by telling the story of my sons special interest! The intensity and love he holds for such a subject. The high intellectual knowledge which he has gained from self educating himself on every aspect this subject has to offer. The smiles & laughter it has created as well as the comfort and sanctuary it has given him.

Yet as great as the above may seem like everything there is a downside, and like most things associated with Aspergers Syndrome there is no in between!

The Little man happily unrolled the toilet roll around the entire house, he was making tracks for his invisible bus to drive along. Little man was that invisible bus. He could visualise this as long as he had one or two props to create a front and back to his bus. He would use a spoon held in one hand for the front, and a pencil in the other hand to create the back! Let’s not forget the sunglasses he would use to recreate the motion of the doors a long with the continuous beeping sound he would make. He would walk around and around for hours, speaking in a monotone voice as he recreated the destination announcements heard on both trains and buses.

I would feel a degree of anger when people stated a child like mine lacked imagination skills. This needed expanding on so those who had no idea began to gain a better understanding. Yes, little man played the same game over and over again. He was mimicking something based on fact not fiction, yet his creativity was seen when he used imagination to think outside the box. Rather than play with a toy bus, he was the bus! How many children would think to use a spoon, sunglasses and pencil in such a way?

From the age of around 2 Little man started to show an interest in transport. This started with Thomas the tank engine, but having quickly discovered the fiction that surrounds Thomas he turned his attention to the real deal. As he grew he would try to suppress his interest within the school setting making them much more intense once home. His great love for the subject meant it was hard to engage him in anything else. There were many sleepless nights, it’s easy to turn of your child’s computer and demand they go to bed, but I was unable to demand little man switched of his mind. He would go to bed and just lay in the darkness randomly running through bus and train timetables and destinations, often beeping and recreating the motion of the doors with his hands.

Despite the late nights, constant transport chat I embraced little mans interest! When he wasn’t allowed on school trips we had our own at the London transport museum. We took random bus rides around the city and went to toy fairs in search of old rare models. But when things become very bad at mainstream school I noticed Little man becoming completely lost in his world of transport, the only place he felt safe! When excluded from school he would sit studying the various routes of trains, tubes and buses, he would not answer when called totally ignoring request whenever I made them.

Bus trips were no longer fun, he’ll police the bus, demanding passengers picked up any rubbish they dropped or removed their feet from the seat in front of them. On trains he would jump from his seat every time the train came to a stop, pressing the button to open the doors for those passengers getting off and on.

I also noticed that he would continuously slide open and shut his wardrobe door that featured a sliding door. The banging was hard to cope with especially come 3am when siblings were sleeping.

What worried me more, was the more emotionally stressed things became, especially within school, the more he would confine himself to the bedroom where the slamming would commence.

We eventually had an appointment with his paediatrician, we were currently in the middle of a discrimination battle with school. I had now removed Little man from the mainstream setting but was still looking for a special school willing to take him. The stress upon the family was apparent. It was during this appointment that little man discovered that the windows within the paediatricians office were of the sliding type. Of course he couldn’t resist to play with them and for this reason the paediatrician was able to see just how obsessive his interest had become. She wisely informed me that this was not only due to his very intense special interest but also a stress reliever, coping mechanism. We also elstablised that to a certain degree the repetitive sliding motion of doors or hand mimicking was a sensory seeking behaviour too.

It was only on this appointment did we discover how serious this was. A practice fire drill went off, little man is very bad with the high pitched noise one makes. He panics and becomes very unpredictable so when he didnt even look up, just carried on with the window I knew Little mans special interest was now deadly!

A plan was put together and I was given the hardest task of my life, to reduce and limit the amount of time little man spends on his interest. OK, I couldn’t switch of his brain but I would need to limit the other activities, especially the sliding of the doors. It was hard to be consistent! In many ways I felt half to blame. I had encouraged his interest but this is what I was always expected to do, it was always said to be a good thing! I don’t feel guilty anymore. I now understand that it’s important to support and encourage your child’s interest, what happen to little man was not my fault.

As the stress faded, once he found his perfect school, things did start to return to a more acceptable level. Now he likes Lego too and even stranger WWE wrestling has actually become his interest of choice. Yes he still likes transport but WWE is his special interest and in my opinion it’s a welcome change after 10 years.

An Olympic Party with Hornby

Hornby are gearing up for the 2012 Olympic Games and invited myself and the kids to London’s biggest toy store “Hamleys” for a private party.

Having a child with Aspergers syndrome with an interest in transport, one who loves a good old Hornby train set meant it was an invitation to good to refuse.

My daughter had her friend stay over so and spent the day doing “girl stuff” So, this trip was one made by myself and two boys.

We arrived a little later than others, little man was busy checking out the underground, but when we did arrive we were greeted my the funky Olympic Mascot. The party was allocated in a side room and was decked out in British colours and Olympic cheer. Harley had his eye on the balloons as soon as we arrived (Thankfully he got to take one home even if he did let it go flying into the London sky a little after we left)!

Hornby had some fantastic new products on show, all released in celebration of the 2012 games. Little man loved the new Scalextric Velodrome Cycling Set which is the first and only of its kind. This has two miniature cyclist dressed in Team GB outfits that race around a Scalextric track operated by two hand held controllers. Priced at £69.99 it isn’t cheap but one of a kind.

You can only imagine how exciting the range is for my Little man. His had a special interest in transport for as long as I can remember. His 11 now and although his finally acquired some additional interests in the last year (mainly Lego and wrestling) he still loves his transport, especially trains, buses and the underground so he was pretty impressed with these below.

We had an awesome time at Hamleys, both boys were smiling as we were taken on a tour around the store. Sadly little man now hates having his photo taken especially in public but as you can see this isn’t the case for the two year old.

Harley especially, was dead impressed to meet Wenlock (yes, the one eye mascot)! Hornby have been sure to included both the Olympic and Paralympics Mascots within some of its fabulous merchandise. This includes the funky Chocolate vending machine that little man is actually lusting after, as well as some fab 2012 Mascot key rings that are really heavy and well made (we were lucky to receive some of these in our goody bags).

It was a really good day and we all thank Hornby for inviting us. If you want to check out the Official range of London 2012 products, pop over to their website and check it out.

Disclaimer: I was not paid to write this post, but attended a party with the children to check out the new range and the children received a goody bag.

Half Term Battles

So yesterday was another one of those days. Woken early I had lots to do, firstly there were the kittens, two would be leaving us and although I knew we would all be a tad dishearten, there was one person in particular whom I knew would find the adjustments a little tough to take! Yep… The little man!

Little man was playing in the garden when the first kitten left… I thought it would be better this way! It wasn’t like he wasn’t aware he was leaving, he had said his good byes and gone of to play on the trampoline! Still preparing for the event didn’t make things that much easier and as expected Little man cried for a rather long time! He called me names, told me I was evil for taking his Bellas babies away!

The turn of kitten number 2 came and despite him knowing that we could visit this kitten as she would be living with my sister he still branded me a cat napper. “A cat napper indeed”

Change is always hard for little man, his become attached to these little furry balls of cuteness and his certainly been dreading their departure.

Children adjust, that’s what we are told, I know this is true we all adjust as human beings because we have to! It’s just that sometimes it takes the little man that bit longer and in the meantime his certainly not the easiest of children to live with.

During the early hours, Bella (the mother to the litter) is pacing, she’s crying and hunting for her babies! Little man showed no intention on sleeping instead informing me that he was cat sitting! Yes… Cat sitting! I dont know who’s worse, Bella or Little Man? I’m sure they both felt I was going to steal the remaining two kittens during the night as both wouldn’t leave the room and Bella was continuously carrying her kittens around the room before trying to stash them beneath my bed.

I do love the connection little man has with our cat Bella, yes it sometimes feels like a kick in the guts when he shows her more affection than me… His mother, but he just has a different connection with animals which in many ways is beautiful.

Another thing that seems to have affected little man is not only the half term but that of the extended bank holiday weekend. Like many of us tend to do, the little man is getting his days mixed up. The whole thing has thrown his body clock into overdrive… I guess it’s kinda of like jet lag. The half term can often be disastrous and the fact it’s another bank holiday today won’t help!

The queens jubilee seems to have taken over the television and the little man is getting somewhat tired of it. Plus it’s messed up the bus timetable so we will definitely not be going anywhere that requires such a mode of transport for the remainder of the day!

I would say that luckily the little man is now sleeping but it’s 2.30 pm and this just makes it harder for him to settle tonight! We often find any sort of bedtime routine that we have put everything into establishing goes to mush once any type of school holiday hits.

One thing the little man has been focusing on, which I guess makes him feel that bit more relaxed, Is that of his special interest. Transport and Lego are a bit part of his life and now his added wrestling to the equation his had plenty to occupy his Busy mind… And mine!
Admittedly he has been driving me a little bonkers with his Lego master pieces which largely consists of buses and wrestling rings and that of his constant re-enacting of wrestling matches which involves lots of banging and crashing (headaches are a continuous part of my life these past few days)! However his interest have saved us from any major meltdowns and have been my secret weapon for reinforcing good behaviour, so, yes they have their up sides.

Here’s hoping the rest of the half term runs smoothly and we don’t face any back to school battles!

Define Normal

For us, “Normal” is…

late nights, even sleepless nights.

In depth Conversations on transport, LEGO and wrestling!

Visual learning (our home is full of home made schedules)!

Laughter… Tears

Misconceptions and explanations

Battles… We’ve fought many!

Educating those that are willing to learn…

Tolerating those that are not!

Discovering and learning from one another.

Adaption…

Arguments, shouting and a whole load of swearing…

More tears!

Sensory meltdowns….

Sensory integration!

Understanding…

Not understanding…

Trying to understand!

Difficult days…

Fabulous days…

And dam right tiring days!

Planning and preparation.

Achievements and celebrations!

Surprises…

Lots of surprises!

Help Me Reveal The Bigger Picture This World Autism Day

Mild, what do you think off when you hear the word “Mild”?

A mild curry, a mild headache, a touch of man flu (or so some call it)!

Maybe you think of a mild case of chickenpox or a mild amount of pain?

Now, let me ask you,
“When you see a child of… let’s say 11 years old, throwing himself  aggressively around the local supermarket, red, hot and flushed,  shouting & screaming obscenities, refusing to walk, with no apparent  sense of danger, what do you think? Does the word “Mild” come to mind?

I didn’t think so!

If you were 100% truthful with yourself, my guess is, challenging, spoilt, dragged up, brat, may have come to mind! Although this is usually  never truth, I’m not about to jump into a written description on the worlds misconceptions or that of the importance of ignorance  (intentional or otherwise). I’ve done plenty of this lately. I will however agree that the word “Mild” is not one I’d chose to describe the above situation!

When you have a child with Aspergers Syndrome, who has displayed such  behaviours..more than once, you deal with it, though when you turn to another and inform them of your child’s diagnosis, for that person to turn around and refer to it as “Mild” you can’t help but want to  
SCREAM…

This misconception has just got way out of hand. Whoever chose to describe Aspergers as Mild was basically of their trolley! You see Aspergers is only described in such a way as to highlight the fact there is normally no intellectual difficulties, however social difficulties are just as pervasive as those children with what some may refer to as “Classic Autism“ the difference being that those children with a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome are normally fully aware of their differences, some even referring to themselves as not “Normal” as has my own child.

Those with Aspergers are not oblivious to the world around them… OK,  maybe while engaged in their “Special Interest” but other than this, the prospect that the child with Aspergers wants to engage with peers, having friendships like yours or mine, is always normally the case! The sheer frustration at not being able to always make these friendships or in many cases, keep them, is often too much for the child, hence the reason, so many children with aspergers find themselves diagnosed with depression or some type of anxiety related illness!

Now, I ask you again..”Does the word “Mild” spring to mind when you think of the above  
explanation It’s not a competition, I’m in no way even comparing the different types of autism, it’s a spectrum, where no two cases are ever the same! I’m just merely pointing out that the term mild is not actually a suitable one, as it is of course, taken out of context, leaving  
others (even teachers, and other professionals) expecting more than maybe they should from a child with Aspergers. It’s my belief, and that of many others, that this is likely the reasons behind high school exclusion rates, placement breakdowns in mainstream schools and  
so forth. My child is very literal, yet despite his previous school’s awareness of this, metaphors were continuously used by staff, during conversations with my child! He was just expected to get these quirky little phases, such as “Has the cat got your tongue” or “The teacher can’t hold your hand forever” so, of course being adamant that he never holds the teachers hand, he quite rightly informs the head teacher, to which he is ordered to remove his sarcastic tone, that or stop being thick!

The child with Aspergers, has to continuously adjust ones normal behaviour, something they are most uncomfortable with, to fit neatly into the life, that society expects and accepts.

Its common for many diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome, to receive a late diagnosis! This is true, but only due to the signs being suppressed by the child in question, as they either keep themselves to themselves, blending into the background or speak to one or two children, though not actually forming friendly relationships with them, yet teachers commonly mistake this as healthy peer relationships. What then will often happen, is once that child returns to the safety net of home, the bubble pops and like dynamite they explode letting go of a whole days bottled up frustration, becoming sometimes uncontrollable! Of course the parents reports such goings on, yet they are looked upon as one sided concerns! Teachers mainly assume the issues must be down to some problem in the home, why wouldn’t they considering the lack of challenging behaviour within school? This was certainly the case with Little man!

Suddenly something changes! As the child grows older, incurring a stronger urge for peer interaction, a low threshold for dealing with sensory inputs and lack of understanding of the social rules, Suddenly a flip in the childs behaviour may occur, one that to the school is that of a sudden change, to you, the parent…it’s been a long time coming!

The child may now stand out that bit more, maybe seen as a bit of a social odd ball as he goes about trying to socialise, they may then become targeted by the bullies! Sadly, due to the childs lack of social understanding, especially around the issue of friends, they may well find themselves as a target without even knowing it.  
Little man is, once more a prime example of this….. He was seen by other children to be a child who would easily break social rules (only due to the fact he was unaware of there boundaries)! As a result, when the bullies befriended him, the popular kids, he was proud to finally have a group of friends.This started during his fourth year of primary school and by the end of that year he had already undergone an obscene amount of formal exclusions and when he was in, he was being taught in isolation, heartbreaking, referred to by staff as a health and safety risk! As for the bullies who he mistakenly was proud to name his friends, these would do a number of horrible things, then stand back and laugh as little man got into trouble. An example would be, getting him to slap a teacher around the back of the head with an orange glove, he believed it to be OK, as it was just a game, “The Tango Game” surly the teacher would know this right? You can only imagine the reaction of that teacher! Worse, her unexpected reaction would shock little man in such a way, it would trigger more challenging behaviour, most failed to make the connection between the two and of course his education and self-esteem suffered greatly. As his mother, I watched him slowly putting the pieces together, the children not knocking when they claimed they would, his invite to a party becoming lost in the post, the fact they were suggesting he do things that he was now learning were not acceptable due to the repeated reactions these caused! This is the point when your child starts to accept that his actually friendless, being used and laughed at too! You, the parent watch as your heart breaks, you ask yourself, maybe it would have been better if he never saw the light, he continued thinking peers were his friends.

I hear hundreds of horror stories mainly consisting of discrimination and misconceptions. Like my own child, the child is never allowed on school trips, coincidentally excluded on the day of a trip or that when OFSTED visited school. What was worse was those times he was sent to work in isolation, mother and child completely in the dark that a trip ever existed… well, that’s in till some other mother mentions it! You hear her words, you play along, yet inside your crying,you’re screaming, rage ripping your insides to pieces. Even worse your child finds out, unable to cope with more rejection so he hurts himself by throwing himself into brick walls, smashing his head, scratching his arms drawing blood, or worse still… threatening to stab himself!

Please, I ask you once again…

Would you use the term “Mild” in association with any of that above? Would you?

Myself nor my son, and countless other families like mine, are not asking for your sympathy, your kind words, your half smiles as we catch one another’s eye across a crowded playground, though those things are incredibly thoughtful, we need so much more than this to make a difference!

We, need you to take just a few short minutes having read this post, to process what you have read! If you agree and only If you do… we need your help! I’m asking that those parents & individuals who don’t have a child on the spectrum as well as those who do (and anyone else who’s reading) takes just a few minutes to help raise awareness for autism and aspergers, this “World Autism Awareness Day“ (2nd April 2012)

How?

Bloggers… with the power of your influential voice, your blogs can reach a 1000 voices or more… Please Join me in creating awareness, by wearing something that resembles the colours that make up the autism puzzle or something that resembles autism. Maybe wear a T with the awareness ribbon or a puzzle piece displayed across your chest and back, paint your face, design an eye mask, just let your creativity run wild, then write on a large piece of card, “Doing it for World Autism Day 2012” hold it up, where ever you’re at and take a photo… the more funky and eye-catching the better! Post your picture to your blog adding a few words if you wish, state you’re raising awareness for world autism day and link your picture/post to the linky I’ll place on here on my blog!

You can tweet using hashtag #worldautism12 , post on the “A Boy with Aspergers” Facebook page and share any other way that grabs you.

Please it’s just one day, a few minutes of your time which will undoubtedly help spread awareness! I’m not asking you to raise money or even go to work looking like a clown! Like many other families all over the world, Its world autism day everyday in our house! I’m just  asking you to make it yours on the 2nd April 2012 (if only for 10 minutes) your reward… you will help create a better world for children like my Little man.

Non Bloggers

There is simply no getting away from it! Simply do the above but instead tweet your pictures using hash tag #worldautism12, Post them on your own Facebook page and to make it count by posting them to “The Boy with Aspergers” Facebook Page.

Those who can’t post anywhere, email them to me via address in sidebar of this blog and I’d be happy to post them out there for the world to see.

The final part of the plan

I will then hopefully have enough to create a collage of pictures of all those that took part, whether they held their awareness board in Sidney, London or New York, it will count.This can’t happen with a collection of one or two pictures! We need a huge amount to pull it off!

I will open the Linky on my blog at 11.59 on the 31st of March.

Please feel free to click and save the art work below to use in sidebars or within post, please link back.Please stay tune as there may be a few exciting surprise on the way too 🙂

So… There you have it! My plea for your help 

Help me create the bigger picture, I can’t do it without you!

Related articles

• Look here comes the naughty kid (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• What Is Asperger’s Syndrome? (eatgfcf.wordpress.com)