Escaping to the seaside

So, I did it, I got away for a night. I left for Brighton on Sunday afternoon and returned on Monday evening.

Ok, Ok… this isn’t the longest of breaks, but a break this was which I sucked every minute out off.

My recent post “I don’t feel like me anymore” displayed my somewhat depressive state and as a result I shared my escape plan with you all.

So, how was my 24 hour break away? It was Bloody fabulous, that’s what it was!

I wasn’t alone in my escape for “me time” I took along a close friend also in need of TLC and as we sped off down the M25, music playing loudly with the wind in our hair we were itching to reach destination Hotel Du Vin.

Thanks to my Mad Blog Awards win back in September, I was able to book a room at the Hotel Du vin with the gift card I won. I had longed for this night for so long and now the pending realisation that I was finally getting it was shown as pure delight upon my smiling face.

Like Thelma and Louise (minus the crime) we were on a mission.

Destination reached, we unloaded our overnight bags from the boot of the car and headed to the hotel entrance with a hop and a skip in our step.

The hotel was stunning and for me it screamed relaxation. Given I was using my gift card I ordered a lovely room with a Monsoon shower (a room in itself) and the object of my desire… A roll top bath that I visited countless times during my one nights stay (I told u I sucked every minute out of it) laid in a mountain of bubbles, book in hand, I peacefully indulged my senses and for the first time in weeks failed to hear my own continuous whining voice within my own head.

God, it felt good to be me.

To really get the most out of my short but relaxing break I booked a table at the Bistro Du Vin and as much as I love my children, to be able to eat a whole meal uninterrupted was something I really enjoyed, something I’d forgotten to be possible. I guess the fact it wasn’t a nibble of the kids popcorn chicken or sausage and mash that made it even better. Feasting on a three course feast is something this mum isn’t used to, to say it was a treat would be very much an understatement!

In case you’re wondering what it was I ate (and even if your not I’m telling you regardless) here it is…

A starter of fresh crab from the sea on French toast. The picture is a tad dark and really does it no justice. Take my word for it, it was mind blowing.

Then I had a main of Salmon

Dessert, well this actually failed to make it into the album because as soon as it hit the table I decided to hide it in my belly… You know… Just in case they decided to take it away again. The “it” I’m referring to was in fact the best Chocolate pave ever, what can I say… I’m only human!

Following a stroll beside the moon lit water, a good giggle and yet another swimming session in the bath, my head hit the pillow and my body received a long overdue dose of kip… When you hardly experience such a normality you begin to sodding appreciate it’s beauty when it comes your way.

Having slept I woke up ready to face a day of shopping in the Lanes finished with a couple of hours lazing on a deck chair with my toes dipped in the sea… Bliss.

First though it was breakfast which I’m told is the most important meal of the day! Yes this may be true nonetheless I never have any, I simply never have time in the mornings! Little man isn’t the easiest child to get out of bed, this sometimes takes a lot of asking over many hours (I guess the fact that he normally doesn’t fall asleep until 4 AM really doesn’t help this situation)! By the time everything is done and the children are of to school i’m simply no longer hungry. Today though things will be different! Me and my lovely friend were shown to a table and told to help ourselves to the cold buffet while our hot breakfast was cooked. I really enjoyed it, I actually didn’t know what to start on next, everything was just so scrummy.

Having filled our bellies in a way I’ve never experienced at such an early hour, we checked out and said a reluctant goodbye to what had become my sanctuary for the night. Slowly strolling through the beautiful Brighton Lanes in the morning sunshine was a rare treat but such a pleasurable one.

Then resting my tired feet on the pebbled beach I wondered if I felt any differently within myself. I was more relaxed that was apparent, I’d smiled and definitely laughed a lot, this is also apparent…

… So maybe I wasn’t depressed after all, maybe… just maybe I’m tired. Some days are good others are bad, I know that. I just sometimes feel that I’m drowning in my own craziness, and yes sometimes this causes me to feel a little guilty. Why? I don’t know? I’m the mother, it’s meant to be stressful at times… Maybe that’s why?

I’m home now and I’m not hiding behind the bricks that make up the walls of my home, there are no curtains drawn and no box of
Kleenex by my side. That’s just got to be a good sign right?

Bottom line is I don’t know what the future holds… Who does?

Something I do know is that I had a sodding good time in Brighton! That much I’m sure on.

With that I’ll leave you with a few pictures as proof… See I told you I had fun…

I don’t feel like me anymore

Lately I’ve not been feeling like me, my head feels as if it’s in a different zone from my body, I’m here but not fully.

I really can’t explain what it is I’m feeling, not even to that of myself. Why? Because I just don’t know!

Nothing huge has taken place, no drama out the ordinary. I’ve had just as little sleep as always… So no, I’m no more tired than usual (not physically anyway)!

Yet everything that I do I’m only half focused… I feel as though I’m running yet getting nowhere! The littlest of things are grating and grinding me down, the house is a tip and my motivations a miss!

I don’t want to drag my sorry arse down to my GP, leave with prescription for Prozac in hand. I don’t want to be an emotionless pill popping trance walking zombie again, because I’ve been one before and I don’t want to go there again.

But the signs are all there, not answering the telephone when it rings, lying on the floor when the door bell rings, crying over jeremy kyle when I’m normally peeing my pants laughing at that show.

I ask myself the same question over and over again… “am I going crazy”

My children are driving me loopy and although this is no more than usual, I’m finding myself snapping more quickly.

Take today for example, Little man comes home from school with yet another letter highlighting his challenging behaviour, I’m sat on the phone where I’m placed on hold for what seems like forever. Now I don’t even want to be making this call, yet it’s unavoidable, it’s one of those really important calls. 40 minutes later, having sat frustratingly on hold somebody finally comes to my assistance.

The Little man is fully aware of my stress, he even suggests at one point that I just hang up and give up, so when he starts blowing on on those football supporters horns (you know the really loud ones that almost deafen you) as soon as I’m connected, I’m simply not impressed. Fully aware I’m now in a position to talk to someone and having continuously requested he stops, he continues with his annoying horn blowing antics. The guy on the other end of the line, suggests I call back at a more “convenient” time, I feel like screaming “there is no F#*%#*% convenient time” instead I request he waits one minute (given I’ve waited 40 or more) so I can sort out my child’s menace like behaviour, only the cheeky so and so (yes, I can think of more fitting names) puts down the receiver and hangs up on me!

I look at the Little man his laughing by now. Placing my hand over my mouth as to muffle the scream, I jump up and leave the room. Retreating to my bedroom I let out a giant sob, Yes, I feel sorry for myself… Very much so!

It’s not long before little sister is home and she’s injuring her finger while forcefully trying to remove her bike from the back gate, the toddlers screaming his hungry and the little man is again blowing that bloody horn. A moments madness I take the horn and in a fit of anger I break it! It was either the horn or my head against the newest brick wall. With a margarine slowly approaching I feel to drag my sorry backside to bed but have dinners to cook and after school activities to sort!

I’m hoping to have a night away in Brighton next week. I’ll stay at the hotel du vin, relax in a roll top bath, eat chocolate till I’m sick and watch soppy movies in a large king size bed!

The next day I’ll get some retail therapy shopping in the lanes and chill-lax with fish and chips on the beach, before skipping home refreshed! Well… That’s the plan at least.

I just want some “Me time” is that so bad?