I’m Sorry If My Child Offends You

Being a parent to a child with Aspergers means I’m somewhat used to the reactions of others when my child says something a little off the wall. I’ve found myself having to explain away inappropriate remarks, actions and more in between! Do you know how many times I’ve found myself saying “Sorry” on Little man’s behalf? If you do, please let me know as I’ve honestly lost count.

Well… These days I find myself somewhat reluctant to do so. Why? Its just manners right! Because sometimes its just not necessary anymore.

There are days Little man decides to tell the checkout girl she’s over weight or announce to the entire supermarket that his now going through puberty and I find myself cringing with embarrassment as I feel a thousand eyes fixed upon me. Sometimes I’ll explain that he didn’t mean a comment to intentionally offend, yet some of the responses I’m greeted with are of such an offensive nature in themselves that I then feel any need to apologise instantly melt away.

I don’t find myself constantly announcing that he is on the autism spectrum, especially in his presents as, as his aged I’ve decided that by doing this in his presence could make his condition become something of an issue for him and I don’t want that!

What I do now is try and remind Little man that his chosen words are not appropriate and maybe he should keep them to himself. Little man then has the option to apologise if needed.

As a parent of a child with Aspergers, as time progresses we ourselves go through a series of emotions. Back in the early days I found myself to scared to take him anywhere in fear of incidents occurring. I’m not stating that I still don’t have days when I feel this way but what I am saying is I’m now inclined to take chances! After all we can’t live our life’s hiding away, after all we are a family and we have nothing to be ashamed off.

Yes… You can sometimes find me saying sorry for some inappropriate comment but you won’t ever find me saying sorry for Little mans Aspergers.

We as parents of children who sometimes find it difficult coping with the world they live in, don’t make it our aim to bring up children designed to offend you. We often struggle to find solutions to such outspokenness (not rudeness)! What we don’t need is a dose of judgemental crap from those who haven’t a clue about our life’s.

We don’t all drag up our children… Sometimes there is just more to a situation than actually meets the eye.

Let Me Tell You About Matthew!

I only met Matthew a week or so ago, his not even really a friend of mine.

The story of how we met is an important, yet interesting one, that goes something like this!

So, it was late… Gone half past one in the morning. A friend was staying over at mine which meant she was able to watch the children while I dashed to the 24hr petrol garage at the end of my road. Now I don’t normally make a habit of taking late night trips to the garage, but there are times when a girl needs some chocolate and this was very much one of those times.

So… Moving on… Matthew who I was yet to meet, was being quite loud as he walked across the car park leading to the garage. I thought that maybe a couple of lads had likely drunk to much and were now on their way over! Well, I was wrong!

Matthew, around 20 years old, dressed in all the latest clobber (stylish trainers, jeans and a hoody) was walking with a middle aged man and a dog. By now I was busy trying to direct the woman on the other side of the glass window around the shop floor like some crazy lady as I demonstrated a string of erratic arm movements and silly actions in order for her to select the items that I wanted! (seriously, her face when I showed her 5 fingers indicating that I wanted 5 cream eggs was a picture.)

Matthew was now stood staring at me, admittedly, I did feel a little uncomfortable at first! Back at the glass window Matthew then started speaking to me. In all honesty, he wasn’t making much sense when he grabbed ahold of my arm while laying his head on my shoulder and requesting I take him home.

By now a reasonable length queue had formed. People were trying to keep their distance from Matthew who was now making his way down the queue asking those in it a string of strange &random questions mainly surrounding the topic of what car they were driving.

I looked at the guy with the dog, he smiled and shook his head saying… “I’ve just met the young lad can’t seem to shake him off” I nodded as I stroked his dog.

“How do you know his name?” I asked.

“He told me” he replied.

He then went on to state…

“Actually he wouldn’t stop talking about motoring, how certain vehicles are made, who makes them and so forth”

With that something clicked within my head…

“No…. surely not! No… I’m reading to much into it” I thought.

Now, I had paid for my items and should have been heading home. It was late after-all and I didn’t want my friend to worry but something inside me just stopped me from leaving.

Matthew was now stood by my side. He was telling me he was cold and asking for my coat. I explained that I was also cold and that my coat was designed for a woman and wouldn’t actually fit him.

At this point an extremely rowdy woman dressed in very little and so obviously a little worse for wear shouted “For Goodness Sake, he don’t want your coat his going to rob you, you silly cow”

Moving my eyes in her direction, my request for her was that she should simply shout up.

By this point I had decided that I’d probably been gone long enough for my friend to call out a search party so turned around and started to walk away.

The middle aged man and his dog were now ready to leave and I could hear him talking to the dog as he walked behind me. Suddenly I felt the sensation that someone was incredibly close to me. Before I knew it these hands just grabbed ahold of my shoulders. Throwing my whole body around I see Matthew!

“Oi Matthew, Get Off her” Cried the guy with the dog.

“What do you want?” I asked. Followed by the question… “Matthew.. Are you Ok?”

He was now crying, begging that I’ll walk him home. He then went on to tell me through muffled speech that the drunk lady had gone and told him to fuck off!

Something wasn’t right! Matthew may have looked the part, young fresh faced, nicely clothed with one or two cheeky one liners.

Matthew so clearly wasn’t drunk and if he was planning on robbing me I’m sure he would have done so by now!

As I took hold of his arms to move them from me (his grip had become tight and uncomfortable) His sleeve slightly shifted from his wrist and there it was… An ID bracelet. Taking his arm I held it into the light to get a closer look. “Matthew… Do you have autism” I asked as I looked up into his eyes only for him to quickly look away.

“Well, he can’t have!” said the guy with the dog who had come running to my rescue”

“He… He looks so normal” he said as he shook his head in disbelief. Yes, I guess he was displaying a certain amount of ignorance, though intentional this was not! Actually this man was one of the only people in that queue who actually didn’t misjudge him as a robbing thug.

I took out my phone from my pocket and punched in the numbers that were scripted on his bracelet. I then told him I’d be staying right there with him in till his mother had arrived to collect him.

Matthew seemed pleased with that idea and suddenly peace had been restored. We sat on the wall facing the car park, and as we were sat here Matthew went on to share with me his love in motoring. He was incredibly intelligent and had so obviously self taught himself well on the subject. In many ways he reminded me of my Little man.

Matthews mother was lovely. Turns out that Matthew was thought to have been in his room sleeping. She told me that Matthew had a diagnosis of HFA (high functioning autism) sadly he had never been given much support when in education and as a result his social skills were very poor. I then learnt that although Matthew Is capable of going out alone, at night he struggle as he becomes quite frighted. Regardless of this fact, he has such an interest in checking out the vehicles in the car park that he just goes on autopilot. Its only once he has indulged his interest that he realises how late it is and then starts requesting that strangers assist him home. His mother informs me that the bracelet is handy but he forgets his wearing it. It really was lucky I’d seen it as the last time this happened he had ended up spending the night be hide bars.

We walked up together. Turns out they live just off my road.

My friend looked relieved to see me alive and was just about to wake three sleeping kids to come look for me! Lucky for me she understood once I’d explained.

Let… This be a lesson to you all! You really shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.

Things are not always as they first seem… Matthew is proof of that!

An Overflow In Hormones

Sometimes in life we feel we do our best yet our best is never good enough.

Little man is having a real time of it lately. Since his been in his independent special school for children with autism and Aspergers, I have had hardly any calls or emails reporting problems. However, I wish I could say the same for last week.

Little man wasn’t able to go swimming this week so, he helped out at the poolside. I can’t blame his school. They do everything in their power to ensure no child is left behind, and believe me sometimes I’ve found myself surprised that little man hasn’t been sent home for something or another. Last week I think he just pushed them to far.

Thankfully it was taken into account the fact his sleep pattern has been simply hectic. What with us stopping the slow releasing melatonin his been a little sleepless and off the wall.

So… Just what has he been up too you may ask? Well, his been argumentative with staff and actually caused the school bus to stop in its tracks on the way to swimming. Again he was acting a bit of a class clown.

If this wasn’t enough already, little man is also being somewhat inappropriate when it comes to the subject of sex.

He started to ask questions relatively early on. Well, his last year of primary school that is. But now its kinda gone to overload and his constantly wanting to raise the subject. This is fine, completely normal I guess. He is a boy of 12 years old in his first year of secondary school. Nonetheless, little man hasn’t got the required social skills mastered as yet, so, when it comes to dealing with this subject in the most appropriate of ways he struggles. This means he tends to say things that are not really acceptable, he also thought he would announce to the class that he enjoyed watching a bit of naughty TV on his computer when we are all sleeping at night.

Now, when they say children with Asperger’s syndrome do not lie, then please remember… This is absolute pony! Yes, little man is too honest at times, he doesn’t lie very well at all and if directly asked something truth comes before lie. However, he has the natural ability to make stuff up and this was very much the case on this occasion! You may ask how I know? Simple… We have content lock so this isn’t possible. I’ve also been removing the playstation from the bedroom at bedtime. I once woke up to him playing wrestling in the small hours and have removed it ever since.

We have had a long chat about telling stories that have hold no truth. I tried to explain that this type of thing can easily land parents in trouble when children state concerning issues. We are most lucky that his school really understand both his condition and him as a child. If he started making claims like this in mainstream… This would have lead to the AWO to come knocking on our door… No question!

Little man hasn’t been in trouble for this… After all his just a young boy with a sudden overflow in hormones and an over curious mind. I’ve emailed the school about my concerns, mainly that I don’t feel confident when explaining things to him as he seems to either act quite silly or ask questions I just don’t feel I cant answer. With this the school have stated that when they return in the new year, sex education will be a new edition to the timetable.

Somehow I’m guessing (if not hoping a little) that discovering the ins and outs of sex will have him running back to his Lego and computer games in seconds with no further interest for the next 10 years or so… Lol!

Being a kid growing up in this world is scary, but for a child on the spectrum its that bit scarier. Little man is just curious to discover everything the world offers… Including sex.

As for us mothers… Well, it makes us feel older than we actually are… Much, much older. A sudden increase in worry lines are almost certain and I’ve noticed what looks like a train track running along my forehead! Lets just not mention the black eye bags… Seriously, don’t even go there!

Why I’m not looking forward to my toddler starting school

Who said it was meant to be easy.

They stand in little groups chatting to one another about their wonderful children. They sound as though they are almost in competition, yet desperate to impress one another.

Do I wish I was stood there with them. One of the mums who gets invited around the chief mummy’s house for a cuppa and a biscuit… No, not even for one minute!

Its strange, we see these social gatherings happening when we were at school! Yet some 15 years on its almost the same. Even stranger still is the fact that half of these social gatherings consists of the exact same people only older. They are now mothers themselves yet still raise their snobby little noses just as they did when we where teenagers.

I can’t sit here and label all mothers in this way… After all I know I’m not. And I’ve seen others who give a friendly smile and a node as they walk on by. But on the whole they keep themselves to themselves.

I have nothing against the mother who easily befriends every other child’s mother in their child’s class! However I do have something against the ones who make the business of other mothers their own and everybody else’s for that matter. Worse still they never normally seem to get the gossip quite right, resulting in some top notch bull shit or another flying around the community you live in.

I once read in the paper about two mothers kicking off at the school gates with their children present and of course everyone else’s. One mother was so badly attacked she was hospitalised while the other was taken of to the cells for some cooling off time. Another horrendous story I saw splashed all over the national news was that of a father attacking another father during their children’s Christmas production. The guy actually bit of the other guys finger and spat it out like some sick animal. I only hope they got the children out of sight because that’s the stuff of nightmares.

I’m not worried about having my finger bite of or anything (though that wouldn’t be fun) I’m just expressing my point which is “School playgrounds can be hellish places, not just for the pupils but for that of their parents too!”

So… Why am I banging on about all this now?

It’s simple… I’m already fretting about the day that will come and see my youngest child take that giant leap into education. His now almost 3 years old, and the time so far has just flown by. Before I know it I’ll be there… And again i’ll be stood in the playground with a new group of mums.

my youngest Harley almost 3

As regular readers will already know, When it comes to schools I seem to always have some kind of crappy issue. History is my proof.

I know that my eldest child being on the autism spectrum meant he didn’t fit in with his “Typical” peers and this therefore meant that I as his mother failed to fit in with their “Typical” mothers. Well, lets be honest here… I never overly tried! Friendships just happen and don’t need to be pushed (some need work but these are existing ones). If I don’t instantly click with someone then its 98% chance I never will.

I remember when we’d be stood waiting in the infant playground for the bell to ring indicating the start of the school day. Up in-till that point, little man would be running around like a rabbit with headlights. He’d bump into everything and everyone. Some may think… “And what? Isn’t this what boys do?” And to a certain extent, yes it is! However, little man had no regard for boundaries. He’d just roar into another’s conversation… Speak his mind and therefore say the most inappropriate things (normally stuff I’d actually be thinking but never likely to say aloud). He’d run and grab footballs from the ground while others tried to play a game and many peers therefore saw him as a really big pain in the butt! Me, I’d be dashing about after him like a crazed headless chicken, failing miserably at any attempt to catch him let alone control him. Mothers would stare, some shaking their heads and tutting, others turning to their friends in disgust. Whenever Little man dared attempt to approach their child they’d quickly be dragged away and warned “Don’t play with that child, you hear me?”

I hate it when parents act like my child is some sort of diseased being. They look at him like his some little demon child who could potentially convert their child into something similar. I used to let the ignorant stares upset me and remember that at one stage what others thought meant a big deal to me. But in all honesty you cannot spend each waking day like this. Yes you can advocate for your child but running after every parent who looks at you slightly funny probably means you’ll be spending most of your life running. Yes, I’d be a lot fitter but I don’t fancy it all the same.

So, there you have it! This is one of my many reasons I’m dreading the toddler starting school. I just wished he stay little forever.

Little man just about to melt down.

The Shit Rap

Poo, yes we all produce it, it’s something that is completely natural (even if it isn’t very pleasant to talk about). But do I want to keep hearing about poo all day, more so, do I want to hear it with a tune… Hell no!

For some unknown reason the little man has acquired a bit of a fixation with YouTube. If this isn’t bad enough, he seems to think its bloody hilarious to keep adding the word poo in the search box.

Now if I hear one more silly made up absolutely bloody rubbish song about poo, then I might just go hunt down the silly idiot who made the stupid YouTube music video and do them some serious damage.

Now although I’m not really finding the poo music videos in anyway funny, the little man certainly is! He can be heard laughing out loud whenever his watching one. Yes… It’s lovely something is giving him something to smile about but poo… Really!

Wait, it actually gets worse! Little man seems to have been inspired by this load of S*#t (and i mean that literally). Being woken up during the crazy hours (crazy hours being 4am) because your child has come up with the perfect poop song isn’t really ideal, I mean who wants to wake up to find their 11 year old child at the foot of their bed singing a poo rap… No thank you!

Admittedly his rap was creative, yet I really don’t feel the poo rap is going to catch on.

So, yesterday myself and the little man sat down for a chat… One of mums “special chats” Seriously, Little man needs a firm talking about his unhealthy poo obsession… I really don’t need this becoming a “special interest” because then I’ll really be in trouble!

Now, trying to explain the inappropriateness that is his poo rapping, to a giggling child on the autism spectrum is a hard task to meet, I mean he has little regard for who’s in his company when hitting on the subject of poo. Little man finds poo funny, but interesting to I guess… Especially considering his been asking random poo questions. It’s so much harder explaining to little man what’s socially acceptable and what isn’t. I mean just the other other day he began singing his poo rap out loud off the bus! Of course i felt my cheeks glow a shade of red. I was just longing to get of the bus and actually got of 3 stops to early. It’s simple… If the Little Man finds it funny then the rest of the world must too!

It’s now 4.30 am Little man is sleeping and me… I’ve got the poo rap going round and around in my head. I think I’m going to have to lock that Internet or someone maybe driven insane and that someone is most defiantly me!

Why Mummy, Why….?

I love a good meme and this is right up there with the great ones. The fabulous Chelseamamma has tagged me in the “Why???” meme which was started by Mummy Central.

Basically our children are always and forever asking “Why mummy why?” Example… “Mum, why do I have to go to bed?” or “Why does she get one and I don’t?” What about the all to familiar… “Why do I have to tidy my bedroom?” scenario!

In this Meme it’s us parents who get to ask… Why? So, without delay here is my questions to my three children! Can anyone relate?

Little man, why do I have to have a one way conversation about lego with you at 3am

Alice-Sara, why is it that you insist that the appropriate clothing that I’ve given you to wear isn’t appropriate and then suggest something which is far from appropriate at all?

Harley, why do u have to use mummy as a human climbing frame

Little man, why do you feel that it’s OK to announce out loud that the slightly overweight checkout girl at our local supermarket, needs to go on a diet?

Alice-Sara, why do you sneak in my bedroom and steal my most expensive lipstick, only to sneak it back later minus the lid?

Harley, why do you feel it’s appropriate for you to scream when mummy switches the channel from CBeebies to BBC one when Doctors is on?

Alice-Sara, why do you pull faces behind my back when I tell you off? Did you not believe me when I told you mummy has eyes in the back of her head?

Harley, why do you insist on throwing yourself on the floor no matter where in the world we are, every time I say the word “NO”?

Little man, why do you always have to ask inappropriate questions to the wrong people? some things don’t need saying! Stating to the elderly lady down the road that she has hairs on her chin plus a lot of wrinkles because she’s well old then asking her if she’s scared about dying soon, is really pushing it a little to far!

Children, why do you think that just because mummy has a card she is able to take money from the hole in the wall when every you demand it?

Alice-Sara why do you always play dressing up with mummy’s most loved accessories without even asking?

Harley, why do you always do a number 2 as soon as I put you in a fresh pull-up? You do know that these “pull ups” do actually pull down right? I’m sure you also understand that this revolutionary technology has provide you with a way of giving the potty some poo-poo!

Little man, why did you feel the need to tell me your teacher is younger than me?

Alice-Sara why do you always play the same sodding song over and over again? I don’t even like Leona’s “Bleeding in love” in-fact you’ve made sure of that!

Harley, why do you even want to go pick the cat poo out the litter try, hold it up in the air and run around like a raving nut job, shouting, “Cat did it!”

Little man, why are you still not after 11 whole years, got the simple concept that “Bedtime = Sleeping” not partying? Yes, there is plenty of time for that later!

Alice-Sara, why-oh-why do I even care if so and so’s mum up the road buys the latest monster high doll for her daughter? Doesn’t mean I’m buying it so stop protesting!

Harley, why did you dig out mummy’s best Mac eye shadow with your finger, smudge it all over the bed then insist the kitten done it!

Children, why do you always insist on getting louder when I have a headache or worse, upping your demands when I’m sick?

Alice-Sara & Little man, why do you insist on kicking the crap out of each other every time I turn my back?

Children, why do you always insist on getting yourselves into situations you can’t get out off without me having to save your backsides?

Children, why do you always scream the word mummy or mum then point at me, while having a tantrum in public?

Lastly… Why, do you all need something when mummy is busy!

Yes… That was a joke… Dont call social services!

Now to tag some parents/bloggers to play the “Why?” game!

But first the rules…

1. Post your whys – as few or as many as you like

2. Link up your post here, and it would be great if you could leave a comment too

3. Tag 5 bloggers to keep this going

4. If you’re not a blogger, leave your whys as a comment below. I’d love to read them

5. Show your support by reading a few others and commenting on them.

And the chosen ones are…
@LilinhaWorld
@susankmann
@Chez_Mummy
@Angoewright78
@violetsdiary