Teaching Communication Skills To 3-5 Year Olds

I receive emails on a daily basis from worried parents of toddlers or young children.

Many of these emails stress the same concern… My child still isn’t speaking or is speaking little for their age compared to that of their peers.

For others its their child’s lack of understanding of language or how to use it that’s the concern.

Little man was a very early and advanced speaker, only he failed to use certain words in the correct contents, had poor social interaction and would normally dominate conversation. His listening and communication skills are improving all the time now that he has weekly speech and language therapy (SALT) at school. This just proves its never to late to start a programme though the earlier we are taught the skills we need the better, especially in those with autism or any other communication disorder.

Its natural for us parents to worry if our toddler isn’t using communication at the rate we expect especially if we have their siblings to compare them too. But despite the worry its important to note that its not always due to a medical or developmental problem… Some children just develop that bit slower than others, where some just require a bit of help along the way.

Whatever the reason I believe it is important for all parents to encourage communication from an early age… If you feel that development is slow progressing or even too advanced, early intervention is the key.

Those with experience will know just how long waiting lists are for Paediatricians or Speech Therapist… But there are things we can do as parents at home.

I was extremely impressed to hear about a new developmental tool called “chatting with children” I haven’t really seen anything of this kind before and feel its something that could make a whole lot of difference to parents everywhere.

Chatting With Children is an activities pack designed to build the language development in children aged 3-5. Even better its been developed by Kate Freeman a qualified Speech and Language Therapist.

The pack from I Can (the children’s communication charity) is the third in its series following Babbling Babies and Toddler Talk (also created by Kate Freeman).

Chatting with Children is a stunning pack of 30 fun and interactive activity cards aimed at helping parents and practitioners develop young children’s communication skills. The pack also comes with a well written top tips activity guide that has been designed to help its user get the most from it.

Inside this kit that resembles a hard back book, you will find 30 beautifully illustrated cards that make up a number of activities designed to encourage the language and communication of children aged 3-5 years. Each task is simple yet provides effective ways of enhancing speaking, listening and understanding skills. The kit has been Designed in association with Studio Conran and illustrator Owen Davey, who has designed each beautiful activity card to feature an activity designed to develop a different aspect of communication.

What I like most about this pack is that this is a tool recommended to professionals such as therapist & practitioners yet its simple enough for a parent to use at home meaning we have the tools of the professionals at hand to work with at home whenever we want to.

The fact that the pack has been created by Kate Freeman A Speech and Language Therapist who holds over 15 years experience, gives me even more confidence when using the pack and applying each individual activity.

Each activity is so simplistic and easy to follow that there is not really any excuses for not being able to try it on a daily/weekly basis. Its not time consuming whatsoever as there is always little if no set up involved.

Toddler Talk and Chatting with Children are each available in paperback for £7.99 or hardback for £12.99 and its available over at the I Can website

In my opinion this is beyond reasonable, I expected it to cost a considerable amount more considering the market its targeted at. I normally find most tools designed with the aim of encouraging a child’s develop within any area, to be over priced and beyond most families reach. So I’m seriously impressed with what I Can are providing here for little money!

What’s more every last penny of the proceeds are put back into the registered Charity “I Can” so they can continue to provide help and resources to parents like you and I.

Any parent with a question or concern about their child’s communication can contact the I CAN Help Enquiry Service for a call or email from a speech and language therapist – visit www.ican.org.uk/help”

Disclaimer: This is not a paid post. I was sent a sample of Chatting with Children in order to share my honest opinion… I have decided that this will now be donated to a local Speech And Language Therapist in our area.

The things they say

I’ve talked about Little man’s Literal understand and way of thinking a number of times here on the blog. This way of thinking means Little man tends to come out with some classic lines.

When a teacher told Little man to be co-operative, he stated…“What like the Co-operative food shop?”

“To many this is better known as the Coop”

Yes quite cute, still… if he had been in mainstream, that would have been recorded as sarcasm, documented and even worse, it would have lead to a nasty sanction.

Many of the misunderstanding that occurred during little mans days in his old mainstream primary school were caused by a lack of understanding.

Over and over again I would express the importance of “Not using metaphors when engaging in conversation with my child” yet those that did, continued to do so!

It was only yesterday I came across a report by the ASD outreach team that clearly stated that teachers needed to reframe from the use of ambiguous language when talking to my child.

What really tics me off is when somebody raises their eyebrows, turns to me and states…

“Well, I’m sure he understands what I meant”

A statement I’ve heard far to often!

“No, he bloody well doesn’t! What do you think I’m stating this stuff for, the fun of it? Where I’m standing, its far from fun!”

Recently I had a conversation with a stranger (Gosh, look at me talking to strangers) actually this was an elderly woman sat next to me on the bus who seemed quite pleasant. Well, that was in-till she stated her grandson had been diagnosed as having the

“naughty boy condition!”

Hang on a minute…

“The what… ? Sorry, You’ve lost me!”

She continues and finally goes on to say

“Autism! What a load of old cobblers”

Seriously, at first I remember thinking, ‘What an oldie thing to say” (Yes I know, now who’s being stereotype).

Then I thought, “Wow, another day, another person tanked up with ignorance.”

You see I’ve faced this type of ignorance a number of times and looking at her I knew what was coming next! “It wasn’t around in my day”

I was bang on as this did shortly follow.

“Oh, my own child has the naughty boy disorder”

Needless to say her face glowed an awesome shade of red and we didn’t talk for the remaining ten minute journey time.

I wasn’t angry, I’m past all that! I just pitted her way of thinking!

How can you blame this society for thinking the they do when our national newspapers label disorders such as ADHD and others like it,

‘The naughty child disorder’ that entitles parents and carers to drive around in new cars that are paid for by the DLA.

Do they not release that in order to get a car your child’s condition is likely to be tied to other conditions that affect the child’s mobility! No, I guess not! After all the national newspaper in question only bothered to go by the one statistic, which was the number of claims that relate in some way to ADHD. My guess is these children didn’t all just have a diagnosis of ADHD like many will know it’s a condition that is closely related to autism and many children carry a diagnosis of both.

I’ve seen parents with a child who really could use that car, lets not forget, most of the cost are met by funding it through the money they would usually be given in the form of payments. This money is given to meet the child’s mobility needs, not care, this is a different thing altogether!

Yes, of course there are some driving their pimped out bimmers when yes, the car could go to a much needy family (your always gonna get them people) yet, isn’t this the same as every other benefit? The system is a mess, not just one section of it! All of it!

I wasn’t angry about the article, I don’t let myself get that way anymore, I again pity those that wrote it and pray their child is never born different in anyway (I must state, “NO I DON’T HAVE A CAR PAID BY THE STATE, THAT OF THE TAX PAYERS MONEY, I DON’T HAVE A CAR WHAT SO EVER!” You may have already worked this out what with the above description of my recent bus travels with the elderly, but I just wanted to make that clear!

I believe a great deal of the issues our children face are due to that of others misconceptions. This could be anything from the way they talk, understand or behave in public.

Another bus incident (isn’t surprising given buses are little man’s main focus within his special interest in transport). We got on his favourite bus (the one with the one very high seat with a pane of glass right in front of it). The seat is basically right up their by the driver and little man like’s nothing more than to sit in it, in-order to play the role. Only this one time somebody was actually sat in “his seat” He stood there staring just waiting for the woman (middle aged) to move and let him sit down. When she didn’t he claimed quite polity too,

“Excuse me your in my seat”

she went from a look of disbelief to a giggle when stating

“Listen sunshine, has it got your name on it?”

Now their was a double whammy right there! ‘Sunshine’ & “… has it got your name on it?” was bound to confuss

“My name isn’t Sunshine”

he claimed while giving the chair a once over to see if it had his “Name on it” Of course I was trying to get him to come and sit somewhere else without any bloody luck what so ever!

He actually went as far as asking her to stand up so he could check the cushion for his name.

“Is this kid for real?”

was something she asked aloud!

before mumbling under her breath something that sound like,

“sarcastic little…”

Again she displayed that adorable shade of red all over her face when I annouched that.

“His for real all right! and so is his autism”

We don’t tend to use the word “Aspergers” some don’t seem to have the foggiest idea what I’m banging on about when I do!

So, there you have it! My little dude can say the funniest of things but these can also have a flip side, one that unfortunately leads to the same old thing…

“IGNORANCE”

Related articles

• ADHD, autism may share genetic commonality (cbc.ca)
• New ADHD rules could see kids as young as four on drugs (canada.com)

I don’t want to wear your shoes mum!

“Mum I really wouldn’t do that”, shouted little man in a stern voice.

“Well, you would if you were in my shoes mate” I replied without taking my eyes off the screen as I frenetically typed my angry email to yet another not so professional, professional!

Silence……

Then……

“Mum, why would I be in your shoes? There far to big and not the kind of shoes I would wear, they are made for girls and look way to uncomfortable for a ten year old boy!”

Yep, you would have thought that I would known better by now wouldn’t you! My use of ambiguous language could lead to alsorts of problems

Little man isn’t stupid, far from it, he just doesn’t understand why people don’t just say what they mean! I’ve explained the use of metaphors to which he will often reply “that’s just stupid and isn’t worth saying” I suppose he has a point but to most these terms just slip out without a seconds thought and that was the case now.

I glanced up from my Mac, to see little man stood before me shaking his head, deep in thought. I knew I would need to explain myself and that once I had he would try to store the new little metaphor deep in his head in a bid to recognise it if ever used again. This technique is often a success but there are a few he just can’t get his head around.

he will often attempt to give it a whirl himself, Sadly more often then not this Is done in the wrong context, using the metaphor at a time it isn’t needed sounding totally ‘odd’ and often inappropriate with no relevance to the conversation often coming across as if to be using sarcasm. (could be a huge problem in later life) I’m very thankful that more often then not little man sees these little metaphors as completely uncalled for and really un-needed.

I put down the Mac and gave little man my full attention.

“I really didn’t mean you would wear my shoes as you are very right they are not suitable for boys, especially children as they are definitely for ladies and as you stated, they are most uncomfortable”

He stood concentrating on my words, taking it all in.

“You see what I meant was, you would likely send such an email if you was in a situation of my kind!”, So, by saying if you were in my shoes… I’m merely suggesting you would take this same action. This is the same for any situation not just an email, it may be that I forgot to do something because I was so busy and if u suggested that I was stupid for forgetting I may say that you would have forgotten too if in my shoes! understand?”

“How stupid mum! it’s pointless as you don’t become a person for wearing their shoes! we all have our own minds, shoes don’t come into it mum” With a huge Si and drop of his shoulder’s he shook his head and laughed at me as if I was silly.

A few days later we were sat on the sofa together watching the film ‘White Chicks’ (a comedy where two black cops go undercover as two young white socialites in a bid to find the bad guys, but mainly save their butts from being sacked) Little man was laughing hysterically alongside me. We sat and watched the whole film together while munching on ice cream and spoiling ourselves with a can of something fizzy (trying to cut down little mans fizz intake, that’s why i refer to fizzy as a treat)

After having watched the film little man turned to me and said, “That was really funny mum! I can’t believe that them guys wore ladies shoes for all that time just to understand the situation”

“What?” I sputtered

As little man went to repeat what he had just said, I stopped him stating, “oh I know what you mean sweetheart” giving him a kiss on the head I got up and made us a warm drink for bed.

Only this time while I stood boiling the kettle, it was me who gave a little Si, shook my head slowly while displaying a slight smile. Let’s leave this one for another day I thought to myself!

Oh and by the way, The little man was right… The angry email really wasn’t a good idea!

How Mummy should have listen to her ten year old aspie!

A literal thinker.

This post is based on my sons understanding of language. Many parents of children with ASD will be able to relate.

Here I’ve taken a few of mine and Little mans memorable  conversations in an attempt to highlight just how literal someone with autism and Aspergers can be. Though these are quite funny and harmless, there have been times when little mans literal understanding has fuelled anxieties and caused him a great deal of stress. Growing up little man has struggled to understand jokes, metaphors, and sarcasm, with this becoming more apparent with age. It’s quite stressful at times as he won’t always express that he hasn’t understood, Instead his anxiety will be displayed though highly challenging behaviours. These such behaviours are the reason we as parents, teacher, friends or other should learn to adjust and simplify the language we use. Over time Little man has learnt that when I turned and said to a friend in a stressed out tone of voice  “I’m gonna kill that boy in a minute”  I didn’t actually mean it!  Still it’s rather sad to think that at one stage in his life, he considered his mother the murdering type.

Well, with that I will leave you with some classics.

Mum: “Do that once more, You will not be going on YOUR bus tomorrow.”

Little Man: “It’s not my bus! It belongs to the metro.” (Said why screaming and crying.)

Mum on the phone having a conversation with a friend. “I still have a way to go. I’ve lost a STONE and a few POUNDS so far.”

Little Man a few days later. “Mum did you ever find your STONE and few POUNDS that you lost?”

Walking to school one morning.

Mum: “G you’re FLYING” (Zipper down on his trousers)

Little man: “I’m not flying Mum! I’m walking.” (Said in a very moody tone)

Mum: “Keep it up and you’re going to SEE!”

Little Man: “I can see already thank you” (Easily confused as pure sarcasm)

Mum: “Go wash your face, Its BLACK.”

Little Man “you’re being racist mum”

Little Man “Mum why would someone kill CEREAL?”

Mum: “What?”

Little man: “The man on the news said he was a SERIAL killer.” (G already watching the news as a five year old)

What is Asperger’s syndrome ?

Asperger’s is a communication disorder.  Someone with AS would have poor social skills that family and friends may be able to spot from a young age but in most cases these poor social skills become more and more apparent as the child grows older. My son is now 8yrs old and yes i would say that AS has become more apparent in these last few years .

A child with AS may seem withdrawn wanting to play alone or the child may be loud and annoying to peers. A child with AS may seem a loner. Nearly all children with AS with have a special interest. This special interest will  dominate the child’s conversation meaning he/she wants to speak only about there interest. The person with AS will know a great deal of information on this topic/interest. My son has always loved trains and bus. It sounds silly but it is the working off the doors my son is most interested in. He can speak about how they work for hours and hours. He also could tell you where each bus is heading and all the stops on each train line.

Sensory sensitivity, Motor clumsiness, Routine and Language are just a few more things a child with AS may have problems with. Im sure we will touch on all these somewhere along in this blog.