Celebrating Mothers Day The Aspergers Way

Yesterday evening the little man asked me a question that was prompted by that of one of my own!

My question to him was… ‘Do you know what day it is tomorrow?’

His answer… ‘Um, yes… Its Sunday’

I then informed him that actually it was Mothering Sunday (aka Mother’s Day) to which he replied…

‘Oh, is it!’

Then came his question that actually really got me thinking for the duration of the evening!

‘Why?’ He asked!

Followed by…

‘What’s the point? Why do mothers need to have a special day? Why don’t we celebrate our son’s by having a. Son Day?’

‘Because mothers do lots for their children and its a day for their children to appreciate this’ I reminded him! To which his response was…

‘But you tell me I must appreciate you always’

Yes… I Give him that, he has a point!

Then he went on to ask…

‘Mum, honestly… Do you not see that its just a way for everyone to make money!’

You see, that’s the joys of having a child on the spectrum! Such logical little thinkers who don’t really dress anything up to make it sound pretty.

I was then informed that unless his dad had brought me a card then maybe I shouldn’t expect to much as I know how much he struggles with drawing and colouring.

He means no offence… honestly.His just saying it how it is! Actually I wouldn’t expect anything less!

Does it upset me that he fails to notice that his sister is busy in the next room preparing a work of art with glue and tissue paper? Does it make me sad that his all zoned out chatting to his online friends about the world of Mindcraft rather than showering his mother in Mother’s Day kisses? No! OK, may it used to a little, but it doesn’t anymore! Why? Because without sounding corny he is a gift in himself, all my children are.

Little man has been off school a couple of days this week with the flu and I normally find that school is the place that gives him those gentle little reminders when such occasions as these arise.

I remember when he was in primary school and every year when they made cards to mark the celebration of Mother’s Day, little man’s cards would always feature trains or buses, normally with a stick man and an arrow with the words ‘Me.. Driving the bus’ spilled out above it. I remember standing talking to a mother as we waited for our children to be released at the end of the school day. Her child came rushing out and almost forced a card into her hand. I can clearly remember the design, one that displayed an almost 3D image of pretty Daffodils. The centres of each flower made with sections of a painted egg cartons, petals made of yellow tissue paper and pipe cleaners proudly displayed as storks. Little man didn’t run out and hand me a card he was to much in a rush to get home to his sanctuary (aka bedroom). By now myself, this mother and our children were now walking side by side out of the school gates when she suddenly asked.. ‘Where is your card’ I was half convinced I didn’t have one but before I could say anything, little man had rooted around in his book bag and had now presented me with one! I smiled… that proud mummy smile as I looked a my card that of course displayed a somewhat different image from that of the other mothers card! Yes… A little stick man, only this time, that little stick man was driving a train as opposed to a bus.

“Does mummy drive trains” the mother asked my little man in her cheeky giggly tone.

Now I can’t quite remember his response, we are talking back when he was around 7 years old and still in the infants section of primary school. What I do remember was that his response was one of the “No Nonsense Type” as he rightfully pointed out that my hair was much longer than that of the hair on his stick man and the important factor that mum wouldn’t know if she liked driving trains as she has never driven one! Mum can’t even drive a car!

The mother smiled before she went on to wrongfully state that “Mothers” prefer flowers for Mother’s Day!

I was quick to correct her mistake when announcing that actually this “Mother” prefers trains!

You see little man wasn’t really one to pick up a pencil and start to draw unless prompted to do so. He struggled with his fine motor skills and even though he was yet to receive an official diagnosis of Aspergers, I’d always known that their was something stopping him from expressing himself on paper. So, the fact that he’d actually made this card for me and drawn it by himself was actually better than that of a hundred Daffodils made from egg cartons and tissue paper.

Every year up in till year 4 of his primary school years, he made me this card (always almost the same). Sadly once in year 4 things really started changing. It was this year major concerns began to arise. It was the year of illegal exclusions, disability discrimination and constant battles with both the school and LEA. My little man just stopped picking up a pencil/pen whatsoever. He wrote less then a sentence in a whole school year and carried on this way in till I removed him in year 5. It was only once he started with a one 2 one tutor instead of attending school (at this point no school were willing to take him) that slowly he began writing and drawing again.

I guess that my point is that each one of my three beautiful children all make me proud to be a mother. For us there is no traditional way to celebrate a Mothering Sunday… In our house we tend to do things the Aspergers way like we do almost any other day!

Happy Mothers Day. Xxx

An Overflow In Hormones

Sometimes in life we feel we do our best yet our best is never good enough.

Little man is having a real time of it lately. Since his been in his independent special school for children with autism and Aspergers, I have had hardly any calls or emails reporting problems. However, I wish I could say the same for last week.

Little man wasn’t able to go swimming this week so, he helped out at the poolside. I can’t blame his school. They do everything in their power to ensure no child is left behind, and believe me sometimes I’ve found myself surprised that little man hasn’t been sent home for something or another. Last week I think he just pushed them to far.

Thankfully it was taken into account the fact his sleep pattern has been simply hectic. What with us stopping the slow releasing melatonin his been a little sleepless and off the wall.

So… Just what has he been up too you may ask? Well, his been argumentative with staff and actually caused the school bus to stop in its tracks on the way to swimming. Again he was acting a bit of a class clown.

If this wasn’t enough already, little man is also being somewhat inappropriate when it comes to the subject of sex.

He started to ask questions relatively early on. Well, his last year of primary school that is. But now its kinda gone to overload and his constantly wanting to raise the subject. This is fine, completely normal I guess. He is a boy of 12 years old in his first year of secondary school. Nonetheless, little man hasn’t got the required social skills mastered as yet, so, when it comes to dealing with this subject in the most appropriate of ways he struggles. This means he tends to say things that are not really acceptable, he also thought he would announce to the class that he enjoyed watching a bit of naughty TV on his computer when we are all sleeping at night.

Now, when they say children with Asperger’s syndrome do not lie, then please remember… This is absolute pony! Yes, little man is too honest at times, he doesn’t lie very well at all and if directly asked something truth comes before lie. However, he has the natural ability to make stuff up and this was very much the case on this occasion! You may ask how I know? Simple… We have content lock so this isn’t possible. I’ve also been removing the playstation from the bedroom at bedtime. I once woke up to him playing wrestling in the small hours and have removed it ever since.

We have had a long chat about telling stories that have hold no truth. I tried to explain that this type of thing can easily land parents in trouble when children state concerning issues. We are most lucky that his school really understand both his condition and him as a child. If he started making claims like this in mainstream… This would have lead to the AWO to come knocking on our door… No question!

Little man hasn’t been in trouble for this… After all his just a young boy with a sudden overflow in hormones and an over curious mind. I’ve emailed the school about my concerns, mainly that I don’t feel confident when explaining things to him as he seems to either act quite silly or ask questions I just don’t feel I cant answer. With this the school have stated that when they return in the new year, sex education will be a new edition to the timetable.

Somehow I’m guessing (if not hoping a little) that discovering the ins and outs of sex will have him running back to his Lego and computer games in seconds with no further interest for the next 10 years or so… Lol!

Being a kid growing up in this world is scary, but for a child on the spectrum its that bit scarier. Little man is just curious to discover everything the world offers… Including sex.

As for us mothers… Well, it makes us feel older than we actually are… Much, much older. A sudden increase in worry lines are almost certain and I’ve noticed what looks like a train track running along my forehead! Lets just not mention the black eye bags… Seriously, don’t even go there!

Why Mummy, Why….?

I love a good meme and this is right up there with the great ones. The fabulous Chelseamamma has tagged me in the “Why???” meme which was started by Mummy Central.

Basically our children are always and forever asking “Why mummy why?” Example… “Mum, why do I have to go to bed?” or “Why does she get one and I don’t?” What about the all to familiar… “Why do I have to tidy my bedroom?” scenario!

In this Meme it’s us parents who get to ask… Why? So, without delay here is my questions to my three children! Can anyone relate?

Little man, why do I have to have a one way conversation about lego with you at 3am

Alice-Sara, why is it that you insist that the appropriate clothing that I’ve given you to wear isn’t appropriate and then suggest something which is far from appropriate at all?

Harley, why do u have to use mummy as a human climbing frame

Little man, why do you feel that it’s OK to announce out loud that the slightly overweight checkout girl at our local supermarket, needs to go on a diet?

Alice-Sara, why do you sneak in my bedroom and steal my most expensive lipstick, only to sneak it back later minus the lid?

Harley, why do you feel it’s appropriate for you to scream when mummy switches the channel from CBeebies to BBC one when Doctors is on?

Alice-Sara, why do you pull faces behind my back when I tell you off? Did you not believe me when I told you mummy has eyes in the back of her head?

Harley, why do you insist on throwing yourself on the floor no matter where in the world we are, every time I say the word “NO”?

Little man, why do you always have to ask inappropriate questions to the wrong people? some things don’t need saying! Stating to the elderly lady down the road that she has hairs on her chin plus a lot of wrinkles because she’s well old then asking her if she’s scared about dying soon, is really pushing it a little to far!

Children, why do you think that just because mummy has a card she is able to take money from the hole in the wall when every you demand it?

Alice-Sara why do you always play dressing up with mummy’s most loved accessories without even asking?

Harley, why do you always do a number 2 as soon as I put you in a fresh pull-up? You do know that these “pull ups” do actually pull down right? I’m sure you also understand that this revolutionary technology has provide you with a way of giving the potty some poo-poo!

Little man, why did you feel the need to tell me your teacher is younger than me?

Alice-Sara why do you always play the same sodding song over and over again? I don’t even like Leona’s “Bleeding in love” in-fact you’ve made sure of that!

Harley, why do you even want to go pick the cat poo out the litter try, hold it up in the air and run around like a raving nut job, shouting, “Cat did it!”

Little man, why are you still not after 11 whole years, got the simple concept that “Bedtime = Sleeping” not partying? Yes, there is plenty of time for that later!

Alice-Sara, why-oh-why do I even care if so and so’s mum up the road buys the latest monster high doll for her daughter? Doesn’t mean I’m buying it so stop protesting!

Harley, why did you dig out mummy’s best Mac eye shadow with your finger, smudge it all over the bed then insist the kitten done it!

Children, why do you always insist on getting louder when I have a headache or worse, upping your demands when I’m sick?

Alice-Sara & Little man, why do you insist on kicking the crap out of each other every time I turn my back?

Children, why do you always insist on getting yourselves into situations you can’t get out off without me having to save your backsides?

Children, why do you always scream the word mummy or mum then point at me, while having a tantrum in public?

Lastly… Why, do you all need something when mummy is busy!

Yes… That was a joke… Dont call social services!

Now to tag some parents/bloggers to play the “Why?” game!

But first the rules…

1. Post your whys – as few or as many as you like

2. Link up your post here, and it would be great if you could leave a comment too

3. Tag 5 bloggers to keep this going

4. If you’re not a blogger, leave your whys as a comment below. I’d love to read them

5. Show your support by reading a few others and commenting on them.

And the chosen ones are…
@LilinhaWorld
@susankmann
@Chez_Mummy
@Angoewright78
@violetsdiary

Mum, I want to design Aeroplanes

“So, I received a call today from your teacher!”

Moments silence

Then….

“Whats the point mum” Mumbled the little man in a somewhat miserable tone!

“Excuse me” I replied “You haven’t even heard what I have to say yet”.

“But I know mum, I know I’m in trouble” he replied.

“You’re not in trouble, I’m just disappointed that you’re not showing your full potential, what when things were going so well!”

He said nothing, just stared at his feet.

“You’re refusing to engage in your work, you’re falling behind and this year you will be going to secondary school”

“But I don’t want to go there” he shouted as he made his escape out the door and up the stairs to retreat to his sanctuary.

I knew better than to set chase and bombard him with a thousand and one questions, this would only induce a meltdown! Instead I sat head in hands totally lost at what it was I was meant to do next.

Time lapsed, I heard footsteps on the stairs. The little man emerged with a look of seriousness plastered across his face.

“Mum… I’ve messed up to much already to do well now!”

Whatever did he mean I thought to myself!

“How?” I asked

“It’s too late mum, I messed up my education in my old school, I can’t get them years of learning back”

“You’re way to clever, you know that” I encouraged.

“You have 6 more years to make it right, before your GCSE”

He shook his head, proceeded to tell me that I didn’t understand.

I needed to get to the shops before they closed, Little man came too and the conversation continued as we walked around the store…

“How will I start my own business?” he asked inquisitively!

“I want to design and own hotels! I want to design Aeroplanes, how will any of the stuff I learn at school help me achieve this mum?”

“It’s never going to happen” he shouted aloud!

“We all have to learn things that don’t exactly apply to the occupation that we have chosen to pursue as a career. That’s just the way life is” I explained.

“Anyhow, you may feel that something has no direct relation to the occupation you have chosen but often it does” I assured him.

“example… Mummy wants to work in education law but to do so fully, I will need a law degree! This will require me to learn criminal law despite the fact I will not really need it for the work I want to do!”

Little man looked somewhat appalled, shaking his head he said aloud but to himself…

“What a total waste of time”

Technically I couldn’t have agreed more with the little man, but this was beside the point. We all need to learn things even if we feel we don’t need to! Explaining this to a child is hard in itself but to explain this to an 11 year old boy with Aspergers syndrome, who thinks in completely black and white terms was proving a bit of a challenge.

“Why did you tell my teacher about my business idea?”

“Because it’s a good one” I repiled.

I just wanted to help your teacher to inspire you to work by creating a project that you are interested in contributing to.

“But I felt silly” he replied lowering his head.

“Why?” I asked

“Because other children ain’t like me, even those with Aspergers” he snapped.

By now we’re at the checkout, I’m aware that others can fully hear this difficult conversation we’re having.

I try to reassure the little man.

He then proceeds to inform me that his teacher told him that my conversation had inspired him to change his lesson plan for IT.

I ask the Little man if this is a bad thing?

He tells me it is not but he is a little confused as to how this is in anyway inspiring?

“Now Richard Branson, that’s inspiring” He tells me in no uncertain terms.

The woman behind me is loading her shopping onto the belt, she’s very aware of the conversation (Little man isn’t the quietest of speakers you know). She smiles looks right at the little man and tells him that maybe one day he’ll be inspiring too!

The Little Man’s response was to tell her that he will never be inspiring. The lady tells him that tomorrow he should go into school and surprise his teacher with his cleverness.

I smile at the sweet woman for her lovely words of encouragement as we leave the store and head across the road back home.

“So, will you try tomorrow?” I asked enthusiastically.

“Maybe?” He repiled with a shrug.

“And I don’t want you to swear, you hear me”?

“I’ll try” he replies

So, there it was a little progress, or so I thought. Then today I discover a voicemail from his teacher expressing the same concerns from the day previous. This time though, his not only refusing to participate in any work but is totally misbehaving too.

Now I know things go much deeper, his past experiences of mainstream have left him with very little self confidence, this will take longer to rebuild then first expected. His also got the upheaval of secondary school to come. I know this doesn’t require him to change school, we’re lucky enough that his independent special school will educate him up In-till his 16 years old. This is still a very scary experience for the Little man.

It will often takes my son a great deal of time to trust adults/teachers, especially since mainstream, but once you have gained this trust and built a relationship with the little man he relies upon it a great deal. He has now built such a relationship with his class teacher and knowing he will be leaving this teacher come July has really hit home for the Little man.

With the LEA still not responding which makes his annual review well over due, his head teacher is getting on the case to get things sorted! I only hope he makes improvements sooner than later.

I just want him to smile and start believing in himself.

Dreams can become reality and I know my son has the capability to build hotels, aeroplanes and anything else he desires. I just wish he knew this too!

The ultimate Britmums Live Meme & Linky 2012

Oh.. Yes, it just has to be done! I know we have the “Meet and Greet”, but for those like myself who just need to know more, the “The ultimate Britmums Live Meme and Linky 2012” has got it covered!

I’m pretty stinking excited about this pending bloggers conference aimed a parent bloggers, and judging by the list of speakers and workshops I’m guessing you are too?

I can’t wait to see some of my bloggy friends again as-well as those I’m still dying to greet. It may seem a long way till June, but gathering how fast this year is already going it will be here before we know it!

This Meme is my way of squashing some more need to know info out of you soon to be Britmums Live attendees. I wanna know everything from why you’re going to what workshops you all fancy attending!

It’s also my way of getting you all to agree a massive Britmums live drink up on the Friday night… Come on how often are we childless women let loose in London town?

Meme Rules

Its Simple… I’ve written some questions which I’ve also answered!

Copy the nosey questions, and paste them within your own post, followed by your own answers …

Tag another 2-4 bloggers to do the same (alerting them to the meme) tip (it’s a good idea to make sure they are attending before tagging them)!

Once complete link your completed Meme to the Linky in this post (don’t forget to share rules with your tagged few, giving them this URL for the Linky). This way we can keep track of the answers and importantly who’s tagged.

Please link to, and state the creator as A boy with Aspergers.

We’re off!

Q: What’s your blog title/URL and how long have you been blogging?

A: A boy with Aspergers for the last 3.6 years

Also blog at Mummy of many talents for 3.0 months

Q: Will Britmums Live be your First blogging conference?

A: No I went to Cybermummy 2011

Q: Did you bag yourself a sponsor?

A: Yes, I’m being sponsored by the wonderful Orchard toys *Big Wave Hello*

Q: Are you attending both days?

A: Yes I need the break 🙂

Q: What are you most looking forward to about the conference?

A: probably the prospect of catching up with so many bloggers I love while at the one event. Also the Ruby Wax Keynote

Q: Are you wearing Branded Clothing ( you’re sponsors brand)?

A: I may well be, Orchard toys are considering a Tee (Ooo… I hope its my colour)!

Q: What is your planed style for this event?

A: Likely be, jeans, T and flats (let’s see how diet persists)!

Q: Are you hoping to be nominated for a BiB award?

A: I won’t lie of course it would be nice, though it’s not the be all and end all!

Q: if so what category?

A: The category for ‘Change’ would be nice!

Q: Will you be looking to network with Brands?

A: I love to talk with Brands and form new relationships so I’ll happily network with brands, though I’ll be networking with bloggers on the whole.

Q: What do u hope to walk away having gained from the conference?

A: New ideas, inspiration, contacts and new friendships

Q: Will you be dressing up in the toilets for the Friday night BiBs?

A: I may slip on some heals (though flats remain in oversized bag)!

Q: Are you speaking at the conference and if so when, where and how do you feel about doing so?

A: No, not officially, though this has never shut me up before 🙂

Q: Will you be joining in the early morning bloggercise on the Saturday?

A: Umm… that depends on how much I drink Friday night!

Q: What speakers are you most looking forward to listening to?

A: Ruby Wax, Cherry Healey, Sarah Brown, Kate Davis – Homes… just to name a few!

Q: What workshops will you be attending on the Friday (Day 1)

A: Still undecided between Getting published or The clever bloggers way to write about parenting.

Q: What Workshops being held on the Saturday (Day 2) have grabbed your attention?

A: 9.45-10.40 Advanced blogging photography

11.30-12.20 Discussions Den: Blogging for a greater good, 12.20-13.10 How to create an Ebook

14.40-3.00 either How to make money from your blog or Advanced WordPress, 15.00-15.50 Video blogging

Q: Are u booked into a hotel for the Friday night, if yes which one?

A: Yes, the Travelodge

Q: Will you be looking for after party drinks

A: There will be no need to ask twice (hit me up ladies)

Q: Are u worried about not knowing anyone or being confident and socialising on the day?

A: No, I feel I know quite a few bloggers this year as opposed to a small handful last year. I’m dead friendly, anyone and everyone is welcome to chat with me

Q: What’s are you most likely to be found doing why attending Britmums Live?

A: Talking far too much and over indulging in cake 🙂Please click HERE to nominate me for a BiB if desired.

Now, it’s your turn and I can’t wait to read them answers!

Tagging

(Note you are only required to tag 2-4 bloggers I have tagged a few more to get this Linky started!)

Michelle twinmum

Multiple Mummy

Alex from Doing It All for Alyna

The Boy and Me

Kate on Thin Ice and Groovy Mums

The Ana Mum Dairy

Those that Like the Linky and want to get involved, can join without the requirement of a tag. Please do follow the same rules though, not forgetting to link up.

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Click here to enter your link and view this Linky Tools list…

Related articles

• Just another Britmums Live Meet and Greet (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• Orchard Toys Sponsors A Boy With Aspergers For BritMums Live 2012 (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)

Sudocrem – Mummy Matters Week

Us mum’s can’t be super mum’s all of the time and every now and then, even we can do with a bit of advice!

That’s why the leading baby brand Sudocrem are hosting a Mummy Matters week over on Facebook, as to be honest… Us mum’s do matter!

Between Monday 9th & Friday 13th January 2012, a team of the UK’s leading lifestyle experts will be sharing need to know advice on a range of subjects as well as answering direct questions from the Sudocrem Facebook community.

Each day will host a different expert (as outlined below), who will share around 20 key pieces of advice and answering questions on their subject throughout their allotted day.

Sudocrem would love for all Mums to join the Sudocrem Facebook community (www.facebook.com/Sudocrem) and get involved by asking questions directly to the experts.

Monday 9th January 2012 – Jennifer Liston-Smith (Executive & Maternity Coach)
Tuesday 10th January 2012 – Claire Wylde (Dietician)
Wednesday 11th January 2012 – Jo Barnard (Careers Advisor)
Thursday 12th January 2012 – Wendy Powell (Pre & Post Natal Fitness Expert)
Friday 13th January 2012 – Beth Goodrham (Personal Stylist)

Will I be popping along to see what it’s all about? Well, I do quite fancy discovering what Friday holds. What with it being a New Year and the need for a wardrobe revamp, its properly a good idea!

Visit Sudocrem by Clicking HERE

Time to tell

Has it reached that time when you have to tell your child that they have Aspergers? It’s a hard and upsetting task as me and my husband found out. Our son Giovanni took the news very well. He asked many questions (he needs all the facts) we answered them the best we could. I said mummy and daddy love you just the way you are. You have Aspergers but that doesn’t change a thing. As you are you. You are Giovanni Sarcone;)
When looking on the net for Advice I came across a fantastic blog. http://ramblingsofafrazzledmom.blogspot.com within this blog I discovered a post that was very moving but enjoyable to read this is the post that helped me when it was time to tell. Maybe it could help you too?
Super blog that I will visit again:)