Tag Archives: pain

Addictions & Aspergers

1 Jun

Little man didn’t go to school last week hardly at all! He has a toothache which is probably down to the fizzy drinks he drinks. The thing is Aspergers Syndrome and toothache doesn’t always result in a trip to the dentist. Yep, his refusing, despite the pain his in. His made it pretty clear he isn’t stepping foot in the dentist and I’m losing the will to live as a result!

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Firstly, it isn’t like I can just drag his backside there kicking and screaming! Why not? Because little mans kicking and screaming involves hitting, swearing and screaming so loud that in the past passers by have called the police thinking I’m some kind of child abductor. Believe me, this situation isn’t easy!

Shockingly, in between the tears of pain little man made a request… “Can I have a can off Coke please mum?”… Shocking… I know! I’m really having difficulty getting him to associate the cause of the pain with that of the fizzy pop. He waited till i was out of sight and went straight for the fridge. Lets just say that he finally realised that the fizz and the pain go hand in hand!

Yes, the fizzy drink as predicted, set of his toothache and did so in style. Little man rocked and cried as he experienced such intense discomfort. I tried to once again explain that this was a direct result of drinking fizzy drinks due to there high sugar content. I guess I expected some kind of big reaction, maybe a promise that he’ll never go near the stuff again! Shockingly little man made the suggestion of using a straw in the future instead.

The thing is, when younger, little man loved the dentist. He had a filling when he was around 6 years old! Myself and the dentist were sure he’d freak out and were all geared up ready for the explosion! Well, you can just imagine how shocked we both were when discovering he actually enjoyed the sensations of the drill during a small filling (mainly the vibrations he felt within his numb mouth).

He tells me he doesn’t remember this, which seems odd as he remembers almost everything (past events). He has no reasons to block such memories out.

I myself have a real dentist phobia and as a result, I’m registered under a clinic especially for those diagnosed with such fears. Note, that despite the amount of drugs they pumped in me, ones designed to relax me in order to receive the treatment I so badly needed, I still went ballistic and as a result, not one wisdom tooth was remove and not one filling applied… I left with worse toothache than when I had arrived! It is said that I had to be carried out from the treatment room as I was throwing punches at both the dentist and his assistant. I don’t remember becoming violent… I’m not that kind of person! This was down to the cocktail of drugs pumped into me for sure. I’ve now been told that the only way forward for me is to be put to sleep during treatment and I don’t want this to have to be the case for my 12 year old son. Its important that I point out that despite this somewhat intense fear, I’ve never displayed it in the presence of any of my children. If mums scared shitless then its simply a job for daddy! Oh Yes… I just ensure its him who makes the dentist trips. Though this brings me to my second reason on why dragging him kicking and screaming wont work! Dad isn’t used to public meltdowns, the type displayed by our little man. When outside, whenever such meltdowns have surfaced he’ll just run off the other way having been highly embarrassed by the situation! Sometimes I wish I had such an option as running! Sadly I don’t!

You see… In life some of the most “normal” everyday tasks that are usually completed with ease, are often more trying for those on the spectrum. I personally think, that those who don’t get to witness such struggles first hand, will never truly “get” it! I mean, I’ve been given some awful advice at times! Popular ones being… “Don’t take no for an answer… You’re the adult not him!” or another… “His being over the top and throwing a tantrum in the hope you’ll give up and give in!!” … Come on People, do you not think I haven’t already thought such “possibilities” over in my head? I’ve stood my ground and not taken no for an answer (and often still will) however, its all down to the situation at hand and how difficult little man is coping with the task or activity… Something’s are easier said than done and although their are times when his just plain not behaving, there are also situations such as the one we are in, where little man has little control over it! Trust me I’m his mother… I know!

Well, we have since had half term (which is a few days from ending) and little man still has an on/off toothache but still refuses to let a dentist work their magic. I’ve done my upmost best to keep any fizzy pop locked up and haven’t given him spends for the shop as I just know what he’ll buy. Sadly, I read an article in the paper just this week, about that of a young man age 30 who was diagnosed as having Aspergers Syndrome, was addicted to Coke (not the drug but the type supplied in a can and found usually in a refrigerator). Sadly this addiction took his life, it actually killed him. It was reported that the young man drunk an excessive amount of coke on a daily basis which has been reported to be behaviour motivated by his Aspergers. The young man had been drinking Coke -Cola since the age of 10 and his mother commented that it was as if her son had a self distract button (read report Here).

Its sad to think that the thing he loved was to be his killer! The 30 year old was reported to have died in his sleep and the cause of death recorded as excess liquid consumption.

Of course the above story scares the crap out of me! I just wish it would do the same for little man! So far no luck! Its dead frustrating and some days I just feel like I need to take ahold of him and shake the sense into him. Somehow maybe then the importance of what I’ve just told him would actually take some positive effect. Right now he just can’t relate his own actions with that of the young man who unfortunately lost his life at the hands of a Coke can.

Its my experience as a mother to a child diagnosed as having Aspergers Syndrome, that children on the autism spectrum seem to have rather addictive personalities! Of course not everyone! But for little man, I think this may well be the case! He so easily attaches himself to something in which he loves and like many diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, he will then over indulge. Both interests and habits almost always become obsessional and then indulged to an excessive level.

Well, its teacher training day this coming Monday so little man’s return will be on the Tuesday. He really needs to go in as the continued time off will just land me in trouble with the school/LEA. I could even be taken to court due to the lack of medical evidence I’ve obtained. Such evidence would usually be needed to authorise such absences. But I can’t possibly produce it, as little man won’t step foot in the dentist meaning I can’t request such written evidence. This is a fact but regardless of this, I know the court would not understand such a situation, therefore brand me an irresponsible parent before throwing me in jail, giving me a huge fine that I just can’t afford to pay, or even worse… Both!

Well, that’s about it for now! Just a quick thank you to all my lovely readers and fellow bloggers for your support and well wishes. Admitting to the world that depression has taken ahold off you, isn’t at all easy… But the response you all gave and tweets you sent just proves its worth speaking out and that no one is going to think any less of because your depressed. As you can see I’m slowly getting back to grips with blogging once more, though its taking long than expected I’m still here! Its a tad strange as I’ve always thrown myself into my writing when depression hits me! However, this time things were very different indeed.

Onwards and upwards from here on now!

Hope your all bright and well.

Bye, bye for now.

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Life In The Spectrum Bubble

10 May

Maybe you’ve noticed, maybe you haven’t, that this blogger hasn’t been the most active these past few weeks? I’m not being lazy, experiencing writers block or falling behind! No, I’ve simply been taking time out, working on other things!

As a parent, especially to one on the autism spectrum you sometimes feel as if your whole life is taken up with social skills training, advocating, battles and special interests. You find it difficult to shut off your mind, think about anything else, take real time for you, yourself as a person.

This isn’t a good thing, we all need to just be ourselves, doing some of the things we love from time to time. Its not that I don’t love parenting my son as I do his siblings, and it isn’t because I dislike blogging because, actually… I love it! I just needed a little me time.

Things at home haven’t been too eventful… If anything drama levels have remained reasonably low so I don’t have much in the way of news to report. Little man has been experiencing some sleepless nights (as usual). What’s worse is his been experiencing some awful toothache and this has affected him badly. He is very sensitive to this type of pain and is having difficulty coping with it. His senses are in overdrive, and with refusal to see the dentist I think we are both at our wits end.

I also got a letter from his school today threatening court action. Little man’s attendance is well below but when his refusing to sleep and then attacking me as I try to pull him from his bed of a morning it isn’t the easiest task to undertake. Its not that little man dislikes school because he actually quite likes it. However, changes such as new children in his cab, new teaching staff and friends leaving, makes little man want to shut the world out.

Between looking after little man and the toddler during the day, I’ve also been busy working on my own stuff. Myself and a friend have been doing some selling at bootfairs, vintage fairs and craft markets, selling mainly that of vintage items, jewellery and other lovely bits. I actually love doing this, especially during the warmer months. Not only does it raise some much needed funds but it gets me out doing something, meeting new people.

We have to remember that just because we are parents of children on the autism spectrum, it doesn’t mean we can’t have interests, time spent on other stuff! We should be able to do this without feeling guilty too.

I’m not denying that when your child is on the autism spectrum life becomes a bit more hectic, it does! However, you adjust and adapt, making routines and adjustments as best you can.

Its easy to find yourself stuck in the autism bubble, you’ve just got to pop it, remembering that before your child’s diagnosis you concentrated on other stuff! After all,its not healthy to do nothing but study the best therapies and educational resources all day long.

We are far better parents when we are more relaxed, free from stress and happy overall.

All my children need a sane mummy… And I’m just working hard to avoid myself becoming anything other than that! After all I’ve been there and it isn’t a pretty place!

My week full of chuck up and poo

22 Oct

One week + One bug+ three kids= One nervous breakdown

It all started last Sunday evening when I realised that my youngest Little Harley was getting unwell. It’s horrible when your children are sick, especially when they are so young as it is much harder to disguise the root of the problem. How did I know Harley was getting sick? Anybody who is a mother will know what I mean when I say it was mothers intuition!

Harley was moaning for England and I had this feeling it was just the start of something worse to come!

Yes, Harley got a temperature that refused to shift, he became clingy, so bloody clingy I couldn’t take a pee without him hanging from my ankles.

What happened next was all too much for this mother to bare. Little man returned home from school Monday evening removed his coat and shoes and fell onto the sofa! Before I could count to thirty the child who doesn’t sleep till at least 3 am was snoring heavily.

“Please god… No”

This wasn’t the usual Little man, by now he would be in his bedroom building buses from Lego or sat at his computer on the hunt for new buses in-order to record their number and destination, but instead sleeping… something wasn’t right. Again this was mothers intuition and mothers intuition is never ever wrong!

Some hours later he woke complaining of a headache.

“Brilliant, just Brilliant!”

I gave both the boys some medicine and prayed it would be over quickly! You see when your child has Aspergers he either has a high tolerance to pain and discomfort or is highly sensitive! There’s no guessing to which category Little man falls into!

So, there I was with a 22 month old sat on my hip, trying to cook a dinner that no one even touched. I was ready to fall into bed but found myself clearing up sick ten times through the night.

These are my children and of course I love them like nothing else, but I don’t love they’re whining, sick and sorry… Shit!

In the days that followed there was plenty of the above to deal with. It was Harley doing all the throwing up which in a weird way was better than Little man. You see, Little man really can’t do sick! He gets really upset and scared when he throws up. He panics and actually screams and shakes… So thank heavens it was the other way around.

Of course like a true pro my words were spoken too soon and yes, Little man began chucking up on Wednesday night… 3 days after first becoming ill and 4 days after Harley. By now I was a flipping mess, Harley was still clinging and the only time I got to see the bath tub was when I was putting my sick brood into it in-order to wash the smelly sick from their hair. Seriously I even tried to engage in a quick strip wash with Harley having a full-blown tantrum on the floor screaming,

“NO MUM, NO…”

… like the flannel was trying to murder me or something!

As I first suspected, Little man didn’t deal with the sickness side of things to well. He refused to eat & drink in the fear that he may chuck up again!

It may sound selfish but I was losing the will to live!

It’s funny, Harley is quite a daddies boy, but he wasn’t interested in daddy it was mummy he stuck to like glue. Children do seem to have a tendency when sick to seek comfort from their mothers.

Luckily the sickness side of it passed quickly for little man but by Thursday when you would have thought God had dished out enough crap, I heard the sound of coughing coming from my daughters bedroom and yer, I knew it!

Alice-Sara, was sick on the stairs (better than my hair, Harley had already fulfilled this task).

Now I ask you is it true what they say about “Man flu?”

OK, OK, Little man is highly sensitive which is down to his Asperger’s and Harley would be clingy after all he is still a baby, but Alice at eight just got on with it! I felt kinda bad that I couldn’t be more hands on in her care but what with Harley becoming an extension of me, I swear It was as if I had grown an extra limb or something, and Little man telling me he thinks his dying, I was finding the task at hand pretty difficult.

There was once or twice I think I shouted,

“Oh… shout up Harley”

As he throw himself on the floor every time I tried to detach myself from him. Yes, it’s true I even cursed loudly (Bad mother) when Little man woke in a panic, waking his sibling resulting in myself flying out the bath, (the bath I waited so long to get in) slipping, falling hard on my arse, I may have shouted..

“For F…. sake….”

I am only human!

Yes, by now, I was a baggy eyed, bruised arsed, over sensitive mother!

So my question is…. Why do people always state, “Its better they all get sick at the same time?”

Please…. People are you mad lot serious? How is this somehow better, better for who, for me? Doesn’t it make sense to be dealing with it at different intervals, at least getting some shut-eye in between?

It’s now Saturday and the first day in what feels like forever… that Harley has sat and played with his toys.

I even peed alone!

I type that with a fat grin releasing that I have always taken peeing for granted & never will again!

Little man just scoffed some chicken so I guess his recovering and my daughter, well she’s still a little tender!

So, Little man was off school for a total of four days and Alice two days, we now have a half term to get through!

What a Joy… Bring on, I’m ready!

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