Tag Archives: Literal

The Birds The Bees & A Boy With Aspergers

25 Jan

As a twenty-first century mum I thought I had it all planed out!

 We all know that eventually the day will come when as a mother we are required to have that little chat with our children, you know, the one about the birds and the bee’s!

Birds bees

Image via Wikipedia

 I have two son’s Little man (aka A boy with Aspergers) who is 11-years-old and 2-year-old Harley. I also have a daughter ‘Alice-Sara’ who will be 9 this Sunday.

 Yes, I guess I had assumed that daddy would speak to the boys and mummy would speak to her daughter. I would do it in a way that provide her with understanding , not embarrassment nor looks of horror, the terms “Bird” & “Bee” would be widely used, and we would live happily ever after!

 Well, this was in-till I discovered my son, “Little man” wasn’t your “typical” child! Little man sees the world differently, he sees it in “Black & White” and this means only one thing, the subject at hand, would need approaching in a very black and white way!

 There would be no “Birds” nor any “Bees” here! Instead it would be text-book, very, very text-book! Lets remember, this is a child on the autism spectrum, metaphors wouldn’t work, a literal understanding is what he has and using the birds and bees example would only result in confusion (he would be expecting bees to grow pubic hair, have a breaking voice and a use for condoms)

  Guess what? Daddy wouldn’t be doing it nether, mummy would… Fan-bloody-tastic is that!

 Not long after Little man started at his independent special school, especially for children on the autism spectrum, we received a letter home, explaining how some of the boys had fell into the conversation of “Wet Dreams” while on the school bus. Little man goes by  taxi each morning so he wasn’t involved in the conversation but with such small class numbers (no more than 6) I knew it wouldn’t have taken long for him to hear about the subject, my guess is he found out by playtime!

 The letter just raised the subject of how our boys are now growing up and we may want to consider the talk that many parents dread!

 If truth be told, little man has been known to make some pretty random, yet inappropriate comments with reference to a sexual nature for a while now. He said some things in his old mainstream school to a ASD outreach worker. I was red-faced when I read her report and on meeting her she told me he was saying such things to her without any concept on they’re meaning! OK, he knew a little but not enough, yet it certainty warranted a talk! Instead I tried to address it by telling him it was inappropriate and he shouldn’t be saying it! I know it wasn’t a great way to deal with it, yet I guess I wasn’t ready, or didn’t want to be!

 It’s not just that Little Man has Aspergers, it’s also the fact his growing up, I’m therefore getting older which isn’t great, but I’m also losing my “innocent” Little man and before I know it, his going to be this teenage boy with a changing body, hair in places he never knew possible, mood strings and a deep voice!

 Little man has already stated he likes girls and wants to marry more than one (goodness me, do I have a bigamist on my hands)! I guess like any mother, I don’t want my eldest child to grow up, and if anything have that bit of an extra reason to worry.

 So… Yes, we did have a talk, quite recently actually! Little Man, to no surprise, asked a lot of questions and patiently awaited my answers. With every answer it sparked another question and I answered as honestly and correctly as possible. One question was will my “penis grow bigger?” another was “How do you make babies” followed by “What happens once the sperm gets in there” to which I then directed him to this amazing video, which seemed to do the trick and if anything it literally amazed him, rather than grossing him out.

He now knows that once upon a time, he looked like an alien!

He also states that he has thousands of potential “Little Man” clones swimming around inside him, which his saving for his adult life.

 I guess his saving them to share with all them wife’s of his!

 Well, till the next lot of text-book questions, requiring text-book answers, comes along, I feel I’ve done my best for now!

 Now I guess I just sit and wait for those pending teenage years of mood swings and body hang-ups!

For now… I’m just going to enjoy my Little Man being just that…

 A Little Man

The things they say

16 Oct

I’ve talked about Little man’s Literal understand and way of thinking a number of times here on the blog. This way of thinking means Little man tends to come out with some classic lines.

When a teacher told Little man to be co-operative, he stated…“What like the Co-operative food shop?”

“To many this is better known as the Coop”

Yes quite cute, still… if he had been in mainstream, that would have been recorded as sarcasm, documented and even worse, it would have lead to a nasty sanction.

Many of the misunderstanding that occurred during little mans days in his old mainstream primary school were caused by a lack of understanding.

Over and over again I would express the importance of “Not using metaphors when engaging in conversation with my child” yet those that did, continued to do so!

It was only yesterday I came across a report by the ASD outreach team that clearly stated that teachers needed to reframe from the use of ambiguous language when talking to my child.

What really tics me off is when somebody raises their eyebrows, turns to me and states…

“Well, I’m sure he understands what I meant”

A statement I’ve heard far to often!

“No, he bloody well doesn’t! What do you think I’m stating this stuff for, the fun of it? Where I’m standing, its far from fun!”

Recently I had a conversation with a stranger (Gosh, look at me talking to strangers) actually this was an elderly woman sat next to me on the bus who seemed quite pleasant. Well, that was in-till she stated her grandson had been diagnosed as having the

“naughty boy condition!”

Hang on a minute…

“The what… ? Sorry, You’ve lost me!”

She continues and finally goes on to say

“Autism! What a load of old cobblers”

Seriously, at first I remember thinking, ‘What an oldie thing to say” (Yes I know, now who’s being stereotype).

Then I thought, “Wow, another day, another person tanked up with ignorance.”

You see I’ve faced this type of ignorance a number of times and looking at her I knew what was coming next! “It wasn’t around in my day”

I was bang on as this did shortly follow.

“Oh, my own child has the naughty boy disorder”

Needless to say her face glowed an awesome shade of red and we didn’t talk for the remaining ten minute journey time.

I wasn’t angry, I’m past all that! I just pitted her way of thinking!

How can you blame this society for thinking the they do when our national newspapers label disorders such as ADHD and others like it,

‘The naughty child disorder’ that entitles parents and carers to drive around in new cars that are paid for by the DLA.

Do they not release that in order to get a car your child’s condition is likely to be tied to other conditions that affect the child’s mobility! No, I guess not! After all the national newspaper in question only bothered to go by the one statistic, which was the number of claims that relate in some way to ADHD. My guess is these children didn’t all just have a diagnosis of ADHD like many will know it’s a condition that is closely related to autism and many children carry a diagnosis of both.

I’ve seen parents with a child who really could use that car, lets not forget, most of the cost are met by funding it through the money they would usually be given in the form of payments. This money is given to meet the child’s mobility needs, not care, this is a different thing altogether!

Yes, of course there are some driving their pimped out bimmers when yes, the car could go to a much needy family (your always gonna get them people) yet, isn’t this the same as every other benefit? The system is a mess, not just one section of it! All of it!

I wasn’t angry about the article, I don’t let myself get that way anymore, I again pity those that wrote it and pray their child is never born different in anyway (I must state, “NO I DON’T HAVE A CAR PAID BY THE STATE, THAT OF THE TAX PAYERS MONEY, I DON’T HAVE A CAR WHAT SO EVER!” You may have already worked this out what with the above description of my recent bus travels with the elderly, but I just wanted to make that clear!

I believe a great deal of the issues our children face are due to that of others misconceptions. This could be anything from the way they talk, understand or behave in public.

Another bus incident (isn’t surprising given buses are little man’s main focus within his special interest in transport). We got on his favourite bus (the one with the one very high seat with a pane of glass right in front of it). The seat is basically right up their by the driver and little man like’s nothing more than to sit in it, in-order to play the role. Only this one time somebody was actually sat in “his seat” He stood there staring just waiting for the woman (middle aged) to move and let him sit down. When she didn’t he claimed quite polity too,

“Excuse me your in my seat”

she went from a look of disbelief to a giggle when stating

“Listen sunshine, has it got your name on it?”

Now their was a double whammy right there! ‘Sunshine’ & “… has it got your name on it?” was bound to confuss

“My name isn’t Sunshine”

he claimed while giving the chair a once over to see if it had his “Name on it” Of course I was trying to get him to come and sit somewhere else without any bloody luck what so ever!

He actually went as far as asking her to stand up so he could check the cushion for his name.

“Is this kid for real?”

was something she asked aloud!

before mumbling under her breath something that sound like,

“sarcastic little…”

Again she displayed that adorable shade of red all over her face when I annouched that.

“His for real all right! and so is his autism”

We don’t tend to use the word “Aspergers” some don’t seem to have the foggiest idea what I’m banging on about when I do!

So, there you have it! My little dude can say the funniest of things but these can also have a flip side, one that unfortunately leads to the same old thing…

“IGNORANCE”

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