Changing

A teenage terror!

Is terror a little harsh a word? Um, No, Probably not!

I myself went from a sweet little girl with pigtails to some unrecognisable rebellious monster with too many hormones! Ok, I gave my mum headache for a couple of years but then I got it out my system and grew up.

Nonetheless, I do remember the total chaos I caused in the house. My terrible attitude and stinking mood swings. Now as a mother I’m totally crapping myself at whats to come.

Little man is 12. His almost a teenager and already seems to be experiencing the changes puberty brings.

For many years family and friends have commented that when Little man becomes challenging he displays the many traits of a teenage boy. For this reason and others i’m left asking myself the question… “is the mix of Asperger’s traits and those of puberty going to create an explosive combination?”

Meltdowns are already highly charged. A trigger, depending on what it is, can spark some of the most explosive meltdowns that go on for hours on end. Will these triggers become more heightened or will we be faced with new ones all together?

I’ve already started to notice changes in little man’s behaviour. Having worked extremely hard to master the signs, these are now becoming harder to spot. Its that feeling that your walking on eggshells that or there is some ticking time bomb in the room.

I am extremely grateful to little man’s school. If he never had this placement he may have had to struggle through secondary school. For some children with Aspergers this can be a trying experience! I guess what I’m trying to say is at least he is in a supportive school who can help him through those sometimes confusing teenage years. This is one less thing to worry about.

But its not just meltdowns and mood swings that concern me. As a mother of a teenage boy I worry about all the normal stuff but then with Aspergers thrown into the mix I guess I worry a tad more. For one, there’s the issue of girls… Just because his on the autism spectrum doesn’t mean he won’t experience all those new and confusing feelings when it comes to the opposite sex.

Little man can be somewhat blunt when it comes to saying what he thinks so here’s hoping social skills training will make this area of concern less of a problem.

Changing bodies, feelings and an injection of hormones are sure to bring about a some important lessons for little man and of course for me, his mother.

We are currently working on issues surrounding personal hygiene. With tactile defensiveness little man absolutely hates to bath. He loves to use a power shower and this is something I’m currently requesting from the housing association (which isn’t a walk in the park). Having a shower fitment would make the world of difference to us as a family. Instead of wrestling him into a bubble filled tub, I’d instead have to wrestle him out of the shower. Both myself and his father have both talked with little man about the importance of personal hygiene, especially as he gets older. His already Experimenting with different brands of deodorants because as dad clearly stated… ‘No body likes to be friends with somebody who smells of BO’

As for sex education, the school have already began to teach little man and his peers the basics. There has already been lots of discussions on how their bodies will change as they go through puberty so that there will be no surprises or sudden shocks in the future.

Just yesterday little man informed me that he was developing a few teenage spots that were completely normal for a boy of his age. We talked about the importance of washing his face and reframing from spot popping to which he responded with, ‘ Yuck… I won’t pop them thats disgusting!’ Yes I too was pleased we agreed on something.

I don’t know what these teenage years hold for us. But like everything, its just a case of taking the rough with the smooth. No doubt there will be problems but I’m guessing there will be many achievements made by little man along the way.

These are the years in which little man will become a not so little man. The lessons both myself as his parent and his school teach him, will now be some of the most important to date! Now is the time to work together to get it right, shaping my little man for the future. The end results… A promising life as an independent working adult who looks forward to life’s little surprises instead of fearing them.

The Birds The Bees & A Boy With Aspergers

As a twenty-first century mum I thought I had it all planed out!

 We all know that eventually the day will come when as a mother we are required to have that little chat with our children, you know, the one about the birds and the bee’s!

Image via Wikipedia

 I have two son’s Little man (aka A boy with Aspergers) who is 11-years-old and 2-year-old Harley. I also have a daughter ‘Alice-Sara’ who will be 9 this Sunday.

 Yes, I guess I had assumed that daddy would speak to the boys and mummy would speak to her daughter. I would do it in a way that provide her with understanding , not embarrassment nor looks of horror, the terms “Bird” & “Bee” would be widely used, and we would live happily ever after!

 Well, this was in-till I discovered my son, “Little man” wasn’t your “typical” child! Little man sees the world differently, he sees it in “Black & White” and this means only one thing, the subject at hand, would need approaching in a very black and white way!

 There would be no “Birds” nor any “Bees” here! Instead it would be text-book, very, very text-book! Lets remember, this is a child on the autism spectrum, metaphors wouldn’t work, a literal understanding is what he has and using the birds and bees example would only result in confusion (he would be expecting bees to grow pubic hair, have a breaking voice and a use for condoms)

  Guess what? Daddy wouldn’t be doing it nether, mummy would… Fan-bloody-tastic is that!

 Not long after Little man started at his independent special school, especially for children on the autism spectrum, we received a letter home, explaining how some of the boys had fell into the conversation of “Wet Dreams” while on the school bus. Little man goes by  taxi each morning so he wasn’t involved in the conversation but with such small class numbers (no more than 6) I knew it wouldn’t have taken long for him to hear about the subject, my guess is he found out by playtime!

 The letter just raised the subject of how our boys are now growing up and we may want to consider the talk that many parents dread!

 If truth be told, little man has been known to make some pretty random, yet inappropriate comments with reference to a sexual nature for a while now. He said some things in his old mainstream school to a ASD outreach worker. I was red-faced when I read her report and on meeting her she told me he was saying such things to her without any concept on they’re meaning! OK, he knew a little but not enough, yet it certainty warranted a talk! Instead I tried to address it by telling him it was inappropriate and he shouldn’t be saying it! I know it wasn’t a great way to deal with it, yet I guess I wasn’t ready, or didn’t want to be!

 It’s not just that Little Man has Aspergers, it’s also the fact his growing up, I’m therefore getting older which isn’t great, but I’m also losing my “innocent” Little man and before I know it, his going to be this teenage boy with a changing body, hair in places he never knew possible, mood strings and a deep voice!

 Little man has already stated he likes girls and wants to marry more than one (goodness me, do I have a bigamist on my hands)! I guess like any mother, I don’t want my eldest child to grow up, and if anything have that bit of an extra reason to worry.

 So… Yes, we did have a talk, quite recently actually! Little Man, to no surprise, asked a lot of questions and patiently awaited my answers. With every answer it sparked another question and I answered as honestly and correctly as possible. One question was will my “penis grow bigger?” another was “How do you make babies” followed by “What happens once the sperm gets in there” to which I then directed him to this amazing video, which seemed to do the trick and if anything it literally amazed him, rather than grossing him out.

He now knows that once upon a time, he looked like an alien!

He also states that he has thousands of potential “Little Man” clones swimming around inside him, which his saving for his adult life.

 I guess his saving them to share with all them wife’s of his!

 Well, till the next lot of text-book questions, requiring text-book answers, comes along, I feel I’ve done my best for now!

 Now I guess I just sit and wait for those pending teenage years of mood swings and body hang-ups!

For now… I’m just going to enjoy my Little Man being just that…

 A Little Man

Related articles

• The Birds and the Bees (missbiggulp.wordpress.com)
• Proposed DSM 5 Changes and Autism: What Parents & Advocates Need to Know (pdresources.wordpress.com)
• Asperger’s Syndrome (crossroadscounselingcenter.wordpress.com)
• A Failure to Communicate: Asperger’s and Social Relationships (robertmoran.org)
• Book Review: Raising Resilient Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders (spectrummymummy.com)

Aspergers – Worrying what the future holds

When you mention that your child has Aspergers Syndrome, most that have some understanding of the syndrome, just think the characteristics are a lacking in social interaction skills, literal understanding, or an intense special interest. There is so much more to Aspergers then this! One of the main difficulties for Little man is learning independence skills, the most basic everyday things that a “typical” child masters in the early years of life, such as tying their own shoe laces, Little man is only just beginning to do at the age of 11 years.

We have always struggled when it comes to daily hygiene, basic teeth brushing and hand washing are a few amongst the list of difficulties Little man has. This is due to a combination of factors such as, sensory sensitivity (which is defiantly the case for brushing his teeth, and reluctance in letting me cut his nails) to lacking the basic skills needed to do what you or I can only describe as the most basic of tasks.

The hard thing for us as a family is the fact Little man is more than aware that these are skills he should have mastered by now and yes it make him very anxious and upset.
It’s not that he doesn’t want to wash his face & hands, like I have said this is just a basic skill his lacking, which is why we use visual aids in the bathroom. Little man just needs a visual reminder to remind him of the order in which certain things need to be done!

So, here’s my worry… shouldn’t Little man have mastered the order of play by now, not be relying on visual direction as much? This is something he cannot be doing as an adult and as we reach the years of puberty (oh god I’m dreading these) this will become an even bigger and more needed skill that he must acquire.

When Little man was much younger, even though we struggled to obtain a diagnosis, then a statement of sen… things such as these were much easier to cope with! Now my Little man is growing fast, before I know it he will be 16, what then?

Like any mother, I only want the best for my child! I want him to grow up, get a job, a wife, have a family of his own! I’m not stating he can’t do these things, I know he can! What I need to do is step back and help him to help himself!

It sounds harsh, yes, I know! But he is my son and I love him! I am guilty of doing what many mothers of children on the spectrum do… helping him that little bit too much! If Little man finds something hard to cope with, it’s easier for me to remove the source of the problem, yet in the long run how will this help him? I’m not just talking about hygiene now… I’m talking about everything, from sensory overload, when we take a visit to the supermarket or fighting with his sister (there is only so many times you can remove a child from the situation after all)!

Yes, such issues are true struggles for my child, however it must get to that stage where in order to help my child cope with the things he finds most difficult I need to slowly introduce new techniques to help him acquire better skills for his future, I’m gonna have to start now… before my child is relying on his mum, come age 21!

I just wish these things were easier… that’s all!

Related articles

• Aspergers and Speech (eoghann.com)
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Questioning your coping mechanisms

Image by rosefirerising via Flickr

Some days are great and others… not so great… yesterday was one of the latter!

Unfortunately a family row commenced at home yesterday (something I wont go into on the blog) however I do believe that as a result of this, a series of high-profile challenging behaviour was demonstrated by my little man. In all honesty, the behaviour was off the scale and I really did struggle to maintain sanity!

I do understand that arguments should not break out in front of children, especially those on the autism spectrum, already easily tipped into an overly anxious state of being, but I’m human and there are times certain situations commence, especially when you find half the arguments are caused by something or another your child on the spectrum may have done or said, worse the person who is arguing with you just can’t leave it a lone, refusing to stop!

I thought it would properly be a good idea to take the children to my mothers, we could see my mum and chill for a bit! Little man could spend some time playing the PS3 with my sister’s boyfriend and all should convert to something far merrier! My plan was going ever so well, though as the evening approached, little man began getting worse and worse… before I knew it, he was throwing a load of nasty swear words at me, why proceeding to kick, punch and lastly spit at me.

God I felt like running away and staying away! When your child has a tendency to throw a load of offensive nasties in your face, you tend to get used to it (in a wrong kind of way) though sometimes such obscenities hurt a thousand times more than any violence… and this time his awful name calling was becoming much to hard to bare. Little man finished his almighty meltdown with a hard punch in my arm and a thump in his sisters back, all while his little brother of two sat screaming! It was at this moment I actually thought… Maybe it would be better if his not here any more, maybe he should live some place else!

I felt such a mix of overbearing emotions as I tortured myself over the thought that had entered my head! I felt assumed and heartbroken how I could even think such a thing! Yet.. at that time as he stood showing no remorse for his actions and I watched how he continued to lash out at his sister, I know I couldn’t help it, I just couldn’t! Every time I stood trying so hard to reason with him, he’ll just laugh and swear! I seriously felt complete despair, lost on where we go from here! I just felt like going to bed forever!

Day’s like this, I wonder what happened to my Little red-haired boy? Though he was always noticeably different, he would sit watching his favourite Thomas video or sit happily playing (even if it was mainly alone… he seemed happy, that’s what counted)! Not anymore! I just see an angry child, who gets anxious, depressed, violent, and often acts in quite an evil and scary manner!

As my Little man grows into someone who actually doesn’t resemble that of a little man at all, I fear for him, I fear for us as a family! At 11 he is reaching the stages of puberty and with it I notice so much more anger, the ability to care less about the people who get hurt in the cross fire. I therefore question my ability to control such behaviour, longing for an answer! As the little man grows bigger, stronger and sadly more violent, I worry he will hurt himself, me or his siblings! Though there is one thing that I fear that little bit more…. Asking for help!

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