How My Son With Aspergers Has Changed Since Attending A Special School

So, little man has been in his independent special school for children on the autism spectrum for some 18 months now! With this, I’ve decided to write a post concentrating on all the positive changes I have noticed in this time.

1 – Improved confidence: This is one of the most apparent changes in my child. He is more confident in his own skin. Special interests are celebrated and his not afraid to share his likes and dislikes with peers. His no longer ashamed of his differences and is more able to see them as positives rather than negatives.

2 – Moods: Little mans moods are less impulsive than before which is because he feels much happier than he did when he was in a mainstream school. Ok, he can still become angry and agitated at the flick of a switch but I can defiantly see a reduction in this type of behaviour.

3 – Attitude to learning: Its very apparent that Little man is more willing and excited to learn. I love it when he comes home raving about the stuff his has learnt. His enjoying his lessons and finishes his day with a head full of new knowledge that he just can’t wait to share.

4 – Improved social skills: Yes, we still have a long way to go but his learning new skills daily. The fact that he actually has a whole school period every day dedicated to social skills training means the improvements are really starting to show. He tends to be less impulsive with the things he says to others. Overall he has a better idea when it comes to behaviours that are socially acceptable.

5 – Willingness to attend school: Little man actually looks forward to school now! The only issues we still have is with his sleeping leading to some issues with attendance. However, the fact he likes his school and wants to attend is just amazing!

6 – Better Understanding of Aspergers: He has a knowledgable understanding of Aspergers Syndrome and feels Better able to talk about how the condition applies to him.

7 – Independence: Since attending his new school little man has noticeably become much more independent. He still requires lots of visual clues but is more independent when it comes to creating and following a routine that his independently applied to a visual schedule. This is a really big achievement for Little man and is a huge step in the right direction therefore giving me more confidence that he will cope OK, when it comes to his life as an independent adult. His even cooking on a weekly basis. He brings home some amazing dishes that put my own to shame.

8 – Better reactions to sensory stimuli: He is still very sensitive in many ways and to a certain extent probably always will be. We have noticed some slight improvements in this area though, which is mainly down to the work he does with the occupational therapist while at school.

9 – Engagement & concentration: Although his attention span remains pretty short he is slowly showing some improvements in concentration levels. Good relationships with teachers and a high teacher to pupil ratio means he is engaging in tasks and able to complete work projects more so than he was before.

10 – Willingness to try: This is a change on a huge scale. Little man is more willing to give things a go in all areas of life. His added confidence is a big contributing factor. The fact he is less scared of failing means his less scared of trying. Little man was sadly discriminated against while in mainstream school and this lead to problems both at home and in his learning environment. The fact he is finally moving on from this, making friends and enjoy his school life is simply awesome to witness.

Get Your Skates On

 Just because my son has Aspergers Syndrome and special educational needs, it doesn’t mean he can’t do all the things your child can do! OK, a handful of those “Things” are that bit more difficult, but he gets there all the same!

 Sometimes, I often find myself saying the above to Little man, a child who has lost confidence, through no fault of his own! This is a child who needs that push, a gentle reminder that everything is worth a try. 

 It’s not just the fact that Little man missed out on many trips and activities while attending mainstream school (though this has had a considerable impact) it’s also little man’s social and physical abilities that also play a part. 

 So, when I won tickets for a family trip to the Stratford City, Westfields outdoor ice rink, I knew Little man would struggle if but a little. 

 The great thing was that I actually bagged two lots of family tickets…well, 3 lots actually, all on different blogs that I read! I was delighted to discover I had won the first lot, then I was informed by yet another blogger, id won her competition too. This set I gave up for another lovely blogger and her family who had also entered, but then to discover from yet another blogger that I won a third time was absolutely great if not a little strange. With this revaluation, I decided to invite the neighbours along too.

 Both my older children, Little man and his sister Alice-Sara, are gone friends with the children next door (in all honesty one of the children is Little man’s one and only true friend) so, I hoped that this would make the whole experience of getting out on the ice, a little less daunting for the Little guy, and it did… eventually!

 Don’t get me wrong, there was no meltdowns, not one in fact (I know… shocking) it was more little man’s OT needs that posed a challenge! My son is what some would describe as a little clumsy, which is basically down to his gross motor skills! Yes, he can ride a bike, amazingly well in fact, but he often has a little trouble with his spatial awareness (knowing where his body is in space) his balance, can sometimes be a little off at times too. This impacted with the crowded ice rink would undoubtably pose a challenge, this I already knew.

 Yet, the fact he had his friends there and the sheer determination within him, saw him past the challenges that presented him, and as a result, I ended up a very proud mummy!

Above: All friends together on the Ice

 The staff at Westfields couldn’t have been more helpful, I didn’t notify them that a child with Special needs would be joining us (a group of 8 consisting of 2 adults and six children) but all the same I felt the staff went out of their way to help. There was one point when the little man started freaking out that his skates were not tight enough (he has this thing where shoes need doing up dead tightly, he states it’s so his feet have control of his shoes and not the other way around) Yes, it’s another OT thing)! The staff on the ice were amazing, rushing out to check he was OK and bending down on all fours to tighten his skates. 

 When we first stepped on to the ice, I noted how my daughter and her friends went whizzing of into the middle of the rink, as grateful as I am to have such a confident young daughter, I did feel some sadness for my Little man as he clung to the edge as if his whole life depended on it. He looked at me with fear in his eyes as he stated he just couldn’t do it! I continuously reassured him and bit by bit he came slowly away from the edge.

My daughter & friend first one of the first on the ice

Hanging on for dear lifeThinking about it!Off he goes

 I found my biggest confidence booster for the little guy was, once the rink filled with more and more people I happily pointed out that he wasn’t the only one clung to the edge of the rink (Seriously, it was mostly the full-grown men, hanging on for dear life). Little man, is like lots of children of his age, where he feel incredibly stupid if he struggles to do something that others are finding a breeze, therefore seeing all those grown ups looking like they were hanging from a cliff, seemed to stop him from giving up and making his way back in to redeem his comfortable trainers. (Yes, he tried suggest it once or twice.)

 We were on the ice around 45 minutes and despite his fear, he made it to the middle of the rink! To watch him skating with his friends and smiling having fun, has been the highlight to my year so far… all ten days of it!

Standing proudly with his friend at the centre of the rink

 So… what about me, did I fall on my arse? Nope! Though I almost did once or twice, I just about managed to stay on my feet. 

 I was convinced the skating finished at 6pm, though I was wrong, the last session actually started at 6 pm, meaning the skating didn’t end till 7 pm. With this I gave in defeat and left the Little man and Alice Sara with their friends and their mother (my lovely neighbour) while I headed off to collect my comfortable flat shoes and off it for a sneaky fag 🙂

 Little man was having a blast and now didn’t want to leave. I decided to sit out and just watch for the last hour (my excuse was that I was now a photographer, or at least trying to be)! Though I really shouldn’t admit this, sitting on the sidelines gave me a good opportunity to view some classic skating fails! Wow… Seriously, though I see a couple of women hit the deck, and of course a good number of children (my own included) I have never seen so many men fall over in one place in my whole entire life.And Oops a daisy

 How can you not laugh, there were some classics. Plenty of men, one or two rather dishy I must add, skating around on their butts rather than their skates! Did I feel guilty for laughing so much that my sides were sores? No… not really, they all seemed to see the funny of things, eventually!

 All in all… we had a brilliant time which was all down to them fabulous blogs that ran the competitions, (thank you Essex mum , Madhouse reviews & Emma and three) as well as those who took care of our needs at the skating rink.Alice & FriendOne of the Little man’s friends from next door

 Essex mummy (one of the bloggers I won tickets from) has asked me if I fancy doing a guest post reviewing our experience, we had such a fabulous time it would be rude to decline (so, do keep an eye out for that). 

 For those interested, the rink is now closed but will return again next year for the festive season. We went on the last day before it packed up for the year and considering I thought that I had Christmas well and truly out my system, the festive christmas tunes and chilly ice made it feel like Christmas Eve again. I think January is a brilliant time to go, and I would highly recommend the Stratford City Westfields Outdoor Ice rink.

 Oh… and Little man? He now wants roller-blades! 

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The day my boy got his smile back.

I sat in the school hall watching the school nativity all the children in each year combine to create one marvellous Christmas spectacle! So, why was I sat with a tear in my eye? My daughter looked so beautiful up there, and god I was proud, off course I was! Though this wasn’t a tear of joy, something was still missing and that something was my son! As I watched his sister and the rest of the schools over excited children take part in a glowing performance,my eldest child, ‘Little man’ was sat at home, restricted from all participation! Why? Well, he hadn’t injured himself, he wasn’t hit by a sudden dose of stage fright, he was told No! Why? Because his school thought of him as a liability not a child, not a child with feelings, not a child at all!

There were lots of why’s! Some coming from myself directed at a head teacher and a SENCO who quite honestly didn’t give a shit! The why’s from Little man directed at myself, a mother without the heart to be truthful! Yet deep down he knew, I know he did!

You may have the word why running through your mind right now as you read this! You maybe asking, “Why I’m even writing this?”

Yes, the above situation wasn’t yesterday, it was just one of many crawl blows thrown at my child at the end of last year. The example above took place in December 2010.

Now, I know I shouldn’t dwell on the past, and I’m not (well, not really). It’s hard to forget and I doubt we ever will, though the reason it was actually brought to the front of my mind was for reasons of happiness and excitement, not sadness.

Yes, now in 2011 and finally in a school that understands him, I finally got to see my little man take part in a whole school activity.

This time as I entered my son’s school there was no stares or whispers. I spoke with fellow parents unworried about their response when they would discover who my child was. This is a feeling I’ve waited and waited for, now I finally have it!

It was the celebration of the harvest festival and parents were invited into school for a special assembly. Gosh I was excited, despite the fact I had literally had not a wink of sleep. With this in mind I headed off upstairs to chill for a bit. Little H was with his father so that left me a bit of mummy time. Running the hot water into the bath tube the air was filled with the scent of Radox relaxing bath salts, “This is the life” I thought as I slowly lowered a leg in the tub!

Ring… ring… ring… “Bloody typical” I shouted to myself aloud as I almost slipped and broke my neck as I frantically dashed for my mobile located on my bedside table.

“Hello” I spouted in a somewhat breathless tone (which couldn’t of sounded great) especially on discovering it was in-fact Little mans school who thankfully put me at ease instantly by stated “Don’t worry, there is nothing to worry about” Turns out the Little man has actually left his lunch at home, well, that or in his transport (the taxi he takes to school of a morning) His school don’t currently serve school dinners. This is mainly due to how new the school is and the fact there really is little point employing staff and serving food for under 20 kids (not like the little man will agree to eat it any how).

This only meant one thing! Mum would have to deliver that lunch asap! First I had to unearth it, I couldn’t actually recall seeing it since he left at 8.30 am that morning. I searched the house like a mad woman and at 11.50 and the school being some distance away (one train and a bus kind of distance) I began to worry when I still couldn’t find it! It wasn’t a case of just throw together another one, believe it or not I buy the stuff fresh each morning in some kind of hope he will eat it, so in-order to do so I’d need a shop!

As I darted out the door, on the mission for lunch something caught my eye! Surely not? Hang on…. No,… It only bloody is! There sat his Chelsea FC lunch box on top of the wheely bin. Well, I agree it’s not the most pleasant place to keep your lunch but with the clock ticking, I came to the conclusion, “It wasn’t actually in the bin! Would he actually need to know?” I guess not!

I finally made it to the school, red-faced and paranoid that I didn’t smell like the aroma of Radox bath salts, and more like a sweating scum-bag but given the fact no one smiled and moved away, I came to the conclusion it was my lack of sleep making me think this way (after all, it’s not like I hadn’t washed or something)!

The assembly wouldn’t start till 1.30 and it was half past midday and without a car and feeling like I was in the middle off nowhere I went outside sat on what was quite a pleasant little bench, indulged in my nasty but pleasurable habit of puffing a cigarette while scrolling trough my twitter timeline, engaging in far to many conversations to remain sane before going back inside to find my little man waiting for me in the reception-area.

“Mum, I’m not having a great day” he told me! Apparently no one was! The teacher described it as one of those days where the children all seem to be experiencing some kind of upset. Let’s not forget these children all have an autism spectrum condition, all face a range of difficulties and the smallest things can cause problems. Chatting with my little man it would seem he was excited yet a little nervous about his piece that he had offered to read in the assembly. My little man wanted to do the reading and was adamant. We read it together and he read it perfect! Confidence was the issue here something that had become smashed over the years.

As Little man went off to get ready I got to say hello to the very lovely Anna Kennedy. For those of you who don’t know who Ann is, I’ll enlighten you!

Anna isn’t only the founder of little mans independent special school for children with autism and aspergers, she’s also a parent of two children on the spectrum who felt her only option left to get her boys into a school was to open one herself. This wasn’t little man’s current school but another called ‘Hillingdon Manor’ in Middlesex and this all happened back in the nineties. Baston house (Little man’s school) is a school that Anna has open more recently. Anna has since established a bit of a name for herself as an inspirational advocate for autism and is also now a very successful business woman. I for one agree that Anna is inspirational, actually she’s a breath of fresh air to the autism community and I couldn’t be happier to have my child in a school that has been made possible by this very woman. My guess is many parents feel this gratefulness that I am currently feeling as I write this down.

Having spoken to Anna for some time (way before little man started school) on networks such as twitter and facebook (Little man also appeared on a news report on bullying that Anna organised) it was lovely to finally meet her in person.

As I sat In the hall waiting for the children’s performance I felt proud that my son was a part of it all. He ran around and his anxiety was a tad increased, plus the fact I was there meant he become a little bit of a terror, but so did a few of the children. What was magical was the fact no one made an issue about it, if the children ran from their chairs or dashed off behind the stage curtains they were encouraged to come back to their seats in a clam and unthreatening manner. Not one teacher raised their voice, not one!

The vicar from the local church came to speak about the occassion in which the children were celebrating. The table was covered in food that the children had donated. I had to laugh when the vicar stated, “Look at all this lovely food you all brought” only for one young man to shout out, “Actually, I brought in most of it” What a classic!

The vicar told a story to symbolise what the true meaning was of the Harvest festival and the children did shout out some pretty random things (little man more than anyone else, I think) Any other school he would have been reprimanded for such behaviour! They all put up their hands but just could not retain the urge to state what it was they wanted to say, this however was fine!

When it came to the reading Little man and a few others gathered at the stage. All giggled and in turn each took the microphone and read aloud (beautifully I must add)! Little man was last and as he took the mic he said one word and then froze. He turned to his TA and stated “I can’t do it, please do it” I knew he could read it, after all I heard him not half an hour before when we practised. My son hadn’t ever been given such a chance till now and his confidence just wasn’t there! Then something beautiful happened! Two of the staff, including his teaching assistant (who he is most keen on) and the other boys who had previously read came together with little man and read the poem with him. There was no laughing at him, no nasty remarks and no huff from the teacher, just pure encouragement!

I didn’t only write this post to express my delight at the situation we are now in, and although I wanted to share such delight with you all, I have another more important reason!

“When life seems like it cannot get much worse and you’re in the height of your long fought out battle to get your child what they did! When you think there really is no light at the end of that very long tunnel, please don’t give up, just remember this post!”

Those of you that take your child to school everyday and collect them without a hiccup, you should never take such straightforwardness for granted… You really don’t know how lucky you are!

Thank you to everyone at Baston house for giving me hope and giving my child back his smile, the greatest gift of all.

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Girls can do Meccano too

When we came back from our break away, the children where delighted to  discover they had some rather lovely Meccano sets waiting for them.

Later that day I was chatting with a friend online why the kids got  busy with their reviews (no rest for the wicked) My friend asked me  what my daughter was up to. Well, to say she was a little shocked when  I told her Alice was busy with her own Meccano set, was an  understatement! Honestly, you could hear the gasp from miles. Seriously  people, are we still stuck in the dark age where girls were expected  to play happily with Barbie and only Barbie?

The lovely people at Meccano  sent Alice-Sara, the rather pretty,  ‘Girls tool box construction set’ Wow, take a look at this and tell me  Meccano is not for girls! This is totally chick, very appealing to any  princess, I’m sure! A 60+ piece set all stored inside one very pink  and glittery tool box.

This girlie set is aimed at little ladies aged from 5-8 years. Each  set comes with an instruction booklet which is broken down into easy  to follow steps to enable your child to construct a total of ten  different girlie vehicles (note… only one piece can be built at any  one time).

Alice is 8 years old, and at the, “Higher end of the recommend age range” that has been given for this set. This showed as she had no trouble  following the instructions and constructing a range of different models. She commented that she enjoyed the challenge of constructing  the different models and had lots of fun doing so! Alice has built all  10 models in the instruction booklet. Here favourite is the funky buggy type car, she has dismantled this reconstructing it back together a  number of times. Alice seriously enjoyed the meccano set and rated it a 10

From a parental prospective, the Meccano set for girl’s, is a great  addition to the children’s construction range. It’s my opinion that  Meccano should bring some new girlie additions to this collection in  time for Christmas (here’s hoping they do) I will be honest, I was tad  disappointed that Alice did not require my help! I was kind off  looking forward to showing her how it’s done (though I think she may  have done better than I would have, probably showing me a thing or  two)! It’s great that brands like Meccano and Lego are now marketing their toys at girls as well as boys. When I was a kids I looked to get  my mitts on my brothers Meccano, but he would always tell me, ‘It’s  not meant for girls!’ We live in a world where little girls grow into  woman who choose to become mechanics and train drivers therefore why  shouldn’t we play with toys like Meccano.

Meccano helps the development of hand/eye co-ordination and fine  motor skills, it also helps a child gain independence and teaches them  how to follow basic step by step instructions. The beauty with Meccano  is, the sense of achievement it brings when a child has constructed a  model independently. The accomplishment helps build confidence, a very  important life skill. This is a set that receives a huge thumbs up from mum.

We were sent this product direct via the manufactures. However through  some online research it would seem that the, ‘Meccano girls tool box  construction set’ can be brought from a number of well-known stores and is priced at around ￡19.99 by most stores including Toys R us (though prices do vary).

Look out for our next Santa’s little helpers review to discover how  the boys found their Meccano sets…Coming Soon!

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I just want to be “NORMAL” mum.

It breaks my heart when I see my son so broken. I feel that so much has happened so fast his cognitive and emotional state has suffered. His confidence is also hitting an all time low. Little man needs lots of assurance I look at him and see a ticking time bomb. At home he can seem just fine then something happens to knock him down and the bomb starts ticking again. No child should have to feel like they are not “Normal” nor should they have to try figure out what it is about them that contributes to them being excluded from everyday life. Does every Child still matter? Is inclusion just being pushed aside? Just because you can’t see autistic spectrum disorders don’t mean they are not there! Every time a child gets left behind so does a bit of their ever flaking confidence. I myself would find the guilt intolerable if I contributed this. The more acceptance and understanding from society the less a parent gets told by their child ‘I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL MUM.’

What I want and need to say to my child

Little man…..

..From the moment I discovered you where there I knew you would be special with many gifts and talents to share. I couldn’t wait to hold you in my arms and meet the little boy I had created. I would spend hours a day thinking about you, what you looked like and the person you would become. You were about to make me a grown up. Yes, I was young at just 18 but I was determined to be the best possible mother to you in every way. I had already done so much so young and had not long returned from working and living in Greece. I had a fantastic time and if it wasn’t for your dad I may off just gone back. Just knowing something this amazing was taking place right inside of my tummy was a breath of fresh air. Your great nanny Peg had just left for heaven and I could not see a way through something so painful you gave me the strength to carry on. Its like Nan had left leaving a new beginning in place of the one we had just lost. You were already more than just an unborn child. I loved you from the moment I discovered I was carrying you. Already you had changed something inside me I felt stronger than ever, you made it Ok to smile again. I felt extremely lucky and still do.

Four days overdue on the 1st October 2000 you proved you liked things done differently when you decided that it was time to let the plug out the bath so to speak . Yes, as I waddled like an over weight penguin around the supermarket it really wasn’t exactly the best of timing. Little man your dad ran away with embarrassment as he was convinced mummy had peed in her pants. Needless to say I was more than grateful to be out of there and safely in the comfort of the delivery room. 6.05 pm without a sound you were born. YOU SOMEHOW DECIDED LABOUR WOULD BE A GREAT TIME TO CHILL OUT IN THERE!! SO WE REQUIRED A LITTLE HELP. I was stunned at just how relaxed you were. With lots of red hair weight of 7 lb. 1 oz and a who the hell are you? Expression on your face you were handed to me and I held you for the very first time. You looked at me as if you knew all about me I remember thinking wow I’m now responsible for this little person! That and Wow where did you get all that red hair from? It was then I promised you I would always keep you safe and never let anything happen to you.

It’s rather comical! As I write this you laid stretched out on my bed. Your legs are so long your feet almost reach the end of the bed. It’s been another long night and when you eventually fell asleep on my bed at 3 am why sitting up discussing 194 bus doors I thought it was probably best leaving you there. Thing is you’re not that little 7 lb. baby anymore your almost ten years old. At first glance most would say you’re an average ten-year old but get to know you things will undoubtedly change. Average you certainly are not. You are so much more than that. YOU’RE MY INCREDIBLY CLEVER, TALENTED TEN YEAR OLD WHO CAN TELL YOU THE ROUTE OF ANY LONDON BUS. I’m so proud of you and I say all the above because its true and I hope that despite everything and everyone you know that! Now and always. Little man be proud of who you are the people who care will like you regardless of how you speak, what you wear, or how intelligent you are. Don’t fall behind in school to fit in, dumbing yourself down is heartrending. Express your interest without fear and those that are not understanding can just disappear. Show what your good at poems & numbers. If something hurts or isn’t right don’t run away its Ok to ask for help. Be proud of yourself because you are special. Don’t ever feel ashamed, those that don’t like it can ultimately lump it.

At the same time try to be considerate to others feelings counting to ten before saying something that maybe true but hurtful too. If your anxious walk away and find somewhere quite but safe. Please don’t hit others or yourself 😦 If you’re feeling like you’re not coping or you feel upset please tell me somehow something is wrong.

When you came home from school and said you wanted to be normal I didn’t know what to say. I know I should have responded straight away and I’m sorry I didn’t. This was only because I was upset that things were getting so bad for you I hope that I explained it to you in a way that made sense for you. It was as if I somehow felt I had failed you by not protecting you like I promised. But the truth is I can never protect you from life. Sadly life is often difficult but then when its good it’s fantastic. As for wanting to be Normal nobody is “Normal” Who came up with the term and who are they to suggest what is and isn’t “Normal” we are all individuals with a certain degree of uniqueness. If we were all the same life would be boring. The only difference for your uniqueness is yours has a name and like I’ve said before that name isn’t silly nor is it a name that defines you. Aspergers don’t make you who you are you make Aspergers what it is.

WHAT IS IT?………..

………..IT’S JUST A BOY LIKE EVERY OTHER BOY BUT WITH A LITTLE EXTRA MAGIC.

Its ignorance that’s shameful not you, not Asperger’s! I won’t lie the probability that in life you will sometimes feel you are excluded from society is almost a certainty. But never think this is because you are not “Normal” never sit and ask yourself why! It’s societies lost. One day they will wish that they had taken the opportunity to embrace and learn about The boy with Aspergers but by then it’s to late because his now the man with Aspergers who never looked back.

I love you so much little man and through I know you find things stressful and can get angry or aggressive I know a lot of the time your anxiety levels are just to high. I’m so proud of you for giving it your all and trying to reduce certain behaviours at home. Your aggressive behaviour towards your sister is improving and that’s all down to you. I hope that in time things improve at school and everyone gets to see you for the bright star you are.