A Case Of Miscommunication

So, my mum says to little man while his having a “moment”

“You can’t just go around hitting anyone you fancy”

He had just lost his temper and hit out at his sister!

Little man replies, and with a temper I must add!

“Nanny your disgusting are you suggesting I fancy my own sister?”

It was one of those moments and mum couldn’t help but to laugh. However laughing was not on little man’s agenda!

“Don’t laugh at me nan” he screamed as he kicked the wall and throw himself on the floor.

You see, when talking to little man we have always tried to remember to put things in a way that is easy for him to grip a hold off and fully understand. Using metaphors and words that have two meanings can get confusing for little man, but over time he has learnt certain metaphors and their meanings (though this is mainly as a result of a past miscommunication).

Even though I am careful in how I speak to little man I’m also aware that I can’t be there all of the time and in actual fact, to some degree he needs these miscommunications In order to learn from them and go on to be successful in whatever it is he chooses to do in life.

Every time little man hears a certain metaphor we try our best to explain its true meaning to him! This doesn’t necessarily mean he understands it, or should I say… “Agrees” with it! His response will normally be something along the lines off… ‘Whats the point in that mum?’ or “Thats just stupid because why would anyone even have Skeletons in their closet?” Though, regardless of what he thinks about it, he will usually store the term along with its correct meaning for his own future reference.

My point is, and its an important one! That our children on the autism spectrum will find themselves in situations like this. If we forever try to wrap them up in cotton wool, insisting that those who speak to them do so in a totally unambiguous manner all of the time, then what happens ten, twenty years down the line when your child is at work in the office, and having been a little moody to a fellow colleague that colleague, jokingly tells them ‘Ok, Ok … Don’t get your knickers in a twist’ Things could be taken completely out of context. I can Imagine Little man’s reaction to such a term ,having no idea that it was in fact a turn of phase, he’d be inclined to tell him that he doesn’t wear knickers and if anything doesn’t much like wearing underpants either.

I’m not saying that when our children go of to school in the morning, the teachers looking after them, should greet them with some low life wise crack comment. Teachers should do their best not to confuse the child with their language but like us, their parents, teachers should be their to explain such metaphors when and if our children encounter them. Given we all use these silly little sayings so often, one or two are bound to slip out now and then from someone, somewhere along the line. But then isn’t better they hear them now rather when they are 25?

Don’t forget this month is Autism Awareness month and despite the need to raise awareness everyday, why not start with today and share something with your family and friends directing them to this post.

Little Man finally Has His Birthday!

Yes, his been driving me mad for months. Anymore birthday talk there was a danger my head would explode. But we got there in the end and god how thankful I am that we finally did.

Yesterday my not so little man turned 12 (god I feel old). He woke up early despite sleeping during the silly hours and was beaming with excitement. He doesn’t like unwrapping so he was given his gifts in a bag and his face lite up with the sight of a Playstation 3.

I also brought him the much awaited (so I’m informed) FIFA 13 which I had to Pre-order at our local supermarket. This along with a few other games, an additional controller and some other accessories made up his birthday list.

I was really surprised that he didn’t kick off when the door knocked and it was time to go to school. But given the fact his favourite teacher had also brought him a game probably explains why.

Once home he had friends over and the roars could be heard coming from his bedroom as they all took it in turns to battle the birthday boy at FIFA or Wrestling.

We then had a special dinner of a fry up (yep, not my idea of special but certainly was the little man’s). We then sang happy birthday before tucking into some delicious birthday cake.

Birthdays in our house are often a little odd when it comes to the little man. He normally requests some pretty odd presents and can normally be found playing with his gifts in the strangest of fashions. Whats more he can often be found doing so alone.

This year the occasion was somewhat more “typical” for the birthday of a 12 year old boy. He invited his cousin and the boy next door over to the house to play. He even encouraged his sister to join in (though this didn’t last, it was a good start).

There was no birthday meltdowns to be seen and I for one was feeling pretty relieved that there wasn’t. On the whole the day was perfect.

We did experience one little problem mind you. The whole excitement of the day didn’t wear him out as I would of hoped it would. The little man went to asleep at an alarming 6am this morning (and before you ask his Playstation was not in play during the course of the night). As a result the little man didn’t go into school today. I tried desperately to keep him awake once it was gone 4 am but I failed miserably.

His now awake and won’t be playing his game till after tea (I don’t want him to associate time off school with having fun). We have therefore had some tears this afternoon, but given I’m writing this in a reasonably silent house, here’s hoping we’re past that.

So, that’s another year and another birthday. Don’t be surprised if in 6 months time, you read that the Little man has been banging on about his 13th birthday. Seriously, this starts happening around May so you’ve been warned!

Teaching Social Skills Through Music

I get some interesting request and press releases in my inbox each morning. Some have no relevance to that of my family or readers, others have me sat up taking note excited about what I’m reading.

Recently I received a lovely email from Cathy Bollinger, a music therapist and children’s song writer. Cathy is from Charlottesville, Virginia so being in the UK I was yet to discover her work.

Cathy informed me in her email that my blog was recommended to her via her daughter in law who has recently moved from England to Virginia! I’m unsure who this was but want to slip in a quick thank you to them for spreading the word. About ‘A boy with Aspergers’. When your a parent to a child on the autism spectrum who uses her voice to try and create awareness through her writing using the platform of her blog, it really is encouraging to know that it is found and followed by many people all over the world. The web still amazes me, I can do so much from this South London living room of mine.

Cathy has developed 10 children’s CD’s, one of which was created in the hope of helping kids on the autism spectrum. It’s fair to say that lots of children on the spectrum have a special connection with music hence the reason music therapy is growing in popularity. Many special schools who educate children with autism and other social communication and interaction difficulties are now using such therapies as part of their learning programme. Little man loves music and is able to process and then store lyrics really quickly. Admittedly some of the music we hear today makes this a bit of a worrying prospect as well as a good one! Obviously Carol isn’t rapping her heart out about gangs, pimps or anything else remotely inappropriate. Cathy Bollinger is using the beauty of music to build social skills. However it should be noted that she hasn’t done this alone! Through the making of her latest CD (which Cathy kindly air mailed me) she found her future business partner Elly Tucker and her son Josh, who has Aspergers Syndrome. Cathy met with them once a week while creating the social skills CD and quotes “They honestly critiqued the songs as I wrote them, Josh even ended up singing on the CD with me”

To know the songs included on the CD which is titled “My turn your turn songs for building social skills” has been written with such inspiration, made me even more excited to discover more and actually listen to.

Cathy has a desire to create music that is positive, upbeat and fun while ensuring lyrics give a direct message, one that is non ambiguous and therefore provides a good, clear example of the different social skills appropriate in different social situations. Music allows children to absorb these social clues and learn from them .

My Turn Your Turn is one of a number of CDs from award winning singer/songwriter Cathy Bollinger. I found that all the tunes were very catchy and easy to sing along too (my toddler is proof of this). Each song manages to address the various social skills difficulties the child on the autism spectrum may experience with the use of social story like phrases while remaining upbeat and fun to listen to. Cathy has got it all covered and seems to have written each song based around some of the most challenging social situations for children on the autism spectrum.

There are 14 tracks in total covering everything from empathy, self regulating ones emotions, asking for help and more.

I especially liked the last track “Everyone has strengths to be proud of” oh how I wished I could have played this to little man a few years back when he had no self confidence and struggled to understand that everybody is different regardless of his diagnosis. He would of learnt much earlier on how not everybody is good at the things he is and vise versa.

I also like the track “Sometimes I feel angry” another that little man can really relate to and learn from.

Little man is now in a special school for children on the autism spectrum, social skills training is obviously a huge part of his education time table with a whole period given just for social skills training a number of times a week. Little man has said he will be taking the CD into school so the teacher can have a listen and use it in her lesson. I think thats a brilliant idea and thank Cathy for giving Little man and his fellow pupils here in the UK the opportunity to do so.

You can learn more about this fabulous social skills training CD by visiting Rivanna Music on line. Here you can even play a sound clip of one of the tracks on the CD. Don’t forget there are many other Educational music CD that teach including titles such as Alphabet Jam, Toddlin Tunes, Singing words and many more.

Thanks Cathy for sending Little Man a couple of “Your Turn My Turn” we loved it and would happily recommend it to both parents and educators.

Disclaimer: This is a review post. I was not paid to write this but I did receive a sample of the CD (there was no obligation to write about it). I chose to share my honest views and opinions as I feel the CD is worth mentioning to my readers.

Never fulfilling the criteria

Some of you may have read my post “Help me to reveal the bigger picture this world autism day” which I posted no longer than a few days back. I wrote the post in an attempt to gather others by my side, in-order to help me pull of a great idea for this World Autism Awareness day (April 2nd 2012)

For those that didn’t read the post, please do, you can find it HERE.

A very quick summary… Basically I’m trying to encourage people to wear something that contains the colours of the awareness puzzle or ribbon. Maybe one of the two symbols on a tee-shirt, face paints, a home-made funky eye mask, etc… it’s totally up to you just be creative! Next write the words”Doing it for World Autism 2012″on a large piece of card and hold it up. Lastly, regardless of where in the world you are, snap a picture.

This is aimed at all, especially those who don’t have a child, partner, relative on the autism spectrum, as well as those that do! Bloggers, especially mummy & daddy bloggers, health bloggers, autism activist etc, can then upload pic onto their site/blog with small description stating that they are doing it to raise awareness for autism. I’ll add a link to my blog and everyone can submit links to linky.

Would love you to also tweet pics and messages using hash tag #worldautism2012 on Twitter

Those that love to network on Facebook, can upload to there profiles or pages tagging the page A boy with Aspergers, which is the fan page connected to my blog and has become a support haven for almost 5,000 members, who are looked after by myself and a great group of admins who have stuck with it throughout.

I’m hoping to get enough images of people around the world dressed proudly in their autism bright’s with a board in their hands. Why… Because I’ll make this into an awesome awareness collage!

For the full details please check the link, as given above!

Now, that’s done, I wanted to touch on yet another issue That I raised within that very same post a few days back!

Those who read, will know that I gave some examples to demonstrate how the word mild, when used with High functioning autism and Aspergers Syndrome, can all to often be seen in the wrong light, resulting in likely misconceptions, causing many distressing situations for those on the higher end of the autism spectrum. This is mainly due to the term mild being widely used to describe the intellectual side of asperger’s and HF autism which then leads people to dismiss every trait to be that of mild! I tried to demonstrate how this is rarely the case when it comes to the social aspect of HF autism and Aspergers.

Now, I did go off to bed late last night, questioning whether I made my point clear enough, explained it as well as I could have! Some fans on Facebook stated I hit the nail on the head where others couldn’t get passed the need to compare Aspergers to what some describe as classic autistic (lower functioning) I did point out that those with autism often get stuck in their own world where’s those with Aspergers often (well, at some point) realise they are different! they want to socialise and just cannot do so, this can cause great depression within the child.

Now to cut to the chase and reframe from writing that whole essay of a post all over again,I’m here today because I came across a news story that highlights the importance of the issues I raised last time… When I asked you.. “would u use the world “mild” to describe…”

Now I ask you the same with another example, one that was reported within the news. I ask does the article you are about to read represent the word “Mild”?

A 11-year-old boy diagnosed as having Aspergers Syndrome was reported to have run away from home because he was struggling to cope with his autism!

The report told how a massive police search was put in place when the child known as Ben, went missing from his bed sometime during the night. He was found to be missing at 7am in the morning when his parents went to wake him for school!

Ben had left a handwritten note which stated that he did not wish to be found!

His father reports how his son Ben who is diagnosed as having Aspergers syndrome, suffers from anxiety and was particularly anxious due to the Sports day taking place at the school which he attends.

Ben’s parents state that “Ben running away is part of an inability to cope with certain social
situations and pressures, which is part of his condition.”

However it was noted that Ben had never ran away before, making this extremely worrying for his parents and everybody else involved.

A huge search was underway when Ben was thankfully spotted by officers who were searching above by helicopter in Elloughton Dales just after 10am.

It is said that Ben told his parents that he had planned to return home later that day.

Ben himself, is a child who has tried to raise awareness for his condition! It has been reported that Ben previously worked raising awareness for autism as part of the Lifestyle Project, organised by Humberside Police.

As I continued on Reading the article, I sadly discovered something that although unfair and anger provoking, it came as no surprise to me whatsoever!

Ben’s father told reporters, that his son is currently under the care of a paediatric consultant, but has only now, since the incident, been offered more help!!

An all to often situation, parents asking for help before the child in question gets into a worrying or dangerous situation, only any previous request are outrightly declined, with the explanation always the same… Your child nor family fit our “criteria” therefore you’re not eligible for support!

Yes, it was reported that Ben’s parents expressed concerns for their child many times, they were noted to be constantly asking for support for Ben, they fought for Ben, though in the end, it took a situation that could have ended so much worse, for that criteria to finally be
met! severe

After Ben’s return his family contacted their local Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service, known to most as (CAMHS) to demand support for Ben, which was thankfully agreed.

The parents wanted to thank the public, family and friends for support. There was also words of thanks for the guys in blue for their fast and efficient response that lead to Ben’s safe return home.

It was reported within the article that CAMHS had made the following statement.

“A spokeswoman for Humber NHS Foundation Trust said: “All referrals to our CAMHS team come either through a professional, such as a school nurse, who has concerns about a young person’s mental or emotional health and would contact one of our primary mental health workers, or through the family’s GP”

Finishing by saying

“All referrals are considered by the multi-disciplinary team to decide on the appropriate care route for the young person.”

This is just one more example of why we need to be heard, Ben like many others, my own child included, deserve a happy childhood, after all this is what every child should have!

Those older Adults on the spectrum, also deserve good decent services, support, recognition and acceptance.

Please wear your colour and hold up your board this World Autism
Awareness day 2012 due to kick off on the 2nd of April.

Also I’d love you to right-click and save the art work, save and display. If so, thank you that is very kind of you all.

You can read the full article from which I sourced this information by clicking HERE and see

Related articles

• Help Me Reveal The Bigger Picture This World Autism Day (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• Weekly Whirl – World Autism Awareness Day is 1 Month Away! (autismspeaks.org)
• Teaching Aspergers Children Self-Care Skills (eoghann.com)

Help Me Reveal The Bigger Picture This World Autism Day

Mild, what do you think off when you hear the word “Mild”?

A mild curry, a mild headache, a touch of man flu (or so some call it)!

Maybe you think of a mild case of chickenpox or a mild amount of pain?

Now, let me ask you,
“When you see a child of… let’s say 11 years old, throwing himself  aggressively around the local supermarket, red, hot and flushed,  shouting & screaming obscenities, refusing to walk, with no apparent  sense of danger, what do you think? Does the word “Mild” come to mind?

I didn’t think so!

If you were 100% truthful with yourself, my guess is, challenging, spoilt, dragged up, brat, may have come to mind! Although this is usually  never truth, I’m not about to jump into a written description on the worlds misconceptions or that of the importance of ignorance  (intentional or otherwise). I’ve done plenty of this lately. I will however agree that the word “Mild” is not one I’d chose to describe the above situation!

When you have a child with Aspergers Syndrome, who has displayed such  behaviours..more than once, you deal with it, though when you turn to another and inform them of your child’s diagnosis, for that person to turn around and refer to it as “Mild” you can’t help but want to  
SCREAM…

This misconception has just got way out of hand. Whoever chose to describe Aspergers as Mild was basically of their trolley! You see Aspergers is only described in such a way as to highlight the fact there is normally no intellectual difficulties, however social difficulties are just as pervasive as those children with what some may refer to as “Classic Autism“ the difference being that those children with a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome are normally fully aware of their differences, some even referring to themselves as not “Normal” as has my own child.

Those with Aspergers are not oblivious to the world around them… OK,  maybe while engaged in their “Special Interest” but other than this, the prospect that the child with Aspergers wants to engage with peers, having friendships like yours or mine, is always normally the case! The sheer frustration at not being able to always make these friendships or in many cases, keep them, is often too much for the child, hence the reason, so many children with aspergers find themselves diagnosed with depression or some type of anxiety related illness!

Now, I ask you again..”Does the word “Mild” spring to mind when you think of the above  
explanation It’s not a competition, I’m in no way even comparing the different types of autism, it’s a spectrum, where no two cases are ever the same! I’m just merely pointing out that the term mild is not actually a suitable one, as it is of course, taken out of context, leaving  
others (even teachers, and other professionals) expecting more than maybe they should from a child with Aspergers. It’s my belief, and that of many others, that this is likely the reasons behind high school exclusion rates, placement breakdowns in mainstream schools and  
so forth. My child is very literal, yet despite his previous school’s awareness of this, metaphors were continuously used by staff, during conversations with my child! He was just expected to get these quirky little phases, such as “Has the cat got your tongue” or “The teacher can’t hold your hand forever” so, of course being adamant that he never holds the teachers hand, he quite rightly informs the head teacher, to which he is ordered to remove his sarcastic tone, that or stop being thick!

The child with Aspergers, has to continuously adjust ones normal behaviour, something they are most uncomfortable with, to fit neatly into the life, that society expects and accepts.

Its common for many diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome, to receive a late diagnosis! This is true, but only due to the signs being suppressed by the child in question, as they either keep themselves to themselves, blending into the background or speak to one or two children, though not actually forming friendly relationships with them, yet teachers commonly mistake this as healthy peer relationships. What then will often happen, is once that child returns to the safety net of home, the bubble pops and like dynamite they explode letting go of a whole days bottled up frustration, becoming sometimes uncontrollable! Of course the parents reports such goings on, yet they are looked upon as one sided concerns! Teachers mainly assume the issues must be down to some problem in the home, why wouldn’t they considering the lack of challenging behaviour within school? This was certainly the case with Little man!

Suddenly something changes! As the child grows older, incurring a stronger urge for peer interaction, a low threshold for dealing with sensory inputs and lack of understanding of the social rules, Suddenly a flip in the childs behaviour may occur, one that to the school is that of a sudden change, to you, the parent…it’s been a long time coming!

The child may now stand out that bit more, maybe seen as a bit of a social odd ball as he goes about trying to socialise, they may then become targeted by the bullies! Sadly, due to the childs lack of social understanding, especially around the issue of friends, they may well find themselves as a target without even knowing it.  
Little man is, once more a prime example of this….. He was seen by other children to be a child who would easily break social rules (only due to the fact he was unaware of there boundaries)! As a result, when the bullies befriended him, the popular kids, he was proud to finally have a group of friends.This started during his fourth year of primary school and by the end of that year he had already undergone an obscene amount of formal exclusions and when he was in, he was being taught in isolation, heartbreaking, referred to by staff as a health and safety risk! As for the bullies who he mistakenly was proud to name his friends, these would do a number of horrible things, then stand back and laugh as little man got into trouble. An example would be, getting him to slap a teacher around the back of the head with an orange glove, he believed it to be OK, as it was just a game, “The Tango Game” surly the teacher would know this right? You can only imagine the reaction of that teacher! Worse, her unexpected reaction would shock little man in such a way, it would trigger more challenging behaviour, most failed to make the connection between the two and of course his education and self-esteem suffered greatly. As his mother, I watched him slowly putting the pieces together, the children not knocking when they claimed they would, his invite to a party becoming lost in the post, the fact they were suggesting he do things that he was now learning were not acceptable due to the repeated reactions these caused! This is the point when your child starts to accept that his actually friendless, being used and laughed at too! You, the parent watch as your heart breaks, you ask yourself, maybe it would have been better if he never saw the light, he continued thinking peers were his friends.

I hear hundreds of horror stories mainly consisting of discrimination and misconceptions. Like my own child, the child is never allowed on school trips, coincidentally excluded on the day of a trip or that when OFSTED visited school. What was worse was those times he was sent to work in isolation, mother and child completely in the dark that a trip ever existed… well, that’s in till some other mother mentions it! You hear her words, you play along, yet inside your crying,you’re screaming, rage ripping your insides to pieces. Even worse your child finds out, unable to cope with more rejection so he hurts himself by throwing himself into brick walls, smashing his head, scratching his arms drawing blood, or worse still… threatening to stab himself!

Please, I ask you once again…

Would you use the term “Mild” in association with any of that above? Would you?

Myself nor my son, and countless other families like mine, are not asking for your sympathy, your kind words, your half smiles as we catch one another’s eye across a crowded playground, though those things are incredibly thoughtful, we need so much more than this to make a difference!

We, need you to take just a few short minutes having read this post, to process what you have read! If you agree and only If you do… we need your help! I’m asking that those parents & individuals who don’t have a child on the spectrum as well as those who do (and anyone else who’s reading) takes just a few minutes to help raise awareness for autism and aspergers, this “World Autism Awareness Day“ (2nd April 2012)

How?

Bloggers… with the power of your influential voice, your blogs can reach a 1000 voices or more… Please Join me in creating awareness, by wearing something that resembles the colours that make up the autism puzzle or something that resembles autism. Maybe wear a T with the awareness ribbon or a puzzle piece displayed across your chest and back, paint your face, design an eye mask, just let your creativity run wild, then write on a large piece of card, “Doing it for World Autism Day 2012” hold it up, where ever you’re at and take a photo… the more funky and eye-catching the better! Post your picture to your blog adding a few words if you wish, state you’re raising awareness for world autism day and link your picture/post to the linky I’ll place on here on my blog!

You can tweet using hashtag #worldautism12 , post on the “A Boy with Aspergers” Facebook page and share any other way that grabs you.

Please it’s just one day, a few minutes of your time which will undoubtedly help spread awareness! I’m not asking you to raise money or even go to work looking like a clown! Like many other families all over the world, Its world autism day everyday in our house! I’m just  asking you to make it yours on the 2nd April 2012 (if only for 10 minutes) your reward… you will help create a better world for children like my Little man.

Non Bloggers

There is simply no getting away from it! Simply do the above but instead tweet your pictures using hash tag #worldautism12, Post them on your own Facebook page and to make it count by posting them to “The Boy with Aspergers” Facebook Page.

Those who can’t post anywhere, email them to me via address in sidebar of this blog and I’d be happy to post them out there for the world to see.

The final part of the plan

I will then hopefully have enough to create a collage of pictures of all those that took part, whether they held their awareness board in Sidney, London or New York, it will count.This can’t happen with a collection of one or two pictures! We need a huge amount to pull it off!

I will open the Linky on my blog at 11.59 on the 31st of March.

Please feel free to click and save the art work below to use in sidebars or within post, please link back.Please stay tune as there may be a few exciting surprise on the way too 🙂

So… There you have it! My plea for your help 

Help me create the bigger picture, I can’t do it without you!

Related articles

• Look here comes the naughty kid (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• What Is Asperger’s Syndrome? (eatgfcf.wordpress.com)

Aspergers – Worrying what the future holds

When you mention that your child has Aspergers Syndrome, most that have some understanding of the syndrome, just think the characteristics are a lacking in social interaction skills, literal understanding, or an intense special interest. There is so much more to Aspergers then this! One of the main difficulties for Little man is learning independence skills, the most basic everyday things that a “typical” child masters in the early years of life, such as tying their own shoe laces, Little man is only just beginning to do at the age of 11 years.

We have always struggled when it comes to daily hygiene, basic teeth brushing and hand washing are a few amongst the list of difficulties Little man has. This is due to a combination of factors such as, sensory sensitivity (which is defiantly the case for brushing his teeth, and reluctance in letting me cut his nails) to lacking the basic skills needed to do what you or I can only describe as the most basic of tasks.

The hard thing for us as a family is the fact Little man is more than aware that these are skills he should have mastered by now and yes it make him very anxious and upset.
It’s not that he doesn’t want to wash his face & hands, like I have said this is just a basic skill his lacking, which is why we use visual aids in the bathroom. Little man just needs a visual reminder to remind him of the order in which certain things need to be done!

So, here’s my worry… shouldn’t Little man have mastered the order of play by now, not be relying on visual direction as much? This is something he cannot be doing as an adult and as we reach the years of puberty (oh god I’m dreading these) this will become an even bigger and more needed skill that he must acquire.

When Little man was much younger, even though we struggled to obtain a diagnosis, then a statement of sen… things such as these were much easier to cope with! Now my Little man is growing fast, before I know it he will be 16, what then?

Like any mother, I only want the best for my child! I want him to grow up, get a job, a wife, have a family of his own! I’m not stating he can’t do these things, I know he can! What I need to do is step back and help him to help himself!

It sounds harsh, yes, I know! But he is my son and I love him! I am guilty of doing what many mothers of children on the spectrum do… helping him that little bit too much! If Little man finds something hard to cope with, it’s easier for me to remove the source of the problem, yet in the long run how will this help him? I’m not just talking about hygiene now… I’m talking about everything, from sensory overload, when we take a visit to the supermarket or fighting with his sister (there is only so many times you can remove a child from the situation after all)!

Yes, such issues are true struggles for my child, however it must get to that stage where in order to help my child cope with the things he finds most difficult I need to slowly introduce new techniques to help him acquire better skills for his future, I’m gonna have to start now… before my child is relying on his mum, come age 21!

I just wish these things were easier… that’s all!

Related articles

• Aspergers and Speech (eoghann.com)
• Understanding The Diagnostics Of Autism And Aspergers Syndrome (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• Special Edition – Aspergers (education.com)
• Orchard Toys Sponsors A Boy With Aspergers For BritMums Live 2012 (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)

Let’s play a little Dotto

I love reviewing board games as for me they’re a way of encouraging social interaction and having a child on the autism spectrum, makes that an important factor for me.

As mentioned in my last review of the board game ‘Faqir’, blog-match successful teamed us up with the guys at Tactic Games. Not only was we sent Faqir but also the game ‘Dotto’ in which I’d like to share with you all today.

DOTTO

Dotto is a dice game that requires luck, skill and speed! Race against the clock to match the sequence on the card to the positioning of the coloured dice on the board, the only problem is the timer (supplied) goes of randomly meaning you have to be super quick the entire time.

Warning… Beware not to pick up the “Miss a turn” card and watch out for the reverse card, that will completely reverse the order of play.

WHAT’S IN THE BOX:

Game board

10 coloured dice

Timer

55 pattern cards

15 tokens

pouch for storing dice, cards and tokens

Rules/instructions

I’m a little confused as to why they didn’t just use the card that was popped out the board allowing room for the dice, to be used as the tokens as these no longer have any use.

WHO’S IT FOR AND HOW MANY PLAYERS:

Ages 6+

2-5 players

PUTTING DOTTO THROUGH IT’S PACES

“I absolutely loved it!”

What a big kid I am. I’m really competitive and give no chances, not even to my children. I played the game with both Little man and his sister, ‘Alice-Sara’ It was originally just the two of them but only five minutes in, it was turning into a game of war so I intervened.

My daughter gave up half way through and I almost lost Little man a few times when he got the total hump when I was leading and also through frustration, convinced the timer was plotting against him, (I do admit that the unlucky little bugger seemed to always get the shortest amount of time to copy and build his pattern sequence).

Little man does have a range of difficulties that come down to his inability in doing things in sequence unless there are visual aids to assist him! Luckily with this game you get just that in the patterned coloured cards. The timer was a different story altogether. He hates having to rush things, plus the fact he had no control over how long it would be before the buzzer went off, drove him loopy!

Regardless of these factors he stuck with it, giving all he had which was awesome.

Practise would clearly help to better develop a child with autism’s sequencing skills and their ability to deal with the unexpected (buzzer).

Alice gave a big fat no stars score (through ignore this she didn’t even play and I think that’s properly why.

Little man gave it a 3 stars *** where I gave it the full ***** five stars it deserved.

Note: The timer takes three AAA batteries (not included) and you will require the use of a small screwdriver so worth having one to hand.

WHERE TO BUY:

Get Dotto for £14.99 at Amazon

and a variety of other toy providers

Related articles

• Alice Kicks some butt! (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)

As easy as child’s play

google image

Play, A god given right for all children!

 Its importance is critical to the development of every child regardless of, Class, age, race, gender or ability!

 With every game of peek a boo, every story told and building block added to a carefully constructed tower, your child learns something new & exciting.

 A child may not speak or be able to hear, he may not walk, they may be even confined to a wheelchair, nonetheless this doesn’t mean the child will benefit from play any-less, regardless of a child’s disability, they should be encouraged in play, and will enjoy it like any other child.

 As a mother to three children, I really love playing and interacting with my children, whether its make-believe, a board game or something else all together! Though yes, I do admit it’s not always easy to find the time, yet its something I consider important so try to make it a priority (something we engage in a few times a week minimum).

 As most regular readers will know, my eldest son has Aspergers syndrome which forms part of the autism spectrum. At almost 11 years old, Little man was my first-born, when I was at the tender age of 18. I noticed pretty early on in little mans life that his play style was somewhat different from what I considered to be typical play for a child his age.

 My daughter didn’t come into our lives for a further two and a bit years, meaning I had plenty of one on one time with my developing baby. Games such as Peek a Boo or sing alongs didn’t give of that WOW factor for Little man, instead they sent him into a howling frenzy. 

 Regardless of the above I persisted in my quest, a road of discovery, encouraging my child to engage in interactive play. I knew he got enjoyment from playing alone, I didn’t discourage, though I didn’t reframe from interactive play either! I’m convinced this has been of some benefit to my child now his older. 

 Play helps feed a child’s imagination helping it grow, it allows a child to use creativity while helping them to connect to their surroundings and adapt play to their environment. I believe that play can help a child learn certain roles and requirements while aiding the development of dexterity, physical, cognitive strength.

When your child is on the autism spectrum, play may not be what you typically expect it to be!

 Yes, I learnt the hard way, don’t we all? 

 I learnt that my child didn’t actually require all the latest toys that the boy next door was playing with. My expectations both before and after Little man was born were unrealistic, I had naively assumed that all children played the same way! Play was play, nothing more, nothing less, It all amounted to the same thing! God I had a shock awaiting me and a hell of a lot to learn.

I had no intention on lying to my friends and family when I announced that Little man loved Bob the builder only to end up with a house full of Bob merchandise come Christmas! In some respects I think I half convinced myself it was the case, well he had at least glanced in the direction of the tool kit I had brought him!  It wasn’t just Bob the builder, I was a mother moving with the times & quite honestly the latest craze that I quite often learnt about from the gloating neighbour who would quite often proudly inform me about the latest Spiderman bike her son was now whizzing around on! The next week Little man would have that very same bike, though it remained in the cupboard by the front door only ever seeing the light of day once, twice if you include the day I awkwardly tried to get it home on the bus. This was one of hundreds of toys that were both a waste of time and yes money!

 Looking back as I write this I get a glimpse of how bloody crazy I was! Yes, total denial sweep through me.

 It was only once I had taken a few steps back and observed the situation that both myself and especially little man began to benefit.

 I note… No, Little man did not like playing with Cars (though he quite does today) he did however love spinning the wheels over and over again! I decided that actually that was OK.

 I note… No, Little man did not love Bob the builder (though I only wish I had kept all that merchandise as my youngest is Bob gaga) though he did love Thomas the tank. I decided again, that was fine!

  I discovered that between the ages of 2 and 7 Little man only ever really played with train sets and transport mats despite his bedroom now looking like the Disney store!

 Finally I excepted this!

 I stopped focusing on that Little boy next door, therefore letting go of that, “My child should be playing with that toy” scenario! I focused on the Little man instead and what I saw was no longer what I felt I needed to see through my own stereotypical rigidness, I now saw Little man for the child he actually was! I successfully learnt my first very valuable lesson about play! 

 “Play is unique there is no right or wrong way of doing it”! 

 By stepping into Little man’s world while taking small steps to engage with him in this child lead play I noticed he slowly became more interactive, wanting me to take an interest in his games. 

 Yes, all along I just needed to go with the flow (so to speak) I needed to embrace and celebrate his interest, a massive milestone

 Oh, and did I mention that big credit should be given to my wonderful daughter? Siblings can actually be a massive source of learning  for the child on the spectrum, Alice-Sara certainly was!

 Alice-Sara was that child who played like I also assumed all children did! She played the way I always expected the Little guy would!

 Through sheer willingness and determination his younger sibling did something wonderful without really knowing it! She introduced her older brother to role-play! She taught him the value of this type of play and helped him develop the tools needed to engage in it!

 google image

 It is this aspect of play that I firmly believe is the true instrument needed for a child with Aspergers to progress.

 I don’t know if Alice-Sara just longed for this type of interactive play from her older brother, but as a small child she fought to get it, and she did!

 OK, it isn’t perfect, as much as he is able to engage in such play it is still largely ritualistic and he can become overly controlling often using his younger sibling as a play object, yet his come a long way!

 However ritualistic and Un-spontaneous his play maybe, his sister has successfully taught him how to play schools (a game he still plays today, though it always involves a school “bus”) he also loves playing shop keepers and hospitals (if his the ambulance driver of course)! 

This variety of play offers so much to the child on the spectrum. The child will learn important social interaction skills, and a number of other important life skills they will acquire in life. 

 I’ve seen my Little man go from the child who really did prefer the box as opposed to the toy that came in it at Christmas (mainly due to what I was giving him) to a child who now enjoys play so much more and through he still does it alone, he is much more willing to play with his peers even if they don’t always oblige to him joining in. 

 Yes, he still has them “odd” items on his Birthday and Christmas wish list; Batteries padlocks, neon electric fly zapping lights; and 20 cans of DR pepper to name a few; yet he also loves, computers, lego, model buses and trains, bikes, scooters, board games and magic tricks. 

 Recently I saw a worrying statement 

“As easy as child’s play don’t apply to children with autism”

 “That is bum fluff!”

 “Just because it isn’t typical doesn’t mean it isn’t magical!” 

I learnt that the hard way, I hope you don’t!

Toys that are simply WOW

Our mission to create a Christmas list of must haves for pre-schools, young boys and girls and not forgetting those on the spectrum is coming together a treat.

 Harley recently reviewed some WOW toys and despite the review being carried out by Harley as opposed to little man, the toys are in my opinion fantastic for children on the autism spectrum.

WOW toys are designed for children aged between 18 moths to 5 years old. The guys at WOW know a lot  about toys, all are designed and made from scratch each going through a series of strict safety checks before finally being delivered to the shops where us parents all over the world buy them for our little ones to open on Christmas and birthdays. What’s great about WOW toys are the developmental benefits each carefully designed toy has to offer. These toys are great for pre-schoolers and especially those children with autism spectrum conditions because not only do they help feed a child’s imagination but help develop basic motor skills to advanced social interactive role play. There are many developmental benefits when giving your child a WOW toy. The early development of Gross motor skills, social interaction with adults and siblings, advanced sensory stimulation and improvements in fine motor skills, discovery and learning and that of imaginative role play. The toy and your child grow together making WOW the perfect name and seriously great value for money.

Harley’s face lit up when I gave him Robins Medical Rescue (from the emergency range) and George’s Dragon Tale, (from the fantasy range) to play with.

Lets start with Robins Medical Rescue! A speedy ambulance complete with, Paramedic Nina, Mother Pearl, Sandy (boy figure), one removable stretcher and one removable wheelchair. This toy comes with ten features, two being WOW magic features (wow button to release hatch allowing the wheelchair to roll down the ramp and an xray machine that reveals a cool image of Sandy’s broken leg). Other features include a sliding door with clicking sound effects, realistic engine sound and friction powered motor. All this without batteries! That’s right all WOW toys are designed to be fun without the use of batteries much to a parents delight.

This is the first toy I have known to hold my toddlers attention for a seriously long period of time. He was completely taken by it and truly loved it! We had to take it away in- order for him to eat his dinner (not without him demonstrating his tantrum skills which he now has to a perfection)!

The toys are chunky and so are the additional pieces that make up each set. Harley was able to comfortably hold the little people, fitting them into the wheelchair and drivers seat. Harley did have a bit of a thing for popping Sandy in and out of the stretcher bless him! Once I had shown him the little WOW magic features he was able to continue using them without any issues at all. He loved the clicking sound of the sliding door and was amazed at how the ambulance continued to move along the floor without him touching it (friction power)

Harley liked this toy so much he started to put some of his other toys in robin the ambulance taking them for a high speed ride around our dinning room.

Without a doubt this is 10/10 from Harley.

George’s Dragon Tale

A very cute toy consisting of a push along chariot, one removable boulder, George the knight and one removable dragon. Features include realistic sound effects, removable pieces and a working catapult much to Harley’s delight.

Harley had fun with this one, yet I gave it to him with Robins medical rescue making it harder for me to assess his likes and dislikes. He seemed to take George for a ride in robin more then the chariot, but that’s the great thing about this toys, all pieces are made in the same way so you can! Despite this it was clear to see that he found the catapult an interesting feature as he launched the boulder under the sofa on a number of occasions. This was followed by his giggling and jumping up and down. He enjoyed the fact that all pieces were removable and seemed to have fun with this one, though his love for Robin would return quickly taking over ten-fold. 7/10 (Though this may have got more if Robin wasn’t so distracting)

Parental views

I can clearly see why these toys are appealing to children and although they are marketed at 18 months to 5 years, Little man was found to be playing with Robin a number of times as Harley slept (what with his obsession with transport and opening and closing doors it made perfect sense). surprisingly Little sister was found playing with both and openly stated that these toys should be for 8 year olds too. I think Harley has found his new best toy in Robin’s Medical rescue which gets a 10/10 from mum for it’s developmental benefits and the length off time it held a 20 month olds attention. George’s Dragon Tale was also a great toy with fantastic developmental benefits, that will be a great addition to a child’s collection 8/10

 Visit the WOW facebook page for lots of fun competitions and info on WOW toys.

To find a stockist please click HERE to visit the WOW official website where you can also see some other amazing WOW toys on offer!

Cost-free effective ways to help your child on the spectrum

There are so many parents with children on the spectrum that spend thousands of pounds on the new latest therapy said to improve a child’s communication difficulties or their sensory processing needs. Not everyone has the funds for this or any other therapy besides, whether that be speech and language (SALT) or occupational therapy (OT)

So, here are some tips of things you can try that are cost-free and effective. Yet you should note that, 1) Here, you wont find any freebies,  just my little old  tips. 2) I’m not sharing a cure (there isn’t one)!  3) Nothing is a quick fix and finally… 4) Everybody is different, the difficulties mentioned in this post may or may not even affect your child like it does mine. Remember, somethings work better for some then they do for others. 

 Note: You may want to discuss some of the methods below with your child’s doctor to ensure their suitability.   

Roll play to enhance imagination and improve social skills: Play games that require imagination. Shops, is the type of game children love to play and my daughter has shown her brother how to play shops in a non repetitive way. (well, his getting there)! Little man has the mathematical brain so he does all the pricing up and change giving etc…This also teaches important ‘Life skills’ essential to children with social skills problems and difficulty with social interaction. There are other games you can play, like,  Schools or emergency services. Little man always pretends to drive a bus through the game is often repetitive it has still required a certain amount on imagination, which is what we are trying to achieve.    

Body brushing for tactile sensitivity: Body brushing helps children on the spectrum who are sensitive to certain forms of tactile stimulation that can come from a range of different textures. Little man is tactile defensive and has issues when wearing certain items of clothing due to the materials they have been made with. Body brushing is a technique that would normally be carried out by an OT and Little man currently has it  done during his OT sessions at school. However this can be done in the home in addition to an OT programme. (You may wish to get your OTs advice first.) If you’re not in a position to get your child on an OT programme due to funding or because of an inadequate statement of special educational needs, (SEN) but you are fully aware that your child’s over sensitivity to touch, this is something you could do at home on a regular basis. We just lightly brush Little mans arms and legs with different objects of different textures that each give off a different sensation. Good items to try are, body brushes, used for showering and different types of sponges. Body brushing a few times a week for ten minutes a time could make a huge difference to how you child copes and responds when dealing with different tactile experiences.

The guessing game: Another way of helping a child who has tactile sensitivity is again though play! Placing a range of different objects into a large paper bag and getting your children to place their hand in the bag and without looking ravage around and fill for an object. Before pulling the selected object out of the bag, ask your child to describe what it is they can fill out loud so you can hear, e.g… it’s smooth, quite big, round etc…,  etc…. Then continue on by asking your child to guess what it is that they think it is that they are holding. This again gets your child used to different textures while helping them think outside the box. 

Special interest: Encourage your child’s, “Special interest” embrace and celebrate their interest no matter how unusual or strange they may seem. Most people on the spectrum have interest that are somewhat,”Obsessive and a little over powering! If it really is becoming too much and completely dominating their time to the point it affects sleep, school or any other important events then try to limit the time spent on the activity, coming to a compromise! For example, “You can play buses or memorise bus destinations for half hour, then we will bake cakes!” The secret here is to make sure the compromise involves something else they enjoy (Even though it isn’t going to be something as important as that of the, “Special interest” it can still be extremely effective, so…  It’s Worth a try at least! )

Praise: Use lots of praise, if anything, “Over Prise” Catch them doing something good and praise them for it! If your child closes a door as opposed to slamming it as he normally would, praise him at that exact moment, not later but straight away! Trust me it helps!

Social stories: Write social stories to prepare your child for the unexpected or  just  those situations/events that worry them. There are plenty of free resources on the web and there are sites tailored to help you create your own social stories. Taking pictures is always an idea. If writing a social story about visiting the dentist for instance, you can take pictures of the dentist room and even the dentist if he agree. Use them in your social story, helping your child to familiarise themselves with the surroundings in-which you wish them to visit. 

Visual aids: Use visual aids to help your child follow a routine, whether that routine is for the whole day or just part of it! (Bed or bath time.) It can be expensive to purchase  pre-made visual aids so why not make these yourself? Again there are sites that are designed for this, ones that provide free images that are designed for this very purpose. You can also look for your own images by googling, “Free Clipart” be sure to check the terms of download and do not use any images protected by copyright laws. If you are a creative person you could draw your own symbols (this doesn’t have to be anything complicated, draw a bed for bedtime etc…. put the word, “bedtime under the image and cut out in the shape of a square) As with the social stories, you can always take your own photographs, e.g, a TV for telly time, their bed for bedtime the bath for bath time. We didn’t use real life images but a mix of downloaded, printed images and symbols that I drew and photocopied as spares. We used visuals to help maintain a bathroom and bedtime routine! After a while we changed from pictures to words and this works just as well.  

Energy burning exercising for your child: Bouncing, “Yes” Bouncing! Its great fun and takes a lot out of a child. If you have a garden that happens to have a trampoline, then of course this is perfect. I like to get little man jumping on our trampoline, sadly as the novelty wears off over time, he is less keen as he once was! Yet it’s not all about trampolines but about burning your child’s access energy so they are more restful at the times you want them to be, like, “Bed Time” I’m not suggesting you go out and buy a trampoline (that cost money and this post “Isn’t” about money, it’s about doing things to help your child that don’t cost a penny)! With that in mind, why not let your child run out their energy at the local park; go on a bike ride together; if your child does enjoy sport, (some kids on the spectrum do) then play a bit of your chosen sport after dinner. These activities can give the same effects as jumping on the trampoline and there all free!

Art for improvement of motor skills: Try to get your child involved in art, whether that be a drawing, painting or a creation of a “Double Decker Bus” (Yes I’m referring to my own child and his special interest. You could actually use your child’s interest to encourage art!) Art helps with a persons fine motor skills and that of hand-eye co-ordination and is great for all child not just the child on the spectrum. 

Memory games: Some children on the spectrum have poor short time memory (Like remembering an instruction, but more the order that the instruction should be carried out)! Little man has an amazing memory for remembering bus numbers and their destinations. He also has the ability to remember song lyrics very quickly. When it comes to fetching something, like his shoes or something else I’ve asked him to get for me that’s upstairs, you can bet your life on it that his forgotten by the time his reached the third step. Good memory games include, “Go fish” which is a card game and, “Pairs,” another card game. One of the best games we have played is one where we take it in turns to hide two or three items around the house and garden ( you can build up to more items with practice). Then the other person must find them by way of following instructions and clues. The person who has hidden the objects must remember where they have chosen to hide them while giving out instructions on how to locate them to the other person. This not only helps with memory but social interaction and multi-tasking. When your child is taking the turn of the person looking for the objects, they will improve the skills needed to follow a sequence of instructions. This is a game that helps children of all abilities, develop and improve some of our most needed skills ready for adulthood. 

Tracing: We have a light box that both Little man and his sister use to trace pictures on. Yes, Little man just wants to trace buses, but who cares, like I said before, “Embrace” their interest! To trace a picture does wonders for a child’s fine motor skills and can be done without a light box,  just a few sheets of good tracing paper alone. 

Money box: Help your child get rid  of the unwanted language/behaviour for good! Do this by, deducting pennies from their pocket-money. The trick here is to make your own simple money-box by using a clear container, slitting a hole in the top to drop the pennies into. They are then able to see the pennies mounting and it’s likely to make a bigger impact. If I tell my son his lost a £1 of his pocket-money on Friday, it just doesn’t sink in! Why? Because it’s just words! Like many kids on the spectrum, Little man needs things, (even sanctions) to be visual and this is! This is only our first day trying this out, but I’ve heard it works for some and I’m taking this approach with Little man and his sister as I know it will also have some benefit on her too (I must add she doesn’t swear but lately hasn’t been too worried about giving mum a little attitude)! There is also the option in allowing your child the chance to be rewarded with pennies being redeemed from the box for behaviour that is consistent with your expectations (The trick here is not to make it an easy solution as this may seem like you’re giving in to their demands)! I will report on our process over the coming months.

Sensory seekers: Make your own play dough as many children with autism seem to love this stuff, not only is it fun creating stuff with it but many kids like the texture, the way it feels when playing with it. Note Be careful they don’t eat it, Little man once did! (Though home made dough is non toxic so don’t panic if they do)!

Record and Monitor: Create your own diary as to record the foods your child is eating. Analyse the graph and try to establish if there are any patterns that give clue to any triggers for challenging behaviour, anxiety or sleep difficulties. There are many food ingredients in our everyday diet that can send a child on the spectrum spinning out of control. This form of documenting can be applied in other ways like, the recording and monitoring of meltdowns to establish a trigger(s). Over a period of time this could potentially reduce the number of  blow ups your child engages in!

Adjust your language: Its simple and effective! Avoid the use of ambiguous language! Speak clearly saying exactly what you mean! This avoids misunderstanding. Metaphors are a big No, No in our house, (when they slip out, I pay dearly).

Reward: Positive behaviour should be rewarded continually! This can be given in tokens allowing your child to collect and work towards something special (like a game they have wanted for some time, etc.). This is something we have done with Little man and his new school continue to do this. So far so good! (Just look at last weeks post, A little inspiration’) 

Offer alternatives: If like little man your child has a tendency to use fail language to the point it’s extremely worrying and not to mention embarrassing then try this! We have told Little man to use alternative words like, “Duck Off” or “You Witch” (‘Duck’ in replacement of the “F” word and ‘Witch’ in replacement of the “B” word) Yer, yer, I know it sounds silly! That’s what Little man said! But you see, Little man can be very grown up or very immature, every time he said Duck off, he would burst out laughing making him want to use the Duck word more! We still have a very long road ahead. Swearing has been a massive issue with little man for a long, long time now! 

 Independence: Remember your child will grow to be an adult just like all children do. Allow your child independence as they grow. Small steps that gradually increase to bigger ones, “Yes it’s harder when your child has social communication problems” but that don’t mean to say you should stand over them all of the time! (Of course this statement depends on the degree of autism your child may have.)  

Related articles

• revolutionary device designed to keep children from wandering could benefit families of children with autism (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• Summer Activity Ideas for Occupational Therapists to Use (brighthub.com)