Aspergers and Control

Control we all like to have it, though some more than others. It’s important to maintain control of our life’s, after all what a pickle we find ourselves in when we lose our grip.

So what’s life like for a person who feels the need to control everything around them. Is this the type of somebody that one classifies as a control freak?

My little man is a child who has this uncontrollable need to control his surroundings. From what I’ve learnt about Asperger’s syndrome and the way the mind works I understand this has a lot to do with predictability ‘Making the world a predictable place to live in’.

I sat and thought about how my own child uses control, Who he uses it with and importantly where and when!

Since little sister came along and taught the little man about the joys of play, I’ve observed him in numerous situations. I’ve watched him during games that require lots of imagination, games like schools and shops. It’s these games in particular that the little man will come across as somewhat bossy as he try’s to control the whole game using his sister as an actual play object. Once they’ve played it one way they have to play it the same way every time.

Thinking about it little mans need to maintain control of absolutely everything is quite extreme. At times it’s like living with a husband! It’s even the most simplest things that he must control. A great example being the television. Yes, sometimes I have to remind myself who’s the patent here! He will just come in switch over the tv regardless that I’m sat watching it. He will then try to argue his case.This does have a lot to do with him just wanting to watch something but its when I say no things go OTT! He goes crazy at the thought of backing down and losing control of the situation.

This is why his very particular when it comes to creating a Birthday and Christmas list! He can’t get to grips with surprises and the few times I’ve done this things have ended badly. I’ve learnt my lessons here and now discuss everything with him first.

Last year it was a case of giving him money in a card then taking him and his money to the shops to buy his own gifts.This felt so impersonal but something I know to be Practical… This I cannot deny!

Mainstream school was Incredibly difficult for him. He spent so long without any help that his need to control his environment become very over powering. Lets be honest here… It’s difficult enough for even a teacher to control an environment that consists of some 30+ kids. Little man therefore didn’t stand a chance in hell did he. As a result Little man found himself excluded on a regular basis, so regular that it was weekly at one point. Visual aids used within the classroom helped a great deal however this was too little to late and the damage had already been done.

I know that Little man wants things to be predictable and that he finds it hard to relate to the feelings of others when his trying to make it happen. I just wish that others would understand this and see that his not just the spoilt child they assume him to be.

NEVER EVER AGAIN

This is the post where I try to explain why I never want to take my child with Aspergers on holiday ever again.

 Most of you will know me as the mother who is first to state that, ‘Just because a child is on the autism spectrum, doesn’t mean they should not be given the opportunity to enjoy life’s pleasures such as day trips and holidays’ I stand by this, really I do!

 Now, I will try my best to put into words what I can only describe as one of the hardest, emotional draining and tiring, three days of my entire life.

 This past weekend saw me on the edge of a breakdown as myself, good friend Donna and three children (Little Man aka A boy with Aspergers, Alice-Sara & Harley) embanked on a mini weekend Christmas break at Butlin’s Bognor Regis.

 I had been extremely lucky to be invited to the tots100 Christmas party which meant an awesome deal on accommodation and presented me with the opportunity to also bring along the family. I will talk more about the Tots100 Christmas party and Butlin’s itself in another post, right now I need to get this out my system!

 It’s never easy taking Little man on days out and its even harder trying to embark on any type of Holiday no matter how short or long it maybe. The change and the anxiety mixed with the unknown often brings about havoc, and if you have ever read any of my post relating to such event’s you will already know this (remember the camping trip or even the day trip to Chessington)? 

 Nonetheless, when stating like many do “Never again” I somehow never really mean it and with passing time I find myself trying to do it all over again! Why? Because his my son and I don’t want to leave him behind!

 Despite things starting reasonably well (his delight over the funky hotel lighting which was a sensory pleasure was most welcome) things soon turned sour and within an hour or so all hell had broke loose.

 OK, Ok, I half expected this! After all we have just arrived, everything is different and a mix of both anxiety and excitement fills the air. 

 After a soak in the bath, just before heading to bed he started to argue with his sister. I know arguments between siblings are the norm with most children, but these really are over the top, Little man becomes far to angry and loses his temper rapidly. Worse still his now able to throw an almighty punch. On trying to break up yet another blow up that had become somewhat out of hand, Little man thought he would also hit out at me, not only punching but kicking me too. His not a baby anymore and his growing which I guess kind of worries me if I think about it!

 No, this isn’t good, I don’t show him that I’m frighten of him, I’m actually not, I’m just worried that one day he will go that bit too far!

I don’t like having to restrain my own son but it did have to be done before he hurt himself or somebody else, it was then he spat in my face and then laughed inappropriately. 

 The fact that his violence stopped and I thought we were over this hurdle makes this so much harder.

 After lots of tears Little man finally slept and I convinced myself that as the days went on things would get better, however they didn’t and despite trying to structure all the activities his need to control everything and everyone around him was just too much. Yes, I know things are hard for him, but there were stages of that holiday that I felt like running away especially when he carried on hitting out at me leading me to seek first aid for what was a suspected broken finger (I had pointed at him and he had hurt my fingers so bad I had no choice but to get them strapped up). This was the last day and in all honesty I was so thankful it was. By now I had cried till my eyes were sore and seriously felt like smacking my own head repetitively against the wall. 

 Harley also spent the best part of his second birthday amongst meltdowns and my pleads for a little respect and if anything a five-minute break. I know many people will think, “It’s hard for him too” Believe me I know that, of course I do! I didn’t care about the disapproving stares as Little man hauled abuse at me, I did however feel terrible for the children stood in ear shoot of his language. There was even one episode that resulted in me having to leg it out of a local fish restaurant leaving my poor friend with three kids, one who wasn’t in the friendliest of moods. 

I sat on a bench looking at the sea and really felt like I couldn’t return and carry on with this job called “Parenting”. I left a message on my Facebook page which read, “I don’t think I can cope with Little man’s behaviour anymore” and at that moment in time, I really did feel this way.

 My friend said something to me as we sat talking in the hotel once the children were finally sleeping, she said “I can honestly say I have never seen Little man 100% happy unless his indoors” I thought about this and realised just how right my friend was.

 Once we did finally return home, a lot later than expected following unexpected car trouble (the word unexpected is not one little man favourites) I noticed how his mood calmed! Yes, he fights with his sister in the comfort of our home and yes he can still be abusive, but as I sat watching him cuddling his younger sister watching the end of Eastenders (yes, cuddling, the cheek of them, I know) I realised that in-order to parent and parent Little man well, It needs to be at home (well, at home meaning not on holiday)! I’m not stating I’m NEVER TAKING HIM ON HOLIDAY AGAIN! Though I did state this more than 1000 times during the course of the weekend, I’m just stating that for now, and in-till there are clear signs of improvement in this type of challenging behaviour and yes, my ways in coping and dealing with it, I will not be booking any family holidays in the near future… and that my friends is a ‘FACT’!

Related articles

• Preparing my child with Aspergers for our family festive break (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• We’re planning a break away (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• “Mum, your christmas presents belong in the trash!” (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)

Scooting is much more fun with Scooterearz

I love writing a blog, not only is it a way to help me relax, reach out, raise awareness, share and vent, it also brings me some awesome opportunities, testing some of the latest products to hit the market.

 Scooterearz, is one of them awesome products,

and here’s why!

If your child has a scooter, then you will relate when I say, “Kids like to take them everywhere” (Well, mine do). This is fine, I’m a mum who’s cool with that, after all it’s a great way for your children to stay fit and active.

However, when them summer days are turning cold, things are not so simple. Little man loves using his scooter, yet in the winter I’ve discovered that I’m the one dragging the scooter up the road because his decided his hands are much to cold to have out of his pockets. Yes, there are gloves, but this makes it harder to get a firm comfortable grip on the handle bars, therefore giving less control over the scooter. (which isn’t great with Little man’s motor skills) Little man also has sensory sensitivities (especially tactile) so he can’t seem to tolerate gloves for to long, preferring the fingerless type which isn’t ideal when out on your scooter.

That’s why I was interested in finding out more about this new product, ‘Scooterearz’.

 Here’s what the founders say…

Founded: October 2010

About: A brand new product designed to keep those little fingers warm in those cooler months.

Description: Scooterearz is a universal weatherproof hand warmer to be used specifically on children’s push along scooters. They stay attached to the scooter handlebars (although can be transferred easily ) and keep children’s hands snuggly warm.

Our Scooterearz came is a nice clear sturdy bag that can be used to keep and store your hand warmers in! We were sent the Dark blue Scooterearz with the red outer thread. There are a number of other colours you can choose from therefore offering something suitable for both girls & boys.

  Little man was lucky enough to be given the opportunity to review the new Maxi micro scooter a few months back, so the scooterearz makes the perfect accessory while keeping the little guys fingers all lovely a cosy. 

 It was pretty hard to fully appreciate the product for its true potential given the weather was still pretty nice when they arrived! Then suddenly yesterday I noticed how cool the evenings had become! At around 8pm I decided to take Little man out on his scooter to burn of some energy to enable him to settle and therefore sleep once home (Yes, little man has problems with his sleeping so getting him to burn of some excess energy is a good idea). 

 At home on my Mac, already sat a review on the Scooterearz, yet I felt it deserved so much better, a real good  testing in the appropriate conditions and weather!

 Little man instantly took to the hand warmer, despite the fact it is waterproof  (the waterproof material normally drives him up and around the bend) but Scooterearz has a cosy fluffy lining, removing that tactile experience for the little man. 

 Little man reported how his hands were nice and warm, the material was nice and cosy and he was still able to have a firm grip, maintaining full control of his scooter. 

 My daughter also had a go on her scooter (not a micro scooter, one she’s actually had a few years and due an upgrade) despite his fact the scooterearz still fitted to the handlebars of her scooter without any issues at all.

 What I do love about the product is the fact that once the Scooterearz are attached to the handlebars (one on each side) they can remain there, but can be easily removed if & when desired. 

We even tried it one the handlebars of little man’s bike which provided the same comfort.

 We really like Scooterearz and feel it’s an awesome new product at a really reasonable price of just £12.99 RRP.

The full product launch is set for autumn, though you can already buy Scooterearz from a selected number of online stores or direct form scooterearz themselves, Right NOW. 

Visit the site for a full list of retailers now stocking Scooterearz or buy direct. CLICK HERE

What’s everyone else think about Scooterearz?

Check out a few of my “follow mummy bloggers” to see what they have to say about Scooterearz

Busy mum of 3

The lovely Mummy bird (including a giveaway of a scooterearz to one of her lucky readers. Closes 3rd Oct)

Loved by Lexi

and one of my favourite review sites: Bubbaloves

As part of the big launch Scooterearz are offering some amazing offers to schools

Scooterearz Schools Promotion!
Your school can earn 20% of all sales of Scooterarz in our Schools Promotion – If your school or nursery would like to take part contact us 

info@scooterearz.com

Visit the Scooterearz facebook page where all the different colours and designs will be displayed. They are also in the process of launching their new and improved website any day now and will celebrate this by offering introductory offers and other exciting opportunities. Click HERE.