10 positives to parenting a child with Aspergers Syndrome

Having posted a post full of doom and gloom a few days back (Questioning your coping mechanisms) I wanted to post something a tad more upbeat and cheery today.

So… with this in mine, I have created a list of the top ten best things that come with parenting a child with Aspergers Syndrome. Yes, its full of them quirky little traits I love and the reasons while I just couldn’t live without them.

(1) HONESTY: Now don’t believe everything you read, a child with Aspergers can tell the odd porky pie, why? Because they are intelligent and learn how to do such a thing! However, 99% of the time you will find that your child, friend or family relative on the autism spectrum is indeed extremely honest! Little man speaks his mind and although this may have gotton him into the odd spot of bother (example… telling the head teacher at his old school that his breath smelt similar to that of a dog) it’s also a credit to him. When little man tells you something that sounds like it is the stuff of make believe, you’ll likely be surprised to find that… yes it’s actually true!

(2) SPECIAL INTEREST: When your child has a diagnosis such as Aspergers, you’ll find that

Image via Wikipedia

with that title comes that of the ‘Special interest’ and if like little man, that special interest happens to be London Transport… you’ll never miss a train or a bus again!

(3) EYE FOR A BARGIN: When out food shopping with the Little man, there is a high prospect that the breakout of a meltdown may occur (what with the crowds and the tendency to become over stimulated). I try my best to keep the Little man calm and focused by getting him to help me with the shopping list! Here’s the great thing… I never end up out of pocket due to purchasing offers that secretly are not really offers at all! Little man has the tendency to act like a human calculator. I remember going to buy a bottle of coke that had so much free and at what I considered to be a good price! That was in-till my Little Man informed me that actually by buying the two smaller bottles I’d end up with more litres for less money… Clever lad!

(4) RULE BOUND: When Little man recently took a trip with a friend to the little row of shops around the corner from our house he went knowing the golden rule, “Cross at the traffic lights and only at the traffic lights!” When his friend tried to persuade him to cross the main road without the safety of the lights, little man refused and came back home! That’s my boy!

Image via Wikipedia

(5) YOUNG & BUSINESS MINDED: Many children at eleven are not sat for hours, days, weeks or years even, planing their business empire! Well, Little man is… ambition: To be the next Richard Branson (not a bad ambition for an 11-year-old kid, is it)? My little man already has a name for his brand and plans how he will take the world by force on a daily basis… Watch this space!

Image via CrunchBase

(6) TAKES A SHINE TO YOUR VAX: No… Not Fax, though I’m sure if I had one he would love it! I mean, ‘VAX’ a brand of vacuum cleaner. Oh… Yes, I can just see all them parents of children on the autism spectrum nodding their heads at speed because yes, the child with Aspergers Syndrome does have a tendency to like household gadgets or items considered odd by peers of the same age! Why is this a good thing? Well, what other 11-year-old do you know who offers to hover the living room and stairs for you on a daily basis? What a great job he makes of it too!

(7) HAVING A LAY IN: OK, OK my son isn’t the best at going to bed and falling a sleep of a night, he often struggles till 3am or later even with the use of Melatonin (natural sleeping medication) however when his head hits the pillow he refuses to move it and after a late one making sure he gets of to sleep, I deserve a lay-in! (NOT GREAT ON SCHOOL DAY, JUST WEEKENDS)!

(8) PERFECTIONIST: Not always a good thing, especially when it means they refuse to do school work as they feel they just can’t do a good job of the task at hand so outrightly refuse to try at all. Nonetheless when the child is passionate about something, they do a mighty good job of it, making the parent a very proud one (I have some amazing pictures of little man’s LEGO creations).

(9) MANNERS: Little man has huge problems with his use of swearing and at times I’m dead embarrassed when out and about a meltdown breaks out which often starts with some really offensive obscenities. Yet, when the Little man is polite and his engaged in a conversation of interest or sat talking to the elderly lady on the bus, his manners are outstanding and many comment how proud I must be 🙂 Put it this way… My son has never got of a bus without thanking the driver, always holds doors open for little old ladies and once offered FOR ME to carry someone’s shopping to their car at Tesco!

(10) AMAZING MEMORY: Little man may not have the best short-term memory especially when asking him to fetch his dirty washing or find his shoes, but when something interests him he gathers the facts surrounding the topic and stores them away safely. It is truly amazing that Little man can tell you where almost every bus in London is destining for just by giving him its number!

Image via Wikipedia

Related articles

• Things the whole family can do this half term (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• A week in Little man’s shoes (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• Asperger’s Syndrome and ADHD (everydayhealth.com)
• Guest Post, Aspergers: A holistic experience (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• Asperger’s Syndrome (sldouglas.wordpress.com)

“Stressed! Who me?”

Stress! it’s something we all face at one time or another through life. Some people are stressed because of work, others have exams at uni and deadlines to hit! Then there are the parents.. stressed out because their children have kept them on their toes the entire day! The stressed out teacher who has encountered cheek from at least a fourth of his pupils out of his thirty something class………. I can go on all night you will never run out of examples.

What makes one person stressed, is a walk In the park to another. It’s very easy as a parent of a child on the autism spectrum to get frustrated and almost angry at others when they are sat complaining on the bus, train.. where ever it may be, about they’re “stressful” day at work, or the well dressed woman sat chatting with her friend about the stress she encountered while shopping on busy Oxford Street in the West end! You sit rolling your eyes thinking in ones own head, “Try my bloody day! The battle to remove my child from his bed, the challenge to persuade him to dress then go to school when his only had a few hours sleep meaning you have too!” That’s it now you’ve got me started… “If I have succeed in my morning quest, I’m then collecting my child from school at 12pm, his ten years old yet on half day and that’s even if his lasted that long!” You try hard to stop this bitterness but it keeps coming…. “Try shopping in Sainsburys with your ten year old verbally bashing you as you try to shop or better still throwing himself into shelves while screaming and shouting he hates you while having a full on meltdown… You don’t even know what’s upsetting him! But my god you need to find out. This is Sainsburys, I only wish I could shop in Oxford Street!!!!” It don’t stop coming…. “Bedtimes your child is still beeping and acting like a bus at 2am and all I wanna do is sleep”

The thing is… this guy and this woman both have the right to vent no matter what the reason is behind their stress! I’m not saying that just because I have a child on the spectrum my life Is harder then his or hers! That’s beside the point! These people haven’t done anything wrong.. I’m just sat there and if it has been a bad day I’m proberly just feeling extra sensitive and sorry for myself… If anything I’m just acting bitter. But why? I love my life and wouldn’t change it (I would change certain things that have happened, but wouldn’t we all!) A few mornings ago little man woke up in the worse mood and as result decided to beat up my bedroom door. Things like this I would change! The smile on his face as we board the 450 bus is priceless 🙂 This I would never change.

As a mother to three.. I get stressed! And beleive me, it’s not all down to my little aspie man. What do you do as a way to unwind? Read a book, watch a little telly, or chill to the sounds of London late night love songs on heart? Us mummy’s are normally only part free to indulge in mummy time, once our little angels are in the land of nod us mummys go for it! The thing is little man don’t sleep till the early hours! I put the baby to bed and like magic (99% of the time) he goes to sleep within minutes. How different my boys are! As soon as baby is fast a sleep I find myself getting ready for the night a head. There is normally so much I want to do, but just as much I have to do! Once my daughter is in bed, I start the battle to get little man in his! This is a battle that can go on for hours & hours… When he does follow his bedtime routine (we made a timeline using visual aids) he will normally just lay there in his bed in complete darkness, talking to himself about bus routes or acting out the bus doors opening and closing. Though I can hear him.. Beeping away, I know his in that bed and with this I jump in mine, Mac in hand and normally I will do a little blogging. Yep off Loading all my crap onto you guys is my stress reliever. If I didn’t have the blog I would be a “bonkers” Mummy (yer don’t think I don’t know what your thinking!) I only wish I got more time as it’s often the case that I pass out before I’ve even logged in!

A few nights back I really did have the chance for some me time. The childrens father was here taking care of the kids and I was laid upstairs with mood lighting (lamp dimmed) waiting for a TV show that I really wanted to see “I don’t watch much telly and I really wanted to see this show” I woke up the following morning fully dressed and in a state of utter confusion. Do u know I jumped out of my bed and stood there in the middle of my bedroom for a good five minutes trying my hardest to piece together what was going on!! Did I watch my programme? why in gods name is it light outside? Where’s my Children?

Once i had finally placed my brain firmly back in my head it all came back to me… well the children being with daddy, the mood lighting and just how comfortable I had felt! typical me had passed out again. Just then my daughter appeared fully dressed and ready to go to school. Daddy had stayed over as I was somewhat sedated and he had got the children ready for school (Well Not little man) he was doing his usual morning routine…Refusal to get up, washed, dressed…ect..ect…ect…
Well, I must have needed that sleep! Like they always say, “Everything seems better in the morning after a good nights sleep” So…. Did it? Did it heck!!

So yes I like many get stressed! It doesn’t mean I can’t cope or I’m having a breakdown! It just means I’m human.

After all… Life is stressful.. But it’s also Incredible rewarding, given the chance!

Flexible school plan

Sleep is becoming a distant memory. How we take it for granted when we have it, and fall apart when we don’t.

Yes, by reading the above statement it is clear that I didn’t get a great deal of sleep last night! I first had to deal with little man (despite the fact I was just about ready to drop).  By the time he had finally entered the land of nod, I was then wide awake! Its crazy how you go from tried to over tired, then suddenly wide awake! Well, I’m sure the second coffee didn’t much help!

To be honest once I did lie down, I couldn’t switch of! My head was giving me an array of problems, solutions, outcomes and what ifs to just about everything happening in our lives right now. I ended up grabbing a pen and paper and jotting stuff down. I was quite literally taking notes on my own thoughts. Looking at  what I wrote this afternoon, it’s clear I need to get some much needed stuff of my chest. So what better place then here. After all a lot has been happening this school year. Note we are still in the first school term, meaning this is all within a five week period! I suggest a cupper and a comfortable seat as this isn’t the shortest post I’ve ever written.

Latest exclusions

Judging by the last school year, I shouldn’t be at all surprised with the way this ones planning out!

Since Little man went back to school in September his received constant exclusions. These exclusions were imposed all within the same month and given one after the other. Two of these exclusions were given for a fixed term of two days, and the third being for a longer period of five days. However that five day exclusion was messy and after a refusal on my part to send little man to a pupil referral unit/specialist school for children with social, emotional behaviour problems, to avoid a permanent exclusion, we were left not knowing what was going to happen in terms of Little mans return to school  for a few more days and everything was a tad confusing. It had been a pretty tough week for the family as a whole. Exclusion was not having any kind of desired affect on little man! At least there was no evidence that it was! It’s in my opinion that by excluding a child a teacher sometimes unintentionally contributes to the child’s long term challenging behaviour. I like many parents & carers make the same statement.… When excluding the child the teacher may simply be giving them what it is they want, an escape! A child maybe struggling with work, tasks, social situations, or just simply doesn’t want to be in school (Getting back home to their “safe zone”) Other times a child may be far to excited, anxious or confused, leading them letting it all pour out in an inappropriate manner. Then there is them times the child is in self destruct mode and exclusion is the only option. Little man displays a range of emotions and reactions to exclusion. Sometimes it’s clear to see that he considers the outcome of his behaviour to be a benefit to him. He comes home to an environment that he feels much more relaxed in. Other times little man shows anger, upset and a great deal of resentment towards those directly involved in the exclusion process. Little man will often show this degree of upset when he can’t understand the reason surrounding his exclusion, disagreeing with the action taken against him, quite often indicating that he feels misunderstood, or what he has done was justified as their was a reason behind it. Example being someone did something first or someone wasn’t being fair to somebody he considers a friend. In these incidents it’s hard to establish what has gone on. It’s all well and good being informed in a letter, displaying a list of reasons stating why your child was excluded because…… But when you don’t know what triggered of the behaviours then how do you address them? Little man becomes inconsolable when his excluded on the days a school trip or activity are due to take place. Little man has often stated that the reason he can’t attend is because his different! This seems to unfortunately had a bad impact of his self-esteem. This is when the system upsets me most! To me this is like handing out double punishments and gives the child a feeling of low self-worth. It’s rare he participants in anything his class undertakes and this I can only describe as dehumanising. Punishing a child by not letting them attend a trip for behaviour that hasn’t yet occurred is damaging. How will the child ever learn from the behaviour ? Little man must have the mentality of , “Why bother? I wont be going anyway. After he missed his last school trip that involved a ride in a coach there and back (Reason he was so… excited) he told me he would never believe them again! That he will not let himself get excited till his there! How heart breaking it is to hear your ten year old say that. I understand the teachers did to considered the whole of the class. However I think it’s got to the stage where little man is considered a doomed case. I think on a few occasions certain children have slipped the odd “Ginger” comment in there, I have spoken to a parent of at least one child who calls him this. Yet I’ve never been informed. Little man don’t wait for no one to be around before off loading his string of abuse towards the person who upsets him, he just does. Ok he is pretty dam stereotyped and often says the wrong thing! But sometimes these things are said without true meaning. A new word being, “wasteman” after I asked what it meant he replied, “Mum it means a dust man, who collects rubbish” we had to explain what it meant. This is a word his heard within his school setting and now loves to use.

LEAs Agreement to undertake a statutory assessment

After sending an appeal to the tribunal (LEAs refusal to assess), and the prospect of meeting with the LEA (dispute/resolution service) and the school re-admitting  the Assess one! The LEA finally agreed to assess little mans special educational needs. Finally a move in the right direction! The LEA also agreed to contact our preferred specialist school for an emergency assessment place. Though one has not yet been made available, I still have hope. ( what else can you have?) I received a letter stating they are awaiting a response from the school (specialist school) and I have made an appointment to go see them myself (after a lengthy phone call, where I pleaded my case to a very understanding receptionist). I can’t fault the LEA (for once) as they are doing all the right things and have moved very quickly. Little man has already seen the LEAs educational physiologist, though this didn’t happened as planed as he was not allowed to be in his classroom setting which she could have done with observing. Still if it means avoiding a massive upset then so be it! I think things went well and she saw enough. Yesterday we attend a medical assessment which was somewhat exhausting given little mans excitement at the buildings electric windows and his constant need to operate them. I am in the process of writing my evidence that has to be submitted within the next few weeks! Anyone with any tips on this, I would be most grateful to hear them.  So…. For now I just hold bated breath that all will be Ok in the end .

Risk of permanent exclusion results in a flexible school plan

We were informed on the last exclusion that little man now faced the risk of a permanent exclusion. As I’ve briefly touched one above, we were offered the placement at a specialist school/PRU . Yet after careful consideration, two visits to the school (One with little man) and a home visiting I felt it to be unsuitable for little mans current level of need. The locked doors and security guard  gave an impression of a young offenders unit. Though It’s true to, “Never judge a book by its cover” but little man has a fear of locked doors and this accompanied by a list of other issues was to much to expect him to overcome. So I stood my ground and refused (Looking out for my sons emotional well-being as well as his educational one). We didn’t hear much after that! We had a phone call from the head stating the PRU was expecting him on Monday, which I corrected him on. With this we were left dangling for a few days in till I took him back and as a direct result of this action a meeting was held. There isn’t much point going into the detail of the meeting (for once it was a reasonable one) I just wanted things discussed and options and ideas shared. Well, finally a plan was emerging, I stated I was happy to be flexible if they could be too. I didn’t think the current situation was doing my little man any good and did I really want his self-esteem suffering anymore then needed? Of course not! So we discussed the option of part time school or home schooling with flexibility. The head wanted to speak with the LEA to make sure everything would be legal and above board and for once we were kinda in agreement with one another (I know, big achievement that one) That evening the school left me a voicemail that offered a part time solution to the current situation! Part time schooling for a period of two weeks. We would then have a meeting and if faced with the prospect of no managed move for the remainder of his assessment, we would then have to decided our next steps.

So with that very…… Long update (So sorry about that people), I will bid you good bye. And as always thanks for all the support

How could they be so heartless?

Hello all..

As most will already know (Some more than others!) This week hasn’t been a good one. Yes,It’s been a complete nightmare in fact.

It seems like it’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything positive. What can I say? Life isn’t always kind (More so the people in it!) I feel I’ve been pretty decent when choosing what to and what not to write in a post. There is a great deal of stuff I hold back, for a number of reasons. Yet those who read the blog often comment to express their outrage in the treatment little man has faced, and the hurdles we as a family have had to climb.

Yes, we have faced some trying times (More this year, then ever) but… this week just took the biscuit.

I’ve stated more than once my upset towards my sons exclusions. No mother wants this for their child! I touched upon my child’s battle to attend educational trips and activities, how his self-esteem is becoming crushed every time his considered to be a “liability” by those that don’t truly understand (Or chose not to.) As stated above! I’ve held back on the finer details on all these issues. I’ve done this for many reasons, one being the reaction and treatment I received from my child’s school in relation to past post. Now I’m pretty feed up with people making me feel crap for expressing myself, after all isn’t it my human right to speak? This blog is my place to let some tension out. I wont be made to feel wrong for doing so..

I love my son! He, like his brother and sister are my world. Their isn’t a thing in the world I wouldn’t do for them.. not one! Little man didn’t ask to be born with AS. He didn’t wake up one morning thinking, “I’m gonna act like a complete brat today” Yes he can be naughty, he is a nine-year old boy. But.. there are times that behaviour are results of his AS, you just need to know when! Little bad wasn’t always “challenging” at school, far from it in fact! Little man was more quite, and when he was there (Sometimes he would just refuse to go, no matter what I tried) he would often cope, letting it all out once home. This seems to be a common problem for many parents of children on the spectrum! Their child displays “odd” or “challenging” behaviour in one setting, but not the other. Sometimes I wished that was still the case. This proves that once little man had a good routine in terms of attending school, he became more challenging in the educational setting due to an array of things. Sensory, environmental, anxiety e.g. These are a few challenges little man and other children on the spectrum encounter daily. Little man has trouble dealing with these pressures. Little things become massive, voice tones become confusing and somewhat sarcastic or aggressive. There are triggers EVERYWHERE!

Little man was given Six fixed period exclusions from March to July last (school) year. This school year he has already bagged himself another two. Shocking seeming we are only just in September, the very first month of the current school year. I mentioned before that I consider some of his exclusions to be unjustified. The trips well yes, I feel he has been excluded from these in a way that can only be described as discriminating. No more is my child told he cannot take part in educational trips and activities, he is now just excluded on the days they take place! I feel totally powerless watching my son be rejected from one trip to another. I am outraged at the way the school have dealt with exclusion and how they have no regard for our privacy. The current situation is a total mess! I am appalled at a number of their recent actions. These actions are completely unacceptable! They highlight a great lack of respect for me, Little man and the family. I feel we are disliked! My child for the way he is and me for the way I advocate for him. I feel we are treated this way from those I should trust. There is no longer a part of me that trust them. This totally saddens me. I’ve tried working with everyone. It goes no where. It’s one big disappointment in every way.

Last week Little man was given a fixed period exclusion. He missed swimming due to this exclusion. He had been having a terrible week, to the point I had to keep him home one afternoon, and contact the education welfare officer. This was so I could express my concerns over a current problem he was having involving his sensory processing, and how others were not able to understand his genuine upset. I was advised to return him, but expressed my fear that in doing so may result in him getting into trouble due to his anxiety. I would rather he stayed home through a decision made by me then have yet another exclusion on our hands (One brought on my anxiety and frustration.) The next day Little man returned! Did I have a sick sense? Maybe! Yes, little man was excluded by the head teacher at 6pm via the telephone.

I hate that we are never notified of exclusions earlier, or better still on collection from school. Getting Little man into an evening/night time routine has been difficult and having them excluded him at these unreasonable hours is just not on. I feel that having to always inform him of his exclusion is unfair. It’s not great being the one to inform your child that they have been excluded, will not attend a trip or another educational activity. It’s never been an easy task, but never as hard as his current exclusion, the one he is currently serving.

I’m not referring to the above exclusion but the exclusion we were given on Wednesday evening at 6.20 pm. This was not a simple exclusion but an extremely hurtful one for little man. I knew it was coming due to something little man was told not five minutes before the call. (This is a whole other shocking incident, that I will not yet comment on) Shock and disbelieve hit me when I was told he would face yet another two-day exclusion. He had been back two full bloody days! Teachers training day was this Friday meaning day two of the exclusion would be Monday. This was the day Little man was to attend his trip (The big trip) the trip he had looked forward to. Why? Because he would be going on a coach! A few weeks back Little man had a massive meltdown in the supermarket. He didn’t sleep and was displaying challenging behaviour the entire night. There was no possible way both the children could attend school that next day. However I went to speak to Little mans class teacher. It was discovered that the teacher had left the class that afternoon telling the children to display good behaviour while he was away, or No Trip! They had no idea where they were going as of that time, yet little man was incredible excited. I was told by another Teacher (TA) that little man was becoming very upset as a peer was not doing the right thing! Little man thought this meant the whole class would miss the trip! I spoke to little man that evening and he explained that his class peer was not being very good and the whole class would miss the trip. I had to explain this wasn’t the case. Little man was pleased saying.. “No one will ruin this trip for me” He was double as excited on discovering the type of transport we would take (Yes I did say WE, and we means Mum! I would be their to.) He repetitively  asked each day how many more days were left to go. Now this has happened! I was expected to tell him. I was the one who had to hurt him. Maybe he knew deep down this would happen, maybe this is the reason he acted the way he did when his friend misbehaved.

Angry I was fuming..  1) This was even happening. 2) The way the exclusion was decided and when. 3) The fact I had to tell him. 4) Yet another trip missed. 5) This is a double punishment!

Little man cried till his eyes were sore. He spoke between catching his breath. He was broken. There was nothing I could say nor do to make it better! The whys kept coming, followed by “Please mum go and speak to them and ask them, Please) Its Saturday early morning and I am being completely honest when I say his still hurting.

How can they be so mean! I do not agree with this exclusion, it was done for reasons I don’t need to spell out. It was another knock to his self-esteem. This treatment is nothing other than horrid. Exclusions on trip days are a double blow. Not only will he feel he doesn’t fit in he feels he wasn’t wanted on the trip. Can you blame him? It’s not just the out of school activity he missed Thursday, Mondays trip, or last Fridays swimming! It’s all the other activities his been excluded from last year. It’s far to many. Please correct me but exclusion isn’t working so why use it? I wouldn’t mind but some weeks I find out his done something that to me is considered more serious. Then there are times like these! He is excluded for something far less serious resulting in him missing out on trips and activities. How does this system work? Forgive me I’m lost.

Lastly I want to say that yesterday my blog was given a good going over! Sadly for the wrong reasons. Maybe an update on exclusion number eight was sought after, or print outs were needed, who knows. I want to say that this blog is not written about anything other than my life with a boy with Aspergers. Sadly this is our life right now. This blog is aimed at others like me (Parents, carers or families parenting an AS child) It’s also their for those on the spectrum and anyone else wanting to learn more about how life can be with a child with AS. Some days are good and others not so great! But this is it.. Right now our life is a battle. I can’t stop it, no matter how hard  I’ve tried! Therefore whoever wishes to read this blog, then do so for what ever reasons. But those who do should understand that this is what is happening right now in our life. My son is already low in confidence and the above is not helping fix this. No aggressiveness or treats will be expressed within in this post, just pure tiredness and great upset at this horrible mess. The fact Little man now awaits an appointment with a specialist because he makes himself say sorry to god repetitively in his head or aloud, every time he acts a certain way, to avoid bad things happening is a worry and only highlights how bad things are becoming.

I hope the school have a fantastic trip without the disruptive little aspie, known as my son.  It wasn’t just a “Trip” for little man it was his chance for him to feel valued and build his self-esteem!

You gotta be kidding me!!

As most of you may already know I’m a mother of a 9 year old boy that has been diagnosed with Asperger’s. You may also have read in past post that over the last few years I have had many problems with my sons schooling. Well just when I thought things were finally improving they have become so much worse. I received a letter a few weeks back informing me that I have been summons to court for the time off school little man had last year. Are you kidding me! What a joke.  I was informed that as a parent of a child with a formal diagnosis of Aspergers I myself and my child would receive a great deal more help and more services would be on other to us. This has not been the case and to be honest I’m sick of the way my sons school have treated my son and my family. This stems back for a long time and I’m sure at some point I have mentioned just a few of the many problems I have experienced with little mans school life. Yes his attendance was not the best but this was for reasons beyond my control, reasons I feel could of been avoided if more help and services were on offer. At the beginning and the best part of last year I had problems with little mans sleeping patten. Problem was he didn’t seem to have much of a patten! Most will know that children on the autistic spectrum live their lives dominated mostly by a routine. Without routine things seem to go a little of the rail so to speak. But most will also know that getting a bedtime routine into place for a child with Autism/Asperger’s is also a pretty hard task in itself. Little mans bedtime routine was practically none existent. He had no issue with spending the whole night awake. I don’t mean getting up several times in the night I mean not sleeping till 5-6am in the morning. Yes this is a huge problem when he needs to be in school for 8.55am and so by 7 am it would be a good idea for him to be getting ready. But I could only dream. It would be a long and tiring ordeal to get him ready and into school. There would be screaming and swearing on his part that is and he would nearly always refuse to get up let alone get dressed. Let’s not forget I’m sleep deprived too. What also makes me mad is at least half of these absences are in fact not absences at all! More like lateness. If the children are in school past 9.15 am which is the time they shut the main gate meaning all children must report to the school office, then the child will be marked in as attending just half the day. They will lose their morning mark. But if there is a fire the school are well aware that the child is in fact in and not absent. So all the mornings missed are then added to make full days and then added to their over all attendance. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?? How in gods name can this be the case. This makes the case against me in court look a great deal worse. There was many days in which the children, I say children as I’m including my daughter have got into school way past 9.15 am. When I expressed my concerns to the school about little man’s refusal and reluctance to go to school and this matter making him and indeed my daughter overly late for school I was assured that bringing him rather them not bringing him was most  defiantly the best option. When I did the office staff were nearly always rude and made me feel like a naughty school girl. No matter how hard things become and how much I asked for help I still struggled on alone. I did however get our doctor to prescribe the natural medication Melatonin. This has helped but took time for everything to come together. We still had to get him used to the meds and settled into a routine. It’s only been since around the end of last year that huge improvements have been noted. And since then a large improvement has been made with little mans schooling in terms of lateness and overall attendance. However his behavior at school has taken a turn for the worse with many more letters and phone calls being made to me to report his bad and unmanageable behavior. This has to be due to the fact he is sleeping much better so has a lot more energy to get rid off though out the day. With this turn around I feel as if I have gone from one huge problem to another. At least at long last they see a different side to him. As It was fault that most of his undesirable behavior was happening at home and at school he was a more manageable child. I’m not pleased for his unruly behavior but now you must be able to see my parenting skills are not to blame.

So you may think that the improvements that have occurred towards the end of last year and this year would be enough to stop any future court action from going a head. Well it don’t look that way. I feel that after many meetings that have taken place and just as many promises that have been made I would be receiving some help with little man instead of having to stress about a court date right on top of just having had a baby. Why wont you just help me that way we both get what we want! Better attendance and most of all a better education for little man. Well with this latest kick in the teeth and a string of other problems and broken promises I have taken it upon myself to try my upmost hardest to remove my son from his current school placement and into one witch is better suited to his needs. A school that looks at helping the child achieve their goals and lead a full and happy school life. And this way he would be picked up for school and I can concentrate on getting my daughter to school on time. Yes sounds like a win win situation. You would think so! but firstly I have to get his uncooperative school to statement him. He has Aspergers and this is something that still has not taken place on their part. After a recent phone call with the new deputy head and senco of the school I was told much to my disbelief that she was not aware of him having Aspergers and she had no notes on the matter. She then went on to label him to be a child that suffered merely with behavioral problems and instead of one to one education and extra help he just needed to undergo behavior modification. This is the straw that broke the camels back! How bloody dare she. My son has a recognized fully diagnosed condition in which I am registered as his full time carer and have done everything in my power to work with the school and not against. It was not long ago you proceeded to say the problem behavior I reported was not a problem that you experienced with him in school hours and now he has a behavioral problem!!! Crazy cow.

With this I will deal with the court case and then seek advice on removing him with out delay. I think I have a solid case to do so. How is it that with a diagnosis of Aspergers my son receives no SEN at school he has no statement and worse still you have no record he was ever diagnosed despite the fact we have had meetings on the matter and  I have a letter from the school stating you have received his diagnosis in the post.

If anybody has any advise what so ever it would be greatly appreciated. I live in the UK and my son attend a mainstream primary school.

A new year a new decade

I remember writing my first post for this blog. Wow so much has changed  since then and  I must say  mostly for the better. Little man is growing to be a very smart and level-headed young man who really knows what he wants. I’m so very proud at the progress my son has and still is making. It really proves that life with Aspergers doesn’t have to be a bad thing! I have always stated that I would never change my son, Yes many things would be easier if Aspergers wasn’t in the frame but it is and always will be so it’s best to embrace it rather than hide it or try to run from it. I love my son and he amazes me  his intelligence is a great gift, His diffuseness is also in more ways than not a great thing. I feel that with each day that passes I learn a little more and understand a bit more about the way his mind works. Don’t get me wrong life is far from easy, Little man still has problems at school just different ones from before. At the start of last year it was hard to even get him to go to school and when he did he was nearly always late:( This was becoming a huge problem as it was also affecting his sisters schooling and I even had to attend court ( I’m still dealing with this today ) Now his going better his having more problems once there. It seems He is missing a lot of playtimes as he is not following instructions from playground stuff and at times can be rude when his angry about something. I even got a letter informing me he had kicked a door of its hings. We also still have the huge problem with him not eating his packed lunch no matter what I give him. With all this stuff and more the craziness is little man seems much better at home. His sleeping has improved with the help of his melatonin and with this his more relaxed. However his swearing is on the rise and I’m really not happy about that.

Little mans relationship with his sister is pretty much the same as before sadly his still having problems with hitting and I feel very sorry for her. He tries playing with her but his still very bossy and completely takes over the game. It’s all on his terms she becomes upset and this is when the fighting begins. His relationship with his new baby brother is somewhat different. Yes his a newborn so he can’t play with him but little man has shown him a very loving side in which he rarely  shares. He is very good with his brother and enjoys helping. He is showing so much love for him and expressing feelings that he sometimes finds hard to express. He said when holding Harley ( His brother ) That this was the best day of his life:) I had just given birth and hearing this I had tears in my eyes. It was magic.

Giovanni has also managed to form a strong friendship with another child that lives a few doors up. He shares many of little mans special interests like trains and buses.They also attend the same school so walk together in the morning. It’s just on the next street from our home so were fine with this. Little man seems much more happier to get up dressed and ready for school now 🙂

2009 has had both it’s ups and downs. I’m Looking forward to seeing what both 2010 and the next decade will bring . With a new member of the family and little mans greater understanding of the world i’m sure it’s gonna be a good one.

Gold stars for G

Guess what everybody? Im finally becoming a well focused, high functioning human being. Can I just show my appreciation to the person who created Melatonin. Whoever you are Thank you.
Wow was starting to forget what a nights sleep felt like! No really I was!
Sleep is something me myself or my son are not very used to. His been taking Melatonin for around two weeks now. As you may of worked out yes there has been some improvements taking place:) If you follow the blog you will remember sleep was non-existant. The last time I wrote a post about bedtimes was just a few days after starting Melatonin and things were going ok. Melatonin is no wonder treatment but once it’s effectiveness starts to kick in then oh boy it is extremely welcome.
Knowing my little boy is getting that much needed sleep that his little body so craved makes me want to cry with happiness:) Watching him run around full of life is a exceedingly good felling.
His a little boy My little boy! all little boys need a good nights sleep to be there best tomorrow. I tell him this every single night and I think he has started to listen. Gradually I’m seeing improvements in his behaviour and gradually for this reason his started to see more stars on his chart meaning more rewards for G. His over the moon at this and as you can see so am I:)

Melatonin in the uk

If your reading this and your from the USA I’m guessing Melatonin is something you may of heard about before. Melatonin is freely avaliable in health food stores across the US.
If like myself you are from the UK Melatonin maybe unknown to you. Reason being is Melatonin is infact a unlicensed medication here in the UK and is only prescribed on a special ‘named patient basis’
Melatonin is a natural substance produced in the pineal gland located
In the brain. Known as the hormone of
darkness Melatonin is effective in
People with visual impairment in
whom Melatonin prodution is disturbed.
Melatonin also helps children with
Autistic spectrum disorder like my son.
We have been advised to give my son
3mg 20min before bed. We started the treatment last night but my son still slept rather badly.
Can anybody please tell me more about the use of Melatonin and if it helped there children or not?