What goes up must come down

You know what they say… What goes up, must come down! This is exactly what happen when Christmas Day suddenly finished. All that built up excitement and in someways anticipation experienced by the little man was suddenly gone… And boy, didn’t we know it!

No Christmas is Christmas without an Aspergers style meltdown and although little man sailed through the actual day itself in a somewhat relaxed and merry way… Boxing Day was somewhat different all together.

Waking him up was the hardest part, if I’d let him, I’m pretty sure he’d had slept the day away. His facial expression said it all… That evil deadly stare that says “Back off bitch or I’m gonna blow! Not to be defeated I persisted on my mission to get the little man up from his bed before the daylight had fully disappeared.

Crashing around, screaming and shouting, declaring me to be the most evil mother to ever walk the earth. Little man was now up… but happy about he he was not!

Literally throwing his whole body through the living room door, crying for reasons he himself didn’t know, he shouted in no uncertain terms “Stop trying to control me, this is my life, my time!” Somehow I felt as if I was sat watching the film ‘Kevin and Perry Go Large” but this wasn’t some stroppy 17 year old. It was my 12 year old who had gone to bed smiling and woken a raging beast.

I knew things could easily spiral into a more explosive episode, so with that I did my best to ignore the rude names and hurtful statements, fore I’ve learnt that engaging in an argument with your 12 year old only feeds his fuel. His sister, sat on sofa was next inline as he so angrily asked her what she was looking at. My daughter had a choice choose to ignore it like me or feed the fuel and if course she went for the latter.

Screaming over one another the hurtful comments flew about the air as the toddler sat watching Thomas drowning out the noise like he had done so many times before. To think it was not even midday and I was already reaching for the Paracetamol, was a clear indication of the day ahead.

Finally… some two hours later, a sore head and with this inner feeling of drain washing through me. I sat on the sofa next to the little man who was now much calmer meaning I could try to unearth the meltdown trigger I’d regretfully missed.

One would expectedly assume that the trigger for this meltdown was tiredness. His need to catch up on sleep if I’d had allow him too. I guess in some respects this is true. However this was in no way the main trigger it was just the one that sparked the rage. Whether I’d woken him or not, I was about to discover that today’s antics would have been unavoidable all the same! Why…
Well… Because the tigger was Christmas!

It had been on the agenda for so long. The build up, christmas crafts, school plays, parties and more! Suddenly it was over… No more Christmas for another 365 days and counting. Talking to him, I realise that for months his head has been consumed with nothing other than festivities. If it wasn’t the rehearsals in his bedroom for the school play it was searching the Internet for the latest WWE merchandise to add to his growing Christmas list.

Little man looked at me and with a tear in his eye he declared “I think I’m actually really sad its over!”

Well, there are many things a mother can try to fix but this is something I cannot. This is life… something that little man will face year and year again. But just being aware of this will help me prepare for the events that could likely follow as Christmas comes and goes in the years ahead.

a happy little man on Christmas day

Flexible school plan

Sleep is becoming a distant memory. How we take it for granted when we have it, and fall apart when we don’t.

Yes, by reading the above statement it is clear that I didn’t get a great deal of sleep last night! I first had to deal with little man (despite the fact I was just about ready to drop).  By the time he had finally entered the land of nod, I was then wide awake! Its crazy how you go from tried to over tired, then suddenly wide awake! Well, I’m sure the second coffee didn’t much help!

To be honest once I did lie down, I couldn’t switch of! My head was giving me an array of problems, solutions, outcomes and what ifs to just about everything happening in our lives right now. I ended up grabbing a pen and paper and jotting stuff down. I was quite literally taking notes on my own thoughts. Looking at  what I wrote this afternoon, it’s clear I need to get some much needed stuff of my chest. So what better place then here. After all a lot has been happening this school year. Note we are still in the first school term, meaning this is all within a five week period! I suggest a cupper and a comfortable seat as this isn’t the shortest post I’ve ever written.

Latest exclusions

Judging by the last school year, I shouldn’t be at all surprised with the way this ones planning out!

Since Little man went back to school in September his received constant exclusions. These exclusions were imposed all within the same month and given one after the other. Two of these exclusions were given for a fixed term of two days, and the third being for a longer period of five days. However that five day exclusion was messy and after a refusal on my part to send little man to a pupil referral unit/specialist school for children with social, emotional behaviour problems, to avoid a permanent exclusion, we were left not knowing what was going to happen in terms of Little mans return to school  for a few more days and everything was a tad confusing. It had been a pretty tough week for the family as a whole. Exclusion was not having any kind of desired affect on little man! At least there was no evidence that it was! It’s in my opinion that by excluding a child a teacher sometimes unintentionally contributes to the child’s long term challenging behaviour. I like many parents & carers make the same statement.… When excluding the child the teacher may simply be giving them what it is they want, an escape! A child maybe struggling with work, tasks, social situations, or just simply doesn’t want to be in school (Getting back home to their “safe zone”) Other times a child may be far to excited, anxious or confused, leading them letting it all pour out in an inappropriate manner. Then there is them times the child is in self destruct mode and exclusion is the only option. Little man displays a range of emotions and reactions to exclusion. Sometimes it’s clear to see that he considers the outcome of his behaviour to be a benefit to him. He comes home to an environment that he feels much more relaxed in. Other times little man shows anger, upset and a great deal of resentment towards those directly involved in the exclusion process. Little man will often show this degree of upset when he can’t understand the reason surrounding his exclusion, disagreeing with the action taken against him, quite often indicating that he feels misunderstood, or what he has done was justified as their was a reason behind it. Example being someone did something first or someone wasn’t being fair to somebody he considers a friend. In these incidents it’s hard to establish what has gone on. It’s all well and good being informed in a letter, displaying a list of reasons stating why your child was excluded because…… But when you don’t know what triggered of the behaviours then how do you address them? Little man becomes inconsolable when his excluded on the days a school trip or activity are due to take place. Little man has often stated that the reason he can’t attend is because his different! This seems to unfortunately had a bad impact of his self-esteem. This is when the system upsets me most! To me this is like handing out double punishments and gives the child a feeling of low self-worth. It’s rare he participants in anything his class undertakes and this I can only describe as dehumanising. Punishing a child by not letting them attend a trip for behaviour that hasn’t yet occurred is damaging. How will the child ever learn from the behaviour ? Little man must have the mentality of , “Why bother? I wont be going anyway. After he missed his last school trip that involved a ride in a coach there and back (Reason he was so… excited) he told me he would never believe them again! That he will not let himself get excited till his there! How heart breaking it is to hear your ten year old say that. I understand the teachers did to considered the whole of the class. However I think it’s got to the stage where little man is considered a doomed case. I think on a few occasions certain children have slipped the odd “Ginger” comment in there, I have spoken to a parent of at least one child who calls him this. Yet I’ve never been informed. Little man don’t wait for no one to be around before off loading his string of abuse towards the person who upsets him, he just does. Ok he is pretty dam stereotyped and often says the wrong thing! But sometimes these things are said without true meaning. A new word being, “wasteman” after I asked what it meant he replied, “Mum it means a dust man, who collects rubbish” we had to explain what it meant. This is a word his heard within his school setting and now loves to use.

LEAs Agreement to undertake a statutory assessment

After sending an appeal to the tribunal (LEAs refusal to assess), and the prospect of meeting with the LEA (dispute/resolution service) and the school re-admitting  the Assess one! The LEA finally agreed to assess little mans special educational needs. Finally a move in the right direction! The LEA also agreed to contact our preferred specialist school for an emergency assessment place. Though one has not yet been made available, I still have hope. ( what else can you have?) I received a letter stating they are awaiting a response from the school (specialist school) and I have made an appointment to go see them myself (after a lengthy phone call, where I pleaded my case to a very understanding receptionist). I can’t fault the LEA (for once) as they are doing all the right things and have moved very quickly. Little man has already seen the LEAs educational physiologist, though this didn’t happened as planed as he was not allowed to be in his classroom setting which she could have done with observing. Still if it means avoiding a massive upset then so be it! I think things went well and she saw enough. Yesterday we attend a medical assessment which was somewhat exhausting given little mans excitement at the buildings electric windows and his constant need to operate them. I am in the process of writing my evidence that has to be submitted within the next few weeks! Anyone with any tips on this, I would be most grateful to hear them.  So…. For now I just hold bated breath that all will be Ok in the end .

Risk of permanent exclusion results in a flexible school plan

We were informed on the last exclusion that little man now faced the risk of a permanent exclusion. As I’ve briefly touched one above, we were offered the placement at a specialist school/PRU . Yet after careful consideration, two visits to the school (One with little man) and a home visiting I felt it to be unsuitable for little mans current level of need. The locked doors and security guard  gave an impression of a young offenders unit. Though It’s true to, “Never judge a book by its cover” but little man has a fear of locked doors and this accompanied by a list of other issues was to much to expect him to overcome. So I stood my ground and refused (Looking out for my sons emotional well-being as well as his educational one). We didn’t hear much after that! We had a phone call from the head stating the PRU was expecting him on Monday, which I corrected him on. With this we were left dangling for a few days in till I took him back and as a direct result of this action a meeting was held. There isn’t much point going into the detail of the meeting (for once it was a reasonable one) I just wanted things discussed and options and ideas shared. Well, finally a plan was emerging, I stated I was happy to be flexible if they could be too. I didn’t think the current situation was doing my little man any good and did I really want his self-esteem suffering anymore then needed? Of course not! So we discussed the option of part time school or home schooling with flexibility. The head wanted to speak with the LEA to make sure everything would be legal and above board and for once we were kinda in agreement with one another (I know, big achievement that one) That evening the school left me a voicemail that offered a part time solution to the current situation! Part time schooling for a period of two weeks. We would then have a meeting and if faced with the prospect of no managed move for the remainder of his assessment, we would then have to decided our next steps.

So with that very…… Long update (So sorry about that people), I will bid you good bye. And as always thanks for all the support

WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT ME MUM?

OMG WHAT A NIGHTMARE!

OK maybe I should be more careful when I say something while little man is about! But come on sometimes he will go right over the top. But that’s just G. Well today we were at the supermarket’ everything was going to plan. For once I felt that my head was working as it should be (before I become a busy mum ). I was remembering everything’ yes without a list! and little man was on good behaviour. Everything was going my way. Shopping complete I make my way over to the check out.

“MUM CAN WE GO TO THE DO IT YOURSELF CHECK OUT?”

“NO G I HAVE TO MUCH SHOPPING FOR THAT. THERE JUST FOR PEOPLE WITH TROLLY’S WE HAVE A BASKET”

For those of you that may not know what the hell I’m on about. The self pay check out means there are no stuff’ you beep it then pay it by putting your cash or card through a machine. But, Big but! When you have a lot of shopping you pay at the check out with the assistant. And yes I sure did have a lot of shopping!

So there I am unpacking the trolley onto the belt. G is helping, he likes to do this. But today his doing it with anger. His not at all happy as his upset at the fact that we are not using the self pay check out. His talking away to himself, well more along the lines of moaning to himself! I ask him whats up but he tells me to shut up! NICE!. The lady at the check over hears and ask him whats wrong. ” My mum is horrible and nasty she never lets us use the self check out”. ” That’s not a nice thing to say about your mum” she says. He looks up and simply says I don’t care. When G acts like this I always think god they must think i dragged him up. G can be rude but he can also be extremely polite. It’s what mood his in but I guess that’s all of us really. Well to an extent. She asked if G was often like this! I jokingly replied yep everyday. Next thing i know his screaming at me and marching of at full speed ( His fast ) Grabbing the bags ( All ten of them ) I sling them into the trolley and do what seems like a supermarket dash as i run after him having not a great deal of luck in catching him up.

“What up mate?”

“U told the lady u put up with it everyday”

“G I was just joking!”

“No mum you were talking about me!”

You see the littlest thing gets to him in away it would not most other children. We phone a cab and sat on the bench to wait for it to arrive. Little man had a face like thunder and sat right on the other end on the very edge of the bench. Any passers-by must have fault I had something catching’ that or I smelt bad! Well at least he wasn’t screaming at me in fact he was doing a wonderful job of not talking to me at all, that was to …………. The cab turned up.

“My mum told the cashier I was bad everyday!” He was blurting on to the driver.

“No that’s not what I meant G!“

“That’s a lie mum I’m not bad everyday and you said you put up with it everyday!” He went on and on and on……

I’m sure the cab driver wanted to laugh but he dared. As we parked up and started to get out the car the cab driver said good luck. I think he knew I needed it, I sure did! G went on about the whole thing for a least another 5 hours. I wanted to whack my own head against a brick wall. God my head was ready to explode. When it did stop I was so grateful so very grateful.

THE WORD PEACE TO A MOTHER’ ANY MOTHER IS A FANTASTIC, STUNNING AND GOD-SENT WORD.

TO A MOTHER OF A CHILD ON THE SPECTRUM IS ONE OF THE ABOVE AND SO MUCH MORE BESIDES.