Little man quite possibly the next Jamie Oliver?

What an interesting year this is turning out to be! Not only am I now an award winner for doing something I adore, I also have a son attending a school that he doesn’t shudder at the thought of going each morning but one that has also converted him into something of a little ‘Jamie Oliver’.

Little man is really getting to grips and enjoying the cooking lessons his being given in food tech.

So far, the Little Man has brought home, yummy cookies, fairy cakes, pizza and last week it was Rock cakes.

I now sit eagerly awaiting my son’s return from school in the hope he brings with him some yummy threats… “So not good for the waistline let me tell yer!”

The Rock cakes he made, free from all traces of dried fruit (his not a lover of the raisin you know) were amazingly good and seriously lead me to suspect that his taking after his father when it comes to being in the kitchen.

I love that his expressing his interest in a more positive light while expanding on the things his good at why discovering new interests and abilities along the way. This is something we all deserve to experience through both our child and adulthood.

I always knew Little man was keen to get his little size threes in the kitchen door, lets not forget I found him trying to cook bacon in the early hours of the morning as a four-year old tot! I even found him last week heating the oven in preparation for his tea (anyone would thing I didn’t feed him).

I like to encourage all my children to pursue their interest! So… when the little guy offered to make us a pizza I thought,

“Why not, what’s the worse that can happen?”

Spending a fortune at our local supermarket that’s what can & certainly did happened!

I swear it was triple the price of your standard boxed pizza!

Why?

This would be his taste for the finer things in life!

Chinese chicken, (two types, not one) organic tomatoes, Italian Milano salami and a generous amount of parmesan cheese was what he requested for his masterpiece in waiting.

Once home with a bag of ingredients and a somewhat lighter purse, there was no stopping him getting started. The results, Yes… They were pleasant but the mess, well I guess you can’t be good at everything, especially tidying up after yourself.

Cooking isn’t the only skill the little man has acquired, his learnt other valuable lessons since attending his new school, some extremely important ones too!

In the past, little man would hit out in school and do so on a regular basis. He didn’t think about the other children stood in his way when he trashed a classroom in an angry rage. He often reacted to any upset by either absconding or hitting out at everyone, no matter how big or small the opponent. Little Man would often find himself excluded from school and any associated activities, he was a child with little if not any confidence.

Now, there have been one or two incidents in the school that Once upon a time, would have caused Little man to display the same challenges as those mentioned above. For instance, one child was angry and trashed the class, accidentally destroying little mans work in the process. Little man was terribly upset by the incident, but with lots of support and encouragement he reframed from engaging in a way that would have only see him land himself in trouble.

Little Man often finds himself in the wrong place at the wrong time. This was the case on Monday when his limits were truly put to the test when he was hit on the nose resulting in some bleeding. No, I don’t blame the child he was merely doing what my own child has done all to many times when upset, angry or stressed. Little man set chase and was ready to do something about it but again he was discouraged and instead allowed to come to the office and give me a call to talk through how he was feeling.

You see, I don’t want him to be a target for bullies, yet, I don’t believe these kids are! These are children like little man who have difficulty with self regulating their emotions in a controlled and socially excepted manner. I think to some extent Little man understood this too. As when we talked about the incident this evening, he explained how he wasn’t in an argument with the child he was just too close when the child got angry. What was actually quite surprising, was how he seemed to understand the situation so well! Later on that evening (much later) I was sat on my bed at gone 3 am when it finally hit me, “Why wouldn’t he understand? After all, he of all people can relate to that feeling of un-containable explosiveness that I’m sure his class peer had felt at that very moment Little man got hurt.

On the upside, I am overwhelmed by the changes being made and just how quickly such changes have progressed. I was speechless when the teacher phone me and told me what happen. As soon as I heard the words, “We thought you should know” & “Your child was involved in an incident” I felt that all to familiar churning in the pit of my stomach, the type I felt so many times before but thankfully haven’t for sometime!

I instantly thought that my child had hurt someone, and although I waited for them words expecting them to come, they never did!

Of course I did feel a certain amount of upset, purely for the fact my child had been hurt but almost instantly I felt at ease as I was reassured he was fine by both himself and the teacher who called me.

Now, yes… of course I was a proud mother when discovering my child was now learning methods to control his anger and when putting such methods into practice, he was succeeding. Little Man, was also a very happy Little man on discovery my plans to get him his much sought after Lego that he has overly requested I get him since he spotted it at our local supermarket a month or so ago.

Sat at home I felt somewhat troubled like something nasty was waiting to come along and wreak it all. It’s hard not to think in this way when it’s all you know and everything your used to! especially.

I need to discover a way to get that same reaction at home. His sister only has to look at him the wrong way and his throwing punches in hers or even my direction. This isn’t delightful for my daughter of course, and every-time he hurts her in some form her reaction is more intense then the last. I’m left feeling like I’ve failed them both, especially when my daughter loses her temper to such an extent she shouts things she is later left to sit and regret, beating herself up about it. I also release that something needs to be done more now, than ever before. Little man has said “I want to control my anger” through a stream of tears after many blow ups at home. I try to be consistent in dishing out a punishment (maybe a cut in pocket-money, or the removal of his computer) it just doesn’t work

Well, if any of you lot have some advice, I’m pretty open to suggestions, so please go ahead and leave a comment.

Still, regardless of anything else I’ve decided that this post should and will end on the high, it started on!

Other things that happened last week!

Here’s a positive, Last Tuesday I was again featured in the local paper (The South London Press) regarding the award I won (Mad blog awards most inspiring) I was also in the Newshopper on the Thursday of last week. Both articles were pretty good and apart from my horrid picture in the South London press I felt honoured to have gained the interest of both papers who also wrote about me a good few months before in relation to being a finalist.

Another bonus that added to last weeks positives, was the arrival of an email that brought with it great news on a project I’m hoping to pull together with the help of some great parents and their children. Although I’m more than a little excited about the whole thing, its best I don’t officially announce this exciting venture till a little more organisation and planing has commenced.

Here’s what I will state (well, more like request)

I’m looking for parents that have children on the autism spectrum either boys or girls between the ages of 2-17 who live in or around London who will be able to commit to a number of trips over to the South London area.

We are in the planing stages, but the whole thing is on track and set to be a hit.

Note: the project is likely to generate a little press interest so you must be happy with this aspect of the programme.

Lastly we are also happy for the child’s siblings to be put forward and therefore possibly become involved in the project.

Please if you have a daughter on the spectrum then please don’t hesitate to contact us so that you can be sent some further info (It’s all boys who have been put forward at present).

Full press release will be available on the blog for download in next few days.

So, there you have it! Everything is steadily coming together in our little house of madness. We hope your having an awesome week two.

How well do you really know your child’s teacher?

How well do you know your child’s teacher? This Is a question I’ve had to ask myself a number times!

After a recent discovery, I would suggest you ask yourselves that very same question, regardless of whether your child has special educational needs or not!

Here’s why…

A few days back I made a horrid discovery that meant I had to continue on with my day with this great anger manifesting within me.

I had this inability to filter out the hideousness of it all, my blood was boiling and a thousand questions bashed away at me.

  Last year I joined the TES social network and forum. No, I’m not a teacher, however It was during a period of home schooling my Little man as a way to avoid permanent exclusion. I have seen some things on the site that I normally take with a pinch of salt, yet a few days back, on receipt of a monthly newsletter that changed.

The TES website is the main and biggest UK resource for educators or those working within education. It contains job listing, a resource centre, the latest updates in relation to education, a forum covering a large area of subjects up for discussion, downloads including work-sheets etc, and much more.

On opening the email I discovered the updates were all mostly aimed at new teachers in-way of tips and advice. As always I had a quick scoot through to see if there was anything in relation to SEN (Special educational needs) and the pending ‘Green Paper’ when something caught my eye. 

The header read: NQT (Newly qualified teachers) Advice

and under that a link that read,

“Arm yourself with a few of those tried and tested one liners and you’re ready to deal with the thickest pupils” 

 curious I hit the link and was taken to the TES Forum

It was here that I unearthed one of the most disgusting threads I have ever read.

This thread contained over 600 comments from UK teachers, there was over 60 pages and posts,  dated from 2008 to the current date.

This thread contained one liners and put downs provided by teachers, these contained methods of humiliation, bullying, discrimination, sarcasm, abuse, threaten violence and inappropriate  language (including that of a sexual content)

Now before I go any further, please let me explain why this thread had me so mad it had reduced me to angry tears!

First the comments were worrying and the one liners should not be used on ANY child, the way the teachers spoke to each was worrying, and the names they publicly referred to us and our kids, Sickening!

Secondly, My own son with Aspergers has been treated in such away and as a result he has self harmed by smashing his whole body into brick walls, banging his head and scratching his arms till they bleed. He, like many others with some form of autism, tends to take things with a literal interpretation meaning the use of  metaphors and sarcasm are most dangerous.

Below is an example taken from a screen shoot. This key stage one teacher isn’t particularly rude, however the way in which she speaks about her young pupil is cold and frightening. She states he winds her by not sitting still and continuing to touch children and objects (playing with their hair etc) I don’t know if I’m correct, I’m just a parent, but some of what she describes here highlights possible autism traits or SPD even.

All she wants to do, is give him a right telling off, but instead choses to mock him in front of his peers.

Classy!

If this child does have a condition like those I’ve stated above, or some form of special educational needs, this will undoubtedly knock an all ready low self-esteem.

Is this how you want your 7 year old treated when at school?

Now, Im sorry if this post is rather long, it would have gone on forever if I the time to include the high number of comments that outraged me so much I blogged about it!

I have taken some screen shoots but will not be able to include them all, I shoot over 100, So, I’ve also quoted a few of the so-called “tips”, and hideous boasts provided by what are meant to be highly qualified teachers.

The fact is, that there are over 600 comments within this one thread from Teachers who started commenting back in 2008, when the thread was started and happily continue on today in the same disgusting manner is highly wrong.

There were only a handful of outraged teachers who left comments to state their shock at some of the comments left by those who are sadly in the same profession, however they just responded by mocking them and starting nasty argumentative comments, nevertheless it was comforting to see one or two teachers who cared.

With over 600 comments, what’s the chances that one of these teachers is the teacher of your child?

Maybe not today, maybe not even next year, but one day!

I say let’s speak up for our children!

Lastly, before I share some of these shocking statements, I ask, how is it, that this hasn’t been picked up by the media?

Has it? if so why don’t most know this thread exists?

What ever the reasons, it’s worrying that our teachers are quite openly sharing these sick so-called ‘Tips’ while laughing their arises of at our children.

I warn you, If your easily shocked, then GOODBYE you really should stop reading NOW!

Below is the very first comment (which kicked of the thread in Januray 2008)

‘I’m having a real problem with behaviour at the moment. I’m not very good at quick responses to pupils comments. I know I shouldn’t get in to a discussion with them but I’d like to have one liners to use.
Can anyone think of any common things pupils say, and a quick come back that works. Other than of course just ignoring it, which I try to do with most silly comments.
Here’s one…
“This is boring..”

OK, guys here are some of the responses and in no particular order! (Note I corrected many of these teachers spelling mistakes, that’s shabby)

“To the usual issue between students with one complaining.. sir he…

‘Hold on….. you are mistaking me for someone that cares….. sort it out without violence’walk away and ignore the 2-3mins of poor behaviour” 

“There a fine line between comebacks and getting aggressive to get your revenge – normally the line depends on how much sleep I’ve  had”

“I teach a mixture of abilities in years 10 and 11. I remember a particular individual being silly and making the odd comment. My reply on one occasion was “how Jovian”. The individual thought this was a good thing. But the brighter students knew. They knew I was referring to the Jovian (as in the planet Jupiter) atmosphere between his ears. . . . Dense and uninhabited.”

“To a very mouthy, arrogant year 10 kid, who constantly demanded my attention “Miss, I NEED HELP NOW!”.

In a gentle, caring voice: “I know sweetheart, but you’ll have to accept it’s going to take some time. I’ve spoken to various pyschologists and psychiatrists, and we’ve agreed that, with a careful program of support and intervention, we may be able to help you”  

“What’s wrong with verbally flattening pupils, showing them up, if it’s what they need?”

“48 – Excellent answer.

22 and 44: “Are you gay?”

Reply:
1. “No, but thanks for the offer,”

2. “No, but I would be if I thought my next kid would turn out like you.”

3. “Let’s keep that between us.”

4. “No, but I’ve slept with a few people who are.”

5. “Yes, but I only fancy attractive people, so you’re safe.”

In regard to self esteem, if dwarfs can threaten me with violence and imbeciles can call me stupid, I think they’re not lacking in self esteem, merely in contact with reality: if they don’t meet defeat in the safe environment of me answering them back (however uncaring this might seem), then they will in later life when someone less patient punches their lights out (which is rather more uncaring.)”

“Y9 boy, ‘Sir, why do you support Millwall, they’re s**t!’

Me, ‘I know, but you’re ugly & your mum still loves you’.”

Whenever a kid says something along the lines of ‘You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my dad’ I reply:

‘No, if I was you’re dad you wouldn’t be so ugly’

Today a child working said “this is shlt”. My reply was “Your work usually is!

“Ooh, ooh! I just can’t wait for September now I’ve seen this!”

“When some little darling is swearing at you say! Please stop swearing, you’re not at home now”

“To a child who is being loud, unruly, unco-operative etc:
“Look at Brett everybody, he’s forgotten to take his pill this morning. See what happens when you forget your pill”

 “Child: You’re gay sir

Teacher: Even if I was, I wouldn’t  fancy someone as ugly as you! Child: you’re a  crap teacher

Teacher: Perhaps, but at least I can read and write”

“Me muttering when walking away; ‘soap in a sock….leaves no marks…’
they look worried at that, think you have gone mad…”

“This is school, not the Muppet Show. “

“Best one ever was;

kid: ‘Do you use contraception miss?’

during a year 9 PSHE lesson. I was speechless for a second and then responded with;

‘Yes, I usually stick your photo to my boyfriend’s forehead, and it seems to do the trick!”

At which the other kids collapsed laughing and after about ten minutes of looking blankly at his exercise book, the kid in question said ‘Are you saying I’m ugly?”

 

“one of the best I heard was pupil to pupil.

Pupil 1: you’re f*cking ugly!
Pupil 2: yeah, well your mum ain’t complainin’ !”

“Ah bless, are you finding this really difficult? Usually works…”

“I have also managed to convince my class that the IWB projector, smoke detectors and alarm sensors in the school contain cameras-I’m sure this wouldn’t work with any children older than KS1 …’
Actually it still works with Year 9!”

Just remember that the Government plans to up teachers powers when dealing with behaviour!

Can you just imagine what will happen then?

Click here for the TES website & here for the thread in question.

Please leave your comments to show your thoughts and help get some action.

Related articles

• Michael Gove: Children need to be taught an unambiguous lesson in who is boss (telegraph.co.uk)
• Help approaching a teacher – (ask.metafilter.com)
• There is no such thing as Good or Bad Labels…they’re all Bad (ontarioeducation.wordpress.com)
• Taking the Special out of Special Education (ontarioeducation.wordpress.com)

Feeling a tad proud

Wow, can you believe it? I managed to get my article, “Big issues for Little Man” published in SEN magazine!

Back in late May I sent some press releases to the Media relating to the Mad Blog Awards. I was overjoyed when, ‘Peter’ the editor for ‘SEN magazine’ emailed me stating he really liked the blog, “Especially that of my latest article” (remember this was late May). Peter then went on to ask me  if  I would be interested in writing an article for the magazine based on my experiences parenting a child on the autism spectrum. 

Umm, Yes Please! 

SEN Magazine is a great resource for parents and professionals alike. It contains all the latest information on Special educational needs, as-well as host of other areas.

SEN contains resources and articles relating to a number of different conditions and disabilities. It provides contact details and links, pointing you in the right direction of all them need to know organisations! SEN, shares all the latest events and exhibitions and even has an online resource that shares extracts from the mag as-well as breaking news in the world of special education. 

The magazine is delivered via a subscription but is given as a free resource to all Special school. There is a free trail taking place at the moment, meaning you can have a copy of SEN delivered free of charge (try before you buy). I recommend this magazine to anyone with a child with special educational needs, (and no, it has nothing to do with my contribution what so ever) it’s just an awesome resource throughout!

I really didn’t think I would be able to upload a pdf file of my article on a,’wordpress.com’ blog (I have only been blogging here for like three years :))! 

Well, to my surprise and utter delight it turns out that I can! This means that I am able to now share my article with all my lovely online friends and anyone else for that matter! 

So, before you click the link and see the article I’m so very proud off, let me thank all my wonderful readers, new and old. Yes, its every single one of you guys that has helped me through the many battles I’ve faced as a parent to a boy with Aspergers.

 Could I see myself writing an article about the subject a year ago? No way! Life was far to messy to even contemplate such a thing! (Having your article published in a magazine, somehow feels a tad scarier then on the web!)

Writing this article actually shows just how far we’ve come as a family!

 The link will open a pdf file (Note: please feel free to download if you wish)! It would also be great if you could help me spread the news by sharing the link to my article online.

Thanks and enjoy

Claire-Louise 

SEN54 autism

Related articles

• Distinguishing Giftedness from Aspergers; will the DSM-5 help? (autismandoughtisms.wordpress.com)

This mum made front page news

Early Tuesday morning I’m awoken by an excited Little man.

Oh, yes he knows what day it is… his been counting the days since Friday.

We walked into our local newsagents a little after 6:30 am. Little man darted over to the newspaper stand knocking over several boxes of unpacked crisp and a shop assistant filling the fridge. He was causing complete chaos at this very early hour!

“Mum, mum look, we are on the front page!”

The little guy was right! There on the front page of the local rag was a picture of myself and the Little man.

In big bold letters the headline read…

… “All about a boy… Blogging mum up for award”

 full story on page 31

The man stood behind the counter gave me a smile and a wink as Little man placed his 50p on the counter. He stood tall and proud in the hope he was recognised!

“That’s a handsome young fella in the paper! Hang on a minute, he looks familiar”
 The shopkeeper joked!

Little man shouted so loud it’s likely he damaged the poor guy’s ear drum when replying, “That’s me with mum… can’t you see?”

“Oh yes… So it is”

Little man was displaying a huge grin, obviously enjoying his five minutes of fame!

The shopkeeper, a lovely elderly gentleman that I’ve known for some years, went on to say in a chirpy tone, “Well, as it’s you on the front cover… the papers on me today!”

Little man stood thinking, overcome with confusion. Completely baffled by the man’s comments he asked, “What do you mean? The newspaper isn’t on you… It’s on the counter!” He was shaking his head as to imply the shopkeeper was a tad stupid for making such a ridicules comment!

Now, let’s not forget that this is a little boy with Aspergers, who has a tendency to take things rather literally! So, I explained just what the shopkeeper had meant to which he politely thanked him for his generosity by stating he was ‘Safe’ (he has a mind like a sponge) before making his swift exit.

Little man had more excitement to come. The article in the ‘South London Press‘ was one of two Newspapers we would be featured in that week.

The Second paper, ‘The Newshopper’ was released the following day. Both papers were running the story about a Lewisham mother of three, who had made it to the finals of the ‘Mad blog awards’, a national blogging competition showcasing some of the best British blogs written by parents. Of course that ‘mother’ was me *smiling gracefully* 

No, I won’t deny it! When I was sent the press release to edit and forward as I pleased, I didn’t expect much to come of it!

This blog is simply a documentation of our life alongside my own thoughts and opinions. As crazy as our life may seem to others, it’s a life that many parents of a child with autism will possibly  relate too as the norm

You just don’t expect your blog to end up in the newspapers! Then again, you don’t expect to your blog to be in the running for a national award (especially in two categories)

I will often write a post and once complete I read it back and think to myself, “Seriously who wants to read this stuff?”

Gosh, I love how this blog has changed me. Its helped me to discover a lot about myself! If you had asked me three or so years back, “Do I enjoy writing?” My reply would have likely been… No! Seriously…  My English teacher would have a heart attack if she read this. Ok my grammar isn’t top notch (sorry miss, I try) Yet I’ve discovered that putting down my feelings for the world to read is somewhat therapeutic! I’m expressing myself in a whole new way… And enjoying it!  Ask me now if I love to write and my answer would be a whole lot different. Now that is something I never saw coming… Ever!

I’ve written this blog while in an array of psychological mind sets. There’s been tears (to many), laughter, sadness, anger, joy, exhaustion and excitement!
Since becoming a finalist I’ve been lucky enough to encounter some awesome opportunities… Did I mention that I’m currently writing a piece for this months SEN magazine? *cheeky giggle*

With every congratulations whether it’s from the press, a friend, family member or fellow parent to a child with autism, I feel a great sense of achievement that this mum who is no means a super mum, has managed to get her voice heard when raising an issue that is not only close to her heart, but one that is also enormously important!

This is more then a blog award competition (don’t get me wrong, winning would be oh-so-fabulous & your votes are most welcome) What I’m trying to empathise is that although autism and aspergers has come a long way with the help of the media, there is still so much to say! All over the world children are being failed through not having their educational needs met, where adults are left unemployed… regardless of their skills.

I thank the ‘Mad blog awards’ for bringing about a powerful way to get heard while having a great amount of fun in the process! As for you guys… Thank you for getting me here by nominating the blog… All you need to do now is vote (cheeky)!!

To vote the blog, ‘A boy with Asperger’s’ as your most inspiring/inspirational mad blog 2011, visit the Mad voting page: Here

The article in the, ‘South London Press’ can be found: Here

The, ‘Newshopper’s’ article can be found: Here