Christmas Meltdowns, Supermarket Style

Anybody with a child on the autism spectrum will know that meltdowns are that bit different from your more ‘typical’ tantrum and that during this festive time of year they tend to be on the increase.

This is true for Little man, what with all those emotions mixed together, excitement, anxiety and more, there is just bound to be an increase in this behaviour, however knowing about it can make it that bit easier… OK, not that much but hey any improvement is better than no improvement isn’t it?

It’s extremely hard to avoid those things that make our children over stimulated especially when it’s the whole business of Christmas itself that tends to bring about such behaviour! Supermarkets are always that bit more crowded, then there’s all the festivities happening around us.

My Little man has never coped well with the whole shopping situation and I discovered last year just how much worse this becomes at Christmas! Seriously, there is no quite time to shop in December, nonetheless this is a good time however to try to raise some awareness for the condition and how sensory overload can play a huge part in our children’s behaviour! Just think about it, how do you feel when you’re darting around the supermarket last-minute trying to get all the bits for your Christmas dinner, everything is sold out, the place is bursting at the seams with other shoppers who are walking about at the pace of a snail and in the background you can hear people rattling charity tins as the local choir stood at the stores entrance belts out the sounds of “Ding Dong Merrily On High” yet there you are feeling a little less than festive when you’re in a rush and somehow no matter how fast you go… Nothing seems to get done!

Come on, we’ve all been there haven’t we? Well, I know I have and I’ll be honest when saying… It leaves me feeling bloody stressed out to the max.

Yes, we shouldn’t leave things till the last-minute but not every family is in a position to shop at the beginning of the month, myself included!

I don’t know 100% but I’m guessing this is how my son feels on trips to the local supermarket, just how I feel when christmas shopping at the last minute, so can you imagine how much worse it becomes for the child with Asperger’s during such a festive period?

I say I’ve learnt my lesson every year, have I really? No of course not, I still return to the supermarket the next year, kids in tow, battling the crowds as I try to do my Christmas food shop and it’s always the same… the end result is… Cans of baked beans rolling down aisle 10 and Little man shouting some pretty offensive language (at me of course) while kicking anything or worse, anyone in his reach! Not a pretty thought is it!

If you’re in a position to leave that little darling at home, I’d say… GO FOR IT! If you’re not then if you can, then do it as early as possible to get it out the way!

There is always the option of paying for your Christmas at the beginning of the year, and this isn’t just for the reason of spreading the cost but also avoiding the big Christmas rush and therefore huge Christmas meltdown.

Still, I don’t know why I’m telling you this? Do I take my own advice?

Never… though I really should! Still like many, I always find that Christmas is the last thing I want to be thinking about come January and then before I know it we’re in November and this mum is panicking BIG STYLE!

Maybe next year I’ll order myself a big fat hamper filled to the rim with Christmas goodies! Who knows, I can only but hope I hear myself saying that in January!

I hold my hands up, I do still have stuff to buy and I do see one or two meltdowns on the horizon.

Here’s a couple of things I will be doing to help avoid a blow up or a least a monster scale meltdown!

The biggest advice I can give myself or anyone else who are yet to shop, would be not to get too stressed! (Easier said than done, I know). However, when I’m stressed Little man easily picks up on my mood and therefore becomes more stressed himself! This is an important lesson I’ve learnt to date, regardless of the time of year or situation.

Another example why stressing is a super bad idea is the fact that it causes me to parent poorly, I can’t do the job that I’m meant to do, I become a wreck and becoming a wreck results in a worse meltdown from Little man. It’s all about remaining calm, dealing with the children best I can and getting the hell out off there!

Another piece of advice of valuable advice I can offer, is… Ignore the judgemental finger pointers, the glaring eyes of your fellow shoppers, who gives a rats arse what they think? Seriously it’s so not worth it!

Yes, I’ve stood in the supermarket trying to educate my fellow shoppers on autism, aspergers or sensory processing and at any other time I’d say, ‘Yay… go for it’ but at this busy & already stressful time of year, my advice is worry about no one but you and the children, get your shopping and get on out of there.

You could always do what I’m planing and wear a t-shirt with the words,

“Merry Christmas my child has Aspergers”

Related articles

• A Christmas party- Mummy blogger style (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• “Mum, your christmas presents belong in the trash!” (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• Never Ever Again (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)

The stranger who got right on my wick

I like to write about the positive side to Asperger’s after all the first two years of this blogs content, was filled with nothing but rants, brought on by a mix of discrimination & my battles in obtaining appropriate education for Little man.

 However, I’m really sorry to do this to you all, but this is in-fact a “Rant” 

 Sometimes life isn’t all rosy and you need to unleash the not so good stuff… Today is one of those days!

 There are a few things troubling me that I need to get out my head and onto the blog, somehow just letting my fingers do the talking for me, helps me to adapt my mood and somehow go about getting on with things.  

 Now, the first is one that I’m convinced most will read and think, “Get Over It” and to be honest if you did, you would properly be right in thinking this, I should just “Get over it” I know this! However there are some days when something like this happens and it’s just the icing on the cake (so to speak)! 

 What am I rambling on about, I haven’t even told you what it is troubling me, yet here I am trying to justify my own thoughts! Well, basically I am hacked off by a person I’m pleased to say I have never had the privilege to meet, a complete and utter stranger who really shovelled a generous amount of judgemental bull in my direction! 

 So what! I deal with this shit daily, right? True! However I wasn’t in the most stable mood this day (Note this was a few days back) I was actually darting to a Halloween party in an attempt to save my panicking 11-year-old with a diagnosis of Aspergers, from a pending firework display. My iPhone pinged and alerted me that I had mail (email) this is when I discovered the comment below. 

I was reading that one difference between boys with aspergers and girls with aspergers is that girls mimic people around them and end up blending in with neurotypical people. I believe aspergers has a genetic base. I think you and your daughter also have aspergers. It also sounds like you favor your daughter over your son, and he notices and resents it. The most annoying thing with mothers with aspergers is that they think the way their children are acting is somehow done on purpose just to frustrate, like they thing they are the center of the universe, them when in fact children with aspergers are just trying to do what’s best for them.

  Yes, I’ve had crap like this before but this however really rubbed me up the wrong way. Now here’s what drives me that bit more crazy… You get dealt this type of ignorance, become somewhat fired up, yet all you can do is leave an angry “Mind your own business” reply, containing a fair portion of swear words (which I just about reframe from adding) as well as a load of typos that occur as a result of your mad frantic typing! Then you wait… and wait… In reality I don’t want to get into some full on bitching match with this numb nuts above, yet somewhere muddled within the haze of my angry mind, I want to see his response and I want it now! Yet it never comes, ever!

 I’m my head I was screaming you cheeky patronising *#¡# how dare you read just one, just one post and think you have the right to judge me as a parent! 

 What’s more, what right do you think you have to diagnosis not only myself but also my daughter as having “Aspergers” Goodness me, you have never even met either of us. 

 Oh… and you can cut the other crap about my son acting out his aggressiveness in the direction of his sister because he feels she is my favourite, thankfully you really don’t know me.

 Yes, this asshole thinks he knows it all, when actually he doesn’t even know the slightest. I don’t care if the individual has a diagnosis himself or is even a parent, he still has no sodding clue about me and my family!

 Here’s the thing people! I spend hours punishing myself mentally, due to the guilt I feel every single day! Guilt towards my daughter! Why? Because she deserves so much more attention then I have been able to offer. I spent days and nights, writing to schools, filing in complaint forms, collecting evidence for a discrimination case and more besides.

Then there were and still is the trips to CAMHS (child adolescents mental health service) the nights he sleeps in my bed though his far to old, yet if my daughter asks I have to state she can’t and this is purely because Little man would never sleep and likely complain with every movement she made. So, why not refuse to let my son? Consistency is sometimes hard to withstand when its 4am and his been sat outside your bedroom door since midnight in tears! 

 So, when I sit there thinking about this stranger who I have never met, sat at his computer typing this judgemental bull, when this mother has not had a wink of sleep in three days I tend to become a little bit touchy! 

 I would like to state quite loudly that although I love my son with Asperger’s and try to activity embrace the diagnosis, No, myself nor my daughter have Asperger’s.

How this conclusion was drawn from that one post almost makes me want to roll on the floor laughing but at the same time really rattled my cage!

 Now, here comes trouble number 2! I’m worried that once more, yet on a worse scale, my son’s aggressive and growing violent behaviour is going to draw to a serious end but only when his seriously hurt someone (who knows, maybe this won’t even draw an end to it)! 

 At 11 years old his tall for his age, and is no longer the skinny little boy he once was. His gaining strength and today he punched and kicked me so hard I feel to the ground. This was only after he had finished with his sister and I’d tried to intervene. 

 I hear the same thing from high-end professionals who claim that removing the trigger will solve such issues, but what if the trigger is his sister, seriously she only has to like something he likes for him to feel it’s justified to give her a dig. Planned ignoring wont help either! You can’t ignore one of your own children who you love dearly beating the hell out another, it’s just not  worth contemplating. 

Related articles

• Brain Science of Aspergers and Autism Pt. 2: Anger and emotion (wizzkids.wordpress.com)
• Just because I love him (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• Aspergirls: A Subculture Within a Subculture (psychologytoday.com)
• Siblings and Autism: How Are Kids Affected by Special Needs Brothers and Sisters? (blogher.com)
• Brain Science of Aspergers and Autism Pt. 1: Sensory Overload (wizzkids.wordpress.com)

You know your a parent to a child with Aspergers when….

Now I know that every child on the spectrum is different and no two children are the same! But I’m guessing there are a good few parents/carers that can relate to one or two of these….

… You know you’re a parent to a child with Aspergers when…

….You’ve watched Thomas the tank engine more times then you’ve watched Eastenders (You love Eastenders!)

You spend more time at your child’s school, then what you ever did your own school!

You know your child’s entire school teaching team on a first name basis and see them more then your own personal friends!

You begin to organise your own day, with the help of visual aids.

You laugh so hard your sides hurt & your eyes water.

Educational Jargon is no longer Jargon, but a second language!!!

You are taken for the ride of your life… A long the 450 bus route!

Who needs a husband, You’ve already got one!

Your idea of an early night is 3am.

The shop assistant thinks you’re the local crazy woman, who strokes and feels up all the clothing in the children’s department.

You can ask your child for their honest opinion… “Does mummy look fat in this dress?” And be given an honest answer! 😦

You find that slowly over time your ten-year old has converted you into an all time classic ‘bus spotter’ I’m stood like a tourist in the coldest of weather trying to gain the prefect shoot of a 194 bus. Just to keep your little man happy!)

Your child beats you hands down on a maths quiz…. Every single time!!!!

Yes, you find it’s them helping you with their homework!

Your addicted to over the counter painkillers, and yet for some reason you still have a headache!

The morning cup of tea is replaced with three shots of espresso, followed by a couple of Redbulls (I’m yet to grow them wings it’s talking about)

Coffee no longer=social chit-chat, but gives you the super mummy powers needed to to go on!

Your smart, but…Your child’s just that little bit smarter!

Your verbally bashed on a daily basis, yet you don’t love them any less.

“Mum’s got eyes in the back of her head” is a metaphor your never, ever going to use again….. Ever!

You find that over time you’ve become a natural at not giving a S**t what people think.

Fighting is no longer something you associate with boxing!

You wish for the ground to swallow you whole, when your child states the health benefits of losing weight to the slightly chubby checkout girl in Tesco.

Your face glows red when a passer-by slips and falls on the snow, and your child stands pointing, laughing and shouting, “Look they fell over… that is so funny mum” (They clearly don’t think so)

Your woken at 3 am because your ten-year old is feeling peckish… Yer right!

Tantrums are a little different from those you read about in the parenting books

Claire’s room station … Is in-fact Claire’s bloody bedroom… Beep- Beep- Beep… OUT!!!!

And lastly……

….. You live and breath your child’s condition, longing for them to be understood,accepted and appreciated for the truly wonderful child that they are….

…. The child you love just the way they are!!

MUM’S GONE BANANAS IN HER PYJAMAS.

Has Anybody heard about the latest warning signs signaling mental health problems in mothers of young children? Rumor has it that mothers who wear pyjamas at 8.55am In the morning could be suffering from an undiagnosed mental health condition.

Sound crazy? Well the author of this blog does happen to be a loony pyjama wearing momma. So what do you expect?

As a child growing up I was told to never judge, Not to make assumptions about another, No matter what the circumstances. With this I become a firm believer of the saying never judge a book by its cover. So it’s sad that once an adult I discovered that those who are considered to be trusted professionals did not follow this rule. I’m not talking about the unwanted stares and rude comments made during our Autistic childs latest meltdown which always leads to the assumption that your child is nothing but a screaming, argumentative, stubborn brat. Even though yes that’s simultaneously just as annoying. No I’m talking about a professional, one whom you trust is making extreme assumptions based on your appearance at almost 9 am in the morning.

Let me explain as I’m guessing this crazy woman isn’t making much sense. As a Mental Mother of three young children, Ok two at the time! One who has Aspergers and displays a lack of interest in both sleep and school. Why in Gods name would I need to worry about the dress code I have chosen to display when opening my front door to The Educational professional who has finally agreed to pick little man and his sister up for school for a few weeks before the end of spring term? Has the country gone barking mad? Yes I answered my front door at 8.55 am in my pyjamas. I’m guilty what can I say. Does this action give you the right to question my mental state of mind? Did I answer my front door in the nude with a bottle of jacks D in one hand and a Benson&hedges in the other? No I did not So what the hell is the problem. Can’t you put pen to paper and come up with something constructive, Like how best to keep my son in school. After all it’s took a long time and effect on my part to build up some kind of routine and get him to come in at all. I’m sure some fantastic rewarding ideas may come to light if only more time was spent on him instead of these crazy judgemental assumptions so unsparingly given about his mother.

My son started school back in 2005 and since this time I have raised concerns in relation to a number of issues one being little mans reluctance to sleep of a night and another being his refusal to get ready and go to school. Still being assessed at the time and not yet on Melatonin  I was having a pretty crap time of it. Please remember Little man’s awake then it’s pretty likely that mum is too. Lack of sleep if any resulted in my looks having to take a back seat at least for a bit. People I’m not saying I was so tired I stopped washing! NO I’m just pointing out that having dragged Little mans butt out of his Pitt ( Which isn’t easy given his only been in it a meer few hours) Then chasing him all over the house and then pinning him down to dress him, Only to be successful but once your back is turned his back down to his undies and you do the WHOLE  thing again. Yes chasing, pinning and dressing often occurred three sometimes four times before a true result was made ( Thank God we are passed that Now ) This was more than a little time-consuming and extremely tiring I must add. So given this can you see why I may not find time to get myself sorted? Is it actually wrong or selfish that given the fact my child had kept me wake half if not all the night that I may be considering heading for my bed to recharge my batteries ready for the night ahead once the coast was clear? Next time I will be sure to put my face on and dress up in my super mum costume. Yer Right O.

Looking inside my Sons records did I expect to find notes and documents, Some addressed to members of the school and LEA? Maybe I did but I did not expect them to state concerns about my mental wellbeing because I wore Pyjamas. However was I surprised that such assumptions could be made in relation to my Mental state? Absolutely not! Just as I was not surprised to see that mistakes were made. No it wasn’t the Senco that collected the children! That is just one of over 20 inaccuracies and a few other that are utter untruths. Each and everyone can be so easy to prove through letters, note and documents within the same record or those I have of my own.

I also discovered that certain reports that had been written for other professionals within and outside of school refered to my childhood battle with OCD ( Obsessive compulsive disorder ) Which started at the tender age of 7 years. I do not see what bearing this information has in regards to my sons educational needs or diagnosis of Aspergers? It was only spoke of when family medical history was taken on a few of little mans assessments in relation to his diagnosis of Apergers. I had no reason to reframe from sharing such information with the professionals ( Not school ) involved in the care of my son. I’m not ashamed of my OCD just as I’m not ashamed of little mans autism I just don’t understand the reasons behind the schools choice to take the information from an assessment paper relating to little mans condition and then sharing it with others who in my opinion need not know or have no reason to know. I wish my sons diagnosis was so freely shared amongst the same people

It May seem I’m somewhat angry, annoyed and upset as a result of the pyjama MADNESS. I must be otherwise why the long post. I went through three stages… Anger, Upset, Laughter… By the time I wrote this I was pissing my pants. This was because it’s nothing but pure silly nonsense. How can I spend time worrying about this playground name calling. I have bigger worry in my life-like will my child receive the education best suited to his needs? Or how about will my daughter forever suffer as a result of her brothers Aspergers and the effect this has on both their school lives. Am I wrong or are these comments merely they’re to be hurtful or just because who ever wrote them lacked the ability to write something of intelligence. I don’t need to be a Psychologist, Doctor or a Mental Health practitioner to know that pyjamas are not a warrant for a diagnosis of any mental health condition but more suited to whoever wrote such a nasty comment in the first place. Hence the reason I decided to write this before firmly taking it on the chin!

So I fault it would be irresponsibly of me to finish this post without having given readers a WARNING.

Readers do you think you are safe behind the closed doors and the bricks that form your house when you are looking like something the cat dragged in? Don’t be hyping yourself up in the excitement of the prospect of settling down with a hot cuppa coffee and watching a little Jeremy Kyle! Hell No. Be getting yourself looking respectable as you don’t know who’s gonna come knock, knock, knocking on your door and be offended by them betty boo Jim Jams.