Communicating Though Technology

Like many people on the autism spectrum my little man has a fondness for his PC and more so the Internet. But its not just a hobby, Interest or even an addiction! Its his voice, the great one within… The one he can’t seem to use to express himself in the real world.

I’m not saying that Little man can’t speak, because he can! He is very verbal (ask our neighbours, the bus driver or even the postman)! Its just that little man struggles to put some of what he needs to say In the right set of words. This can lead to frustration, misunderstandings and a degree of sadness.

Of course I’d always heard about both children & adults with Aspergers having some type of connection and in many cases, great knowledge when it comes to the world of computers, many children branded as little whizz kids. I didn’t think much about this, that was in till my own child took to the keyboard.

I’ve never had to really ever teach little man something more then once when it comes to computers. I remember his interest at a young age. He was eager to know what all the fuss was about and couldn’t wait to explore cyber space. At 12 years old my son can now show me a thing or two when it comes to using a computer especially when it comes to windows (yes, its true, once you use a Mac you never go back).

Both the existence of computers and the net has opened a whole host of doors for children like Little Man. I’ve noticed that online his much more confident, fancying himself as something of a comedian at times. He loves talking to others about the world of Mind Craft, making Youtube Tutorial videos and sharing his love of wrestling and transport.

Its simple, the computer has no string of facial expressions to understand, it doesn’t constantly change its tone with every mood, it won’t ever demand you stare at it in order to prove your paying attention… Its your connection to the world and those in it. Its a place that lets you express yourself without fear in a way you know how! No ones looking at you and even if they are its through a web cam which according to the little man is an extremely cool invention (his words not mine).

As your child gets the most out of their new communication tool, they also learn and discover all there is to know about it! Little man has no issues when it comes to making spread sheets and presentations. His a massive fan of power point software and seems to understand where every file lies on his PC (even those he has no access to).

It allows him to write at speed instead of lagging behind as he struggles with his fine motor skills when doing things the traditional way. Whether his working on a new movie trailer for his youtube channel or sending that occasional funny tweet that makes everyone laugh, his expressing himself without fear… His learning, communicating and experimenting all at the same time.

All the above is fantastic, making me a very proud mother. However, though I think its great, as his mother I still feel its important he learns the communication skills required to use away from the computer, out there in the big wide world. That’s why together along with his school Little man is thought communication and social skills that we encourage him to use both on and offline.

So… Will I be at all surprised if my son grows up to get a job that involves computers, the net or both?

No… I think its looking pretty likely don’t you?

Define Normal

For us, “Normal” is…

late nights, even sleepless nights.

In depth Conversations on transport, LEGO and wrestling!

Visual learning (our home is full of home made schedules)!

Laughter… Tears

Misconceptions and explanations

Battles… We’ve fought many!

Educating those that are willing to learn…

Tolerating those that are not!

Discovering and learning from one another.

Adaption…

Arguments, shouting and a whole load of swearing…

More tears!

Sensory meltdowns….

Sensory integration!

Understanding…

Not understanding…

Trying to understand!

Difficult days…

Fabulous days…

And dam right tiring days!

Planning and preparation.

Achievements and celebrations!

Surprises…

Lots of surprises!

I don’t want to wear your shoes mum!

“Mum I really wouldn’t do that”, shouted little man in a stern voice.

“Well, you would if you were in my shoes mate” I replied without taking my eyes off the screen as I frenetically typed my angry email to yet another not so professional, professional!

Silence……

Then……

“Mum, why would I be in your shoes? There far to big and not the kind of shoes I would wear, they are made for girls and look way to uncomfortable for a ten year old boy!”

Yep, you would have thought that I would known better by now wouldn’t you! My use of ambiguous language could lead to alsorts of problems

Little man isn’t stupid, far from it, he just doesn’t understand why people don’t just say what they mean! I’ve explained the use of metaphors to which he will often reply “that’s just stupid and isn’t worth saying” I suppose he has a point but to most these terms just slip out without a seconds thought and that was the case now.

I glanced up from my Mac, to see little man stood before me shaking his head, deep in thought. I knew I would need to explain myself and that once I had he would try to store the new little metaphor deep in his head in a bid to recognise it if ever used again. This technique is often a success but there are a few he just can’t get his head around.

he will often attempt to give it a whirl himself, Sadly more often then not this Is done in the wrong context, using the metaphor at a time it isn’t needed sounding totally ‘odd’ and often inappropriate with no relevance to the conversation often coming across as if to be using sarcasm. (could be a huge problem in later life) I’m very thankful that more often then not little man sees these little metaphors as completely uncalled for and really un-needed.

I put down the Mac and gave little man my full attention.

“I really didn’t mean you would wear my shoes as you are very right they are not suitable for boys, especially children as they are definitely for ladies and as you stated, they are most uncomfortable”

He stood concentrating on my words, taking it all in.

“You see what I meant was, you would likely send such an email if you was in a situation of my kind!”, So, by saying if you were in my shoes… I’m merely suggesting you would take this same action. This is the same for any situation not just an email, it may be that I forgot to do something because I was so busy and if u suggested that I was stupid for forgetting I may say that you would have forgotten too if in my shoes! understand?”

“How stupid mum! it’s pointless as you don’t become a person for wearing their shoes! we all have our own minds, shoes don’t come into it mum” With a huge Si and drop of his shoulder’s he shook his head and laughed at me as if I was silly.

A few days later we were sat on the sofa together watching the film ‘White Chicks’ (a comedy where two black cops go undercover as two young white socialites in a bid to find the bad guys, but mainly save their butts from being sacked) Little man was laughing hysterically alongside me. We sat and watched the whole film together while munching on ice cream and spoiling ourselves with a can of something fizzy (trying to cut down little mans fizz intake, that’s why i refer to fizzy as a treat)

After having watched the film little man turned to me and said, “That was really funny mum! I can’t believe that them guys wore ladies shoes for all that time just to understand the situation”

“What?” I sputtered

As little man went to repeat what he had just said, I stopped him stating, “oh I know what you mean sweetheart” giving him a kiss on the head I got up and made us a warm drink for bed.

Only this time while I stood boiling the kettle, it was me who gave a little Si, shook my head slowly while displaying a slight smile. Let’s leave this one for another day I thought to myself!

Oh and by the way, The little man was right… The angry email really wasn’t a good idea!

How Mummy should have listen to her ten year old aspie!

“I’m never going back to school, ever”

Last week I received a call from little man’s tutor requesting that I collect him from the library early (This was an hour before he was due to finish)

Turns out the little dude had a mini meltdown why getting lunch at the supermarket. Reason… He thought the security guard was laughing at him!

Yep, his tutor who I refer to as James for the purpose of this blog, was having a friendly chat with the security guard while little man grabbed a drink from the refrigerator. He called out to his tutor and just at that same moment both the tutor and the guard began to laugh about something totally unrelated to anything Little man was doing. However Little man didn’t know this and as he often does, he jumped in at the deep end.

Of course the guard was unaware of the little mans AS and I don’t think the tutor even had time to warn him. Of course Little man was somewhat confrontational requesting an explanation from the guard and the tutor on what it was they found so amusing. I don’t think he was as polite as he could have been and I’m guessing that the use of inappropriate language may have been used somewhere along the way.

I’m very thankful that his tutor James is somewhat understanding of AS and this isn’t really a massive deal as it is only the second incident in the six weeks they have worked together as opposed to the daily calls I received from his mainstream primary school, regardless it was a situation that needed dealing with.

To cut a long story short I didn’t need to collect him early as first requested as James called me back to say that they were now back in the Library and things were a lot more calmer. Nevertheless he asked if I had a spare half hour when collecting him as some other concerns needed to be discussed.

Sat on the bus I had all sorts going through my mind, “Other concerns, what concerns” this was a constant niggle in my head. I kept thinking what if James no longer wishes to educate Little man. How will little man deal with yet another rejection! I don’t know why I thought this as James is very understanding of Little man’s needs and has told me that he considers him a pleasure to teach. He thinks he has a great mind and personality if given the time to get to know him. Like I’ve already mentioned this is only one of two incidents… So surely not! I think it’s just going to take time for both myself and the little dude to get over the whole mainstream thing and trust people again as I feel little man worries about how things will plan out, where I just feel like we have been failed by the system to many times.

I finally arrived at the library and to my surprise but also delight Little man was clam and relaxed, showing no indication of his not so long ago mini meltdown… He went off and scanned some books while I chatted with James (Oh yes he adores the library’s self scanner)

Well, at last I could finally relax… It turns out James had concerns in relation to the ongoing statementing process and pending transition to a “Special” school that would someday be upon us, as opposed to that of little mans tendency to display challenging behaviour. He stated that every time he even tried to raise the subject of little man starting a new school one day in the further he would become extremely anxious and find a number of ways to not talk about it! This included shouting over James as he spoke, walking off or just shutting down. I explained that I was still trying to contact the caseworker in relation to the final statement, James said we have to come up with a transition plan even without a school place just so little man would always know it was coming.

I defiantly agreed!

The second thing was in relation to his fine motor skills. Yes, he was making zero progress in his writing. He was still refusing to write and near on all his work is done on the computer or is somehow practical… Like science projects and discussions.

His tutor James knew this was one of my many objections to the proposed statement. When first meeting James to discuss what Little man likes and dislikes, what his good at and not so good at in preparation for teaching him, I explained the issue of messy handwriting, fine motor skill problems and the reluctance he displays when it comes to him having to write. I felt that this was an important issue that James needed to know in order to teach him, and this just shows my concerns were valid.

With this I contacted the LEA caseworker who happens to be situated in the very same building as the library. Although I have had dealing with the caseworker a good six months now it was the first time we had met face to face.

I think she was a little worn out after our conversation as Little man would not give her a break when firing hard fast questions at her in relation to the elevator that he saw her come down in. He stated that members of the public should be allowed to use it too and wanted to know the reasons for such a ban! (He just loves an elevator my son)

So the outcome of our little chat was… She requested that I ask Little man’s tutor to write his concerns and for me to forward these on to her as soon as possible as it is going to panel again in order for the LEA to decide if they will make any of my recommended amendments and name my preferred school in part 4 of the statement (Which happens to be independent so I’m not holding my breath) The panel will have the meeting after the half term and the final statement should follow sometime there on after. The Caseworker was in agreement on one thing, and this didn’t require any form of panel meeting! Little man does needs a school… FAST! She had just 15 minutes in his company before she quickly agreed *giggle* He really was talking for England this particular afternoon. With this she agreed to look into my parental preference for an independent school, mainly due to the fact that all the maintained schools have said that they can’t meet his needs (Shock will be had If I’m not required to fight my arse off for it)

Once I had got the Little man home we sat down for a chat, topic being, “SCHOOL TRANSITION” He ran away to his room, on went Bruno Bloody Mars full blast (No offence Bruno) and he remained there in till we left to attend my nieces first birthday party ( Bruno Mars album came too) Once at the party he avoided me big style and with that I decided that the conversation will have to be had another day.

The day after Little man had the day of as the library had closed due to health and safety reasons (angry protest happening outside) So with this I went in for the kill and attempted the school conversation! Again this wasn’t a great success. However this time he didn’t run but instead informed me that his “NEVER EVER, EVER, EVER” going to school again” From now on he will be learning in the library with James Monday to Friday, 9:30 am till 2:30 p.m. and that is final.

I guess that told me!

I will just have to keep trying while praying that when a school placement does come along it’s the one we want or a fantastically understanding one in its place!