Tag Archives: Prompts

#HAWMC Day 7 – The faces of shame

8 Apr

Pretty & slim I know she was, looking back I now remember! But the mirror didn’t lie, why would it?

No longer able to cope with the disgust that stared back at her she began to run, though not physically but mentally she ran!

Food the root of all evil, yet her only control, it’s predicability she feed from, the shame she hid from!

Trapped in a maze, unable to escape the high walls that surround her, she’s falls at each hurdle.

Tomorrow would be better was something she often told herself! it was her mind, she had control of it, it didn’t control her…. Or so she thought.

Deep down did she understand the dangers as her hair fell all around her, her beautiful white teeth crumbled like chalk as her young innocent body cried out to be feed?

I think that yes she did but somehow it failed to stop her. To far she had come, to now let her efforts go to waste and fail again!

Fighting her own mind, her inner voice won every time. The defeat taken badly… The battle never ending, inside she was dying a little more everyday!

To stop would now be a danger, seriously, it meant the lose of control and for that she’d be punished the worse way how! Her family would suffer, quite possibly die around her, how selfish that would make her!

Counting and checking dominating her young life almost as much as food, combined this lead to a somewhat complex way of life. One consumed with shame all at her own blame!

Laid in a hospital bed the mid-days sun shone through the cracks of the curtain, slightly lightening a darken room. Closing her eyes she failed to escape the faces of shame, fuck, it had all gone so wrong… It wasn’t meant to be this way!

This post is 7/30 in the daily #HAWMC set by Wego Health. The freestyle challenge is to raise awareness of child mental health, eating disorders and OCD.

#HAWMC day 6 – Health Haiku

8 Apr

Firstly I must apologise for the late posting of 2 of my daily #HAWMC challenges. The 6th was my 30th Birthday and I sadly ended up spending a good part of it in children’s A&E due to the toddler hurting his knee (his Ok, though this is another post all together). Then on the 7th I spent most of the day trying to compensate for the things I needed to do on the 6th therefore leading to another missed challenge. It’s day 8 today and I’ve got some catching up to do, so without delay let me tell you about the challenge set for day 6 which wasn’t an easy one, surprising given the little writing it required me to undertake! However, it’s also hard to get your message out there when you’ve been restricted to only a few words or characters.

The prompt was to write a Health Haiku.

A Haiku is a “miniature Japanese poem consisting of 17 syllables – five syllables within the first line, seven in the second and five in the last. No rhyme or meter scheme is employed when writing a haiku. The aim of the haiku is to create a sharp message in little words.

Here below I’ve created three different Haiku’s all inspired by my son’s Aspergers Syndrome.

Emotion feels me
I cannot express how much
Because that is me

Lost in my own world
A much safer place to be
Alone but feel free

Reaching out to you
You don’t see me see at all
Ignored in this world

To discover more blogs taking part visit the Wego Health Blog

#HAWMC Day 5 – Drifting in dangerous waters

5 Apr

I’m drifting, detached from existence, alone but so peaceful. The only voice I hear is that of my own, the messages it gives not always welcome! No one drifts by, I see them in the distance though I struggle to reach them, suddenly feeling weak I begin to cry!

I’m lost, afraid, so many questions left unanswered, no one to comfort me nor direct me, no one but my own reflection.

I see her, the young woman stood before me and though I recognise her, her face seems somewhat different, her eyes intensely tired & without sparkle, an expression of worry spread across her face, one I have not seen before.

Her mind has been taken and no longer does she own, a woman consumed with guilt and blame she has no escape, no way to explain to return to the place she once knew.

Trapped in mind and body, screaming from the inside out, no longer able to look at her dispirited self, beyond disrepair she dissolves into the waters that surround her, those that once held her now invade her she screams loudly yet no one looks up.

Detached from reflection and without direction, distorted in her thinking and over taken by nothingness she analysis the situation only to realise shes alone because it’s safer this way, she pushed them all away and retreated to craziness…

Alone at Dawn Photo Credit: Title Alone at Dawn, Flickr, HelenJr

Post is written as a reflection of my past mental health difficulties and has been posted as part of the Wego Health’s #HAWMC (Health Activist Writers Month Challenge) 30 days, 30 prompts, 30 post. This is post 5/30 prompt: Find inspiration within a random Flicker image.

#HAWMC Day 3 – Just call me supermum

3 Apr

When asked “if I had superpowers what would they be and how would I use them?” I didn’t even need to think before knowing the answer, only I’ve often day dreamed about acquiring such a power as the one I desire!

You may wish to be invisible, fly or get yourself some X-ray vision, not me, I want something much simpler then all the above!

To see the world through the eyes of another, if only for one day, that would be the superpower i’d acquire! Strange to you this may seem, for me it’s not strange at all, fore my child sees the world in what some would refer to as an untypical way and as his mother I want to stand in his shoes!

I can sit here all night stating I fully understand my child, his emotions, fears, interests/obsessions, his overall out look on life and those he shares it with! That would be a lie, how can I possibly? I can only try and there are times that trying simply isn’t enough!

Aspergers Syndrome gives me as a mother a lot to think about, over the years many questions have risen and been answered, just when you think you know all there is to know something else comes your way. We have experienced some tough times especially during the time Little man was mainstream educated. It was at these difficult times that my son would become terribly upset, stating “You don’t understand what it’s like to be me” There were occasions he missed school activities and trips, deemed a health and safety risk, I can’t imagine how that made him feel, but stating “I wish I was normal” doesn’t sound promising.

There are also good times, plenty of them. When his super excited about situations that to me seem the most simplistic of situations, ones not worthy of a smile, I wish I could really experience the feeling of excitement he gets or at least experience it with him.

I’d love to know how his mind ticks, his incredible skills and abilities to work out mathematical problems or the fine details he acquires about his special interest.

Little man has a very black & white thinking style, it’s not always ideal but his learning! Just to see things as he sees them I’m sure I’d do one or two things differently making life that tiny bit more pleasing for him!

Well, I already have a super mum cape hung in the wardrobe and I’m just about ready to get it on and fly downstairs to breakup a confrontation between Little Man and his sister, sworn enemies from different planets.

What superpower would you like and why?

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This is post 3/30 in the health Activist Writers Month Challenge (#HAWMC) organised over on the Wego site

I’m a mummy but I still have hopes and dreams.

29 Oct

 

I don’t normally participate in blog prompts, however, I had to write this post having been Inspired by the fabulous Britmums and there blogging prompt of the week.

  So the prompt? 

What are your hopes and dreams for the future

 Now, I read quite a few of the post, written by my fellow mummy bloggers and although they were all great post written by some excellent bloggers, I felt most had the same dream, for their children to be happy or successful! 

Now before I put my size 5 heels in it, of course I want the same thing for my own children, what mother wouldn’t? However, don’t you think our own mothers wanted the same for us? Therefore, don’t we owe it to them, to fulfil our own hope’s & dreams, or at least try?

 I’m not stating that it’s wrong to have hopes for our children, I have a string of them, the list is as long as my arm, I want them to be happy and healthy above all else. If my children are successful then that’s great, but the happiness & health is what matters to me most! However, I do hold dreams for myself too and I owe it to my own mother as well as my children to a least try to fulfil a few of them!

Yes, like many, my hopes and dreams have changed with age, but I still have some nonetheless. I hope that one day I will be able to complete a law degree, I hope to write a book, a book that will help and inspire other parents who like myself have a child on the autism spectrum. I hope to get my ideas out there in the big wide world, have my own brand maybe, one that takes off and becomes a raving success. I hope that my children look at what I achieve and feel somewhat inspired to live their own dreams, and do so for themselves amongst all others. 

And if all the above don’t happen? Well, at least I can say I tried and really that’s all that counts!

My children won’t need to be pop stars or actors, just good people who know what they want and set about making it happen. I look at where I am as a 29 year old woman and there is so much I wish I had already done. Yes, Life is busy and I’ve already ticked a few of the boxes by becoming a mother to three awesome children, but I like to think I’m more than just a mother and hope on day I’ll be able to prove that to the world. 

Life is full of amazing and inspirational people, you don’t have to be a film star, published author or spend your life doing things for a good cause to be an inspiration! The secret, I believe is, “motivation” you have to know what you want and chase it like there’s no tomorrow, If you don’t succeed then at least you know you tried and that’s what makes a mother proud.

Hopes and dreams are not handed to you on a platter, you work for them! I’d love to win the lottery and buy a beautiful house to leave my children when I’m all dead and buried, but it wouldn’t be half as satisfying as having earn that house, don’t you agree?

I have a whole bundle of hopes and dreams for myself and that of my children. I want more from life as it has so much more to offer. 

I am thankful for what I have, but there is no shame in wanting that bit more, if you don’t want for nothing then that’s great, but if you do, then why not chase it and make it happen. We are never to old for dreams, and who says dreams can’t become a reality? 

Well, I’m not ready to give up on trying for mine, regardless of being a parent, I want my children to look up to me, there is little shame in that!

If you want to reach for the stars, then reach!

It’s only you who can make it happen. 

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