Anybody with a child on the autism spectrum will know that meltdowns are that bit different from your more ‘typical’ tantrum and that during this festive time of year they tend to be on the increase.
This is true for Little man, what with all those emotions mixed together, excitement, anxiety and more, there is just bound to be an increase in this behaviour, however knowing about it can make it that bit easier… OK, not that much but hey any improvement is better than no improvement isn’t it?
It’s extremely hard to avoid those things that make our children over stimulated especially when it’s the whole business of Christmas itself that tends to bring about such behaviour! Supermarkets are always that bit more crowded, then there’s all the festivities happening around us.
My Little man has never coped well with the whole shopping situation and I discovered last year just how much worse this becomes at Christmas! Seriously, there is no quite time to shop in December, nonetheless this is a good time however to try to raise some awareness for the condition and how sensory overload can play a huge part in our children’s behaviour! Just think about it, how do you feel when you’re darting around the supermarket last-minute trying to get all the bits for your Christmas dinner, everything is sold out, the place is bursting at the seams with other shoppers who are walking about at the pace of a snail and in the background you can hear people rattling charity tins as the local choir stood at the stores entrance belts out the sounds of “Ding Dong Merrily On High” yet there you are feeling a little less than festive when you’re in a rush and somehow no matter how fast you go… Nothing seems to get done!
Come on, we’ve all been there haven’t we? Well, I know I have and I’ll be honest when saying… It leaves me feeling bloody stressed out to the max.
Yes, we shouldn’t leave things till the last-minute but not every family is in a position to shop at the beginning of the month, myself included!
I don’t know 100% but I’m guessing this is how my son feels on trips to the local supermarket, just how I feel when christmas shopping at the last minute, so can you imagine how much worse it becomes for the child with Asperger’s during such a festive period?
I say I’ve learnt my lesson every year, have I really? No of course not, I still return to the supermarket the next year, kids in tow, battling the crowds as I try to do my Christmas food shop and it’s always the same… the end result is… Cans of baked beans rolling down aisle 10 and Little man shouting some pretty offensive language (at me of course) while kicking anything or worse, anyone in his reach! Not a pretty thought is it!
If you’re in a position to leave that little darling at home, I’d say… GO FOR IT! If you’re not then if you can, then do it as early as possible to get it out the way!
There is always the option of paying for your Christmas at the beginning of the year, and this isn’t just for the reason of spreading the cost but also avoiding the big Christmas rush and therefore huge Christmas meltdown.
Still, I don’t know why I’m telling you this? Do I take my own advice?
Never… though I really should! Still like many, I always find that Christmas is the last thing I want to be thinking about come January and then before I know it we’re in November and this mum is panicking BIG STYLE!
Maybe next year I’ll order myself a big fat hamper filled to the rim with Christmas goodies! Who knows, I can only but hope I hear myself saying that in January!
I hold my hands up, I do still have stuff to buy and I do see one or two meltdowns on the horizon.
Here’s a couple of things I will be doing to help avoid a blow up or a least a monster scale meltdown!
The biggest advice I can give myself or anyone else who are yet to shop, would be not to get too stressed! (Easier said than done, I know). However, when I’m stressed Little man easily picks up on my mood and therefore becomes more stressed himself! This is an important lesson I’ve learnt to date, regardless of the time of year or situation.
Another example why stressing is a super bad idea is the fact that it causes me to parent poorly, I can’t do the job that I’m meant to do, I become a wreck and becoming a wreck results in a worse meltdown from Little man. It’s all about remaining calm, dealing with the children best I can and getting the hell out off there!
Another piece of advice of valuable advice I can offer, is… Ignore the judgemental finger pointers, the glaring eyes of your fellow shoppers, who gives a rats arse what they think? Seriously it’s so not worth it!
Yes, I’ve stood in the supermarket trying to educate my fellow shoppers on autism, aspergers or sensory processing and at any other time I’d say, ‘Yay… go for it’ but at this busy & already stressful time of year, my advice is worry about no one but you and the children, get your shopping and get on out of there.
You could always do what I’m planing and wear a t-shirt with the words,
“Merry Christmas my child has Aspergers”
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The stranger who got right on my wick
31 OctI like to write about the positive side to Asperger’s after all the first two years of this blogs content, was filled with nothing but rants, brought on by a mix of discrimination & my battles in obtaining appropriate education for Little man.
However, I’m really sorry to do this to you all, but this is in-fact a “Rant”
Sometimes life isn’t all rosy and you need to unleash the not so good stuff… Today is one of those days!
There are a few things troubling me that I need to get out my head and onto the blog, somehow just letting my fingers do the talking for me, helps me to adapt my mood and somehow go about getting on with things.
Now, the first is one that I’m convinced most will read and think, “Get Over It” and to be honest if you did, you would properly be right in thinking this, I should just “Get over it” I know this! However there are some days when something like this happens and it’s just the icing on the cake (so to speak)!
What am I rambling on about, I haven’t even told you what it is troubling me, yet here I am trying to justify my own thoughts! Well, basically I am hacked off by a person I’m pleased to say I have never had the privilege to meet, a complete and utter stranger who really shovelled a generous amount of judgemental bull in my direction!
So what! I deal with this shit daily, right? True! However I wasn’t in the most stable mood this day (Note this was a few days back) I was actually darting to a Halloween party in an attempt to save my panicking 11-year-old with a diagnosis of Aspergers, from a pending firework display. My iPhone pinged and alerted me that I had mail (email) this is when I discovered the comment below.
Yes, I’ve had crap like this before but this however really rubbed me up the wrong way. Now here’s what drives me that bit more crazy… You get dealt this type of ignorance, become somewhat fired up, yet all you can do is leave an angry “Mind your own business” reply, containing a fair portion of swear words (which I just about reframe from adding) as well as a load of typos that occur as a result of your mad frantic typing! Then you wait… and wait… In reality I don’t want to get into some full on bitching match with this numb nuts above, yet somewhere muddled within the haze of my angry mind, I want to see his response and I want it now! Yet it never comes, ever!
I’m my head I was screaming you cheeky patronising *#¡# how dare you read just one, just one post and think you have the right to judge me as a parent!
What’s more, what right do you think you have to diagnosis not only myself but also my daughter as having “Aspergers” Goodness me, you have never even met either of us.
Oh… and you can cut the other crap about my son acting out his aggressiveness in the direction of his sister because he feels she is my favourite, thankfully you really don’t know me.
Yes, this asshole thinks he knows it all, when actually he doesn’t even know the slightest. I don’t care if the individual has a diagnosis himself or is even a parent, he still has no sodding clue about me and my family!
Here’s the thing people! I spend hours punishing myself mentally, due to the guilt I feel every single day! Guilt towards my daughter! Why? Because she deserves so much more attention then I have been able to offer. I spent days and nights, writing to schools, filing in complaint forms, collecting evidence for a discrimination case and more besides.
Then there were and still is the trips to CAMHS (child adolescents mental health service) the nights he sleeps in my bed though his far to old, yet if my daughter asks I have to state she can’t and this is purely because Little man would never sleep and likely complain with every movement she made. So, why not refuse to let my son? Consistency is sometimes hard to withstand when its 4am and his been sat outside your bedroom door since midnight in tears!
So, when I sit there thinking about this stranger who I have never met, sat at his computer typing this judgemental bull, when this mother has not had a wink of sleep in three days I tend to become a little bit touchy!
I would like to state quite loudly that although I love my son with Asperger’s and try to activity embrace the diagnosis, No, myself nor my daughter have Asperger’s.
How this conclusion was drawn from that one post almost makes me want to roll on the floor laughing but at the same time really rattled my cage!
Now, here comes trouble number 2! I’m worried that once more, yet on a worse scale, my son’s aggressive and growing violent behaviour is going to draw to a serious end but only when his seriously hurt someone (who knows, maybe this won’t even draw an end to it)!
At 11 years old his tall for his age, and is no longer the skinny little boy he once was. His gaining strength and today he punched and kicked me so hard I feel to the ground. This was only after he had finished with his sister and I’d tried to intervene.
I hear the same thing from high-end professionals who claim that removing the trigger will solve such issues, but what if the trigger is his sister, seriously she only has to like something he likes for him to feel it’s justified to give her a dig. Planned ignoring wont help either! You can’t ignore one of your own children who you love dearly beating the hell out another, it’s just not worth contemplating.
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Tags: aggression, Asperger syndrome, Autism spectrum, CAMHS, comments, depression, diagnosis, discrimination, fireworks, judgemental, parenting, patronising, verbal abuse, violence