Tag Archives: comments

I’m Sorry If My Child Offends You

27 Feb

Being a parent to a child with Aspergers means I’m somewhat used to the reactions of others when my child says something a little off the wall. I’ve found myself having to explain away inappropriate remarks, actions and more in between! Do you know how many times I’ve found myself saying “Sorry” on Little man’s behalf? If you do, please let me know as I’ve honestly lost count.

Well… These days I find myself somewhat reluctant to do so. Why? Its just manners right! Because sometimes its just not necessary anymore.

There are days Little man decides to tell the checkout girl she’s over weight or announce to the entire supermarket that his now going through puberty and I find myself cringing with embarrassment as I feel a thousand eyes fixed upon me. Sometimes I’ll explain that he didn’t mean a comment to intentionally offend, yet some of the responses I’m greeted with are of such an offensive nature in themselves that I then feel any need to apologise instantly melt away.

I don’t find myself constantly announcing that he is on the autism spectrum, especially in his presents as, as his aged I’ve decided that by doing this in his presence could make his condition become something of an issue for him and I don’t want that!

What I do now is try and remind Little man that his chosen words are not appropriate and maybe he should keep them to himself. Little man then has the option to apologise if needed.

As a parent of a child with Aspergers, as time progresses we ourselves go through a series of emotions. Back in the early days I found myself to scared to take him anywhere in fear of incidents occurring. I’m not stating that I still don’t have days when I feel this way but what I am saying is I’m now inclined to take chances! After all we can’t live our life’s hiding away, after all we are a family and we have nothing to be ashamed off.

Yes… You can sometimes find me saying sorry for some inappropriate comment but you won’t ever find me saying sorry for Little mans Aspergers.

We as parents of children who sometimes find it difficult coping with the world they live in, don’t make it our aim to bring up children designed to offend you. We often struggle to find solutions to such outspokenness (not rudeness)! What we don’t need is a dose of judgemental crap from those who haven’t a clue about our life’s.

We don’t all drag up our children… Sometimes there is just more to a situation than actually meets the eye.

The stranger who got right on my wick

31 Oct

I like to write about the positive side to Asperger’s after all the first two years of this blogs content, was filled with nothing but rants, brought on by a mix of discrimination & my battles in obtaining appropriate education for Little man.

 However, I’m really sorry to do this to you all, but this is in-fact a “Rant” 

 Sometimes life isn’t all rosy and you need to unleash the not so good stuff… Today is one of those days!

 There are a few things troubling me that I need to get out my head and onto the blog, somehow just letting my fingers do the talking for me, helps me to adapt my mood and somehow go about getting on with things.  

 Now, the first is one that I’m convinced most will read and think, “Get Over It” and to be honest if you did, you would properly be right in thinking this, I should just “Get over it” I know this! However there are some days when something like this happens and it’s just the icing on the cake (so to speak)! 

 What am I rambling on about, I haven’t even told you what it is troubling me, yet here I am trying to justify my own thoughts! Well, basically I am hacked off by a person I’m pleased to say I have never had the privilege to meet, a complete and utter stranger who really shovelled a generous amount of judgemental bull in my direction! 

 So what! I deal with this shit daily, right? True! However I wasn’t in the most stable mood this day (Note this was a few days back) I was actually darting to a Halloween party in an attempt to save my panicking 11-year-old with a diagnosis of Aspergers, from a pending firework display. My iPhone pinged and alerted me that I had mail (email) this is when I discovered the comment below. 

I was reading that one difference between boys with aspergers and girls with aspergers is that girls mimic people around them and end up blending in with neurotypical people. I believe aspergers has a genetic base. I think you and your daughter also have aspergers. It also sounds like you favor your daughter over your son, and he notices and resents it. The most annoying thing with mothers with aspergers is that they think the way their children are acting is somehow done on purpose just to frustrate, like they thing they are the center of the universe, them when in fact children with aspergers are just trying to do what’s best for them.

  Yes, I’ve had crap like this before but this however really rubbed me up the wrong way. Now here’s what drives me that bit more crazy… You get dealt this type of ignorance, become somewhat fired up, yet all you can do is leave an angry “Mind your own business” reply, containing a fair portion of swear words (which I just about reframe from adding) as well as a load of typos that occur as a result of your mad frantic typing! Then you wait… and wait… In reality I don’t want to get into some full on bitching match with this numb nuts above, yet somewhere muddled within the haze of my angry mind, I want to see his response and I want it now! Yet it never comes, ever!

 I’m my head I was screaming you cheeky patronising *#¡# how dare you read just one, just one post and think you have the right to judge me as a parent! 

 What’s more, what right do you think you have to diagnosis not only myself but also my daughter as having “Aspergers” Goodness me, you have never even met either of us. 

 Oh… and you can cut the other crap about my son acting out his aggressiveness in the direction of his sister because he feels she is my favourite, thankfully you really don’t know me.

 Yes, this asshole thinks he knows it all, when actually he doesn’t even know the slightest. I don’t care if the individual has a diagnosis himself or is even a parent, he still has no sodding clue about me and my family!

 Here’s the thing people! I spend hours punishing myself mentally, due to the guilt I feel every single day! Guilt towards my daughter! Why? Because she deserves so much more attention then I have been able to offer. I spent days and nights, writing to schools, filing in complaint forms, collecting evidence for a discrimination case and more besides.

Then there were and still is the trips to CAMHS (child adolescents mental health service) the nights he sleeps in my bed though his far to old, yet if my daughter asks I have to state she can’t and this is purely because Little man would never sleep and likely complain with every movement she made. So, why not refuse to let my son? Consistency is sometimes hard to withstand when its 4am and his been sat outside your bedroom door since midnight in tears! 

 So, when I sit there thinking about this stranger who I have never met, sat at his computer typing this judgemental bull, when this mother has not had a wink of sleep in three days I tend to become a little bit touchy! 

 I would like to state quite loudly that although I love my son with Asperger’s and try to activity embrace the diagnosis, No, myself nor my daughter have Asperger’s.

How this conclusion was drawn from that one post almost makes me want to roll on the floor laughing but at the same time really rattled my cage!

 Now, here comes trouble number 2! I’m worried that once more, yet on a worse scale, my son’s aggressive and growing violent behaviour is going to draw to a serious end but only when his seriously hurt someone (who knows, maybe this won’t even draw an end to it)! 

 At 11 years old his tall for his age, and is no longer the skinny little boy he once was. His gaining strength and today he punched and kicked me so hard I feel to the ground. This was only after he had finished with his sister and I’d tried to intervene. 

 I hear the same thing from high-end professionals who claim that removing the trigger will solve such issues, but what if the trigger is his sister, seriously she only has to like something he likes for him to feel it’s justified to give her a dig. Planned ignoring wont help either! You can’t ignore one of your own children who you love dearly beating the hell out another, it’s just not  worth contemplating. 

SO WHAT!

1 Feb

G is different from other children in more ways then one. But that’s that.
Please Don’t say you fell for me or tell me to keep my chin up. Because all through he can be hard work and send me a little la la from time to time he still is the best kind of hard work there is. I would never want it any other way. He teaches me more then I ever fault I would learn about life’ G and his sister are my life and I enjoy everything about it. The only thing I would want to change if given the chance would be to change the way people see ASD. I wish I could click my fingers and then his school and many others would have this great understanding on ASD. The results being a great deal more support on offer for families and the child. “But come on!” We can’t change everything sometimes that’s the way of life. No one can change others views on a subject no matter how annoying this maybe. We can try to educate’ if that brings some awareness to just one person then that in itself is a welcomed result.

Giovanni can demonstrate bad unwanted behaviour but don’t all children do this to some degree? OK it may be a little more intense but it’s not 27/7. I’m sure some people think I have this 8yr old that is extremely bad. Giovanni can and more then not he does demonstrate very good behaviour. Some of the things he does others would count as bad and unreasonable behaviour when there not! These things such as saying something to another that could be seen as rude would not of been meant to be seen in this way. That’s the thing you see. Children with Aspergers tend to end up with problems due to reasons that can’t be helped.

When ever someone says Stay strong, I fell sorry for you or anything along these lines. It makes me angry!
Why fell sorry for me? I have a amazing son who yes has Aspergers!
BUT SO WHAT?
G is mine, I love him, I’m proud of him and love being his mummy:)
Looking after any child can be exhausting. But it’s rewarding isn’t it? Well it’s the same for me. Aspergers makes this no different.

IM A MOTHER TO A CHILD WITH ASPERGERS! SO WHAT?

%d bloggers like this: