Autism and Chores

Lets face it, household chores are really not much fun. We all need a little encouragement every now and then to get going.

My son, who’s now 11 and has a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome quivers at the word housework or chores, but then so does my 9-year-old daughter. Little man just needs a hard dose of motivation that’s all!

This isn’t only down to the fact he despises any housework related activity, though this does account for the majority of his reluctance, it’s also other factors, such difficulty following instructions, doing things in sequence and that of poor sensory processing.

As Little Man’s mother I’ve admittedly at times thrown in the towel and given up, though this maybe the easiest option at the time, it makes things a whole lot more difficult later on! This is part of life and as my mother still tells me to this day, “Life sometimes requires us to do things we don’t like, but that’s just life!”

In order for the little man to grow up and become fully independent, he will need to require simple skills such as these to make it on his own in the big real world. He must learn how to do the basics accruing more complex skills as he grows older! Another important factor in this situation is the fact he will also need to learn the value and importance of helping other people… So what if you didn’t drop those wrappers on the floor, helping shouldn’t be an issue non the less!

Firstly, I must say before rambling on any further, I’m just a mother, and I don’t have all the answers, in fact I’m unsure to whether I actually have any! Though I will always try to find answers, when I succeed, or even partly so, then I’ll share with you all, in the hope it helps you too!

So… here’s some suggestions on how to encourage a child on the autism spectrum to actively engage in household chores without all hell breaking loss and then regrettably freezing over. These tips may work for one child and not the other, you may be required to try a number of different techniques or maybe just the one, every child is different regardless of abilities and diagnosis. Note: I’ve also tried this with my 9-year-old daughter who isn’t diagnosed with the condition and she’s actually done brilliantly with many of them.

1) Children on the autism spectrum tend to be visual learners, they may use written or symbol prompts as to plan events, following instructions in completing a set task, or just to alert them as to what happens next. Little man has been using both a visual schedule at home and school keeping it consistent. He likes to know what’s planed and this is the same with chores, so, if he has chores as well as homework etc, these are added to a chore chat which he helps to devise on a weekly basis.

2) Don’t give rewards for every completed chore as this then doesn’t become a normal daily routine but instead a way to gain rewards. If one week you wasn’t in a position to provide the promised reward, failure could result in undesired meltdowns. Rewards can be given as a weekly treat and you should ensure its done for all children in the household.

3) Help your child to chose their weekly chores as in number 1, however try to encourage some weekly chores in-which you can both contribute in together, making it a fun bonding experience.

4) Don’t change the chores without giving a warning to your child, keep them consistent in the way in which you and your child devised them. Also try to agree on a time your likely to keep too, as this will only cause problems otherwise.

5) Do the same as in part 1 and 4 but remember to not make your child overly reliant on his routine, so try to adjust times for different weeks, but as mentioned in part 4, stick to them for that entire week.

6) Teach your child how to have a focus, this works fantastically for Little man. An example would be if vacuuming, say the living room, point out the half way mark highlighting how his almost there, then point out the finishing post. You will find that even though the break is offered at half time, 9x out of 10 they’ll keep pushing themselves all the way.

7) Don’t keep asking as it drives children like little man round the bend. If your child fails to look at the chart remind them to do so, if they just refuse then you may need to decided if a sanction may need applying. Stick to your guns and be consistent, as you will be in an even worse position for next time.

8) Don’t bombard a load of request upon your child at once, example, take up washing, put shoes under stairs, hang coat up then run your bath…. overloading will produce the undesirable. Remember children on the spectrum tend to be unable to follow instructions if not given time to process the information given, this is why I’ve suggested the chore chart.

9) Have something nice to look forward too! I’m not talking a treat as such, more like something you’ll be sitting to watch as a family that evening. Talking about the film etc why doing chores with your child, will help them complete without the dragging boredom.

10) If like little man, your child on the autism spectrum doesn’t do well in supermarkets (despite how much he protest he wants to join you) ensure you have prepared distractions and you are aware of any sensory triggers, avoiding where possible. I get Little man helping me write the list, this helps his handwriting and spelling skills, reading the list while we shop also helps reading skills (so they don’t know they are doing chores and a fair bit of education based work too). Little man is also fantastic at maths which he actually enjoys too. To keep his mind from distractions that may cause sensory overload or some type of social anxiety episode I ask what’s best value for money when deciding if to buy a product (example, buy one get one 1/2 price coke or that of the 50% extra free priced at 10p more) His actually quicker than I am and has on occasions save me some money.

Another thing that Little man loves is the “Self Service Checkout” I guess he feels independent. It’s a great way to distract your child or engage in a little social skills training.

11) Little man loves music and despite sensitive hearing (he can hear a pin drop, or a buzzing freezer sends him barmy) music however doesn’t have the same effect, he loves music, and the louder the better.

If you can tolerate a bit of loud music then its an awesome way to motivate both child and adult into doing the chores and it really does do well to speed things up.

12) Since being in special school little man’s become a dab hand in the kitchen. He cooks or bakes at school every Tuesday and has brought home some delightful dishes. I do think its the Italian in him as the kitchen isn’t my favourite place to be. Because of this I ensure he is appointed jobs that he really enjoys, like helping prepare a meal under supervision. He loves this and it’s simply not a chore in his mind at all.

13) One thing extremely important for the child on the autism spectrum, is that of prise, your child should be praised for the smallest accomplishments as these will eventually lead to those bigger ones, plus you’ll find over time that your child is setting out to please you.

14) Little man love’s some items that many other children have considered strange and undesirable. On little man’s christmas list, I’ve found all sorts such as juicers, smoothie makers, blenders and even a chip pan (don’t ask). His always begging to get his mitts on some type of appliance. This can be used as reinforcements, allowing your child to use the popcorn maker to create a movie snack under your supervision! However, your child will need to clean up and wash any dirty dishes (making sure sharp objects and blades have been removed first).

15) Occasionally, surprise your child with something nice. Do not directly state that it’s a reward for his engagement in chores but prise him for how his displayed good skills and is a good role model for younger siblings and now seems more grown up. This kind of thing makes Little man very proud, he then thinks about other ways of impressing me, not just for treats but the overall confidence boast he receives.

16) Don’t overload chores, give little on Saturdays and none on Sundays, allowing them some chill out time and space. They will continue their chores more efficiently once rested or having had some fun.

17) If your child has hygiene difficulties due to sensory reasons, then you should work with him to remove or reduce the trigger if at all possible, adding these activities to the chores chart also.

18) Encourage your child to recycle by speaking about the fascinating things that it involves and how certain objects can cleverly be used to make something completely different. Do a scavenger hunt, encourage your child/children to collect as many newspapers as they can as well as other recyclable items that can each be placed in its own boxes, example…. Glass, Paper, cans etc… making this a fun afternoon game.

19) If your child has their own pet (little man has Bella our pregnant cat) get them involved in feeding and grooming making it a responsible job and good practical chore.

20) Take the chores out into the garden this summer. With the beautiful sunshine and longer days. Little man and his sister enjoy the garden, and along with their father they are already planting and getting there fingers all green, which is perfect for me, given I hate gardening.

So, there you have it, a nice long list of 20 things that may help your child on the autism spectrum to complete their chores.

If you’re a parent of a child with or without autism, I’d love to hear of any tips with in your comments.

Dream location – The Land of Nod

Drip-drip-drip…. The dripping tap that echo’s throughout the otherwise deadly silent house!

 Tick-tock-tick-tock…. The noisy seconds hand on the grandfather clock that drives you completely insane, so much so you jump from your bed removing its batteries!

 Buzzzzzzzzzz….. The dull jarring buzzing you hear coming from the fridge freezer, just as you’ve almost arrived in the land of nod.

 Have any of the above driven you to hold a pillow over your head in the hope of drowning out the annoyance of white noise or maybe even snoring? If you happen to answer “YES” then I envy you, I really do!

 No, the above is not a typo, its true, yes, all of the above are annoying, that I do not deny, but all three of these scenario’s can be easily fixed (even the added addition of somebody’s terrible snoring)! OK, you may lose a weeks food shop by switching off the freezer, but you can do it all the same!

 I however, cannot switch of my children, although I have sometimes wondered why on earth god didn’t make them with batteries? Some nights are better than others, it’s the others that are currently driving me to write this post which I’m guessing consists of nothing more than rambling, the kind that likely makes no sense! Please bear with me, last night was actually one of those nights!

 Anyone would think I was used to it by now, after all Little Man is 11 already and hasn’t ever really slept an entire night, well not properly anyway. Since his been on the slow release Melatonin, his engaged in a lot of sleep walking and talking so his often up and about even when he is a sleep, which is often not in till some point during the early hours anyway.

 Although I try to embrace Little Mans Asperger’s Syndrome, seeing it more as a gift rather than something disabling. Sleep (or lack of it) is most defiantly one of the hardest issues we have had to deal with for as long as I care to remember.

 Generally I deal with the lack of sleep reasonable well, discounting the time I fell asleep queuing in the supermarket (and yes I was standing)! My head, well that’s somewhere else altogether, seriously, I can’t survive forever with my brain functioning as if it belonged to a chimp ! My point is, I guess I’m used to it and although I don’t get the average amount of sleep many manage, I get by with  grabbing hours here and their, well this used to be the case at least!

 Harley is my youngest son, he was 2 in December. I was blessed with a child who slept throughout the night pretty early on. Day time napping was now however out the question, unless their father was around and when he wasn’t I was basically #•@#@• Then something much worse started to happen, Harley started sleeping less, a lot less! This finally came to a head last week when he demonstrated his stamina in withstanding an alnighter… yes, he stayed awake the entire night falling to sleep at an unforgivable 6am, I was broken, no not physically (that comes in later) but emotionally… was it not enough to have the one child sleep in such a crazy manner… but two… come on give us a break! Of course I explained it away to myself as “His coming down with something” but he hasn’t and its been 5 whole long sodding days and nights. Actually as I type this my eyes are partially closed…. God help me if my Mac ends up on the floor.

 I don’t know why the toddler is suddenly like a child on red bull, but me, I don’t like it one little bit! Of course his then hard to wake and this is when tantrums come into play as his over tired and I get tempted to let him just sleep! It’s an extraordinarily difficult situation to be in when your tired and feeling like you’ve been smashed in the face by a double-decker bus! However, I will try my best as I fear it may lead to more nights like that of the night before. To make matters worse regardless of  him becoming extremely tired, often resulting in him falling into an uncontrolled heap between 8-9 pm (which I note is still reasonably late for him) he still somehow manages to wake up before the clock strikes midnight! Oh… and guess what? He only goes and becomes the life and soul of the party. I’m in trouble if Little man than decides to come out his room engaging in some weird activity as for some reason he’ll suddenly acquire a very sudden interest in his brother, the same brother he screams at to get out his room everyday!

 This was what happen Monday Night Tuesday early hours… I wanted to scream, correction… I did scream… Loudly! Closing the bedroom door, I laid Harley done beside me, however sleep wasn’t on his crazy toddler agenda, he had more exciting things planned, like demonstrating how well he can jump on mummy’s bed and the lovely art of body slamming, with myself being his chosen victim (you know, like those over grown and over weight men who pretend to throw each other around a ring).. Worse when your eyes are closed and it completely takes you by surprise… Ouch…

 I pray to the lord that this is some kind of toddler rebelliousness, one that Little man nor their sister luckily never experienced (through little man more than made up for his lack of tantrums by age 7 and continues to today)!

 Now feeling like a sack of crap, I have important business to attend to! Oh, how I wish that business was in the role of a mid mornings nap…. Sadly it’s tending to the cat litter tray, a sink full of dirty cups and with a bit of luck a ten minute soak in the bath (I hope)!

 Quick Note: If anyone has any tips on helping both an 11-year-old boy diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome and that of a toddler of 2, learn the unwritten rules of sleeping and remaining that way, please do comment! Plus I would love to hear from anybody who has a child on the autism spectrum who happens to sleep walk, sleep talk or both (this is as though  they are literally always on the go)! Even more so if such behaviour is happening while taking a slow releasing Melatonin (only this is when the sleep walking and talking increased for Little Man)?

 Thanks for reading my ramblings and I bid you all goodnight… Oops I mean good-bye!

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Help Me Reveal The Bigger Picture This World Autism Day

Mild, what do you think off when you hear the word “Mild”?

A mild curry, a mild headache, a touch of man flu (or so some call it)!

Maybe you think of a mild case of chickenpox or a mild amount of pain?

Now, let me ask you,
“When you see a child of… let’s say 11 years old, throwing himself  aggressively around the local supermarket, red, hot and flushed,  shouting & screaming obscenities, refusing to walk, with no apparent  sense of danger, what do you think? Does the word “Mild” come to mind?

I didn’t think so!

If you were 100% truthful with yourself, my guess is, challenging, spoilt, dragged up, brat, may have come to mind! Although this is usually  never truth, I’m not about to jump into a written description on the worlds misconceptions or that of the importance of ignorance  (intentional or otherwise). I’ve done plenty of this lately. I will however agree that the word “Mild” is not one I’d chose to describe the above situation!

When you have a child with Aspergers Syndrome, who has displayed such  behaviours..more than once, you deal with it, though when you turn to another and inform them of your child’s diagnosis, for that person to turn around and refer to it as “Mild” you can’t help but want to  
SCREAM…

This misconception has just got way out of hand. Whoever chose to describe Aspergers as Mild was basically of their trolley! You see Aspergers is only described in such a way as to highlight the fact there is normally no intellectual difficulties, however social difficulties are just as pervasive as those children with what some may refer to as “Classic Autism“ the difference being that those children with a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome are normally fully aware of their differences, some even referring to themselves as not “Normal” as has my own child.

Those with Aspergers are not oblivious to the world around them… OK,  maybe while engaged in their “Special Interest” but other than this, the prospect that the child with Aspergers wants to engage with peers, having friendships like yours or mine, is always normally the case! The sheer frustration at not being able to always make these friendships or in many cases, keep them, is often too much for the child, hence the reason, so many children with aspergers find themselves diagnosed with depression or some type of anxiety related illness!

Now, I ask you again..”Does the word “Mild” spring to mind when you think of the above  
explanation It’s not a competition, I’m in no way even comparing the different types of autism, it’s a spectrum, where no two cases are ever the same! I’m just merely pointing out that the term mild is not actually a suitable one, as it is of course, taken out of context, leaving  
others (even teachers, and other professionals) expecting more than maybe they should from a child with Aspergers. It’s my belief, and that of many others, that this is likely the reasons behind high school exclusion rates, placement breakdowns in mainstream schools and  
so forth. My child is very literal, yet despite his previous school’s awareness of this, metaphors were continuously used by staff, during conversations with my child! He was just expected to get these quirky little phases, such as “Has the cat got your tongue” or “The teacher can’t hold your hand forever” so, of course being adamant that he never holds the teachers hand, he quite rightly informs the head teacher, to which he is ordered to remove his sarcastic tone, that or stop being thick!

The child with Aspergers, has to continuously adjust ones normal behaviour, something they are most uncomfortable with, to fit neatly into the life, that society expects and accepts.

Its common for many diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome, to receive a late diagnosis! This is true, but only due to the signs being suppressed by the child in question, as they either keep themselves to themselves, blending into the background or speak to one or two children, though not actually forming friendly relationships with them, yet teachers commonly mistake this as healthy peer relationships. What then will often happen, is once that child returns to the safety net of home, the bubble pops and like dynamite they explode letting go of a whole days bottled up frustration, becoming sometimes uncontrollable! Of course the parents reports such goings on, yet they are looked upon as one sided concerns! Teachers mainly assume the issues must be down to some problem in the home, why wouldn’t they considering the lack of challenging behaviour within school? This was certainly the case with Little man!

Suddenly something changes! As the child grows older, incurring a stronger urge for peer interaction, a low threshold for dealing with sensory inputs and lack of understanding of the social rules, Suddenly a flip in the childs behaviour may occur, one that to the school is that of a sudden change, to you, the parent…it’s been a long time coming!

The child may now stand out that bit more, maybe seen as a bit of a social odd ball as he goes about trying to socialise, they may then become targeted by the bullies! Sadly, due to the childs lack of social understanding, especially around the issue of friends, they may well find themselves as a target without even knowing it.  
Little man is, once more a prime example of this….. He was seen by other children to be a child who would easily break social rules (only due to the fact he was unaware of there boundaries)! As a result, when the bullies befriended him, the popular kids, he was proud to finally have a group of friends.This started during his fourth year of primary school and by the end of that year he had already undergone an obscene amount of formal exclusions and when he was in, he was being taught in isolation, heartbreaking, referred to by staff as a health and safety risk! As for the bullies who he mistakenly was proud to name his friends, these would do a number of horrible things, then stand back and laugh as little man got into trouble. An example would be, getting him to slap a teacher around the back of the head with an orange glove, he believed it to be OK, as it was just a game, “The Tango Game” surly the teacher would know this right? You can only imagine the reaction of that teacher! Worse, her unexpected reaction would shock little man in such a way, it would trigger more challenging behaviour, most failed to make the connection between the two and of course his education and self-esteem suffered greatly. As his mother, I watched him slowly putting the pieces together, the children not knocking when they claimed they would, his invite to a party becoming lost in the post, the fact they were suggesting he do things that he was now learning were not acceptable due to the repeated reactions these caused! This is the point when your child starts to accept that his actually friendless, being used and laughed at too! You, the parent watch as your heart breaks, you ask yourself, maybe it would have been better if he never saw the light, he continued thinking peers were his friends.

I hear hundreds of horror stories mainly consisting of discrimination and misconceptions. Like my own child, the child is never allowed on school trips, coincidentally excluded on the day of a trip or that when OFSTED visited school. What was worse was those times he was sent to work in isolation, mother and child completely in the dark that a trip ever existed… well, that’s in till some other mother mentions it! You hear her words, you play along, yet inside your crying,you’re screaming, rage ripping your insides to pieces. Even worse your child finds out, unable to cope with more rejection so he hurts himself by throwing himself into brick walls, smashing his head, scratching his arms drawing blood, or worse still… threatening to stab himself!

Please, I ask you once again…

Would you use the term “Mild” in association with any of that above? Would you?

Myself nor my son, and countless other families like mine, are not asking for your sympathy, your kind words, your half smiles as we catch one another’s eye across a crowded playground, though those things are incredibly thoughtful, we need so much more than this to make a difference!

We, need you to take just a few short minutes having read this post, to process what you have read! If you agree and only If you do… we need your help! I’m asking that those parents & individuals who don’t have a child on the spectrum as well as those who do (and anyone else who’s reading) takes just a few minutes to help raise awareness for autism and aspergers, this “World Autism Awareness Day“ (2nd April 2012)

How?

Bloggers… with the power of your influential voice, your blogs can reach a 1000 voices or more… Please Join me in creating awareness, by wearing something that resembles the colours that make up the autism puzzle or something that resembles autism. Maybe wear a T with the awareness ribbon or a puzzle piece displayed across your chest and back, paint your face, design an eye mask, just let your creativity run wild, then write on a large piece of card, “Doing it for World Autism Day 2012” hold it up, where ever you’re at and take a photo… the more funky and eye-catching the better! Post your picture to your blog adding a few words if you wish, state you’re raising awareness for world autism day and link your picture/post to the linky I’ll place on here on my blog!

You can tweet using hashtag #worldautism12 , post on the “A Boy with Aspergers” Facebook page and share any other way that grabs you.

Please it’s just one day, a few minutes of your time which will undoubtedly help spread awareness! I’m not asking you to raise money or even go to work looking like a clown! Like many other families all over the world, Its world autism day everyday in our house! I’m just  asking you to make it yours on the 2nd April 2012 (if only for 10 minutes) your reward… you will help create a better world for children like my Little man.

Non Bloggers

There is simply no getting away from it! Simply do the above but instead tweet your pictures using hash tag #worldautism12, Post them on your own Facebook page and to make it count by posting them to “The Boy with Aspergers” Facebook Page.

Those who can’t post anywhere, email them to me via address in sidebar of this blog and I’d be happy to post them out there for the world to see.

The final part of the plan

I will then hopefully have enough to create a collage of pictures of all those that took part, whether they held their awareness board in Sidney, London or New York, it will count.This can’t happen with a collection of one or two pictures! We need a huge amount to pull it off!

I will open the Linky on my blog at 11.59 on the 31st of March.

Please feel free to click and save the art work below to use in sidebars or within post, please link back.Please stay tune as there may be a few exciting surprise on the way too 🙂

So… There you have it! My plea for your help 

Help me create the bigger picture, I can’t do it without you!

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Life as a sibling of a child with Cancer

I know first hand what happens to a family when a child is diagnosed with Cancer!

Life crumbles in an ineluctable manner, the world you’re living in changes forever!

You wake each morning to the realisation that this is reality! You’re powerless to make it stop, this frequent perturbing feeling that overcomes you, so powerful, you could vomit.

There’s no warning, you don’t get a say in it, it doesn’t matter that you’re hurting, that it’s causing your family to fall apart all around you… its Cancer, there’s no simple answers, nothing is no longer simple, your inferior to its powers as it goes about damaging all that you love in a pervasive manner.

You see, it’s not easy being 10-years-old, the older sibling of a child infested with Cancer, a 10-year-old filled with befuddlement, yet knows enough to understand the seriousness of the situation just by seeing her father cry!

Life suddenly becomes a waiting game, one minute you’re out playing with your friends, the only worry you have, is what time you need to be in for your tea, next, you’re suddenly worrying whether that thing your mother refers to as “Cancer” will allow your baby sister to live another day.

When my 2-year-old sister was diagnosed as having ‘Acute Myeloblastic Leukaemia’ it was if time stood still, yet those around me continued on with life in the same way they always had. You, your family, are unable to look to the future as your apprehensive at what that future may hold!

Life becomes dark, really dark, regardless of the sun that’s actually shining, your world just remains a shadow of lingering darkness, there’s no longer the sound of laughter throughout the home, just this scary vibe of the unknown. Your mother tries with that false smiley face, she does for your benefit, yet you know inside she’s crying as inside you’re crying too!

I sit by my sisters hospital cot, I take her tiny bruised hand the one covered in sticking medical tape to hold the plastic tube in place, in my head I beg God “Please don’t take her away from me and my family”

She’s so weak, looks so fragile, yet she looks up at me with her big blue tired eyes and still manages to show me her beautiful smile. My whole 10-year-old body is swamped with emotions of both love, sadness and fear, yet I don’t know how to deal with it… I just don’t know!

There are day’s I’d sit on the stairs listening to my mothers sobs, the ones she would let out when she thought no one was around, her heart breaking for her tiny little daughter fighting for her tiny life… as a mother powerless to make it better, I can only imagine how she must have felt.

Relationships broke down between a mother and father, both on the same side, yet both dealing with life’s evil turn in their own way.

With each milestone my sister made, another blow sat waiting. Finally discharged from the hospital, she would all to often be whisked back to what was now her home just a few hours later. A simple cough or sneeze could make her so very poorly, yet I yearn to cuddle her, wrap my arms firmly around her and hold her tight.

A shadow of her once lively self with every beautiful blonde hair no longer upon her tiny head she just braved everything life throw at her! Embarking on a long whining road of Radiotherapy, Chemotherapy, Infections and endless doses of antibiotics, month after month this little girl refused to give in, she just kept on going.

That beautiful 2-year-old toddler is now a beautiful 22-year-old woman with her own beautiful 2-year-old blonde blue-eyed daughter!

This journey may have started some 19 years ago but I’ll never forget what its like to be part of a family where a child has Cancer, a life threatening illness that took ahold of them so suddenly… I never thought my story would end like this, I honestly thought that my little sister would fly off & play with the angels, yet here I am telling you this, sharing this ending that I will forever and ever be thankful for.

My younger brother ‘Joseph’ (then 7, now 26) with my little sister ‘Rachel’ shortly before diagnosis

I was inspired to write this post to share my experiences of being a sibling to a child with Cancer, by the lovely Nickie O’Hara, who blogs over on the blog Typecast. Nicky is a mother who can relate to my own, therefore doing a wonderful job in helping the “CLIC Sargent” (a charity supporting children with Cancer) to raise awareness of its Yummy Mummy week which commences on the 10th-18th March 2012.Click here for info on Yummy mummy week

By posting a selection of blogging prompts over a 4 week period, Nickie hopes to get us as all joining in and doing something yummy, by choosing a prompt, blogging about it and linking up on a Thursday… This is week two and I was inspired by the prompt “ Yummy post: What happens to a family when a child is diagnosed with Cancer? How do Siblings, parents cope?”

To check out the other prompts, gain more information on the awareness campaign or the Yummy mummy week, visit Nickie over on Typecast where you’re also be able to read many more post supporting this worthy cause.

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Our worse ever meltdown & coping with little sleep

Image via Wikipedia

I was going through documents I have stored on my Mac and came across this. I’m unsure of the reasons I wrote it, though I think it was meant as a guest post concerning “Meltdowns and a lack of sleep” I don’t even think I sent it to whoever was meant to feature it, so I’ve decided, instead of cluttering up my Mac, I’ll share it here with my readers.

The post comes in two sections, “Worse ever Meltdown” & “How I deal with the lack of sleep”

Our Worst Ever Tantrum

I have three children, a daughter of 9 and two boys! my toddler is 2 and his brother, my eldest is 11 years of age and has a diagnosis of Aspergers (a form of autism that results in impaired communication and interaction skills) and sensory processing difficulties.

My eldest, AKA Little man, has had more meltdowns than I ever thought possible! His increased anxiety levels and inability to filter out certain sensory stimuli has made meltdowns exhausting for all.

We’ve seen it all! Hitting, swearing, kicking everything and anything, throwing objects, slamming doors, running off and non stop crying! But nothing was to prepare us for that Wednesday evening on the 22nd September 2010. My son had received a high number of exclusions from his then mainstream school. He was taught in isolation, (Kept away from other children like a monster). My child was never allowed to attend school trips or participate in activities, this was lowering his already low self-esteem and I was becoming extremely worried. That evening I received a call from the head-teacher who informed me my child was excluded for the third time that month. I was promptly reminded that the Friday was in-set day (translated that means staff training day!) So, he would be excluded for the trip. He has missed trips for as long as I can remember anyone would think we were used to it! But this one was important he was looking forward to it so, so much because they would be going by coach (transport crazy) It was left for me to break the news and his heart. He didn’t hit me, nor swear, he sat deadly quite for a minute or two, slowly absorbing my words! Then shockingly he stood up and started throwing his entire body into the wall almost knocking himself out in the process. He scratched his own arms till they bleed, he slapped himself in the face over and over again and punched himself in the head while chanting, “I just want to be normal” Some five hours later, and a smashed up bedroom, I found him laid in the middle of the room amongst his destroyed beloved model buses. His eyes were so sore and red, his breathing still heavy that he continued to catch his breath. Yes, I’ve been hit, abused or embarrassed in public. His kept me up the entire night screaming and crying, yet it was defiantly this meltdown that outweighed the rest, It is one that has stuck firmly in my mind… Because for me it was scary to see a little boy, my little boy, react in such a way he could have seriously hurt himself.

Lucky his now in a more understanding school better suited to his overall needs.

Coping with little sleep!

I remember my health visitors promise some 11 or so years ago! She looked me in the eye and said, “I promise you he will soon get into a routine… babies always do”! Yet she lied to me, because that isn’t true is it! Not all babies do! My little man is no longer a baby but a lively 11-year-old boy He has Aspergers (a form of autism) and as soon as he hit three months old, he stopped sleeping! I waited and waited for that routine to come, the one she had promised, after all she was a professional right? Well, here I am, still waiting for that so-called routine!

We all need to sleep in-order to refuel our brains and boost our energy levels. I’ve often stayed awake for nights on end (which wasn’t done by choice)! When my little man does finally sleep, I struggle! Maybe because it’s only a few hours till I should wake for it’s a school day and I fear the attendance officer getting on my back, or maybe because I’m scared I wont wake to care for the children at all. I find I’m touchy and over emotional some days, where others I’m fine, I just get on with things the best way I can! Sleep really does make everything seem better, I just wish my son would believe it and give it a go sometime! I’m no super mummy and more often than not, after a few days awake I just suddenly drop! My eye lids become so heavy as if they have weights hanging from them! Seriously I find my self sleeping as I stand, clean, bath or even board a bus… which really isn’t a great way to be!

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Guest post and Competition: A safe day out for a child with Aspergers

Days out with your children don’t have to be stressful and a safe day out for a child with Asperger’s doesn’t have to be stressful either.

A close relative of mine has four children. He has two girls and two boys. All of the kids are happy, loving and lots of fun. Both girls go to mainstream schools. They have no difficulties whatsoever, but they certainly understand that everybody is different and that we all have our own challenges in life. One of his sons is autistic and the other has Asperger’s syndrome. Tom who is autistic needs to be monitored pretty much most of the time and to look at him you know that he is autistic and the majority of people do make allowances for that. Steve on the other hand, is the older of the brothers, he has Asperser’s syndrome. To look at him you would not know he has it.

When the family go out for the day, all of them take turns to mind Tom as he does wonder off and no matter how many times that they tell him he still does it. Steve does not normally wonder off but becomes extremely engrossed in something and does not realise that everyone else has moved on. There have been numerous occasions that my cousin or his wife and even I have gone racing back to the last place we were only to see Steve looking very bewildered. Because of his condition he will not ask anyone for help as he finds interaction difficult. So he is for want of a better phrase ‘left stranded’.

To overcome this and to be able to have a safe day out for a child with Asperger’s my cousin now uses a child locator with Steve. The child locator is made up of two pieces. One for Steve and one for my cousin or his wife, if they move off without Steve there is a chirping sound and they realise that Steve is not moving on with them. All of the children carry a personal alarm for kids anyway so the child locator was not something that was a big deal for Steve.

One of the other things that can sometimes a bit of a challenge for my cousins’ family when they have a day out is that both boys tire quicker than the girls and they tire at different rates themselves. To minimise the impact this can have on the day out my cousin plans the day ahead of time. He schedules meal and break times. This gives the boys some R and R time and means the boys have enough energy to keep up with the girls.

A safe day out for a child with Asperger’s is as simple as a day out with any other child.

Post written by Andrea mother and owner of Safe girl http://www.safe-girl.co.uk

The teddy bear child locator is on sale reduced from £29.99 to just £19.99 till Christmas

WIN A CHILD TEDDY BEAR LOCATOR

The lovely Andrea is offering you all the chance to win one of this fantastic safety child locators.

If entering please leave a contact email or tweeter idea so I can contact you in the event you win.

Compulsory entry 

All I’m asking you to do is visit Safe-Girl website and tell me what Alarm or Locator you like best

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The big bang campaign… Keep it before 9 p.m

Remember, remember the 5th of November…

 My guess is, many parents of children on the autism spectrum remember the 5th of November and remember it well!

 Tonight is the night that will see the skies above us alight in an array of stunning, spectacular colours, but that’s not all we will see! Many of us throughout Britain will see not just our pets dart around the house in distress, but also our child or loved one. 

 Bonfire night is celebrated by huge numbers whether it’s by attending a large public display or hosting their own back yard antics. For some it’s a night of fun and laughter, a chance to meet friends, drink wine out of plastic beakers while eating hot-dogs smothered in mustard. For others it’s a night of hiding, turning up the TV and comforting their frighten child.

 We grow up looking forward to such events, we loved them as a child and can’t wait to share a night stood by the bonfire with our own children. What is there not to like about this fun and eventful night?

 Why don’t you ask that question to a child on the autism spectrum!

 No, not all hate fireworks, but a large proportion of child and adults on the spectrum will spend the year dreading it! I wrote a few weeks back about little mans fear of the firework! He thinks they are stunning and at a distance his not to bad with the big bang. But when there’s rockets flying about above his head, then bursting into a glittering infusion of colour, my child will likely do what I refer to as the “Army drop and crawl” Basically he fears the fireworks will come clashing back down on top of him, he freezes then drops, before embanking on his army crawl to safety. Despite this reaction, my little man could hold a sparkler all night long. As I explained before, it’s a sensory reaction, because the firework is above him and he cannot judge the distance between himself and the exploding firework, he then begins to fear it! My Little man feels much safer stood behind a pane of glass watching fireworks from the safety of his home. 

 For many people on the autism spectrum the dislike of fireworks relates to sensory sensitivity as-well as the dislike of “social gatherings”.

 Even those who are not on the spectrum can have difficulties tolerating the loudness of a firework display, especially a big one! For the person with autism, this sensitivity to noise is sometimes so overbearing it causes actual pain. Now, can you even begin to imagine how hard that must be? I can’t and think myself lucky that I do not experience such a difficulty. However this doesn’t mean that it doesn’t matter, because it does, it really does! Little man only has problems when we go out, so of course we avoid the public displays, or one parent stays home while the other treats the other children to a trip to our local display. That’s just how it is and always has been. I think that we are quite lucky, some children experience such anxiety that they require comfort from their parent throughout the night meaning little sleep is had by many.

 I’m not trying to make you all feel guilty, nor am I saying this in the hope that you wont go to your local fireworks display or celebrate in your own way. I’m just asking that you all spare a thought for the families housing an autistic child or adult. I simply ask that as much fun as bonfire night can be, take a second to stop and think… Light your fireworks at a reasonable hour! Who is your neighbour, do you know a family affected by autism? Keep it early, keep it safe, keep it before 9 p.m.! That is all I ask!   

” Do you think that’s fair? If so, how about tweeting this post just once using one of the share button (tweet, Facebook, Stumble, etc.) located at the bottom of this post. You could even raise awareness on this one day, just by “Right clicking the image below and uploading as your profile pic on your social network” after all it is just one day!”  

 

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As easy as child’s play

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Play, A god given right for all children!

 Its importance is critical to the development of every child regardless of, Class, age, race, gender or ability!

 With every game of peek a boo, every story told and building block added to a carefully constructed tower, your child learns something new & exciting.

 A child may not speak or be able to hear, he may not walk, they may be even confined to a wheelchair, nonetheless this doesn’t mean the child will benefit from play any-less, regardless of a child’s disability, they should be encouraged in play, and will enjoy it like any other child.

 As a mother to three children, I really love playing and interacting with my children, whether its make-believe, a board game or something else all together! Though yes, I do admit it’s not always easy to find the time, yet its something I consider important so try to make it a priority (something we engage in a few times a week minimum).

 As most regular readers will know, my eldest son has Aspergers syndrome which forms part of the autism spectrum. At almost 11 years old, Little man was my first-born, when I was at the tender age of 18. I noticed pretty early on in little mans life that his play style was somewhat different from what I considered to be typical play for a child his age.

 My daughter didn’t come into our lives for a further two and a bit years, meaning I had plenty of one on one time with my developing baby. Games such as Peek a Boo or sing alongs didn’t give of that WOW factor for Little man, instead they sent him into a howling frenzy. 

 Regardless of the above I persisted in my quest, a road of discovery, encouraging my child to engage in interactive play. I knew he got enjoyment from playing alone, I didn’t discourage, though I didn’t reframe from interactive play either! I’m convinced this has been of some benefit to my child now his older. 

 Play helps feed a child’s imagination helping it grow, it allows a child to use creativity while helping them to connect to their surroundings and adapt play to their environment. I believe that play can help a child learn certain roles and requirements while aiding the development of dexterity, physical, cognitive strength.

When your child is on the autism spectrum, play may not be what you typically expect it to be!

 Yes, I learnt the hard way, don’t we all? 

 I learnt that my child didn’t actually require all the latest toys that the boy next door was playing with. My expectations both before and after Little man was born were unrealistic, I had naively assumed that all children played the same way! Play was play, nothing more, nothing less, It all amounted to the same thing! God I had a shock awaiting me and a hell of a lot to learn.

I had no intention on lying to my friends and family when I announced that Little man loved Bob the builder only to end up with a house full of Bob merchandise come Christmas! In some respects I think I half convinced myself it was the case, well he had at least glanced in the direction of the tool kit I had brought him!  It wasn’t just Bob the builder, I was a mother moving with the times & quite honestly the latest craze that I quite often learnt about from the gloating neighbour who would quite often proudly inform me about the latest Spiderman bike her son was now whizzing around on! The next week Little man would have that very same bike, though it remained in the cupboard by the front door only ever seeing the light of day once, twice if you include the day I awkwardly tried to get it home on the bus. This was one of hundreds of toys that were both a waste of time and yes money!

 Looking back as I write this I get a glimpse of how bloody crazy I was! Yes, total denial sweep through me.

 It was only once I had taken a few steps back and observed the situation that both myself and especially little man began to benefit.

 I note… No, Little man did not like playing with Cars (though he quite does today) he did however love spinning the wheels over and over again! I decided that actually that was OK.

 I note… No, Little man did not love Bob the builder (though I only wish I had kept all that merchandise as my youngest is Bob gaga) though he did love Thomas the tank. I decided again, that was fine!

  I discovered that between the ages of 2 and 7 Little man only ever really played with train sets and transport mats despite his bedroom now looking like the Disney store!

 Finally I excepted this!

 I stopped focusing on that Little boy next door, therefore letting go of that, “My child should be playing with that toy” scenario! I focused on the Little man instead and what I saw was no longer what I felt I needed to see through my own stereotypical rigidness, I now saw Little man for the child he actually was! I successfully learnt my first very valuable lesson about play! 

 “Play is unique there is no right or wrong way of doing it”! 

 By stepping into Little man’s world while taking small steps to engage with him in this child lead play I noticed he slowly became more interactive, wanting me to take an interest in his games. 

 Yes, all along I just needed to go with the flow (so to speak) I needed to embrace and celebrate his interest, a massive milestone

 Oh, and did I mention that big credit should be given to my wonderful daughter? Siblings can actually be a massive source of learning  for the child on the spectrum, Alice-Sara certainly was!

 Alice-Sara was that child who played like I also assumed all children did! She played the way I always expected the Little guy would!

 Through sheer willingness and determination his younger sibling did something wonderful without really knowing it! She introduced her older brother to role-play! She taught him the value of this type of play and helped him develop the tools needed to engage in it!

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 It is this aspect of play that I firmly believe is the true instrument needed for a child with Aspergers to progress.

 I don’t know if Alice-Sara just longed for this type of interactive play from her older brother, but as a small child she fought to get it, and she did!

 OK, it isn’t perfect, as much as he is able to engage in such play it is still largely ritualistic and he can become overly controlling often using his younger sibling as a play object, yet his come a long way!

 However ritualistic and Un-spontaneous his play maybe, his sister has successfully taught him how to play schools (a game he still plays today, though it always involves a school “bus”) he also loves playing shop keepers and hospitals (if his the ambulance driver of course)! 

This variety of play offers so much to the child on the spectrum. The child will learn important social interaction skills, and a number of other important life skills they will acquire in life. 

 I’ve seen my Little man go from the child who really did prefer the box as opposed to the toy that came in it at Christmas (mainly due to what I was giving him) to a child who now enjoys play so much more and through he still does it alone, he is much more willing to play with his peers even if they don’t always oblige to him joining in. 

 Yes, he still has them “odd” items on his Birthday and Christmas wish list; Batteries padlocks, neon electric fly zapping lights; and 20 cans of DR pepper to name a few; yet he also loves, computers, lego, model buses and trains, bikes, scooters, board games and magic tricks. 

 Recently I saw a worrying statement 

“As easy as child’s play don’t apply to children with autism”

 “That is bum fluff!”

 “Just because it isn’t typical doesn’t mean it isn’t magical!” 

I learnt that the hard way, I hope you don’t!

Scooting is much more fun with Scooterearz

I love writing a blog, not only is it a way to help me relax, reach out, raise awareness, share and vent, it also brings me some awesome opportunities, testing some of the latest products to hit the market.

 Scooterearz, is one of them awesome products,

and here’s why!

If your child has a scooter, then you will relate when I say, “Kids like to take them everywhere” (Well, mine do). This is fine, I’m a mum who’s cool with that, after all it’s a great way for your children to stay fit and active.

However, when them summer days are turning cold, things are not so simple. Little man loves using his scooter, yet in the winter I’ve discovered that I’m the one dragging the scooter up the road because his decided his hands are much to cold to have out of his pockets. Yes, there are gloves, but this makes it harder to get a firm comfortable grip on the handle bars, therefore giving less control over the scooter. (which isn’t great with Little man’s motor skills) Little man also has sensory sensitivities (especially tactile) so he can’t seem to tolerate gloves for to long, preferring the fingerless type which isn’t ideal when out on your scooter.

That’s why I was interested in finding out more about this new product, ‘Scooterearz’.

 Here’s what the founders say…

Founded: October 2010

About: A brand new product designed to keep those little fingers warm in those cooler months.

Description: Scooterearz is a universal weatherproof hand warmer to be used specifically on children’s push along scooters. They stay attached to the scooter handlebars (although can be transferred easily ) and keep children’s hands snuggly warm.

Our Scooterearz came is a nice clear sturdy bag that can be used to keep and store your hand warmers in! We were sent the Dark blue Scooterearz with the red outer thread. There are a number of other colours you can choose from therefore offering something suitable for both girls & boys.

  Little man was lucky enough to be given the opportunity to review the new Maxi micro scooter a few months back, so the scooterearz makes the perfect accessory while keeping the little guys fingers all lovely a cosy. 

 It was pretty hard to fully appreciate the product for its true potential given the weather was still pretty nice when they arrived! Then suddenly yesterday I noticed how cool the evenings had become! At around 8pm I decided to take Little man out on his scooter to burn of some energy to enable him to settle and therefore sleep once home (Yes, little man has problems with his sleeping so getting him to burn of some excess energy is a good idea). 

 At home on my Mac, already sat a review on the Scooterearz, yet I felt it deserved so much better, a real good  testing in the appropriate conditions and weather!

 Little man instantly took to the hand warmer, despite the fact it is waterproof  (the waterproof material normally drives him up and around the bend) but Scooterearz has a cosy fluffy lining, removing that tactile experience for the little man. 

 Little man reported how his hands were nice and warm, the material was nice and cosy and he was still able to have a firm grip, maintaining full control of his scooter. 

 My daughter also had a go on her scooter (not a micro scooter, one she’s actually had a few years and due an upgrade) despite his fact the scooterearz still fitted to the handlebars of her scooter without any issues at all.

 What I do love about the product is the fact that once the Scooterearz are attached to the handlebars (one on each side) they can remain there, but can be easily removed if & when desired. 

We even tried it one the handlebars of little man’s bike which provided the same comfort.

 We really like Scooterearz and feel it’s an awesome new product at a really reasonable price of just £12.99 RRP.

The full product launch is set for autumn, though you can already buy Scooterearz from a selected number of online stores or direct form scooterearz themselves, Right NOW. 

Visit the site for a full list of retailers now stocking Scooterearz or buy direct. CLICK HERE

What’s everyone else think about Scooterearz?

Check out a few of my “follow mummy bloggers” to see what they have to say about Scooterearz

Busy mum of 3

The lovely Mummy bird (including a giveaway of a scooterearz to one of her lucky readers. Closes 3rd Oct)

Loved by Lexi

and one of my favourite review sites: Bubbaloves

As part of the big launch Scooterearz are offering some amazing offers to schools

Scooterearz Schools Promotion!
Your school can earn 20% of all sales of Scooterarz in our Schools Promotion – If your school or nursery would like to take part contact us 

info@scooterearz.com

Visit the Scooterearz facebook page where all the different colours and designs will be displayed. They are also in the process of launching their new and improved website any day now and will celebrate this by offering introductory offers and other exciting opportunities. Click HERE.

My Little construction workers

 Alice-Sara, shared her construction skills when reviewing the Meccano tool box for girls, back in August, Now it was the turn of the boys.

 Products we were sent: Space-Chaos & the Build and play mini case.

 First up it’s Little man’s review of the Space Chaos

 Space Chaos is designed for children 7-14 years (at almost 11yrs this was well within his age range).

 Before getting out the cash and splashing out, I suggest you find out if, (a) your child is a goodie (therefore the Silver force is what you should be aiming for) or (b) Your child is a baddies (therefore requiring a construction set from the Dark Pirates range).

As we were sent the products for the purpose of a review we didn’t put a request in, but on arrival of a Space Chaos, Dark pirates, I felt this was the right choice (Yes, he actually prefers to be a baddie, like his mum, *Evil laugh* follows)

 So, what’s the fuss about!

 Space Chaos is a collection of Air craft/space ships consisting of drones, raiders, bombers, fighters, destroyers and more! Each Set can make two models with a pack contents of around 140+ parts and pieces. The kit contains a special sound function that can be activated at the push of a button.

 Space Chaos Models come with a range of stickers to pimp out your ship, as-well as two trading cards showing the unique powers of each spaceship. Each trading card also displays a secret code, this can be entered online to access lots of extra goodies, including wallpapers, posters, cards, combat cards and plenty more.

 Getting stuck in!

Before I go any further I wish to remind or inform the readers who don’t know, that little man has Aspergers and has associated difficulties with his Gross and fine-motor skills. His recent Occupational therapy assessment highlighted that he has a much greater difficulty with his use of fine motor skills, then we all thought and expected. With this in mind I wanted to see how he was able to cope with the Meccano set, or if it could actually help better his skills.

 I grabbed some drinks and on my return discovered he had open every single individual sealed bag which contained the many different parts and mixed them together as one! “Great, this wasn’t going to be easy” All the pieces in the set were a mix of both plastic and metal. The instructions looked simple enough, yet the pieces were mixed and I can’t even construct a kinda egg toy let alone this thing!

 Little man was getting nowhere, so after what seemed like days I finally managed to separate all the parts into their required piles. The bits where very fiddly for little man and he continually dropped them, he became angry refusing to try again. Little man has very low concentration, so, we did some sections over the course of a few days till day three when he spent time with his father, the model was finally completed.

 Advantages

Good instructions

Builds two models 

Sound effects

Trading cards and online feature

End result, a great toy that offers lots of playability

Little man doesn’t stick with something for long specially if it’s not bus or train related. Through with his fathers help he remained focused, Patient, and willing. To have completed the model into something that offered playability. This was a massive achievement.

Disadvantages 

Difficult for children who experience difficulties with their fine motor skill.

No storable click case

The build and play mini (5-8yrs)

 A small sturdy solid case containing around 30+ pieces of flexible, easy click parts that allow a child to construct a total of two models (note: only one at a time)

 Now, this was Harley’s set and I’m not about to moan about the fact he didn’t have the first idea how to build this (apart from the construction of a wheel, which I’m sure happened by chance)! Why? Because at 21 months this set, that is recommend for 5-8 year olds is way to advanced and wasn’t going to happen. The idea was for Alice to carry out the honours and construct the set and once together, Harley would have a chunky car to text drive around the living room!  I now jokingly call  Alice Wendy from (Bob the builder) as she seems to have a skills when it comes to Meccano builds.

The way in-which the pieces click together is the same as Alice-Sara’s own meccano set. She read the instructions with ease and being at the top of the recommend age range for this toy she experienced little if not any problems at all.

 The end result, Harley had a very nice buggy type car with beady eyes.

 I’m unsure if a 5yr old could construct this set as well as maybe a 7 or 8 year old. Little man also had ago at Harley’s set and despite his fine motor skill problems, he had no difficulties due to the easy click together action and the bigger more flexible pieces.

 For this reason I would personally recommend the set designed for younger children, with the bigger easier to hold parts, if buying for a child with difficulties with their fine motor skills. (Just remove the label displaying the recommended age) little man would become very dishearten if he saw this.

Advantages

Capability to build two models

Big chunky pieces

easy to follow instructions

End result, a good toy with lots of playability 

Plastic click case to store parts

Disadvantages 

You can only build one model at a time

I Liked both products, but could see myself buying the latter (mini build and play) purely because of Little mans difficulty with the Space Chaos. I think the finished models of both sets look great! The build and play looked fantastically funky and cute, especially the big beady eyes. The Space Chaos had the added touch of the sound effects which Little man loved.

I also love that the mini set comes in a click case allowing you to store the pieces away nicely, something sadly the Space Chaos lacked.

 Stars awarded

Space Chaos ****

mini build and play *****

Prices do vary so I would suggest having a look around online

But for those who hate bargain hunting you can get

Space Chaos Dark Pirates for : Amazon for £18.38

Mini build and play: Amazon for £9.99

 The world of Space Chaos can be discovered by visiting its websites which has been dedicated to the Space Chaos entire range.  http://spacechaos.meccano.com

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