#HAWMC Day 8 – A conversation with a boy with Aspergers

“Will you please fetch a glass of water for me please?”

“Mum…. Do you think my name is Edward?”

“Excuse me… Edward?”

“Yes…. Edward!”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh… Mum… I’m being sarcastic!”

“Ok… But I don’t get what you mean!”

“Edward… All butlers are called Edward and I’m not your butler!!”

This is a conversation i had last week with my son who has Aspergers Syndrome. Such conversations can often cause me to chuckle. Little man often sees everything in black & white, metaphors are not always understood so as his aged I’ve tried to teach him a little about sarcasm, with this being the result! Why does he assume all butlers are named Edward? Because two films he has watched recently both had butlers, both called Edward!

This post is 8/30 in the #HAWMC for Wego Health (30 prompts, 30 days, 30 post) this is yesterday’s post (I am still catching up after the madness of the last couple of days, post 9 to follow).

The things they say

I’ve talked about Little man’s Literal understand and way of thinking a number of times here on the blog. This way of thinking means Little man tends to come out with some classic lines.

When a teacher told Little man to be co-operative, he stated…“What like the Co-operative food shop?”

“To many this is better known as the Coop”

Yes quite cute, still… if he had been in mainstream, that would have been recorded as sarcasm, documented and even worse, it would have lead to a nasty sanction.

Many of the misunderstanding that occurred during little mans days in his old mainstream primary school were caused by a lack of understanding.

Over and over again I would express the importance of “Not using metaphors when engaging in conversation with my child” yet those that did, continued to do so!

It was only yesterday I came across a report by the ASD outreach team that clearly stated that teachers needed to reframe from the use of ambiguous language when talking to my child.

What really tics me off is when somebody raises their eyebrows, turns to me and states…

“Well, I’m sure he understands what I meant”

A statement I’ve heard far to often!

“No, he bloody well doesn’t! What do you think I’m stating this stuff for, the fun of it? Where I’m standing, its far from fun!”

Recently I had a conversation with a stranger (Gosh, look at me talking to strangers) actually this was an elderly woman sat next to me on the bus who seemed quite pleasant. Well, that was in-till she stated her grandson had been diagnosed as having the

“naughty boy condition!”

Hang on a minute…

“The what… ? Sorry, You’ve lost me!”

She continues and finally goes on to say

“Autism! What a load of old cobblers”

Seriously, at first I remember thinking, ‘What an oldie thing to say” (Yes I know, now who’s being stereotype).

Then I thought, “Wow, another day, another person tanked up with ignorance.”

You see I’ve faced this type of ignorance a number of times and looking at her I knew what was coming next! “It wasn’t around in my day”

I was bang on as this did shortly follow.

“Oh, my own child has the naughty boy disorder”

Needless to say her face glowed an awesome shade of red and we didn’t talk for the remaining ten minute journey time.

I wasn’t angry, I’m past all that! I just pitted her way of thinking!

How can you blame this society for thinking the they do when our national newspapers label disorders such as ADHD and others like it,

‘The naughty child disorder’ that entitles parents and carers to drive around in new cars that are paid for by the DLA.

Do they not release that in order to get a car your child’s condition is likely to be tied to other conditions that affect the child’s mobility! No, I guess not! After all the national newspaper in question only bothered to go by the one statistic, which was the number of claims that relate in some way to ADHD. My guess is these children didn’t all just have a diagnosis of ADHD like many will know it’s a condition that is closely related to autism and many children carry a diagnosis of both.

I’ve seen parents with a child who really could use that car, lets not forget, most of the cost are met by funding it through the money they would usually be given in the form of payments. This money is given to meet the child’s mobility needs, not care, this is a different thing altogether!

Yes, of course there are some driving their pimped out bimmers when yes, the car could go to a much needy family (your always gonna get them people) yet, isn’t this the same as every other benefit? The system is a mess, not just one section of it! All of it!

I wasn’t angry about the article, I don’t let myself get that way anymore, I again pity those that wrote it and pray their child is never born different in anyway (I must state, “NO I DON’T HAVE A CAR PAID BY THE STATE, THAT OF THE TAX PAYERS MONEY, I DON’T HAVE A CAR WHAT SO EVER!” You may have already worked this out what with the above description of my recent bus travels with the elderly, but I just wanted to make that clear!

I believe a great deal of the issues our children face are due to that of others misconceptions. This could be anything from the way they talk, understand or behave in public.

Another bus incident (isn’t surprising given buses are little man’s main focus within his special interest in transport). We got on his favourite bus (the one with the one very high seat with a pane of glass right in front of it). The seat is basically right up their by the driver and little man like’s nothing more than to sit in it, in-order to play the role. Only this one time somebody was actually sat in “his seat” He stood there staring just waiting for the woman (middle aged) to move and let him sit down. When she didn’t he claimed quite polity too,

“Excuse me your in my seat”

she went from a look of disbelief to a giggle when stating

“Listen sunshine, has it got your name on it?”

Now their was a double whammy right there! ‘Sunshine’ & “… has it got your name on it?” was bound to confuss

“My name isn’t Sunshine”

he claimed while giving the chair a once over to see if it had his “Name on it” Of course I was trying to get him to come and sit somewhere else without any bloody luck what so ever!

He actually went as far as asking her to stand up so he could check the cushion for his name.

“Is this kid for real?”

was something she asked aloud!

before mumbling under her breath something that sound like,

“sarcastic little…”

Again she displayed that adorable shade of red all over her face when I annouched that.

“His for real all right! and so is his autism”

We don’t tend to use the word “Aspergers” some don’t seem to have the foggiest idea what I’m banging on about when I do!

So, there you have it! My little dude can say the funniest of things but these can also have a flip side, one that unfortunately leads to the same old thing…

“IGNORANCE”

Related articles

• ADHD, autism may share genetic commonality (cbc.ca)
• New ADHD rules could see kids as young as four on drugs (canada.com)

How well do you really know your child’s teacher?

How well do you know your child’s teacher? This Is a question I’ve had to ask myself a number times!

After a recent discovery, I would suggest you ask yourselves that very same question, regardless of whether your child has special educational needs or not!

Here’s why…

A few days back I made a horrid discovery that meant I had to continue on with my day with this great anger manifesting within me.

I had this inability to filter out the hideousness of it all, my blood was boiling and a thousand questions bashed away at me.

  Last year I joined the TES social network and forum. No, I’m not a teacher, however It was during a period of home schooling my Little man as a way to avoid permanent exclusion. I have seen some things on the site that I normally take with a pinch of salt, yet a few days back, on receipt of a monthly newsletter that changed.

The TES website is the main and biggest UK resource for educators or those working within education. It contains job listing, a resource centre, the latest updates in relation to education, a forum covering a large area of subjects up for discussion, downloads including work-sheets etc, and much more.

On opening the email I discovered the updates were all mostly aimed at new teachers in-way of tips and advice. As always I had a quick scoot through to see if there was anything in relation to SEN (Special educational needs) and the pending ‘Green Paper’ when something caught my eye. 

The header read: NQT (Newly qualified teachers) Advice

and under that a link that read,

“Arm yourself with a few of those tried and tested one liners and you’re ready to deal with the thickest pupils” 

 curious I hit the link and was taken to the TES Forum

It was here that I unearthed one of the most disgusting threads I have ever read.

This thread contained over 600 comments from UK teachers, there was over 60 pages and posts,  dated from 2008 to the current date.

This thread contained one liners and put downs provided by teachers, these contained methods of humiliation, bullying, discrimination, sarcasm, abuse, threaten violence and inappropriate  language (including that of a sexual content)

Now before I go any further, please let me explain why this thread had me so mad it had reduced me to angry tears!

First the comments were worrying and the one liners should not be used on ANY child, the way the teachers spoke to each was worrying, and the names they publicly referred to us and our kids, Sickening!

Secondly, My own son with Aspergers has been treated in such away and as a result he has self harmed by smashing his whole body into brick walls, banging his head and scratching his arms till they bleed. He, like many others with some form of autism, tends to take things with a literal interpretation meaning the use of  metaphors and sarcasm are most dangerous.

Below is an example taken from a screen shoot. This key stage one teacher isn’t particularly rude, however the way in which she speaks about her young pupil is cold and frightening. She states he winds her by not sitting still and continuing to touch children and objects (playing with their hair etc) I don’t know if I’m correct, I’m just a parent, but some of what she describes here highlights possible autism traits or SPD even.

All she wants to do, is give him a right telling off, but instead choses to mock him in front of his peers.

Classy!

If this child does have a condition like those I’ve stated above, or some form of special educational needs, this will undoubtedly knock an all ready low self-esteem.

Is this how you want your 7 year old treated when at school?

Now, Im sorry if this post is rather long, it would have gone on forever if I the time to include the high number of comments that outraged me so much I blogged about it!

I have taken some screen shoots but will not be able to include them all, I shoot over 100, So, I’ve also quoted a few of the so-called “tips”, and hideous boasts provided by what are meant to be highly qualified teachers.

The fact is, that there are over 600 comments within this one thread from Teachers who started commenting back in 2008, when the thread was started and happily continue on today in the same disgusting manner is highly wrong.

There were only a handful of outraged teachers who left comments to state their shock at some of the comments left by those who are sadly in the same profession, however they just responded by mocking them and starting nasty argumentative comments, nevertheless it was comforting to see one or two teachers who cared.

With over 600 comments, what’s the chances that one of these teachers is the teacher of your child?

Maybe not today, maybe not even next year, but one day!

I say let’s speak up for our children!

Lastly, before I share some of these shocking statements, I ask, how is it, that this hasn’t been picked up by the media?

Has it? if so why don’t most know this thread exists?

What ever the reasons, it’s worrying that our teachers are quite openly sharing these sick so-called ‘Tips’ while laughing their arises of at our children.

I warn you, If your easily shocked, then GOODBYE you really should stop reading NOW!

Below is the very first comment (which kicked of the thread in Januray 2008)

‘I’m having a real problem with behaviour at the moment. I’m not very good at quick responses to pupils comments. I know I shouldn’t get in to a discussion with them but I’d like to have one liners to use.
Can anyone think of any common things pupils say, and a quick come back that works. Other than of course just ignoring it, which I try to do with most silly comments.
Here’s one…
“This is boring..”

OK, guys here are some of the responses and in no particular order! (Note I corrected many of these teachers spelling mistakes, that’s shabby)

“To the usual issue between students with one complaining.. sir he…

‘Hold on….. you are mistaking me for someone that cares….. sort it out without violence’walk away and ignore the 2-3mins of poor behaviour” 

“There a fine line between comebacks and getting aggressive to get your revenge – normally the line depends on how much sleep I’ve  had”

“I teach a mixture of abilities in years 10 and 11. I remember a particular individual being silly and making the odd comment. My reply on one occasion was “how Jovian”. The individual thought this was a good thing. But the brighter students knew. They knew I was referring to the Jovian (as in the planet Jupiter) atmosphere between his ears. . . . Dense and uninhabited.”

“To a very mouthy, arrogant year 10 kid, who constantly demanded my attention “Miss, I NEED HELP NOW!”.

In a gentle, caring voice: “I know sweetheart, but you’ll have to accept it’s going to take some time. I’ve spoken to various pyschologists and psychiatrists, and we’ve agreed that, with a careful program of support and intervention, we may be able to help you”  

“What’s wrong with verbally flattening pupils, showing them up, if it’s what they need?”

“48 – Excellent answer.

22 and 44: “Are you gay?”

Reply:
1. “No, but thanks for the offer,”

2. “No, but I would be if I thought my next kid would turn out like you.”

3. “Let’s keep that between us.”

4. “No, but I’ve slept with a few people who are.”

5. “Yes, but I only fancy attractive people, so you’re safe.”

In regard to self esteem, if dwarfs can threaten me with violence and imbeciles can call me stupid, I think they’re not lacking in self esteem, merely in contact with reality: if they don’t meet defeat in the safe environment of me answering them back (however uncaring this might seem), then they will in later life when someone less patient punches their lights out (which is rather more uncaring.)”

“Y9 boy, ‘Sir, why do you support Millwall, they’re s**t!’

Me, ‘I know, but you’re ugly & your mum still loves you’.”

Whenever a kid says something along the lines of ‘You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my dad’ I reply:

‘No, if I was you’re dad you wouldn’t be so ugly’

Today a child working said “this is shlt”. My reply was “Your work usually is!

“Ooh, ooh! I just can’t wait for September now I’ve seen this!”

“When some little darling is swearing at you say! Please stop swearing, you’re not at home now”

“To a child who is being loud, unruly, unco-operative etc:
“Look at Brett everybody, he’s forgotten to take his pill this morning. See what happens when you forget your pill”

 “Child: You’re gay sir

Teacher: Even if I was, I wouldn’t  fancy someone as ugly as you! Child: you’re a  crap teacher

Teacher: Perhaps, but at least I can read and write”

“Me muttering when walking away; ‘soap in a sock….leaves no marks…’
they look worried at that, think you have gone mad…”

“This is school, not the Muppet Show. “

“Best one ever was;

kid: ‘Do you use contraception miss?’

during a year 9 PSHE lesson. I was speechless for a second and then responded with;

‘Yes, I usually stick your photo to my boyfriend’s forehead, and it seems to do the trick!”

At which the other kids collapsed laughing and after about ten minutes of looking blankly at his exercise book, the kid in question said ‘Are you saying I’m ugly?”

 

“one of the best I heard was pupil to pupil.

Pupil 1: you’re f*cking ugly!
Pupil 2: yeah, well your mum ain’t complainin’ !”

“Ah bless, are you finding this really difficult? Usually works…”

“I have also managed to convince my class that the IWB projector, smoke detectors and alarm sensors in the school contain cameras-I’m sure this wouldn’t work with any children older than KS1 …’
Actually it still works with Year 9!”

Just remember that the Government plans to up teachers powers when dealing with behaviour!

Can you just imagine what will happen then?

Click here for the TES website & here for the thread in question.

Please leave your comments to show your thoughts and help get some action.

Related articles

• Michael Gove: Children need to be taught an unambiguous lesson in who is boss (telegraph.co.uk)
• Help approaching a teacher – (ask.metafilter.com)
• There is no such thing as Good or Bad Labels…they’re all Bad (ontarioeducation.wordpress.com)
• Taking the Special out of Special Education (ontarioeducation.wordpress.com)

OMG! The Mad Blog Awards are almost here!

In just 15 more days the Mad blog awards will announce its winners at a lavish ceremony in London’s Talk Talk experience centre Soho, and everyone is gearing up for the party!

I still can’t quite believe how far I’ve come and yes, I’ve needed to give myself a good hard pinch to remind myself that, YES, I’m in the final. I haven’t even realised that in actual fact, I’m quite bloody nervous about the whole thing.

Sally Whittle, the founder and organiser of the Mads is quite simply amazing, the organisation that has been put into this event is truly wonderful. I know this because not only has she gone all out in getting us finalist fantastic cut price accommodation at the Radisson hotel (Which my wonderful sponsor OptiBac Probiotics has so kindly covered) but she’s also arranged for some fantastic retailers to kit us out in glam evening wear for the event (John Lewis, The white stuff, M&S and TK Maxx to name a few)

So, before I go any further I would like to thank Sally for all the hard work she has put into the Mads with the help of all the wonderful sponsors of the event

“Sally your Ace”

On the 21st of September I will head to London where I will meet a few other finalist, Sally (I hope) and Polly the PR for TK Maxx, where we will shop at the London’s Knightsbridge flagship store before heading off for a spot of lunch.

TK Maxx and Sally have both removed the worry of (a) finding an outfit and b) the cost of having to buy one! Wow, that makes this mum and finalist one grateful woman so again a massive thank you.

Things have been a little tough this past few years and I’ve shared the good and the bad via my blog! It seems strange because at the time when I was writing some of them really emotional posts and rants I never thought for one minute, by doing that I’d end up a finalist of the Mad blog awards, looking forward to this fantastic event that is taking place on the 30th.

I saw a tweet on twitter from Sally that asked, “Has anyone written a speech” my answer was, “But that would me we thought we had a chance of winning” Seriously, I hadn’t even thought about speeches, the event seems to have arrived so quickly, one minute we were in June and now it’s September.

Being a finalist has helped me to discover some awesome reading material within some great blogs. It has made me blog with more confidence and gain some fantastic new friends.

The Mad awards helped me to discover a great brand, ‘OptiBac probiotics’ who have been lovely enough to support me as my sponsor while introducing me and the children to their brilliant range of probiotics that are really helping little man with his digestive health while reducing anxiety.

The awards are not even over yet and already I can say I’ve gain lots of awesome moments through being a part of it (which is of course all down to those lovely lot who voted for me)

I’m still hoping my readers enjoy my post about life with three children one on the autism spectrum, what with less educational drama happening in my life, I’ve blogged less and less about discrimination, a self harming ten year old and the special educational needs system, and more about the joyful and at times seemingly averageness that is our day to day life!

Then we have the children! Three angels that often convert to little terrors, what do they think about mummy banging on about the Mad blog awards?

Well, my 8 year old daughter, (going on 30) quite opening highlighted when visiting my mother, that, “Beware, Mum may talk about the Mad blog Awards…..” Oh yes, Sarcasm a speciality of hers which I’m convinced is something of a talent! Alice-Sara has informed me that, “Mum your more excited than a child” Well, she has a point!

Little Harley (Aka, ‘Little H’) at 21 months old he doesn’t have a clue what I’m banging on about, which is most fortunate for him!

So… What about Little man (Aka, The boy with Aspergers)? Well, get this for a giggle! His claimed that he should be the one in the final! When asked why? I got,

“If I didn’t have Aspergers Syndrome there would be no blog called, A boy with Aspergers”

No, this is not sarcasm this is just rigid thinking, bless him.

Well, if those three kiddiwinks think they have heard the last of it then they are mistaken, BIG TIME! With every passing day I have a new knot in my tummy. Is it over the outcome of the night? I think it’s the whole thing with a rich coating of excitement.

So, there you have it!

I’ll be dead sad when it’s all over!

Readers you’re amazing, every single one of you!

those that want to follow whats happening before, during and most likely after the awards then add the hash tag #MadBlogAwrds to your tweeter timeline. I will be sure to post to the A boy with Aspergers facebook page during the course of the evening

Please check out my blog sponsor, “OptiBac Probiotics” (Probiotics are great for digestive health in children with autism and aspergers.

Related articles

• A boy with Asperger’s get’s sponsored for the Mad blog awards (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)

A literal thinker.

This post is based on my sons understanding of language. Many parents of children with ASD will be able to relate.

Here I’ve taken a few of mine and Little mans memorable  conversations in an attempt to highlight just how literal someone with autism and Aspergers can be. Though these are quite funny and harmless, there have been times when little mans literal understanding has fuelled anxieties and caused him a great deal of stress. Growing up little man has struggled to understand jokes, metaphors, and sarcasm, with this becoming more apparent with age. It’s quite stressful at times as he won’t always express that he hasn’t understood, Instead his anxiety will be displayed though highly challenging behaviours. These such behaviours are the reason we as parents, teacher, friends or other should learn to adjust and simplify the language we use. Over time Little man has learnt that when I turned and said to a friend in a stressed out tone of voice  “I’m gonna kill that boy in a minute”  I didn’t actually mean it!  Still it’s rather sad to think that at one stage in his life, he considered his mother the murdering type.

Well, with that I will leave you with some classics.

Mum: “Do that once more, You will not be going on YOUR bus tomorrow.”

Little Man: “It’s not my bus! It belongs to the metro.” (Said why screaming and crying.)

Mum on the phone having a conversation with a friend. “I still have a way to go. I’ve lost a STONE and a few POUNDS so far.”

Little Man a few days later. “Mum did you ever find your STONE and few POUNDS that you lost?”

Walking to school one morning.

Mum: “G you’re FLYING” (Zipper down on his trousers)

Little man: “I’m not flying Mum! I’m walking.” (Said in a very moody tone)

Mum: “Keep it up and you’re going to SEE!”

Little Man: “I can see already thank you” (Easily confused as pure sarcasm)

Mum: “Go wash your face, Its BLACK.”

Little Man “you’re being racist mum”

Little Man “Mum why would someone kill CEREAL?”

Mum: “What?”

Little man: “The man on the news said he was a SERIAL killer.” (G already watching the news as a five year old)