Look What I Found!

Little man has always had a very keen interest in transport from around the age of two. His now 12 and is still studying the ins and outs of trains and buses, though he also now loves WWE wrestling just as much!

Sorting through some papers yesterday I came across a card little man had made me when he first started school (mainstream year 1). He was around 5 or 6 years old at the most! Here it is below…

He doesn’t really like to engage in art as he struggles with his fine motor skills so does almost everything on a computer. That’s why the above card is even more special to me. He has even coloured his picture, something he now refuses to do in fear of not being able to keep the colours within the lines of his drawing.

And look whats inside this cute train card….

A lovely message to mummy (that’s me) though I think looking at the handwriting, it wasn’t little man who wrote it! Plus there is a very cute picture of the little man himself in the school playground.

Here’s a close up…

I love unearthing these little hidden treasures. Children provide us with the most wonderful memories. This ones definitely going in the scrapbook!

Bullying from A child With Asperger’s Perspective

Little man knows more than most what its like to be bullied. While at mainstream he experienced various forms of bullying from public humiliation to more subtly forms like when bullies befriended him for their own personal laughs.

Aspergers Syndrome means little man would at times say inappropriate things without really meaning to cause offence! He also has more intense interests and has a tendency to over power conversations, dominating them with his passions.

Kids pick up on this stuff really easily and little man stood little chance of blending in.

We also started having concerns that little man was starting to unintentionally bully others as a result of this treatment. He would copy things the other children’s actions and he also had a tendency to repeat things they would tell him… They even once told him to slap the teachers face and tell her she was tangoed! He was told that the teacher would no it to be a joke. He soon discovered this wasn’t the case when he learnt he had been excluded yet again.

He became very angry during them last few months he was attending this particular school. The bullying on top of the discrimination he faced by the teaching staff left him confused, worried and hurt. Its never easy seeing a 10 year old boy depressed and asking the question “Why can’t I just be normal?” Especially when that boy is your son.

Since attending his independent special school, his much more in tune with his feelings. He has a better understanding of how people should treat him and equally, how he should treat others. This is all since making friends with children who truly want to be his friend (they have no inferior motives, no ones laughing at his expense). His learnt the importance that surrounds these friendships and the happiness they can bring.

Its for such reasons that my little man has wrote a beautiful heartfelt poem that left a lump in my throat & a proud look on my face.

The pain that bullying brings (by little man age 12)

Bullying is bad it drives People mad.
Be Friends with all don’t be a foul. Children are crying and there are kids dying.
A single tear, it makes me want to cry that kids fell like they have to die.
Make kids smile every once in awhile there are kids sad, it drives me mad. You go on Facebook and tell the world you’re bad but inside your just sad.

Sweet yet powerful… Wouldn’t you agree?

Little Man Wins An iPad Mini On His School Reward System (Vivo)

I’ve written a number of posts on the ups and downs little man has experienced when it comes to the introducing of a new behaviour and reward programme.

Mainstream school struggled to find something that worked for him as an individual. Smiley faces and star charts don’t mean a thing to little man. What his mainstream school failed to understand was a sticker or a promise isn’t enough for him. Little man requires real visual evidence of rewards, ones that encourage and therefore lead to results.

It was only once little man had started at his independent special school for children with autism and Aspergers did we find a system that worked for him.

However, this system isn’t just a way to improve behaviour, encourage participation in tasks and have children producing good work… Though it does do all three, It also helps children like Little man gain independence, building the skills needed for everyday life.

So, what is this system? Its title is Vivo Miles and its being used in both special and mainstream schools around the country.

Vivo Miles is a points earning system that in a funny kind of way, operates like a store Loyalty card, such as a reward card… Nectar or clubcard. Only children don’t earn points by shopping but instead doing a host of other stuff that their teaching team then rewards them for by handing out Vivo points.

The system works well with children like little man who are on the autism spectrum because its very visual. It connects to an online site where each school and child have their own personal profile. Teachers log on and reward points or hand out paper points that allows pupils to add the points to their account. Children can get a vivo card and pin. They can independently log on and access their personal profile from desktops and smartphones. Here they can spend their points online and even earn interest if saving points. The Vivo system isn’t just some little online gift store. Schools can choose reward items to be added to their catalogue from the huge Vivo selection. Little man can buy store gift cards, mobile top up, toys and other various merchandise.

The system is extremely innovative. Pupils can see all points rewarded. This includes the teacher who has rewarded them, the amount of points given and the reason behind them receiving the points. I love looking through the points history which kind of reminds me of an online banking statement. I’m able to read all the positive stuff his achieved and his able to have the independence to make online purchases (given his got enough points). He can even independently donate to a number of charities if desired.

Each vivo point is worth a penny so children can save for bigger items or just purchase smaller items frequently. All products are dispatched to the school and pupils receive a dispatch confirmation email and a delivery date just like you would if doing your online weekly shop. What’s more they ain’t charged postage.

Parents can also create an account that connects to their child’s and are even able to make a private pledge to their child that is linked to their progress at school, to increase motivation. This idea is an excellent way for schools and parents to work together to help their child reach their full potential. Here you can read more on the parental sides of Vivo

I took this statement from the Vivo site that I think highlights the independence side of things really well…

“• Early personal finance lessons… Vivo is designed in such a way that it looks and feels to students a lot like their first bank account. With the currency being the’ Vivo’ and good old fashioned hard work being the way to earn ‘Vivos’ it presents a unique opportunity to teach some important personal finance lessons. Saving up for something over a longer term, earning interest, budgeting and managing an account are all covered by the Vivo system.
There is even an option to purchase a Vivo visa prepaid card for your child to take their first steps into the world of financial independence without the temptations of credit.”

I saw little man on his Vivo profile last week. I asked if he was buying himself something with his points and he repiled that he was actually purchasing some Christmas presents for myself and his dad. My heart skipped a beat and I felt myself welling up a little if honest. It was such a grown-up thing to do, and lets not forget a sweet one too.

To know he had been really trying to do well, earn points and buy gifts for others really impressed me! I’ve never send him do this kind of think independently, given he is useless at saving money when its in his hand etc the points system has really helped him to save and think of others. Sat in front of me was this little independent 12 year old who had come on leaps and bounds in the space of a year or so.

Well… Here’s the totally amazing part! Vivo were also running a raffle at the time. 5 vivo points equalled one raffle ticket. Little man told me the first prize was for an iPad mini with 20 runner up prizes of festive snowflake craft stamps. He had some points left after his little shop and he had fun buying a number of raffle tickets which amounting to around £1.50 or so. Then on Wednesday little man was home from school having been sent home earlier in the week as he was pretty unwell. It was this day we received a phone call which his dad took on his mobile. Given he was out a message was left that stated Little man had won the raffle. He called me and gave me the number that had been left on his voicemail. Just as I was about to call assuming it was just a stamp he had won, an email pinged in my inbox announcing he had won the iPad mini. At this point I hadn’t yet said anything as I was unclear of his prize and he would have driven me crazy asking questions but with the email at hand I passed him my iPhone and told him to read the email (yes, his come along way with his reading too).

Well, the expression on his face was priceless. We called them up and spoke to a lovely lady who confirmed his prize. Little man requested that he speak to her to say thank you which he did followed by the words “You are a very nice and attractive lady” as I apologised for the slightly weird comment she told me not to worry, my little guy had made her afternoon… Lol.

He wasn’t in school on the Thursday as he was still unwell but on Friday his iPad was presented to him in assembly and he came home iPad in hand feeling somewhat pleased with himself.

Little man playing with his new iPad

If this isn’t a reward system that truly rewards a child than I don’t know what is! Its not just the win of an iPad his gained but also the Recognition for his efforts in school, improved confidence and some great independence skills.

little man checks out Mindcraft on the iPad

Well done Little man… Proud just doesn’t cut it.

School’s interested in using Vivo Miles or those who want to know more can check out the website here.

Little man has created a rather funny little video on an iPad App and uploaded it to his Youtube. Please give it a view and a like as it really would make his day.

This is NOT a sponsored post I choose to write the post to show others what benefits can come from using the right reward system, especially when your child has SEN.

How My Son With Aspergers Has Changed Since Attending A Special School

So, little man has been in his independent special school for children on the autism spectrum for some 18 months now! With this, I’ve decided to write a post concentrating on all the positive changes I have noticed in this time.

1 – Improved confidence: This is one of the most apparent changes in my child. He is more confident in his own skin. Special interests are celebrated and his not afraid to share his likes and dislikes with peers. His no longer ashamed of his differences and is more able to see them as positives rather than negatives.

2 – Moods: Little mans moods are less impulsive than before which is because he feels much happier than he did when he was in a mainstream school. Ok, he can still become angry and agitated at the flick of a switch but I can defiantly see a reduction in this type of behaviour.

3 – Attitude to learning: Its very apparent that Little man is more willing and excited to learn. I love it when he comes home raving about the stuff his has learnt. His enjoying his lessons and finishes his day with a head full of new knowledge that he just can’t wait to share.

4 – Improved social skills: Yes, we still have a long way to go but his learning new skills daily. The fact that he actually has a whole school period every day dedicated to social skills training means the improvements are really starting to show. He tends to be less impulsive with the things he says to others. Overall he has a better idea when it comes to behaviours that are socially acceptable.

5 – Willingness to attend school: Little man actually looks forward to school now! The only issues we still have is with his sleeping leading to some issues with attendance. However, the fact he likes his school and wants to attend is just amazing!

6 – Better Understanding of Aspergers: He has a knowledgable understanding of Aspergers Syndrome and feels Better able to talk about how the condition applies to him.

7 – Independence: Since attending his new school little man has noticeably become much more independent. He still requires lots of visual clues but is more independent when it comes to creating and following a routine that his independently applied to a visual schedule. This is a really big achievement for Little man and is a huge step in the right direction therefore giving me more confidence that he will cope OK, when it comes to his life as an independent adult. His even cooking on a weekly basis. He brings home some amazing dishes that put my own to shame.

8 – Better reactions to sensory stimuli: He is still very sensitive in many ways and to a certain extent probably always will be. We have noticed some slight improvements in this area though, which is mainly down to the work he does with the occupational therapist while at school.

9 – Engagement & concentration: Although his attention span remains pretty short he is slowly showing some improvements in concentration levels. Good relationships with teachers and a high teacher to pupil ratio means he is engaging in tasks and able to complete work projects more so than he was before.

10 – Willingness to try: This is a change on a huge scale. Little man is more willing to give things a go in all areas of life. His added confidence is a big contributing factor. The fact he is less scared of failing means his less scared of trying. Little man was sadly discriminated against while in mainstream school and this lead to problems both at home and in his learning environment. The fact he is finally moving on from this, making friends and enjoy his school life is simply awesome to witness.

Don’t Let Your Child Be The Victim Of Discrimination At School

That’s easier said than done you may say, and yes I agree!

However, there are a few things you can do to help protect your child with autism from becoming a victim of disability discrimination in the school place.

Its hard to believe that its even a possibility, but believe me, sadly it is! Just ask my little man!

1) If you receive a call from your child’s school asking you to pick them up because they feel your child is upset or stressed and this is disturbing the learning of his or her peers, be sure to only do so once you know the official routes have been taken.

You’re child’s teacher or head teacher may claim your child is upset and they are asking you to collect them for their own good. They may say its optional even, or you can bring them back after lunch. Its important that you ask for this to be made official (but in writing)! Ok, no one wants official exclusions documented on their child’s school record but if you later apply for a statement of special educational needs you will need this type of evidence to show the school cannot meet your child’s needs!

To not record officially is wrong! This makes it an illegal exclusion and the schools (especially that of mainstream) get away with this type of behaviour a bit to often!

2) Don’t let your child be left behind! When I say left behind, I am referring to that of school trips. Watch out for exclusions that take place on days of school trips… These are just to much of a coincidence and happened to little man all the time. If this does happen and happens often, be sure to make a record of days and times (plus reasons given for exclusions, which must be given in writing)!

Watch out for letters. I found that little man was often “Accidentally on Purpose” missed when trip letters were handed out. Ask another parent to keep you in the loop whenever there is a planned trip. I discovered that little man wasn’t being given letters. School trips actually went ahead without our knowledge. Little man was either kept isolated in school with the hope I’d never find out, or he was again coincidentally excluded on the day of any planned trips.

3) Watch out for OFSTED visits. You may find that whenever ofsted visit your child’s school, you’re child is either sent home or hide in a cupboard… Ok, maybe that’s a bit extreme (although I actually wouldn’t put it past some schools) but they are hide away all the same.

It is very rare that schools end up with surprise ofsted visits these days, but many do get very short notice. Again be vigilant! Lookout for letters, talk to other parents and just keep your ear to the ground. If you then receive an evening phone call from a head teacher,(remember I’m talking from experience) who tells you your child had a bad day and will be in isolation tomorrow (in other words hidden) or excluded (hidden again) your ready and prepared!

You have the right to come into school and ask to speak to the ofsted inspectors. Put it this way… I’ve never seen such panic unfold within a school when I did this! I brought my EXCLUDED child in with me and let him have a meltdown there and then, right in front of the inspectors! I was honest and told him he wasn’t allowed to join his class because the nice lady from ofsted were there! Yes this didn’t go down well, and no I wasn’t popular amongst the teachers! But it is my child I care about, not them!

4) Listen to your child no matter how off the wall they may sound! I would get called into the head teachers office and be told little man had done a string of things. These mainly consisted of hitting teachers or something similar. He would openly protest that it wasn’t so, or he was pushed to the limit (head teacher dragging him by his shirt for instance)! You know your child and need to take what they say very seriously. I’m not saying that children with Aspergers are not capable of exaggerating the truth because regardless of what some may say I believe they are. However, teachers, like members of authority tend to stick together.The fact my child was very upset and would angrily protest was enough. However, the added factor of the head teacher being able to stand and tell a room full of people I’d called him a ‘Wanker’ excuse my language… When in fact I had only thought it and not said it just proved to me how messed up and cunning a system I was dealing with.

5) Do all your talking in writing…. If you wanna say it then go ahead, but I suggest you then go home and put it in writing! Email is the best invention ever! write what you have to say then attach it and send it in an email! Copy in other important officials and then print it and send it as a letter to them all too.

I sent everything by email and then letter. I would always send letters recorded delivery meaning a signature was required on receipt. Most other parents would think I was crazy, given the school was located 50 yards away but then they were not the mother of the child being discriminated against were they?

I could go on and write more as this is a lengthy subject involving many Dos and Nots! But my fingers ache so I think I will follow up on another day, another post.

What I will finish by saying is… By doing these things I managed to win a discrimination case. It also helped prepare a case for the LEAs refusal to assess for a statement of SEN… I then got that assessment and a statement. We also got little man into an independent special school for children with autism and Aspergers.

Not all endings are as happy as ours!

The Big Fat Autism Myths

Still today we are surrounded by countless myths concerning Autism and Aspergers Syndrome. Yes, we’ve come far to raise awareness for autism and the fact its a spectrum condition but still many struggle to except that some things are myth as opposed to fact.

Here’s some great examples…

Those on the autism spectrum have late language development!

Now although to some extent this is true, its not always the case especially in those at the higher end of the spectrum (Aspergers). Little man actually said his first word at 5 months and was able to speak very well by the age of 12 months.

Children on the autism spectrum make low academic progress because of learning difficulties.

Again this maybe the case for some children, mainly those at the lower end of the spectrum. However, some children on the spectrum have no learning difficulties whatsoever with some actually having higher IQ levels than those of their peers.

All children on the autism spectrum cannot attend mainstream schooling.

Admittedly mainstream school admitted that they could no longer meet little man’s needs and he eventually gained a place at an autism special school. This was despite him being on the higher end of the autism spectrum with an Aspergers diagnosis and a high IQ. Like many children with Aspergers he struggled with the more social side of school and suffered terrible anxiety. The truth is children with autism can receive a mainstream education… It just depends on the child and school in questions.

People on the autism spectrum don’t have feelings.

This is a big fat myth! If anything Little man feels to much and its these feelings of love and worry that cause him to become anxious. For little man its just harder for him to express those feelings… I know they are there and that’s a huge difference.

People on the autism spectrum don’t have an imagination.

Again this is a big fat fib. Little man finds it difficult to play imaginary games as he likes to base things on fact. He also likes to have a visual reference. However little man uses his imagination in other ways and is extremely clever at creating ideas when relating to something of interest.

All people with autism hate loud noise.

This is all down to the senses and regardless of autism we all have our own level of tolerance. Yes, many people with autism have heighten senses and this can make loud noise very uncomfortable (often to the point it becomes physically painful). However as well as children with autism experiencing sensory sensitivity, some are actually sensory seekers and will therefore seek out some type of loud noise.

All children who like Thomas the tank engine are autistic!

What can I say… Total Bull S#%# Yes little man liked Thomas the tank engine and statistics indicate that many children on the autism spectrum have a liking for Thomas at some point, however lots of children love Thomas and not all are autistic… That’s just crap.

All people with Autism are the same. If one person with autism experiences a certain difficulty then so will another.

Rubbish! This is why we call it a spectrum. Plus no two people are the same, we all have our own traits with and without autism. Yes there are a certain collection of traits that make up an autism diagnosis but this is a limited number.

All people with autism are Savants.

As lovely a myth as this is, it is just that… A myth! We all have things we are good at but only some of us have what it takes to be considered as Gifted which is the same for those on the autism spectrum. Many people with autism have things they are extremely good at (like little mans ability to memorise travel information) but rainman he isn’t and this is often the case for many.

Autism can be cured!

Most know how I feel about this myth. Autism is a life long diagnosis… There isn’t a cure. However, with the right education and learnt social skills things can be made less difficult for those on the spectrum.

Autism is caused by the MMR

Many will argue with me that this is not a myth. However I do believe it to be just that. You are born with autism, you do not develop it at some stage of your life. You don’t suddenly become autistic. And you don’t become autistic because of a childhood immunisation!

People with Autism are good a math.

Admittedly, little man is excellent at Math, but I do know other children on the autism spectrum who struggle with math and therefore find it their most difficult subject at school.

Children with autism can’t grow up to lead independent adult lives.

Many people on the autism spectrum, especially those on the higher end of the spectrum go on to have fully independent adult lives. This includes having a job, home and family of their own!

Aspergers and Control

Control we all like to have it, though some more than others. It’s important to maintain control of our life’s, after all what a pickle we find ourselves in when we lose our grip.

So what’s life like for a person who feels the need to control everything around them. Is this the type of somebody that one classifies as a control freak?

My little man is a child who has this uncontrollable need to control his surroundings. From what I’ve learnt about Asperger’s syndrome and the way the mind works I understand this has a lot to do with predictability ‘Making the world a predictable place to live in’.

I sat and thought about how my own child uses control, Who he uses it with and importantly where and when!

Since little sister came along and taught the little man about the joys of play, I’ve observed him in numerous situations. I’ve watched him during games that require lots of imagination, games like schools and shops. It’s these games in particular that the little man will come across as somewhat bossy as he try’s to control the whole game using his sister as an actual play object. Once they’ve played it one way they have to play it the same way every time.

Thinking about it little mans need to maintain control of absolutely everything is quite extreme. At times it’s like living with a husband! It’s even the most simplest things that he must control. A great example being the television. Yes, sometimes I have to remind myself who’s the patent here! He will just come in switch over the tv regardless that I’m sat watching it. He will then try to argue his case.This does have a lot to do with him just wanting to watch something but its when I say no things go OTT! He goes crazy at the thought of backing down and losing control of the situation.

This is why his very particular when it comes to creating a Birthday and Christmas list! He can’t get to grips with surprises and the few times I’ve done this things have ended badly. I’ve learnt my lessons here and now discuss everything with him first.

Last year it was a case of giving him money in a card then taking him and his money to the shops to buy his own gifts.This felt so impersonal but something I know to be Practical… This I cannot deny!

Mainstream school was Incredibly difficult for him. He spent so long without any help that his need to control his environment become very over powering. Lets be honest here… It’s difficult enough for even a teacher to control an environment that consists of some 30+ kids. Little man therefore didn’t stand a chance in hell did he. As a result Little man found himself excluded on a regular basis, so regular that it was weekly at one point. Visual aids used within the classroom helped a great deal however this was too little to late and the damage had already been done.

I know that Little man wants things to be predictable and that he finds it hard to relate to the feelings of others when his trying to make it happen. I just wish that others would understand this and see that his not just the spoilt child they assume him to be.

Why don’t you believe me

Why don’t you believe me?

As a parent to a child with Aspergers syndrome, I’ve heard myself ask this question a thousand times in an array of situations.

I really couldn’t care anymore if the lady up the road thinks I’m a bad parent and my son is the child of the devil!

But there have been some situations in the past when I have felt like bashing my head continuously against a brick wall, times when I needed support and understanding. People I felt should be naturally supportive were not, instead they made me feel as if I was an overreacting pain in the arse, one who had a problem with parenting… One who was full of Nonsense!

Those people were my child’s teachers, these people almost cost my child his diagnosis!

My child is challenging at home yet he doesn’t show such behaviour when at school is a common issue for parents who are going through the procedure of trying to obtain a diagnosis of Autism for their child (this is so common it should be added to the criteria for diagnosis)! It’s not that we are crying out for our child to have an attached label but without it we have little chance of obtaining the support we crave for both our child and ourselves.

It’s important to remember that us parents are not alone in such situations, but at the time it sure does feel like it!

It comes to a point when one really does question their own skills as a parent, we often find ourselves questioning our own abilities to do the job correctly. I actually started to envy other parents, their relationships with their children! “Why doesn’t their child violently hit, bite and kick them?” You start to wonder if your child loves you and if he doesn’t then why the hell not? You start to walk on dangerous ground when you start to wonder if this really is a case of “poor parenting”

It’s not easy knowing that your child is sat like some little angel in the class room, yet a few hours later his walking through the door and trashing his bedroom! Then someone suggests the autism spectrum, at first you instantly refuse to believe it, but the more you learn about it the more you realise the pieces of the puzzle begin to fit, in some sense you find comfort in the fact it isn’t down to you, your child doesn’t hate you, he just has difficulties regulating his own emotions, why? Because his frustrated with over loaded senses and an altogether different take on the world.

You climb mountains to get on that waiting list for an assessment, when you finally get that appointment the paediatrician nods his head and tells you his confident that your child has traits consisting of a diagnosis of autism ( in my case Aspergers)! More assessments follow and every medical professional your child meets draws them very same suspicions. Then they requests feed back from your child’s school and although you understand there to be no challenging behaviour you are confident that the school will share other concerns, odd behaviours and so forth!

So, why is it that they don’t… Instead they write a report that indicates your child is a typical boy, a child who communicates on the same level of that of his peers? Why do they fail to highlight any bullying, obsessions or quirky behaviours?

I speak for thousands of parents who have all had their child’s diagnosis held up or dismissed completely as a result of such report writing!

I remember feeling completely alone, So angry, So let down.

Every concern I had was disregarded as a lie, my child’s head teachers blamed me for the way my child refused to dress for school of a morning or when he failed to sleep the entire night. I began to hold back my concerns for fear of being judged!

I had now entered a new world, one that no longer got left behind at the school gate! A world of TAC meetings, CAF forms and assessments, a world of battles ones I’d eventually become accustomed to!

Sat in my doctors office, head in hands I cried, I cried so much I could hardly get the words I needed to say out of my mouth and into the listening ear of another! I was tired of fighting the system, I was tired of fighting my child to get out of bed and dressed each morning, I was tired of having my concerns pulled to pieces, most of all I was tired of being me.

It doesn’t help when your own mental health begins to slip away, when you find yourself only able to get through a day once you’ve tanked yourself up on Prozac! I remember reading my child’s education record some 2 years later, I remember the statements made in relation to my own mental wellbeing! What still makes me angry is the fact that my own health only suffered because of them… I didn’t do this to myself, they did it! Being strong enough to now say that with confidence is a wonderful thing!

Despite the depression I continued to battle on when eventually one year after that report my child received an official diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome!

Why now? He had now seen a number of professionals and the very last assessment was the one that finally closed his case. A video interview with a speech and language assessment who specialised in the autism spectrum, plus a play assessment which helped highlight his intense special interest and rigid thinking.

School still failed to acknowledge his diagnosis as they should have, he was no longer 5 but 8 his traits were more noticeable yet the school failed to make prober adjustments. It normally came back to the issue of little man having no statement of special educational needs (something I later went on to successfully acquire, though not without a fight). Eventually though things changed direction and finally little man settled at home. This was down to working out his triggers that lead to meltdowns, different reinforcements for desired behaviours etc. Not everyday was problem free (far from it) but the hitting slowed a bit and I felt as though I had gain some control back. This was due to now having a better understanding of his needs. However, with the school’s complete lack of adjustments or understanding, little mans challenging ways started to surface once more… Only this time, it was within the school setting!

It’s a long story, but put it this way… That same child (the ‘typical’ little boy) was now excluded on a weekly basis, never taken on school trips and even taught In isolation. All this lead to a disability discrimination case which I finally agreed to settle before the hearing once all my commands had been met! (letters of apology, rewriting of policies and teacher training)! What a turn around!!!

My child now attends an independent special school for children with autism and Aspergers. Life isn’t perfect, who’s is! But we have the diagnosis, the statement and finally the right school… One where I no longer need to ask “why don’t you believe me”

I’m in the final for the mad blog awards in the inspiring category voting closes today (6th June 2012) at 5pm! Please if you love the blog pop over and give us your vote.

#HAWMC DAY 18 – Inspiration

Stories can be used to establish social routines (using ‘fill in the blank’ procedures) and improve the ability to make social judgements. They may also be useful in helping others better to understand the child’s perception and responses.

 Children With Autism & Aspergers Syndrome: A Guide For Practitioners & Carers (By Patricia Howlin)

 The above statement is one made in one of many books I own that covers topics relating to the autism spectrum.“Children With Autism and Aspergers Syndrome – A Guide For Practitioners & Carers” was one of the very first books I acquired on the subject and I will still often refer to it from time to time. So, naturally when day 18 of the #HAWMC was set with the prompt “Pick a random statement from a book and write about it for 15 minutes” this was my first port of call. 

 There are hundreds upon hundreds of statements made within this particular book, so, why this one?

 I feel it’s important to highlight the above to other care givers, especially those with a newly diagnosed child. Yes, this is a life long condition that cannot be cured. Nonetheless, there are things that you can do to help your child develop better social interaction and communication skills, along with important life skills with the use of some commitment and good old-fashioned creativity.

 When my own son was first diagnosed, I didn’t really get sat down and given all the answers, if the truth be told no one really has them to give. Yes, I was sat on a chair amongst an entire room of professionals and all though I was asked that question… you know the one “Do you have any questions” I just didn’t know where to start, I just remember having plenty. I was therefore sent on my way with a folder of bits and pieces and a very jumbled mind. 

 It wasn’t in-till long after the little guy was diagnosed that I attend something called the “Early Bird Plus” designed for both caregivers and teaching professionals caring for or teaching a newly diagnosed child. Now although “Technically” Little man wasn’t exactly newly diagnosed, I still wanted to attend and have some of those unanswered questions answered! 

 It was during this course that I was first introduced to the simple yet effective idea of visual prompts and clues. With this I didn’t only discover ways to formulate routines, making them visible to Little man so he remained aware of what was happening when and where, but they also still play a big part in Little man’s daily bathroom routine enabling him to better do things in sequence (though sensory sensitivities remain a huge factor we are yet to improve)!

 There are many ways to use these visual aids (kinda like the visual symbols used for PECS). They are also very easy to create or if you don’t fancy that they can be found normally on a string of websites and are mainly free to download. 

 I designed and created a great visual aid for use in the bath room and that of the bedroom. Although he reacted in the way I expected when introducing the aids I soon discovered he was using that of the one in his bedroom to help him formulate his bedtime routine! Ok, he remains an extremely poor sleeper, though he does follow the chart removing the symbol cards that I attached to some Velcro dots, placing them in the pocket I attached to the bottom of the chart. He now uses a written reminder he keeps within on of his many organisers. Nonetheless, the bathroom system remains in place and although his very tactile defensive his got the sequence going and is trying much better than before.  It’s my view that any positive improvements within this area really need to be fused over with lots of praise being given to the child.

 So, how else can we use pictures and words as a visual clue and symbol to teach our children the basics in making the right social judgements as-well as good communication and interaction skills to formulate good friendships?

 Some may have heard of social stories which are a great way of getting a child on the spectrum prepared somewhat for an unfamiliar situation such as a trip to the dentist or even a fun day out at a theme park. 

 You can easily make up a pretty effective social story with no more than an exercise book and some pens! However using photos (if available) of the places that you plan to visit and those people you are visiting (of course with their given permission) can really help a child with autism or aspergers feel more prepared with the situation and therefore calmer on the day! Lets face it, who likes visiting the unknown? Those with autism have difficulty regulating their emotions and that of anxiety can trigger a number of undesirable reactions both during the lead up and that of the day. 

 Little man is growing up, his heading up to secondary school (lucky for us this is one that is attached to his current independent special school). People find it difficult to understand that many of Little Mans sudden outburst are caused by anxiety. I think this is not only because Aspergers is known to be the “hidden disability” but more the fact he can come across (at times) rather street wise, especially more so now. The truth is he is improving with the help of his school, his friend next door and some social modelling from others, but his still more than likely to say the wrong thing, something inappropriate, generally considered social unacceptable. But there are times I do wonder maybe they got it wrong then bang… something happens, a meltdown, over intense conversation on his special interest and the inability to shut off. Then there’s his all nighters and inability to switch off. That’s the thing, your child may have problems with social skills but as they grow they can often act a certain way for a chain of different social situations. I’m not stating Little man is socially correct all of the time but his learning. One thing I do try empathise & encourage is for Little man to be himself as he has at times totally moulded himself in a certain way to fit more comfortably into certain social groups and gatherings. He maybe a success but once home he off loads and he will normally have a hell of a lot of bottled up stress need releasing. It’s important that he knows how to behave for an array of situations but to reframe of hide who you are by either going into oneself coming across as a bit shy or maybe even a loner to avoid running into difficulties or act a way because it gets you liked by others, both something  Little man engaged in during mainstream, I can tell you from a parental perspective that this isn’t anything other than a disaster waiting to happen. 

 As many a parent of a child on the autism spectrum can probably vouch, we as parents are presented with that bit more reason to worry when it comes to our children growing up and therefore having to experience new things as they embark on their journey to adulthood. Something like visuals and good social modelling are of the up-most importance and will in time become a natural way of life and acquired parenting skills that we will find ourselves doing with little if any thought at all.

 You know your child and will learn what works best for them and you as a family. As mentioned earlier within this post, Little man no longer uses visual symbols for within his room but now uses words, just as you or I may write our schedule of order of events in a personal diary or organiser , this works and if even he remains awake till 3am with school set to kick of a few hours later, his still able to do those important steps to prepare for bed from brushing his teeth to putting his clothes in the wash. As for preparation for a new situation, we don’t always get things right (those that read about our Butlins holiday at Christmas will more than agree that it didn’t go smoothly) yet at times things go much better than maybe they would have if the effort to prepare Little man wasn’t made. I did the social stories with pictures, but he sees things very black and white so its important to have visual reminders of “Real life” places, people, etc this helps him to formulate some kind of image and expectation. The only danger of this is to be careful not to overdo it as spotted difference or unexpected changes could make the hard work go to pot!

 Lately, I’ve tried to be more creative with how we do the above. I’m agree he knows he sees thinks differently and thinks and processes information a tad different from his age peers. I’m also aware that as his grown his not welcomed anything that causes him to stand out so I’ve tried to continue with the preparation while making it more fun, age appropriate and fun. Last week why searching the App store on my iPhone 4S for some type of daily planer and social story maker, I found Comic Book. As you do, I had great fun playing around with it and trying different things. I created the picture below of my toddler Harley, and sisters new baby Riley. It has a number of stickers with great phrases, themes, colours, fronts and more. After testing it with the toddlers pics, I felt assured that this would be a great fun addition to my social preparation tool kit and Little man agreed it was pretty cool. Maybe with the doctor’s permission  you could snap a few pics during the next appointment and use this for your comic strip! For me, this is an App that will provide more than just good fun. 

 Other ideas are that of video recordings of places you may visit, memory books of the places you have been to before or even use small visual cards, laminated and hole punched and added to a curly key chain key ring and attach to your child’s belt loop. This is perfect for non-verbal children as they can use the symbols as a way to communicate their basic needs such as using the toilet while at school instead of become frustrated or upset. Again all these are easily made and need not cost a fortune.

 I also mention in another of my recent #HAWMC post about the brilliance of Pinterest, I’ve created a great Autism and Sen board that’s packed full of ideas to help your child in the areas discussed and many more… Yes, total pin head here! 

Below are some ideas on creating and using visual aids. These are taken from the autism & Sen board on my Pinterest and original author also included with these pins

from the blog rockabyebutterfly.blogspot.com

from the blog carrotsareorange.com

from the blog etadventures.blogspot.com.au

 Visuals may not seem appropriate right now, you may feel your child doesn’t need them? Remember at some point in our life we all require the use of prompts and instructions as-well as organisation… a work timetable or organiser. When we experience anxiety concerning an upcoming situation or event we form a mental picture which isn’t always easy for a child like mine! Early intervention is the key so if your child could do with a little prompt or preparation, why no give visuals and social stories a try? 

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Help Me Reveal The Bigger Picture This World Autism Day

Mild, what do you think off when you hear the word “Mild”?

A mild curry, a mild headache, a touch of man flu (or so some call it)!

Maybe you think of a mild case of chickenpox or a mild amount of pain?

Now, let me ask you,
“When you see a child of… let’s say 11 years old, throwing himself  aggressively around the local supermarket, red, hot and flushed,  shouting & screaming obscenities, refusing to walk, with no apparent  sense of danger, what do you think? Does the word “Mild” come to mind?

I didn’t think so!

If you were 100% truthful with yourself, my guess is, challenging, spoilt, dragged up, brat, may have come to mind! Although this is usually  never truth, I’m not about to jump into a written description on the worlds misconceptions or that of the importance of ignorance  (intentional or otherwise). I’ve done plenty of this lately. I will however agree that the word “Mild” is not one I’d chose to describe the above situation!

When you have a child with Aspergers Syndrome, who has displayed such  behaviours..more than once, you deal with it, though when you turn to another and inform them of your child’s diagnosis, for that person to turn around and refer to it as “Mild” you can’t help but want to  
SCREAM…

This misconception has just got way out of hand. Whoever chose to describe Aspergers as Mild was basically of their trolley! You see Aspergers is only described in such a way as to highlight the fact there is normally no intellectual difficulties, however social difficulties are just as pervasive as those children with what some may refer to as “Classic Autism“ the difference being that those children with a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome are normally fully aware of their differences, some even referring to themselves as not “Normal” as has my own child.

Those with Aspergers are not oblivious to the world around them… OK,  maybe while engaged in their “Special Interest” but other than this, the prospect that the child with Aspergers wants to engage with peers, having friendships like yours or mine, is always normally the case! The sheer frustration at not being able to always make these friendships or in many cases, keep them, is often too much for the child, hence the reason, so many children with aspergers find themselves diagnosed with depression or some type of anxiety related illness!

Now, I ask you again..”Does the word “Mild” spring to mind when you think of the above  
explanation It’s not a competition, I’m in no way even comparing the different types of autism, it’s a spectrum, where no two cases are ever the same! I’m just merely pointing out that the term mild is not actually a suitable one, as it is of course, taken out of context, leaving  
others (even teachers, and other professionals) expecting more than maybe they should from a child with Aspergers. It’s my belief, and that of many others, that this is likely the reasons behind high school exclusion rates, placement breakdowns in mainstream schools and  
so forth. My child is very literal, yet despite his previous school’s awareness of this, metaphors were continuously used by staff, during conversations with my child! He was just expected to get these quirky little phases, such as “Has the cat got your tongue” or “The teacher can’t hold your hand forever” so, of course being adamant that he never holds the teachers hand, he quite rightly informs the head teacher, to which he is ordered to remove his sarcastic tone, that or stop being thick!

The child with Aspergers, has to continuously adjust ones normal behaviour, something they are most uncomfortable with, to fit neatly into the life, that society expects and accepts.

Its common for many diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome, to receive a late diagnosis! This is true, but only due to the signs being suppressed by the child in question, as they either keep themselves to themselves, blending into the background or speak to one or two children, though not actually forming friendly relationships with them, yet teachers commonly mistake this as healthy peer relationships. What then will often happen, is once that child returns to the safety net of home, the bubble pops and like dynamite they explode letting go of a whole days bottled up frustration, becoming sometimes uncontrollable! Of course the parents reports such goings on, yet they are looked upon as one sided concerns! Teachers mainly assume the issues must be down to some problem in the home, why wouldn’t they considering the lack of challenging behaviour within school? This was certainly the case with Little man!

Suddenly something changes! As the child grows older, incurring a stronger urge for peer interaction, a low threshold for dealing with sensory inputs and lack of understanding of the social rules, Suddenly a flip in the childs behaviour may occur, one that to the school is that of a sudden change, to you, the parent…it’s been a long time coming!

The child may now stand out that bit more, maybe seen as a bit of a social odd ball as he goes about trying to socialise, they may then become targeted by the bullies! Sadly, due to the childs lack of social understanding, especially around the issue of friends, they may well find themselves as a target without even knowing it.  
Little man is, once more a prime example of this….. He was seen by other children to be a child who would easily break social rules (only due to the fact he was unaware of there boundaries)! As a result, when the bullies befriended him, the popular kids, he was proud to finally have a group of friends.This started during his fourth year of primary school and by the end of that year he had already undergone an obscene amount of formal exclusions and when he was in, he was being taught in isolation, heartbreaking, referred to by staff as a health and safety risk! As for the bullies who he mistakenly was proud to name his friends, these would do a number of horrible things, then stand back and laugh as little man got into trouble. An example would be, getting him to slap a teacher around the back of the head with an orange glove, he believed it to be OK, as it was just a game, “The Tango Game” surly the teacher would know this right? You can only imagine the reaction of that teacher! Worse, her unexpected reaction would shock little man in such a way, it would trigger more challenging behaviour, most failed to make the connection between the two and of course his education and self-esteem suffered greatly. As his mother, I watched him slowly putting the pieces together, the children not knocking when they claimed they would, his invite to a party becoming lost in the post, the fact they were suggesting he do things that he was now learning were not acceptable due to the repeated reactions these caused! This is the point when your child starts to accept that his actually friendless, being used and laughed at too! You, the parent watch as your heart breaks, you ask yourself, maybe it would have been better if he never saw the light, he continued thinking peers were his friends.

I hear hundreds of horror stories mainly consisting of discrimination and misconceptions. Like my own child, the child is never allowed on school trips, coincidentally excluded on the day of a trip or that when OFSTED visited school. What was worse was those times he was sent to work in isolation, mother and child completely in the dark that a trip ever existed… well, that’s in till some other mother mentions it! You hear her words, you play along, yet inside your crying,you’re screaming, rage ripping your insides to pieces. Even worse your child finds out, unable to cope with more rejection so he hurts himself by throwing himself into brick walls, smashing his head, scratching his arms drawing blood, or worse still… threatening to stab himself!

Please, I ask you once again…

Would you use the term “Mild” in association with any of that above? Would you?

Myself nor my son, and countless other families like mine, are not asking for your sympathy, your kind words, your half smiles as we catch one another’s eye across a crowded playground, though those things are incredibly thoughtful, we need so much more than this to make a difference!

We, need you to take just a few short minutes having read this post, to process what you have read! If you agree and only If you do… we need your help! I’m asking that those parents & individuals who don’t have a child on the spectrum as well as those who do (and anyone else who’s reading) takes just a few minutes to help raise awareness for autism and aspergers, this “World Autism Awareness Day“ (2nd April 2012)

How?

Bloggers… with the power of your influential voice, your blogs can reach a 1000 voices or more… Please Join me in creating awareness, by wearing something that resembles the colours that make up the autism puzzle or something that resembles autism. Maybe wear a T with the awareness ribbon or a puzzle piece displayed across your chest and back, paint your face, design an eye mask, just let your creativity run wild, then write on a large piece of card, “Doing it for World Autism Day 2012” hold it up, where ever you’re at and take a photo… the more funky and eye-catching the better! Post your picture to your blog adding a few words if you wish, state you’re raising awareness for world autism day and link your picture/post to the linky I’ll place on here on my blog!

You can tweet using hashtag #worldautism12 , post on the “A Boy with Aspergers” Facebook page and share any other way that grabs you.

Please it’s just one day, a few minutes of your time which will undoubtedly help spread awareness! I’m not asking you to raise money or even go to work looking like a clown! Like many other families all over the world, Its world autism day everyday in our house! I’m just  asking you to make it yours on the 2nd April 2012 (if only for 10 minutes) your reward… you will help create a better world for children like my Little man.

Non Bloggers

There is simply no getting away from it! Simply do the above but instead tweet your pictures using hash tag #worldautism12, Post them on your own Facebook page and to make it count by posting them to “The Boy with Aspergers” Facebook Page.

Those who can’t post anywhere, email them to me via address in sidebar of this blog and I’d be happy to post them out there for the world to see.

The final part of the plan

I will then hopefully have enough to create a collage of pictures of all those that took part, whether they held their awareness board in Sidney, London or New York, it will count.This can’t happen with a collection of one or two pictures! We need a huge amount to pull it off!

I will open the Linky on my blog at 11.59 on the 31st of March.

Please feel free to click and save the art work below to use in sidebars or within post, please link back.Please stay tune as there may be a few exciting surprise on the way too 🙂

So… There you have it! My plea for your help 

Help me create the bigger picture, I can’t do it without you!

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