#silentsunday

What Children With Aspergers Really Want For Christmas

Now, I’m not about to go all soppy by stating “That all our children with aspergers really want for Christmas is an appropriate school place and less judgement”because that wouldn’t be true.

Like any child, children with autism and Aspergers have their own interest, hobbies and Christmas wish list.

Every single year in the lead up to Christmas I find that many new readers find my blog as a result of googling terms such as “What to buy the child with Aspergers for Christmas” or “Gift ideas for children with autism and sen”

Every year we do the ‘Santa’s Little Helpers’ feature where the children showcase and review some toys. This year I’ve been a bit busier than other years so the feature has been on a much lower scale than previous. However, any review that little man does tends to get pretty high page views for the above reasons.

Over the years little mans Christmas list has been anything other than average… Its featured many a bizarre item, from padlocks to safes, batteries to working shop tills. One year we even got a request for a whole crate of fizzy drinks.

This year as he approaches his teen years the list seems somewhat more “normal” in terms of its contents. Well, that’s except for the request to hang out with Drew McIntyre his WWE idol and that of a life sized 4D simulator (needless to say both requests are somewhat out of my reach)! As you can see, Little man isn’t the type of child who scores the Argos catalog for ideas.

With this, I thought it would be interesting to pop over to my Facebook page “A boy with Aspergers” and ask some of the members there what their child with Aspergers has requested for Christmas whether this year or in past years.

Its important to remember that despite any diagnosis, all children with Aspergers have different likes and dislikes, yet unsurprising the results show lost of similarities.

Firstly – LEGO seems to be that of the biggest contender, especially when it comes to boys on the spectrum. Many will know that my little man started to discover the joys of LEGO a few years back and as a result it featured heavily on last years Christmas list and has subsequently made a return this year.

Many of the members over on the ‘A boy with Aspergers’ Facebook page state that their child has either asked for Lego StarWars, Lego Hero’s or just LEGO full stop.

One member told me “Anytime people ask my son what present he wants for any occasions they will get the answer in number form. Because my son’s world revolves around LEGO and its not a ‘Lego truck’ its the model number 4435 or whatever the number maybe”

Other answers highlight that younger children on the spectrum have developed obsessional interests in super heroes with Batman being one child’s special interest for the past 6 years. This child’s Christmas list consists off Batman Merchandise and again LEGO.

It’s also apparent from reading members replies that as their children have aged many of the their requests have changed and now focus on technology. Xbox and PS3 appears a number of times with one member mentioning the new Book of Spells which little man is currently reviewing and thinks is wonderful.

Some members stated how their child wanted to connect with others online to play games over that of the PS3 or Xbox networks. I can relate to this as since little man got his PS3 in October for his birthday, he has discovered the joy of connecting with friends (mainly our extended family) to play against them on FIFA or WWE.

Another big contender was of course the IPad. Is it any surprise? Even I’m wishing for the latest iPad.

Most of the members on the page that took part in the discussion, are parents to boys on the spectrum but a few parents to girls were also happy to share their daughters wish list. One of the page admins shared that her daughter has actually asked for a fridge for her bedroom where another member stated that her daughter wanted money so she could bank it. Yes, this little girl wants her own farm in the middle of nowhere and is already saving for it (and no, I’m not talking about a plastic toy farm but that of an actual farm). Another little girl has asked for a unicorn pillow, slippers and a Star Wars DVD box set (which seems to be popular with both the girls and the boys).

Another item that reappeared more than once was that of spy items such as spy pens and night vision goggles. Again, I can relate as Little man is in love with a spy watch that has a dictaphone and secretly video records (yes, it does actually tell the time too)!

In terms of the more bizarre items here’s some that made me giggle…

Magnets (boy)
A Custard Doughnut (boy 5)
Feather Duster (little girl)
Farm In the Middle of Nowhere ( girl 11)
Cell Phone & Pocket Knife (boy 5)
Electric Leaf Blower (boy 6)
Pyjamas With Feet (boy 9)
To Be Just Like Santa Himself (boy)
Lottery Ticket/Scratch card (boy 7)
Fridge in bedroom (girl 10)
A white keyboard without computer (boy)

Biggest Contenders

LEGO
MOBILE PHONES
IPADS
SPY TOYS
STAR WARS
WWE
TRAIN SETS
PS3
XBOX
LAPTOPS
LASERS
HOTWHEELS
HARRY POTTER
SUPER HEROS (Batman etc)
SONIC
JAMES BOND DVDS
SKYLANDERS

Ooo… I almost forgot one… Mindcraft seems to be on everyone’s most wanted list too!

Special Thank You – This post was put together with the help from members of the Facebook page ‘A Boy With Aspergers’ Thank you so much to those who took part in the discussion.
Claire- Louise. Xx

Aspergers and Birthdays

Well, it’s that time of year again! Little man is well on his way to becoming 12 and don’t we all know about it!

Now I love my son but what I don’t love is his constant banging on about his birthday… It’s driving me completely insane!

One of the traits of Aspergers Syndrome is that of obsessiveness.The tendency to go on and on about something of interest with no regard to the listener. Little man does this with his ‘special interest’ he also does this in the run up to his birthday! Now, I understand all children have the ability to become over excited about their birthday and most do! But for my little man this starts a little to early. His birthday is on the 1st October and he starts his birthday talk every July like clockwork.

This all starts with the searching and marking of items in the Argos catalogue. As his aged his discovered the beauty of the internet and now searches for his gifts on various different sites. Play.com and Amazon are just a few of the places he’ll look.

Over the past 2 months I’ve discovered at least 1 email per day in my inbox from the little man.The subject box always reads the same ‘G’s Birthday List’ I’ve actually had to create a folder just for his spam mail!

There does seem to be one or two differences this year compared to pervious years! He seems to be constantly changing his mind, going from one demand to the next! I seriously cannot keep up! Little man will normally get an idea of what he wants and then stick to it. This indecisive behaviour is something that combined with the constant birthday chatter is completely driving me bonkers!

Little man seems to have little concept of the value of money. Some of his requests have been dam right ludicrous when it comes to the cost. His requested everything from vintage slush puppy machines to real working shop tills. Then there’s the more “normal” requests like a Playstation 3 or a PC. These request are normally fine but money hasn’t been great these past few months and with a few weeks to go I’m hoping to get anything.

I remember when the Little man’s birthday and Christmas list would consists of a lot stranger items than anything of the above. He would ask for batteries, padlocks and even fizzy pop. I’m sure regular readers will already know this from my past posts on the subject.

As for what we are doing for his birthday, I just don’t know! His Aspergers makes surprises a no go and the need for me to get my butt in gear and start pulling a plan together is a must. I’ve been wracking my brains tonight and I’m just not getting that big bulb going off in my head!

So, heres hoping that one goes off very soon, because before you know it, it will be Christmas!

Did you know it was just 14 weeks to go?

“Mum, your christmas presents belong in the trash!”

23 

Days till Christmas

On Christmas morning the children wake you up at the crack of dawn, keen to get going on their marathon of gift unwrapping. Your Child squeals with delight and surprise when they discover what’s been hiding under the tree! 

 But what if they don’t? I mean, what if they say..

 “Thanks but no thanks” 

 How would that make you feel?

 As a mother of a child with Aspergers, I know all to well how that feels, except the words above are a not exactly of his choosing!

 “Yuck, that’s nasty”

 “How much was it?”

 “I don’t like these mum”

 “Have you got the receipt so we can exchange it for something way better”

 All these terms and more have been used by the Little man, you may feel his spoilt or selfish, greedy maybe!

 The reality is Little man don’t do well with surprises, the thought of someone getting him something not of use or something he doesn’t like is a total worry that could literally mess up his whole entire way of thinking. 

With this in mind, it is safe to say that,“No, my son does not believe in Santa Claus” that much is clear to see.

 His choices for gift have always been… Well, lets say a little “absurd” though I’ve noticed that since his been “allowed” to be part of a school community his slowly becoming interested in other things, things that are considered more “Socially accepted” (though I’m pretty sure that nothing will be able to replace his “special interest” in transport) you may think his a bit of an anorak? If he wasn’t my son, would I think the same? 

 Anyhow, regardless of any of that above (to be honest I don’t know why I’m even bringing that into it) because it will always be the same whether he likes buses, Lego or the latest Nerf blaster! The bottom line is, he don’t do well with surprises and unfortunately when them “Surprises” are not to his liking he doesn’t do well on subtlety either and it would seem that Little man isn’t the only one!

 Yes, I created the A boy with Asperger’s (ABWA) Facebook page around a year after this blog as kind of an extension, that I hoped would somehow do well in the world of  “Social media” and to my surprise, it went down a storm, so much so we now have eleven amins and almost 4,500 members. The page has seen myself and many others through some difficult times and for many Christmas seems to be one of those! 

 We are quite lucky in the fact that despite Little man’s present opening can be somewhat disastrous, if not thought through, and the fact he can be quite impulsive especially around lots of people, he still copes far better than some children on the spectrum during Christmas

 After engaging in a group discussion on the Facebook page this week, it came to light that the whole situation surrounding gifts and surprises, was by far one of the biggest issues for our children at Christmas. However there was a lot of discussion around the topic of Christmas dinner, social gatherings which sadly included visits from the extended family.

 I found many parents with the exception of a few, complained that their families failed to fully understand or even accept their child, which made occasions like Christmas even more difficult families.

 I mean… Our children don’t mean to be so blunt, it’s not as easy for them to smile politely and say thank you, when let’s be honest they feel the given gift is best of in the trash than actually taking up space in their bedrooms.

 I remember from such a young age, Little man would so bluntly show his utter disappointment in a gift he had received. This made me dread Christmas and birthdays, I used to try desperately hard to… “BEG” him if you like, to not say anything rude and if he didn’t like something we would sort it out when everybody had left to go home! He would just look at me before coming out with a thousand and one… “But why” questions. Once convinced he knew the drill I’d just about relax and out it would pop… “Nan… what ever made you think I wanted this” I’d go darting over from wherever I was and quite literally gag him.

 This isn’t always the case anymore and most of the family understand this is just his way! My mum learnt her lesson quite early on and began taking him shopping for his own gifts (not usually a great idea is shopping, what with the tendency to quickly convert into meltdown mode, due to the sensory overload of the busy situation) but like myself, my mother has a plan (one that doesn’t always work… it a 50/50 thing) quite periods and the mid relaxation break at a costa branch normally helps! Strange choice for an 11-year-old I know but a decaf with cream seems to somehow make a bad situation a not so bad one.

 While on my Facebook page reading some Crimbo tips from my fellow parents of children on the autism spectrum, I discovered a few I wanted to share!

 Please bear in mind some of these children find the whole occasion that is Christmas far too much to bear and cannot cope with it at all. Many really do not like the whole social situation that comes with Christmas, where little man wants to socialise, he just has difficulties doing so.

 Christmas tips for the family of a child with autism  given by parents from the ABWA facebook page.

 One of our admin on the page… My tip is, don’t do it! Jo has asked for no decorations, to know what presents are, to do very little, to spend it at home with a mince-pie or two just me & him & Dr who! I think the buffet idea is the best tip I’ve heard of, that and allowing aspies plenty of space away from it all if there is a family gathering taking place (L)

Parent from page… Jamie hates surprises and too many presents overwhelm her so Xmas starts tomorrow for us, a present a day for advent and anything she isn’t happy with I will swap for something she wants. Xmas day will be very casual with a couple of presents to open when she’s ready and no Xmas dinner, just a normal day as far as food is concerned!

 Parent from page… Eli is obsessed with his nintendo dsi and zones out when playing games so we take it with us when we go for family holidays and he has as much down time as he needs. We don’t force him to sit with us or socialise…. He seems to visit when he wants and the dsi gives us all some peace.

 Parent from page… All my family are very aware of Liams need to get away so they always tell him which room he can hide out in when he wants and we bring his ds and he is happy. No one is allowed into his chill out room, as for presents he gives me a list of what he wants including stocking fillers… I get what I can and pass the rest on to the others then we move onto a ratio, vouchers so many previous Christmas ruined because we bought what we thought he might like …..big mistake

 Parent from page… For kyles bedtime routine (kyle is just 5) we have made a picture board using photos we took of him doing various things, they look so nice and also I think it makes it more personal for his understanding when he sees himself doing it in his room etc. I am hoping to get something to attach the pictures with at the moment so its like his “diary” he has at school. I am now trying to get some of the other things we do like taking a bus trip out etc 🙂 hope this helps x

 Parent on page… My 7-year-old son knows every present he’s getting! Last year he went on and on and on and on and on and on for a month before xmas, I learnt this year and he helped me choose everything so no surprises but he doesn’t care lol. x

 Parent on page… Limit the amount of time friends and family spend visiting you – everyone has this big thing about spending the whole festive period together but for my son this is like torture. So we have family over on the xmas day bit and have a limit on the amount of time they can spend with us , and this helps my son to stay focused and calm as he knows there is an end in sight and he knows when the time is coming where he can chill and just be himself. I will say that my son has a thing about being fully dressed, and eating in front of people, so for him it is good to know that he only has so long left till he can strip and stuff his face with xmas goodies!

 Parent from page… For those, like my son, who hate opening presents if they don’t know what it is, ask the giver to write the label ‘To Jake, a toy tractor with love from Auntie Julie xx’. It takes the stress out of the moment. Of course,if they don’t want the tractor that could be interesting too!!. X

 Parent on page… It doesn’t matter if you don’t open the presents all in one go, we do ours over the whole day and sometimes keep hold of some for the next day too. It seems too overwhelming for my lot and I wouldn’t say they’re spoiled either!

All the comments above have been left on the ABWA facebook page and permission has been obtained for their use within this post. Please remember these are personal comments from parents of children on the autism spectrum and the comments will be protected by the copyright that protects this blog

Tonight is the night

Can you believe it, today is the day of the Mad blog awards Ceremony where the winners will be revealed.

I will be done up to the nines in my new dress and overly high shoes. Lots of makeup is needed (a paper bag even) as I’m sure I will have great big bags hanging from under my eyes, the kind bigger enough to carry a weeks shopping in!

Of course I haven’t had a wink of sleep, not even a tiny bit. We currently don’t have any melatonin for Little Man, (not that it does much good anyway) so these last few nights have been pretty trying.

My Sponsor OptiBac Probiotics have provided me with a beautiful hotel for tonight, so I’m not only looking forward to the awards but also a good bloody nights sleep!

Tomorrow is another big day in our household! It’s the Little man’s 11th Birthday.

This year I found we’ve had less strange gift request, such as padlocks, batteries and Dr pepper. This has been replaced with the request for money!

Sadly Little man seems to think the stuff falls out of the sky and I nearly killed myself laughing when he calmly yet politely requested the grand old sum of £400 (No my finger didn’t slip and accidently add an extra 0)!

Having Aspergers means little man normally has no shame in requesting the things he wants. Most children don’t, when the request is being made at their parents, yet little man will make such request to anyone who will listen!

His been requesting different sums of cash from a host of family members these past few weeks, so much so, that it’s driving me a tad loopy.

Another thing my son has a tendency to do, has done for as long as I can remember, is,

“ Ask friends and relatives bearing gifts, how much did it cost”

It’s times like these I feel to cover his mouth so he cannot speak. Someone gives him a present and I hold my breath in till I almost pass-out in the hope he doesn’t ask!

Of course I’ve explained that it is indeed rude, my child’s rigid thinking disallows him to see my point, he can’t get my way of thinking so therefore continues on his mission to find out the cost of his birthday presents and won’t rest in till he has.

This year he is off for a day out in London with his friend My younger sister will be doing the honours in accompanying them. Me, I’m not invited! He actually went about making his birthday plans without me! Charming I know! So I’ve decided to treat him to a nice Chinese meal in the evening.

So, that’s my Little update from my little world.

I cannot continue for I am simply zombied out, so apologise if this post is a load of meaningless rubbish!

If you fancy finding out how myself and the other finalist get on at the Mad awards tonight (that’s if I manage to stay awake through it) then you can follow the live blog where there will be live commentary and pictures posted throughout! This kicks off at 6pm this evening (Friday 30th September) just click HERE.

A christmas messeage

Hope you all had a nice christmas. Ours was fab. Giovanni and his sister Alice were really pleased with there presents and stuff. We had a really nice dinner and had no problems with Giovanni eating we made sure all his food was put out on separate plates and he ate it all.

Not sure what we are doing for new year yet. I hope it’s as fantastic as christmas.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY.XXXXXXX

christmas eve

It’s Christmas eve and my children are really looking forward to tomorrow. My son made a pretty funky list this year. Well he does every year. Paper clips, padlocks and stapler are pretty much what he wants. If your child has Aspergers you may know where I’m coming from. Children with aspergers tend to collect strange items and some how find lots off enjoyment out of them. Last year after shopping for dolls and prams for my little girl i convinced myself my son may like some spider man toys. I also  got him some trains and tracks which i know he would like as he loves trains and bus’s. However the spider man toys did not go down well. He has never played with them to this day. This year i know better he likes what he likes and there is no changing that. One good thing amongst all the padlocks and paper clips he asked for a wii computer console which I’m pleased i managed to get befour they all sold out. Looking forward to seeing there smiling faces when they open up there presents even if Giovanni’s are a little strange.