Its not easy being a parent to a child on the autism spectrum! Actually… It isn’t that easy being a parent full stop!
Below are some dos and don’t, all based around the stuff I’ve learnt while parenting my little man. Remember, I’m just another parent like you! No, I’m not doctor or child psychologist and what works for us may totally not work for you. But why not have a read anyway… If anything you won’t feel do alone. Please, feel free to add anything within the comments sections:)
So… Here it goes…
Don’t feel guilty if you failed to spot the signs at an early age.
Do remember that this is common for children diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome with many of them not gaining an actual official diagnosis, till their teenage years.
Don’t be to proud to ask for help!
Do fight for it, if those who are meant to provide it, withhold it!
Don’t force your child to be someone they are not!
Do show them you are proud of them for being the person they are.
Don’t assume its easy!
Do remember that parenting any child can at times be challenging.
Don’t feel you have to explain your child’s behaviour, every single time they do something that makes others stop and stare.
But do educate those who are willing to listen! The important issue here is, not to get stressed when out and about. this only makes things more difficult for both yourself and your child. Remember its ignorance and sadly many are guilty of displaying it!
Don’t restrict the activities you do as a family.
Do prepare your child for such occasions with the help of visual resources and schedules to avoid unwanted challenges on the day.
Don’t forget you have a life too.
Do take time out for you, whenever the opportunity arises.
Don’t assume that any two children diagnosed with Aspergers will experience the exact same traits.
But do make yourself aware of such traits, preparing yourself for what may lay ahead.
Don’t assume a diagnosis is your child’s ticket to the support and services they may need.
Do be prepared to battle for them, services! Yes, you’ll be expected to provide evidence showing why it is the help is needed.
Don’t just expect others to instantly understand your child’s diagnosis
Do be prepared for ignorance & denial. Sadly many find that its friends & family who display the worst reactions to the news of a child’s diagnosis. As for strangers…. I not don’t even notice the states as my son displays a screaming match at the local train station. Ok its never easy, but you adjust and get used to it.
Don’t freak out if your child develops an interest in something considered to be strange or unusual.
Do embrace and encourage all that your child loves regardless of its wackiness.
Don’t assume your child will have learning difficulties.
Do celebrate the subjects they excel in, and offer help and support to improve in those they are not.
Don’t base decisions on what you want for your child!
Do base decisions on what is best for them.
Don’t beat yourself up if you lose it! Meltdowns that go on for hours are likely to make you crumble.
Do remember that your human and your child still loves you ( regardless of what they may say).
Don’t be surprised if your child announces to the lady sat on the bus, that she’s old, wrinkled and looks close to death.
Do play games and work on activities designed to help your child avoid social mishaps like that of the above.
Don’t waste money buying your child the top branded toys, especially if they have failed to express any interest.
Do make them happy on Christmas morning if padlocks, staples and rulers were on their Christmas list.
Don’t be too disheartened if your child shows no interest in making friends.
Do have hope that one day that will change!
Don’t force your child to play with other children…
… But do teach them the social skills required to do so! Most children on the autism spectrum will eventually show a desire to interact and play with others.
Don’t waste your time looking for cures
But do look into therapies that have been designed to help your child better develop the skills required to succeed in both child and adulthood.
Don’t assume that just because your child doesn’t display certain traits during childhood they won’t during adulthood.
But Do remember maybes are not certainties.
Don’t try to make your child fit into society!
But do mould them as you would any child so society fits with them.
Don’t use complex language (metaphors and sarcasm) when talking with your child
But do try and teach them that others will to avoid miscommunications.
Don’t force your child to wear certain clothing, eat certain foods or attend certain activities.
Do be sure to research sensory processing disorders as their refusal to do any of the above could be and likely is related.
Don’t assume that your child with Aspergers will have the abilities to cope in a mainstream school (not all can)!
Do make sure you are open minded… Sometimes special schools are all your child needs to succeed within education.
Don’t use your child’s diagnosis as an excuse for unwanted behaviour.
Do remember that all children can be challenging and all are not autistic… You will learn the difference, I have!
Don’t forget to be mum to everyone
Do remember that siblings of children with Asperger’s syndrome may display unwanted behaviour or mimic their siblings traits as a way to gain the attention they crave.
Don’t assume your child will be bullied.
But do look out for the signs as statistics have shown that it is children like yours and mine who become targets.
Don’t force your child to believe in the mystical world of make believe.
Do remember that many child with Asperger’s syndrome like things based upon facts, the type backed up by evidence. If you can’t prove how santa gets round the world in one single night then chances are he will never believe. Just make sure he doesn’t share his findings with his siblings… Like little man has tried.
Don’t ask your child if you look good in a new dress unless you want blatant sharp honesty…
Do be prepared to be shown your love handles and chubby knees if you do.
Don’t believe everything the books tell you.
Do remember that every child has the capability to at least try and lie… Well, at least the desire to try and do so, is usually there! Its just that children with Aspergers are not all that hot at it! Little man usually cracks within minutes.
Don’t be so serious…
Do crack a smile, your child with Aspergers is more than capable of making you proud… Mine does.
Don’t just assume your child will tell you if something is wrong! Aspergers is a communication disorder after all!
Do be ready to put on your investigation cap, as you try to discover just what has upset your child… Remember they will expect you to just know.
Don’t feel that everything has to become a mission in life because of your child’s condition.
Do be prepared to be pleasantly surprised when your child shows you that something you thought would be impossible for them… is actually totally possibly.
Don’t waste time asking yourself “What If?”
Do remember that we have one life, Our own unique and special story. All children deserve to be brought up happy with stacks of love and great memories to support it. Our children will eventually grow up and fly the nest… Yes even those with Aspergers Syndrome! My point? Just enjoy your kids, never taking a single day for granted… Even those not so good ones!
The Sensory Processing Of A Child With Aspergers Syndrome
23 FebIt’s a saturday afternoon, myself and the children are sat in our local cafe where I’m treating them to lunch and their favourite milkshake. Sat across from us, there are workmen sipping their tea as they delve into a spot of all day breakie. It’s a little noisy but that’s just what you expect from a cafe, isn’t it!
Suddenly I hear the sound of scrapping metal, it seems drawn out, lasting forever. I look round to spot one of the builders doing a grand old job of ensuring he gets his full five quid’s worth, as he fights to scrape the remaining 4 or so baked beans onto his fork, before finally shoving them in his mouth and down his throat. I turn my head in the direction of Little Man (aka a boy with Aspergers) who now has his hands firmly placed over his face, shaking his head, he mumbling words I cannot understand, yet I know what his saying, his saying, “Mum, let’s get the hell out off here!”
Sensory Overload is powerful, so much so, it can make a person actually vomit. So, if my Little Man is so sensitive to such sounds, why take him to a place they are bound to be found? Little man loves the cafe and I want him to experience such small pleasures such as eating in one! Some days can be worse than others, his done well at trying to take in these sounds that cause him so much distress, finding other methods of dealing with it! Yet, this is all dependent on his current state of mind and how he feels physically at the time (I guess it’s like anyone and anything, example being how things are much harder without sleep)!
Such simple things interfere with Little mans senses and I feel as his mother, it’s my duty to help him find ways to regulate them best he can! He has to live with many sensory triggers, some that will never be fully avoidable, I want to be sure that he can cope both physically and mentally. Given Little man faces many of these sensory triggers on a daily basis, myself and his OT based within his school, are trying our hardest to help him to process these things better as to not let it take over completely making him stressed upset or simply meltdown! The sound of scrapping metal is just one in a long list of sensory processing difficulties the Little man experiences with each day, and was actually one of the first indications that Little man had such difficulties within this area! This was when he was not much older than 2-years-old.
Certain tactile experiences are yet another sensory trigger for Little man, he will refuse to wear certain clothing garments dependent on their material, he refuses to drink from plastic beakers or eat from plastic plates, stating it leaves him feeling fuzzy. It’s taken a long time to work out what does and what doesn’t upset him, I can safely say, that in many respects, especially in regard to the clothing issues, I have it nailed now! Then again given he refuses to wear anything other than joggers, it isn’t hard to establish what it is I should be offering him to wear everyday. We are so lucky that his special school for children on the autism spectrum actually allows joggers as part of it’s uniform! Mainstream school and its uniform policy caused little man great distress, he was even excluded from school on a number of occasions for sensory outburst when demands were made to tuck his shirt in! For the average person, that’s like requesting they stick their head in a hot oven!
The good news was “Bob the builder” (aka workman opposite) had managed to capture all of his baked beans so had finally stopped chasing them around the plate! Bad news was, Bobs crew also liked to engage in some good old grub chasing and soon enough Little man let rip!
Raising to his feet he turned in the direction of the workmen and with great volume stated, “Id much rather you licked your plate please” Now, a little shocked I’m sure they were, after all, it’s not every lunch break you get told to lick your plate by a small child (well, this was a good 3 years back, before his massive spurt in growth)! However, what they did next I didn’t expect! One goes for it… literally licking his plate while laughing and stating in between licks, “like that son, is it?” Little man had meant it all right, they may have thought my Little man was some little sarcastic wise arse, but I knew he meant it and was rather pleased at the fact this builder had taken his meaningful advice and got stuck in, licking like a dog.
Regardless of the fact I did laugh inside, (quite some amount in fact) I didn’t want little man thinking his chosen technique had won him silence, he would only be ordering the licking of plates every single time we ran into these problems, and let’s be honest, you always get one person who fails to see any funny side of anything whatsoever! This could therefore result in Little man getting hurt, maybe even being beating up as he grows older, and what mother ever wants to think about such a horrible thing happening to her child!
I’ve defiantly decided to start the Little man on a sensory diet, which before you ask, doesn’t have anything to do with food! Basically , this is a programme you can do at home which is made up from a series of activities and exercises, designed to help with sensory integration.
Here are some great ideas to introduce a child with Autism, Aspergers or just SPD to a series of Sensory based activities things they may normally find difficult to process.
Tactile board
Introducing a range of textures as part of a tactile board, some children with autism like Little man, are incredibly sensitive to touch, others pose no issues at all. Hanging a tactile board in a bedroom, children can be encouraged to touch the board regularly, offering rewards for achievements.
Sensory messy box
This is great for both the sensory seeker and the child who is said to be tactile defensive. In terms of the sensory seeking behaviour displayed by some, the Sensory Messy Box offers children a safe activity (reduces sensory seeking behaviours, such as rocking spinning, clapping and more). For the child who is defensive, lots of encouragement and continued reassurance is the overall key. I’m planing to use incentives like mini Lego figures, to get the Little man wanting to put his hands in good fun messy coloured shaving foam, to hopefully dish about and retrieve them.
Dressing up box
It’s always best to fill a dressing up trunk with both the materials your child does and doesn’t tolerate, as having them with him, (especially if he likes the look of the costumes) may just help him feel more motivated to make contact with the different textures on offer!
The creation of a sensory pad (aka Little man’s bedroom)!
Something I’ve felt the desire to create for, so… long! First I was put of the idea, having viewed some top sensory products, that included, lights, beds, toys and more at an autism exhibition. These items were innovative, top of the range, extremely clever, providing clam and tranquility, but sadly I found them to be priced outrageously high. As time passed, with much googling, window shopping etc, it became clear that this can be done on a smaller budget! High street stores do many sensory items, there just not labelled that way! Imagination and creative thinking are also the inexpensive tool needed for creating such a space. I’ve been using Pinterest and have been designing the board “the sensory room” as to collect inspiration and share it with others also wanting to create a place to help their child destress. I will update some more later in regard to my progress in building a Sensory pad, though do feel free to follow me on Pinterest where you will find this board, amongst other boards boasting lots of ideas for parents of children with special needs.
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Tags: Asperger syndrome, Autism spectrum, Bob the builder, inappropriate commenta, meltdown, OT, overload, senses, sensory integration, Sensory process, SPD, Special school, tactile defensiveness