A Much Closer Look At The Children And Families Bill 2013 (Adoption & Family Justice)

Today I want to talk about the Children and families bill 2013, I’ve already shared some thoughts on the sections covering SEN but today I’m writing my personal views in relation to those sections of the bill mainly concerning ‘Adoption and children looked after by local authorities’ & that of family justice (public family law).

People maybe somewhat surprised to hear me say this, but the proposed changes within this section actually worry me more than any other part of the bill! Yes, that does include SEN! Despite SEN being of great importance to me, as it affects my own family and is what I campaign for, there is ever increasing campaigning for the issues the surround SEN, and over time more knowledge and awareness has been developed. Its the issues surrounding adoption and family justice that concern me somewhat more, mainly due to societies ignorance when it comes to this dark and somewhat hidden area of law, one that leaves families broken. I honestly believe that if every single person in the UK really knew how the laws surrounding these issues were applied, then things may have moved with the times and the true meaning of justice would have been found by now.

Its an area that doesn’t affect many of us. Many will never have to deal with family courts, social services and the possible heartache of losing a child to the state when no crime has been committed. Yes, many children do need to be taken from parents who fail to provide the right home environment, parental care and so forth, but it may surprise you when I say that many children are in fact taken from loving homes, from the parents who are able to care for them and Is desperately long to do so. These parents haven’t inflicted any sort of harm or pose any risk of future harm to their children, but have them removed from their care all the same.

Are children really taken by the state when really they should remain with the loving family they were born into? Yes! Believe it or not this is true and thousands would tell you so if given such an opportunity to do so!

I apologise for such a long post, but firstly, before I go on to enlist the reasons why I think some of the areas of the bill have left myself and many others concerned, let me highlight the current problems within this somewhat hidden area of our family justice system and that of the laws that surround child protection (Children’s Act 1989) & that of the ‘Adoption and Children Act 2002.

Do you actually know any of the following?

Children are currently placed on child protection registers with a huge proportion being removed from the care of their birth parents, simply because the local authorities claims that there is a “Risk” of emotional abuse to child one day in the future. Here’s a few examples when this happens…

A child born into a family where a mother has been abused by a partner! This can be physically, emotionally or sexually! This could be before the child was even born or in some cases, even conceived. What’s more the mother may have left the relationship having built up the courage to do so, but is now faced with the involvement of the Social Services (SS).

Example… A woman who is to frighten to leave her partner, a man who controls and bullies her, finally gets up the courage to report him to the police and bravely leaves the family home with the children. With no place to live she contacts family support services. Someone, either the police or support service has approached the SS (Social Services) as the child protection laws permit them to do so. Now the children of the woman are placed on the child protection register because the mother “Allowed” herself to be emotionally abused by their father. The woman is a mother who has never hurt her children, her local GP and Health Visitors have no concerns, school is happy with her children’s progress, yet this mother now has to report every move she makes to SS. The SS eventually do apply for care proceedings and she eventually loses her children. The reason given… “Risk of Emotional Abuse!”

Next time you hear about a battered wife or even husband, who didn’t speak out, the chances are they were not only afraid of their partner but also of the involvement of their local authority and its Social Services team. Because as I’ve explained… Such a situation can warrant the authorise to apply for interim care orders.

Basically, there is a strong that children are removed from parental care because the mother has reported a crime in which she has sadly fallen victim to!

Then their are those parents who have Special Educational Needs or a disability!

Believe it or not, many of these parents have there children removed from their care, having only just given birth to them. In many cases this is within hours! Their only crime, they have been born with SEN or a disability. Instead of support, these babies are removed and placed on adoption registers where many are adopted quickly due to them being newborns. In actual fact, most adoptive parents have been decided upon by the authority during the birth mothers pregnancy, sometimes before she is even aware of the looming situation.

The majority of children taken by the state and put up for adoption are children under 3 years old. It is known by all that these children are much easier to adopt out.

I know of a case where the Local authority is awaiting care proceedings for a 3 year old toddler. She is the daughter of a mother with slight SEN and is said to be too advanced. They claim there is a risk the child will become to clever for the parent in later years (this therefore highlights as RISK OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE)!! The parent only has a mild learning disability due to the radiotherapy she received for her childhood cancer! Sadly I know all this because the mother involved is in fact that of my little sister. Yes, having asked the SS for support following an abusive relationship she now could lose her child too.

Another issue in need of highlighting is how local authorities claim there to be “Risk of Abuse” if the parent of a child has sadly been the victim of child abuse during their own childhood years. This gives the social workers another reason to step in and take the child. Many mothers have lost their children for such reasons and this is never really brought to light. You may think, “No there must be additional reasons’ I know I used to think so too! The truth is, many of these mothers have their babies taken at birth, they don’t have the opportunity to prove they are able to be a good parent, let alone there be any other reason for the removal of their child from their care.

Many parents desperately do all that they can to cooperate with SS. They later find that by having done so, the SS have written poor reports on there parenting. Normal everyday small issues such as lack of time to do the housework are extremely exaggerated and blown out of proportion in court.

And here’s the really scary bit that up in till last year I was totally unaware off…

Are you aware of any of the following?

SS can use evidence in a family court that is based on hearsay! It will normally be evidence that is made up of unfounded information and sadly false allegations.The court will except and permit evidence of such type regardless of it having not been investigated or validated! The judge will use this along with other reports (often including that of expert reports given by those who have never even met the child) to decide a child’s future, one that can potentially rip a loving family apart. The family courts are the only courts that use such evidence. If we tried to use hearsay evidence in a court of criminal law a judge would refuse to even permit it let alone use it.

This means you could technically upset your neighbour who thinks its awesome to ruin your life by making a little call to the SS telling them a load of untruths. SS may then get involved, stick your children on the register and then a year down the line, start care proceedings and once in court, produce that silly hearsay evidence which is the icing on the cake and inferences the decision of the judge, leaving you hopeless and without a voice.

Now, I say without a voice as my next point is just that! Its the “Gagging of parents” by the family courts.

We can argue all we want that family courts should be transparent and open to the public but lets be honest, this isn’t going to happen anytime soon. This is because of the child protection laws and the need to keep children safe from the media and allow for family privacy. However, what we as a society fail to realise is that families who lose their children when no crime is committed are gagged by the court. If they leave the court having lost their child and therefore go on to campaign their innocence, taking it to the media in a desperate attempt of gaining justice and being reunited with their children, they are actually thrown into prison for having done so. The parent will not have named their child but this doesn’t actually matter as they are still seen to have broken this unknown law. Where is the justice in that.

If a women is rapped she is able to tell her story if she wishes. She can even do it anomalously if desired. A loving parent desperately trying to get her children back, can however not do this without receiving punishment. Its like living in the dark ages, so much so it scares me.

This is where other laws are discredited, such as that of the human rights laws. Yes, honestly it sounds unbelievable that a parent can be punished for exercising their right to freedom of speech.

Basically, when a child is taken under the category that is “Risk off emotional abuse” parents are being punished for crimes not yet committed, ones that more then likely, possibly, never actually will be! These are simply risks that are based on a strangers report.

A court of law wouldn’t punish someone for looking in a clothing store where the Security guard felt that the person in question looked suspicious and therefore posed a “Risk”of shoplifting! They just wouldn’t, would they? Could you imagine the public outrage? Then why is this any different?

Why don’t many of you know about all this? Because you are not meant too. Its not that its some type of a conspiracy, all of the above is there to be discovered if you look close and hard enough! Just ask the press! National papers headline Newspapers have repeatedly reported the darker sides such as the allocation of bonuses for given to social workers for hitting adoption targets. Even though this was abolished some years back, it still doesn’t do the local authorities reports and statistics a bad turn or even that of the Individual social workers CV.

Other problems faced…

Lack of funding and current cuts for support services aimed at helping families combat areas of concern that some local authorities see as a green light to place children on the “At Risk Registers” These could be services to support single parents, parents with disabilities or those in need of support to leave violent or abusive partners.

The benefit cuts only add to pressures already inflicted on low income families, sadly creating a risk of State intervention for reasons beyond their own control.

Thoughts…

The way in which social workers work, has to under go a complete reform for things to change. You may ask why they miss some children, why certain cases highlight how SS left abused children with parents who later killed them. This is because the SS spend to much time chasing around families of those they wish to label “At Risk Of…”

Sadly, many of those cases we read about in the paper, concerning SS lack of intervention despite the many reports and noted concerns, would have likely ended up in a state children’s home’s or with foster parents if they were saved in time. These Children are harder to adopt, the ones who are abused! Adoption agency who are constantly in battle with one another, struggle to find them adopters because of the great psychological impact that has been left with the child. Sadly it seems that putting children up for adoption under the age of 3 and with a label that reads “Risk off” as opposed to “Abused” makes them all the more disirable!

Only once changes have been made in the way the system operates, can that of the changes proposed in the Children’s and families bill 2013, actually be of great benefit to all. However, to pass these clauses within this bill as legislation, and to do so as things currently stand, will only make the above issues a whole lot worse.

Areas of concern in the 2013 Children’s and Families Bill…

Part 1 Clause 6
The Adoption and Children Act Register

Relates to when a local authority can add children to the adoption register

Supply of information for the register …
Children suitable for adoption or for whom a local authority in
England are considering adoption

Children suitable for adoption or for whom a local authority in England are considering adoption can be added to the Adoption register.

Search and inspection of the register by prospective adopters…

Regulations may make provision enabling prospective adopters who
are suitable to adopt a child to search and inspect the register, for the
purposes of assisting them to find a child for whom they would be
appropriate adopters.

This is extremely unclear to me and I’m left asking myself “Can I be mistaken here?” You see from what I have read of the proposed legislation is that Local authorities will have the power to place a child on an adoption register, even before a court has made an order! Now are we just talking children in state care or those who remain with birth parents who are currently awaiting for a court hearing to decide if to oppose a care order?

I understand that for those children in long term care or foster placements, those who’s parents are not capable of caring for them, this may in fact be beneficial, especially if they have been in state care sometime. Given that these children are not in contact with birth parents and the ones who are, are in support of this then OK maybe! But for those parents who feel that the system is failing them, those fighting for children to remain with them or at least another family member as a last option, should most defiantly not have their child added to a register for prospective adopters to search through. This is a decision for a judge alone. By allowing the local authorities to add children they feel suitable for adoption to an adoption register is ludicrous. Parents will feel they have little hope in keeping their child at home with them. Especially if once at the hearing the local authority announces that prospective adopters have shown an interest in the child. This shouldn’t sway a judges decision but I lack confidence that it won’t. Social workers should be busy assessing appointed family members for suitability of becoming long term Carers if these have been put forward. Its important that all avenues have been fully explored before a child should be seen as a suitable candidate for adoption, especially when evidence is built upon hearsay evidence. If anything its not fair on both potential adopters and birth parents if a courts decision has yet to be made.

What’s more hasn’t it been said that we already have an overload of children needing loving homes? Why add those who’s futures have yet to be decided upon. We all know that children under the age of 3 are adopted more easily and these children shouldn’t be added to registers just for desirability.

Part 2 The Family Justice System

Clause 14 introduces a 26 week time limit to proceedings for care & supervision orders, with provision for extensions in certain circumstances.

Although I understand that it is of extreme importance to ensure more children who are truly unable to be cared for by birth parents, are placed into loving permeant homes more quickly. Removing the disruption of constant foster placements and state care homes, I fear that this rule will leave judges in a position to make life changing decisions on a whim.

With the use of hearsay evidence still being allowed to continue and the lack of independent support and advice for the parent, its my opinion that more parents who can, and in fact already do provide a safe and loving home for their child, will end up losing them to the state, simply because the SS claim their is a future “risk”

It is a great concern, that resources needed to ensure an effective 26 week timetable, will not be put in place at the same time as when the bill becomes a legislation.

With a 26 week timescale I am deeply concerned that this will reduce the time in which birth parents have to build a decent case for defence, access appropriate advice and support (especially given the long waiting times for such services due to funding cut backs). Above all, it will reduce the time needed to demonstrate to the court their parenting abilities. Although it is stated that family courts will always consider the best interest of the child and if able, will always aim to keep children within the family network by placing children with potential family members/relatives as opposed to placing them in state care and on adoption registers, the proposed timescales will leave less time for assessments of these potential family members/possible carers leaving the judge with no choice but to consider additional arrangements.

Above all it saddens me to see that this section of the bill has put empathise on the need for speeder timescales to unable a court to make an order for a child to be placed up for adoption and not one that ensures it makes the right decisions, whatever that maybe. Personally with such empathise given on adoption (including the addition of adding children to the adoption register even before that decision has reached at court) makes me think families will stand less hope then the little they may currently hold.

Sorry for such a long winded post. I could have most probably created all this into a more managing piece, though I’ve just felt a need to get it all off my chest and lay it out there for all to see and read.

I’d really love to hear the thoughts of others, whether the bill directly affects them in someway or they just want to make an opinion. After all… As they say… “Two voices are always better than one!”

You can click here to see proposed registration and changes as a result of the Children’s and Families Bill 2013

Aspergers & Sport

Yes, it’s true… Many children with Aspergers Syndrome do experience a certain degree of difficulty when joining in with team sports. Nonetheless this doesn’t mean trying is out the question.

Our children may not be able to overcome autism but they can overcome many of the challenges they face just like you or I they have the capability to go forward and pursue their ambitions and dreams.

Ok, the Little Man isn’t dreaming of becoming a footballer but he has always wanted to be a part of a team and as a 12 year old boy why shouldn’t he be?

I remember the first time little man joined a local team. We had to explain his difficulties to the trainer as he was gobsmacked when little man just walked off the pitch mid game. He shouted… “Oi, where do you think you are going” Little man just turned around and replied “I’m going to the vending machine for a drink” (he had a bit of a fascination with the vending machines back then)! It took some explaining to get him to realise that you can’t just walk of in the middle of a training session or worse still… a game.

He lasted 2 more weeks before deciding it wasn’t for him. He thought the trainer was mean but he was just doing his job. Plus, every time he was tackled for the ball, he would haul abuse at them for cheating or purposely trying to kick him! It was in all honesty a total nightmare.

His that bit older now and fancied another shoot. My stomach flipped with nervous… I didn’t fancy watching him get booted off a team just as he joins it. But then our neighbour the mother of little mans best friend started up her own team. She is fully aware of little mans difficulties when it comes to sport but regardless she gave him that chance to play football.

As I watched him at his first big match a few weeks back I watched with pride. Ok, he did walk off once and almost had a fight with another player on the other team… And yes, yes his a sore loser! But he did it… He played the whole match and left mum feeling proud.

A Mothers Reflection

This is me, ‘Claire Louise’ daughter, sister, friend, blogger, mother of three… A Human Being!

Yes, this isn’t my most flattering picture, in fact I look a mess, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make here!

A year back I wouldn’t have dared post this image of me looking so worse for wear. But this weekend all that changed!

Little man had a meltdown, his first in a good few weeks.This meant it was a big one… Though huge is a better word to describes it! What with the looming return to school, little sleep and a whole host of other issues, he exploded and did so in a deadly fashion.

It was little sister who was his target and he hit the balls eye with her every time. I by this point had become a woman close to breakdown and as I saw him mid air, ready to inflict a karate style fly kick aimed at his unsuspecting sister, I finally lost it.

Flying of the opposite sofa I wrapped my arms around his waist and as I pulled him back we fell to the ground. He flipped, went ballistic, angry doesn’t seem a strong enough word. Little man does this certain facial expression which consists of him sticking the tip of his tongue out as he bites down on it. When I see this I know his now capable of going to far! His totally unpredictable and this scares me.

I was right… He went mental, trashing and hitting out at all in his way! Alice-Sara and the littlest tot had by now escaped into the garden and as I watched the mother of all melt downs unfold, it was now my turn to lose my cool! By this point I was screaming, swearing and bombarding him with orders mainly consisting of “Get out of here right now!” He throw some pretty nasty insults my way too and I’d just about heard “I don’t want you as a mum” one to many times!

“I hate you #%*+##” he screamed while throwing himself at me.

“Well I don’t much like you, maybe you should go find some place else to live” I roared!

As soon as the words had left my mouth I wanted to take them all back. I’d lost control and responded through anger, something I know doesn’t work with little man. Well, at least the shock had stopped him in his tracks but only because he had turned and gone running up the stairs. As his door slammed shut with an almighty thud, I felt my legs buckle from beneath me and I dropped to the ground in a messy, unhinged fashion.

Yes, I cried… I cried for reasons of anger, tiredness, frustration, hurt and regret! My words had now left me feeling like the worse parent in the world! Although yes, this was a bad meltdown, I have actually dealt with a thousand others worse! Ones that literally had me pulling chunks of hair from my head in pure frustration…. Why had I lost my cool now, today… This time?

The little man was now deadly silent, I could hear his siblings giggling as they jumped up and down on the trampoline. I knew little man did wrong and regardless of his Aspergers he needed to learn how to regulate his emotions and therefore control his temper. But I still needed to apologise for what I had said simply because this would be the only thing now on his mind, he would be questioning my reaction without having any consideration to what caused it! His part in it all will mean little because despite the fact my words had hurt him emotionally, he would still never relate the two, and it was my job to remind him of this!

I left him for a while… There would be no point me speaking to him when his in any type of highly emotional, angry state, nothing registers. I sat back on the sofa, picked up my iPhone and sent a tweet announcing my failed moment in parenting. I wasn’t looking for sympathy, I just wanted to tell people what I’d done. I guess I wanted some one to tell me to pull my parenting socks up, but they didn’t…

I got lots of tweets everyone reminding me that despite being a mum to a boy with Aspergers, I was also a human-being with feelings too. Yes, yes… I did know this, yet when your in that situation I’m in, you forget to remind yourself of such a thing! You’re to busy punishing yourself.

I thought about this for awhile before going upstairs to speak to the little man in-order to apologise for my hurtful words while somehow highlighting to him that what he did was wrong too! I also wanted to give him an important reminder on “how his words hurt me in a similar way to how mine hurt him”.

I knocked on the door, he didn’t answer but I could hear him sobbing so with that I open the door and sit on the bed beside him. I told him I’m sorry and explain in the best way I can that my words were those said through anger. I then tried my best to get him to see how his actions leave me and other family members feeling hurt too. I gave him a hug and come back downstairs.

After that I found him a sleep on the bedroom floor… The meltdown did have some benefits, it drains all the excess energy he has. We both hadn’t slept for a few nights and I can only wish that joining him was an option. However with two more little monsters in the garden, it wasn’t!

A few hours had passed, I had made dinner and was now escaping in a bid for this beautifully inviting bubble bath that was all ready and waiting for me. Only it was once I was in the bathroom that I suddenly caught sight of my own reflection. And it was the image above that I saw staring back at me. Yes, it was now clear that I’d walked about the house for the past few hours sporting a style that pretty much resembled that of Kung foo panda!!!

I then did something strange… I got my iPhone and captured that messy reflection of mine before finally sharing it with the world.

Why?

Because although I knew this was one of those days… The type you wish hadn’t come about, I also knew tomorrow would be better!

But there was something else I knew too…

I knew there would be someone else, another child like Little man on the autism spectrum, experiencing a meltdown to one of a similar degree. Another normally “together” mother, who like me suddenly loses it and then kicks her own backside for hours on end all because of such blunder. I knew that somewhere, someplace a mother like me would be stood looking in a mirror with a reflection that tells that of the same story.

It was for these reasons I posted my unhinged mental looking picture. In the hope that one day you would find it, relate to it and smile at it!

Tomorrow is another day, a better brighter day. That much I can promise you.

#HAWMC Day 9 – Stay calm get the hell out of here

He screams abuse in its strongest nature, he hauls it towards you thick and fast. You feel your cheeks burn as they light up an awesome shade of red. You try to reason with him, though he doesn’t listen, just calls you some awful name. Can you believe a child can make you feel such shame and in the most public of places. 

They stare, they stare that almighty stare, it’s as if their eyes are burning a hole right through your soul. 

Rushing along the aisles you hear their sniggers greet you, do they even care, surely their aware you can hear. 

“Please stop” you hiss as you try to gather the shopping from the floor. Your child stares at you blankly before declaring how unfair you are and running in the opposite direction. You set chase, knocking over the contents of the shop as you embark on the mission to catch you’re fleeing child.

Suddenly you stop, fall to the floor, throwing your head back screaming “God, why F***ing me… Why…?” you forget about those stood around you, mouths open wide, heads viciously shaking some may laugh too.

Hands removed from face, your greeted by the store manager who asks “IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT MADAM” You feel like screaming “Does everything look OK?” Instead you give her a half-smile, Nodding like the Churchill Dog as you scrape your sorry arse from the floor and set about looking for your child, only to discover him right there next to you. 

“Sorry mum, can we go home now”

You feel yourself nodding once more. As you walk towards the door leaving you’re shopping behind you tell yourself…

“KEEP Calm AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!”

Post 9/30 in the #HAWMC set by wego health 

 

Related articles

• #HAWMC Day 5 – Drifting in dangerous waters (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• #HAWMC: A frank discussion (mypostpartumvoice.com)
• If was a Marvel superhero, I would be Madame Butterfly Lessons (HAWMC #7) (butterflylessons.com)
• #HAWMC Day 1: Health Time Capsule (livinglifewithraandfms.wordpress.com)

Failing to regulate one’s own emotions

I’m the type of patent who likes to embrace her son’s diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome, though there are days, when I fail to focus on any positives, these long hard days filled with meltdowns, the explosive type, filled with rage and a good degree of violence!

Violence used to be a huge problem back when Little man was between the ages of 7-9 years old, however, with a lot of work we managed to get his explosive ways under control, and although he has always hit his younger sister, this become less frequent and manageable. I myself used to be his punch bag and with some two years since he had hit out at me, I thought this milestone had been well and truly achieved.

Since Little man turned 11 on the 1st October 20211, things have once more turned nasty and have progressively become worse since. Having seen the huge reduction of such violent and challenging behaviour outbursts over these past 2 years, their return has simply knocked me sideways and I’m completely at a loose on how to fix this!

His violent ways often spring without warning, leaving myself or his little sister in the firing line. Strangely, since leaving the mainstream school and receiving a full education alongside his peers, in a place he is far more happier, this violence has grown worse at home! he went through so much at mainstream, he was isolated, excessively excluded and sadly discriminated against, yet despite this he didn’t become violent towards me, though he did self harm on a few occasions! So why now? School life seems good, it is terribly frustrating that he is now in the right educational setting, yet another issue as serious and worrying as this should arise! There is no bullying and I know that he happy at his new independent special school, so why?

His not 7 anymore, his a reasonably sized 11-year-old boy who can pack a pretty impressive punch! This is a child who despite his nick name, ‘Little man’ is now almost as tall as myself! My son is now, taller, stronger and about to experience a flood of hormones… if not already!

Lately, meltdowns have been highly explosive, his jackle and Hyde personality takes over without warning and my usual tools of redirection that I’ve created over the years, are sadly little use, if any at all! The Switch in mood is so sudden that I now struggle to see it coming, I cannot decode a trigger, something I would have once described as one of my talents! I usually see the forming of a dark cloud building and as a result, I am often able to clear it quickly! Sadly once more, myself and his sister have become his target when frustration reaches its limits… I have found myself jumping in the path of his blows to protect my daughter and regrettable, just recently she tries to return the favour 😦

Thursday the 9th February 2012, Little man was sat at the PC, writing yet another one of  his business plans for when he reaches adulthood, a calm presence filled the air and everything was… well, fine!

Suddenly, Little man unplugs my iPhone which happens to be charging, I tell him this and politely requests he replugs it in to the extension lead, while reminding him he should ask if he can use the extension in the future! This didn’t go down well, shouting and screaming he tells me to F#*k off and plug it in myself as it’s my charger!  I actually did this in the end, as not to fuel this any further! However two minutes later and for no apparent reason whatsoever, little man randomly switches of the TV which his sister is watching! I ask why, to which he states, “if I can’t do what I want, she can’t watch TV” This was all the crap I needed! Already feeling quite unwell, as if a ton of bricks lay on my chest, I told him I wasn’t in the mood as I felt reasonably unwell, to which he continued to refuse. Getting up, I head to the TV , Little man runs off to which I presumed he was heading for the extension lead to once again remove my charger… Like this was now a game! Though actually, I couldn’t have been more wrong! Suddenly as the TV screen flicked on, I felt a pain fly up my back… No bloody way! Turning my head slightly, my fears were confirmed, stood behind me was little man who had just punched me in the centre of my back! Feeling so angry I ordered that he went to his room, now I know I should have persisted, but given the fact… my 2-year-old toddler was becoming increasingly distressed and I didn’t want my 9-year-old daughter getting hit, I scooped the toddler up from his chair and ordered my daughter to follow me to the bedroom where she could finish watching her film.

Little man would now stay out the way, downstairs and hopefully become much calmer, he could finish his business plan before settling down on the sofa or heading to bed! Again… could I have been anymore wrong? He followed us upstairs swearing all the way  and at one point he even beat the hell out of my bedroom door… AGAIN! Losing the will to live, I informed him, I’d call the school and see if they could help me fix this, he flipped out, telling me to stay away from school before once more setting himself upon me like some frenzied lion! I know that this was partly my fault now as he then felt threaten. Although I normally reframe from such behaviours, it should be understood that by now I was close to breaking point, tears quite literally streaming from my eyes as I tried to think of a way to turn the situation around.

It got to the stage where the little man needed to be carried into his bedroom, I must have incurred super human strength as I lifted him, ignoring the thumps and pinches, I placed him in his room making a bee line for  the door, though I wasn’t quick enough as I found myself being hit by a number of heavy flying objects. Before I knew it he had taken up to running at me inflicting an array of high flying kicks directly to my body, seriously consumed with anger, sadness and sheer frustration, I told him that if he laid another finger on me I’d call the police! Again this wasn’t the best choice of words because 1) He felt threaten, 2) I pointed in his face, 3) he kicked me instead… well, feet do not have fingers do they!

I  was actually now extremely exhausted by the whole experience that had been continuing on for some 2 hrs now, not being able to bear a minute more of this, I turned to leave the room when he gave me one final blow in my back which  just happens to be the act that pushed me over the edge, giving me an intense desire to hit him back (which I don’t do, and don’t want to do)! I spun around and instead of hitting him I began screaming the words “No…… more, please no more!” as I proceeded in kicking toy boxes that resulted in them flying across the room, I also found myself knocking books from their shelf… I had lost it! Suddenly there was silence… stood shocked little man stared through me, he then lowered his eyes to the ground and started to cry as he asked me, “Mum why have you done this?” Then he very cheekily said out loud, ‘ Mum, you really should control your anger’ He no longer chased me just sat scrapping Lego bricks back in their rightful boxes, I retreated to my bedroom only to surprisingly discover the toddler and his sister were now spread out across my bed sleeping! Closing the door behind me I sat with my back against the door, tears filling my eyes as I looked at my bruised arms and legs, I cried, not due to the physical pain but the emotional one, plus the uncertainty and unanswered questions left me feeling isolated and alone! Should I be calling the police, what would make him stop! I couldn’t allow him to grow up with this approach to a problem, it wasn’t a solution! I love him and have that understanding… What if he hit someone else who then turned around and battered him, would he be behind bars by his teen years or even fall in love and beat his wife! Consumed with worry and knowing it was my responsibility to avoid any of the above happening! I grabbed the iPhone and visited my A boy with asperger’s Facebook page where everyone was so brilliant helping me find answers, making suggestions or just giving me a virtual hug!

The house was now silent, looking around his bedroom door I notice his laid out on the floor surrounded by a mass of Lego, I quietly pick up what seems like thousands of Lego bricks, I then slip a pillow under his head and place a cover across his body, kissing his forehead I then turn of the light (they is no way, I’ll even try to move him, if he wakes it could be an even longer night than it has already)!

I didn’t sleep for the remainder of that night, a host of things crammed my mind inducing a type of dull headache! What now? We have asked for help, but what with a massive waiting list for a CAMHS behavioural therapist, an LEA that avoid me like the black plague, I’m running out of options! Is there any respite? No! Do I look like it would help? Of course! With a Government only interested in throwing money at the 2012 games, I sadly hold little hope, after all our family situation isn’t as important as a sporting event is it? Well, it’s not every year we host an oympics…. but it’s everyday I host a meltdown, so…. I guess we will have to wait, after all we’re good at that, wouldn’t you agree?

Related articles

• Our worse ever meltdown & coping with little sleep (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• Questioning your coping mechanisms (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• Wait a second she did what?! (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
• What Makes a Bully? (education.com)
• Mainstream And Special Needs Schools (growingupautistic.wordpress.com)

Help Sudocrem raise funds for the NSPCC All babies count campaign

Image via Wikipedia

As many should know by now, I’m pretty big on helping raise awareness for worthy campaigns that’s why I’m taking a minute to share this with everyone and anyone!

 The NSPCC is a charity who campaign for UK children, ensuring they can help children who are subjected to cases of neglect, mistreatment and abuse . Without this fantastic charity the UK would likely be a much darker place, with high numbers of children not being protected as they should be. Everyone deserves a full and happy life, where they can live without fear of another and children are amongst the most vulnerable groups of people subjected to such crawl and evil ways.

 One of the  NSPCC latest campaigns  launched, is the All Babies Count campaign which aims to reduce the number of cases of neglect, mistreatment and abuse inflicted upon children under the age of one! The NSPCC have stated that “One baby is killed every two weeks here in the UK” The NSPCC is working hard to end this shocking statistic.

Stepping in to support the charities campaign is the well-known baby brand Sudocrem who have pledged to donate a total of £25,000.

  However, Sudocrem need our help to reach this target!

No… Sudocrem are not asking you to donate any money, they understand that despite how passionate many of us are to support such worthy courses we just can’t afford to give because we simply do not have the additional resources, what with many of us donating through direct debit to an array of charities on a monthly basis. All Sudocrem are asking for is a simple like and a tweet!

 Let me explain: For every “Like” Sudocrem receive on their Facebook page they will donate 50p to the campaign and for every tweet/Re-Tweet using the#allbabiescount hashtag they will donate 25p to the charity!

You can visit the NSPCC website and use the tweet button which kindly asks that your follows give your tweet a RT and Sudocrem will therefore donate 25p to the charities campaign.

What’s more for every comment left on the NSPCC  Facebook Campaign page, Sudocrem will donate a further 50p
  So… to help such a worthy campaign all you need to donate is a tiny bit of  time!

 A few minutes if that, is what such a task would take! If you want to go that extra mile why not spread the word and get your friends and family to do the same, after all it could make the difference of life and death to a baby!

Like the Sudocrem facebook by clicking HERE

For the NSPCC Facebook Campaign page click Here

If you’re worried about a child then please visit the NSPCC website for advice. Please Click Here

For the Sudocrem website please Click Here

For the Sudocrem blog please visit: http://www.sudocrem.co.uk/blog/

Thank you to Blog Match for helping bring awareness to the campaign by sharing it with us Blog Match members

Related articles

• Charity warns of babies at risk (bbc.co.uk)
• 20 years of babies’ rights (slideshare.net)
• Babies are 12 times more likely to be killed than older children – Scotsman (scotsman.com)
• Newborns at risk in families beset by abuse and mental distress, says NSPCC (alisonsgypt.wordpress.com)
• SudoCrem – Baby Bum cream turned pimple cure (completedisbelief.com)

Autistic boy aged 9 bagged up like trash

I’ve heard some pretty horrifying stories involving the mistreatment of children with autism spectrum disorders & special educational needs, yet this next story just angered me that little more.

A week or more ago I was sent yet another link reporting a disgusting act of abuse inflicted on a child diagnosed with autism and special educational needs. The worse part of this story was that such abuse occurred at a place most consider to be a safe and caring environment, the child’s school! The abuse in question that was inflicted on the child by those there to teach him as well as protect him from harm was that of his teacher(s).

It has been reported that a nine-year old boy who was thought to be enrolled in a special educational needs programme and was assign a teaching aide knowledgeable in autism and SEN (special educational needs) was stuffed in a large duffel bag with the drawstring toggle pulled tightly.

The Child named Christopher Baker who lives in Kentucky in the United States with his mother Sandra Baker, was stuffed into the bag because he reportedly refused to work, smirked and throw a ball across the classroom (instead of putting it down as instructed to do so by his teacher).

Yet again we are hearing about a child subjected to crawl forms of abuse due to a complete lack of care, understanding or training! This is treatment no child should be subjected to, especially those with additional needs… there is no words for the disgust I felt when reading the report, I therefore dare to think how his mother must have felt on discovering such treatment was taking place.

Mr’s Baker, the child’s mother told reporters that she was called into the Mercer County school, in-which her child was a third grader, just a few hours after her child had arrived to start his day’s learning due to reports his behaviour was becoming challenging (he was bouncing of the walls)!

On reading this I found myself nodding, it’s not uncommon as a parent to a child on the autism spectrum, to receive daily calls from your child’s school! This is not only something I relate to but a great deal of parents, nearly all those I’ve ever spoken to know all to well as this is a problem they are presented with at some part of their child’s education, especially if being taught in a mainstream school which was the case for Little man.

Mrs Baker states that on arrival she didn’t see her child but instead saw a large green duffel type bag on the floor in the middle of the school hall! The drawstring toggle was pulled tightly only leaving a small hole. Beside the bag sat a educational aide! It wasn’t in till Mrs Baker heard, “Moma is that you” coming from inside the bag did she realise that her 9-year-old autistic son was being held inside.
As a mother I dare to imagine the scale of horror and anger this mother felt on discovering her child was actually rolled up inside that bag or worse the fear felt by the child subjected to such a terrible ordeal!

What gets me is the fact a educational aide is right there, sat beside him, like this is a totally acceptable thing to do to a child.
Amazingly there was more… to add to an already shocking situation, Mr’s Baker reports how on ordering the aide to release her son while experiencing a whole spectrum of emotions, the aide actually struggled to release the child what with the toggle being pulled so tightly meaning it took longer than it should to free him. Mrs Baker made a valid but worrying point, What if there was some kind of emergency, something relating to his health or even a fire within the premisses? Seriously, it really doesn’t bare thinking about, does it!

The mother reported that once out the bag her son was clearly distressed, sweaty with eyes like half dollars, he was noticeably in a state of shock.

Christopher stated when asked by his mother why he was in the bag, it was because he didn’t do his work! Later reports from various publications state that it was this with the additional factor, he smirked and throw a ball across the classroom. Seriously, do you see this as “Challenging behaviour” It was my understanding that if a child doesn’t do his work a good teacher knows how to deal with such an issue, what good is a teacher who does not uptake and embrace such a challenge of finding a way to engage a child in such classroom activities? As for the smirked or even the ball throwing… god only knows how my son would have been treated if in this child’s shoes, for he has done things considered a thousand times more challenging while attending both mainstream and special school.

What I read next deeply troubled me and I’m guessing the whole nations parents to a child with additional needs felt somewhat the same!

Reports claim that Mrs Baker was told that the bag was in fact a type of therapy bag used as therapy for Christopher’s autism! If this isn’t a shocking enough revolution, Mrs Baker also states how she was then informed that this was not the first time her son was placed in the duffel bag!

I have to admit, having read the story I needed to stop reading for a while! I then cried for a number of people and reasons! I cried for the child in question and any other child like him subjected to such cruelty, for Mrs Baker and the emotions she felt on such a horrid discovery, but more so due to my anger at the fact the school have somehow justified such actions by branding them as therapy when really its just another use of child abuse! If I, or anyone else who parents a child on the autism spectrum, regardless of what country they were from, stuffed their child into an oversized duffel bag, leaving only a small gap for ventilation and then claimed it to be therapy, we would have our arses slung in jail and any children in our care removed and rightly so! Yet if the child’s teacher is to do such an act it is instead seen as therapeutic? Bull S#%t! It’s a joke and a massive act of injustice.

Although the case is still under investigation Mr Dennis Davis (who is reported to be the interim superintendent) stated that under state and federal confidentiality laws prohibited him from commenting! He could therefore not confirm nor deny the allegations made.

Now, Little man has thankful never been stuffed in a duffel bag as punishment, but as many know he was treated in a crawl and undignified way while in his mainstream school! Little man was carried by his arms and legs in front of other pupils through the playground, he was restrained, taught in isolation, never included in educational trips or class activities (instead left with a TA in a side room during Christmas assemblies and class parties, only close enough to hear such activities taking place). There were other things, things left unproved, Little man’s word alongside other pupils against a string of adults, incidents not fully investigated or investigated at all!

At least he eventually got a written apology, given just before the pending tribunal for disability discrimination! Mrs Baker and her son have yet to get even that!

It’s my opinion that the laws (or lack of them) surrounding restraint and isolation against children with Special educational needs both here, the states and a whole host of other places, need to be changed! Just like here in the UK, there is no laws protecting children from such actions of those above. Yes, I understand that the child who endangers his teachers, peers or themselves may need to be restrained, but in what way? It’s my opinion that this child did none of the above, he was not a danger, just a child with autism and SEN, yet regardless, how is placing a child in a duffel bag considered to be anything other than abuse?
There is no hard guidelines and practice on what is considered to be lawful restraint as I know from experience here in the UK there are far to many loop holes! How is it that most teachers teaching throughout our schools hasn’t received special training on how to handle such challenges, especially when mainstream school’s across the entire country and beyond are finding themselves educating children with autism, SEN, EBD (emotional behavioural difficulties) ADHD and a whole host of other conditions?

Sandra Baker and her son Christopher, may not live here in the UK but their story is still a story that deserves recognition by us the british public! Mrs Baker is now campaigning for those involved to stand accountable either by losing they’re teaching position or at least being fully trained to meet the needs of children like Christopher! I for one think this is more than reasonable, as in all honesty… I’d be calling for a prison sentence myself (the chances of such happenings are minimal) though it is my opinion that a person capability of such an offence should never be allowed to work with children again! Whether this is in a teaching position or that of another all together.

So… What I’m asking all my lovely loyal readers to do to help Sandra and Christopher Baker in their campaign for justice? First, if desired please watch the news report where Sandra and Christopher can be seen talking about this terrible turn of events…

Then, all, I ask is for a few seconds of your time to sign a petition on Change.Org.

This petition has already began to grab the nations support already holding an impressive 147,126 people’s signatures of those in the States and around the world! It was set up by 18-year-old Lydia Brown who is also on the autism spectrum and created the petition having heard the story and seen the publics reaction to it!

For those bloggers (especially mummy bloggers) who read my blog I’d love for you to share this and engage others to sign the petition, whether that’s via a little tweeting, a small post, or a bit of facebooking! I know I have some pretty influential contacts so please help Christopher get justice for the abuse he suffered.

Image via Wikipedia

Related articles

• Mother condemns Kentucky school for putting autistic son in duffel bag (guardian.co.uk)
• Mom Says School Stuffed Autistic Son in Duffle Bag (foxnews.com)
• Mother: Teachers put autistic son in bag (cnn.com)
• Merlin’s Magic Wand helping children benefit from the magic, that is unless they have autism! (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• Believe it or not. And we aren’t speaking of Ripley’s .. (oforchristsakes.wordpress.com)

How well do you really know your child’s teacher?

How well do you know your child’s teacher? This Is a question I’ve had to ask myself a number times!

After a recent discovery, I would suggest you ask yourselves that very same question, regardless of whether your child has special educational needs or not!

Here’s why…

A few days back I made a horrid discovery that meant I had to continue on with my day with this great anger manifesting within me.

I had this inability to filter out the hideousness of it all, my blood was boiling and a thousand questions bashed away at me.

  Last year I joined the TES social network and forum. No, I’m not a teacher, however It was during a period of home schooling my Little man as a way to avoid permanent exclusion. I have seen some things on the site that I normally take with a pinch of salt, yet a few days back, on receipt of a monthly newsletter that changed.

The TES website is the main and biggest UK resource for educators or those working within education. It contains job listing, a resource centre, the latest updates in relation to education, a forum covering a large area of subjects up for discussion, downloads including work-sheets etc, and much more.

On opening the email I discovered the updates were all mostly aimed at new teachers in-way of tips and advice. As always I had a quick scoot through to see if there was anything in relation to SEN (Special educational needs) and the pending ‘Green Paper’ when something caught my eye. 

The header read: NQT (Newly qualified teachers) Advice

and under that a link that read,

“Arm yourself with a few of those tried and tested one liners and you’re ready to deal with the thickest pupils” 

 curious I hit the link and was taken to the TES Forum

It was here that I unearthed one of the most disgusting threads I have ever read.

This thread contained over 600 comments from UK teachers, there was over 60 pages and posts,  dated from 2008 to the current date.

This thread contained one liners and put downs provided by teachers, these contained methods of humiliation, bullying, discrimination, sarcasm, abuse, threaten violence and inappropriate  language (including that of a sexual content)

Now before I go any further, please let me explain why this thread had me so mad it had reduced me to angry tears!

First the comments were worrying and the one liners should not be used on ANY child, the way the teachers spoke to each was worrying, and the names they publicly referred to us and our kids, Sickening!

Secondly, My own son with Aspergers has been treated in such away and as a result he has self harmed by smashing his whole body into brick walls, banging his head and scratching his arms till they bleed. He, like many others with some form of autism, tends to take things with a literal interpretation meaning the use of  metaphors and sarcasm are most dangerous.

Below is an example taken from a screen shoot. This key stage one teacher isn’t particularly rude, however the way in which she speaks about her young pupil is cold and frightening. She states he winds her by not sitting still and continuing to touch children and objects (playing with their hair etc) I don’t know if I’m correct, I’m just a parent, but some of what she describes here highlights possible autism traits or SPD even.

All she wants to do, is give him a right telling off, but instead choses to mock him in front of his peers.

Classy!

If this child does have a condition like those I’ve stated above, or some form of special educational needs, this will undoubtedly knock an all ready low self-esteem.

Is this how you want your 7 year old treated when at school?

Now, Im sorry if this post is rather long, it would have gone on forever if I the time to include the high number of comments that outraged me so much I blogged about it!

I have taken some screen shoots but will not be able to include them all, I shoot over 100, So, I’ve also quoted a few of the so-called “tips”, and hideous boasts provided by what are meant to be highly qualified teachers.

The fact is, that there are over 600 comments within this one thread from Teachers who started commenting back in 2008, when the thread was started and happily continue on today in the same disgusting manner is highly wrong.

There were only a handful of outraged teachers who left comments to state their shock at some of the comments left by those who are sadly in the same profession, however they just responded by mocking them and starting nasty argumentative comments, nevertheless it was comforting to see one or two teachers who cared.

With over 600 comments, what’s the chances that one of these teachers is the teacher of your child?

Maybe not today, maybe not even next year, but one day!

I say let’s speak up for our children!

Lastly, before I share some of these shocking statements, I ask, how is it, that this hasn’t been picked up by the media?

Has it? if so why don’t most know this thread exists?

What ever the reasons, it’s worrying that our teachers are quite openly sharing these sick so-called ‘Tips’ while laughing their arises of at our children.

I warn you, If your easily shocked, then GOODBYE you really should stop reading NOW!

Below is the very first comment (which kicked of the thread in Januray 2008)

‘I’m having a real problem with behaviour at the moment. I’m not very good at quick responses to pupils comments. I know I shouldn’t get in to a discussion with them but I’d like to have one liners to use.
Can anyone think of any common things pupils say, and a quick come back that works. Other than of course just ignoring it, which I try to do with most silly comments.
Here’s one…
“This is boring..”

OK, guys here are some of the responses and in no particular order! (Note I corrected many of these teachers spelling mistakes, that’s shabby)

“To the usual issue between students with one complaining.. sir he…

‘Hold on….. you are mistaking me for someone that cares….. sort it out without violence’walk away and ignore the 2-3mins of poor behaviour” 

“There a fine line between comebacks and getting aggressive to get your revenge – normally the line depends on how much sleep I’ve  had”

“I teach a mixture of abilities in years 10 and 11. I remember a particular individual being silly and making the odd comment. My reply on one occasion was “how Jovian”. The individual thought this was a good thing. But the brighter students knew. They knew I was referring to the Jovian (as in the planet Jupiter) atmosphere between his ears. . . . Dense and uninhabited.”

“To a very mouthy, arrogant year 10 kid, who constantly demanded my attention “Miss, I NEED HELP NOW!”.

In a gentle, caring voice: “I know sweetheart, but you’ll have to accept it’s going to take some time. I’ve spoken to various pyschologists and psychiatrists, and we’ve agreed that, with a careful program of support and intervention, we may be able to help you”  

“What’s wrong with verbally flattening pupils, showing them up, if it’s what they need?”

“48 – Excellent answer.

22 and 44: “Are you gay?”

Reply:
1. “No, but thanks for the offer,”

2. “No, but I would be if I thought my next kid would turn out like you.”

3. “Let’s keep that between us.”

4. “No, but I’ve slept with a few people who are.”

5. “Yes, but I only fancy attractive people, so you’re safe.”

In regard to self esteem, if dwarfs can threaten me with violence and imbeciles can call me stupid, I think they’re not lacking in self esteem, merely in contact with reality: if they don’t meet defeat in the safe environment of me answering them back (however uncaring this might seem), then they will in later life when someone less patient punches their lights out (which is rather more uncaring.)”

“Y9 boy, ‘Sir, why do you support Millwall, they’re s**t!’

Me, ‘I know, but you’re ugly & your mum still loves you’.”

Whenever a kid says something along the lines of ‘You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my dad’ I reply:

‘No, if I was you’re dad you wouldn’t be so ugly’

Today a child working said “this is shlt”. My reply was “Your work usually is!

“Ooh, ooh! I just can’t wait for September now I’ve seen this!”

“When some little darling is swearing at you say! Please stop swearing, you’re not at home now”

“To a child who is being loud, unruly, unco-operative etc:
“Look at Brett everybody, he’s forgotten to take his pill this morning. See what happens when you forget your pill”

 “Child: You’re gay sir

Teacher: Even if I was, I wouldn’t  fancy someone as ugly as you! Child: you’re a  crap teacher

Teacher: Perhaps, but at least I can read and write”

“Me muttering when walking away; ‘soap in a sock….leaves no marks…’
they look worried at that, think you have gone mad…”

“This is school, not the Muppet Show. “

“Best one ever was;

kid: ‘Do you use contraception miss?’

during a year 9 PSHE lesson. I was speechless for a second and then responded with;

‘Yes, I usually stick your photo to my boyfriend’s forehead, and it seems to do the trick!”

At which the other kids collapsed laughing and after about ten minutes of looking blankly at his exercise book, the kid in question said ‘Are you saying I’m ugly?”

 

“one of the best I heard was pupil to pupil.

Pupil 1: you’re f*cking ugly!
Pupil 2: yeah, well your mum ain’t complainin’ !”

“Ah bless, are you finding this really difficult? Usually works…”

“I have also managed to convince my class that the IWB projector, smoke detectors and alarm sensors in the school contain cameras-I’m sure this wouldn’t work with any children older than KS1 …’
Actually it still works with Year 9!”

Just remember that the Government plans to up teachers powers when dealing with behaviour!

Can you just imagine what will happen then?

Click here for the TES website & here for the thread in question.

Please leave your comments to show your thoughts and help get some action.

Related articles

• Michael Gove: Children need to be taught an unambiguous lesson in who is boss (telegraph.co.uk)
• Help approaching a teacher – (ask.metafilter.com)
• There is no such thing as Good or Bad Labels…they’re all Bad (ontarioeducation.wordpress.com)
• Taking the Special out of Special Education (ontarioeducation.wordpress.com)

Falling Apart

This post is totally extemporaneous! There was no draft, theme nor great idea.

Yet here I am writing, undecided if I’ll even publish this! I guess if you’re reading this then I must have got adventures, that or damn right brave!

You see, right at this very moment I’m apprehensive, somewhat stressed, extremely exhausted and in all earnestness, a little angry. I therefore apologise in-advance for any rambling nonsense that makes no sense to you, like it does to me.

Right now I feel the need to express myself, yet I have this inability to verbalise what it is I need to say. Who it is I need to say it to is beyond me… So, I’ll just write it here instead!

These past few weeks have been crazy, I dunno where my heads at right now! One part of me has been excited about all the great stuff going on, what with the Mad blog awards and the achievement of having been shortlisted in two categories, “Most Inspiring” and the big one “Blogger of the year. Then there’s the fact I’m off to Cybermummy on the 25th thanks to the lovely people at lego duplo! The other part of me resembles that of a total stress head.

I know we all have weeks like these, the not so good ones, but I’m really struggling to get my mind frame as it should be!

Sometimes I read post and comments that relate to myself and the blog… Some write some awesome things, giving me credit for the way I parent and handle life’s challenges. Although these comments uplift me, encourage me and make me smile, I somehow feel a cheat for allowing such presumptions to be made.

Why? I’m no super-mummy, far from it! Sometimes I questions my ability to do this whole mothering lark, but don’t we all at some point? I know I’ve come a long way emotionally in these past few years, I’ve had to! Yet there are them times I feel like I’m running on a treadmill going faster and faster, so fast I can’t keep up. I keep going till suddenly someone presses the button and I fall of! When I’m off, I struggle to get back on.

People need to know the whole me, I’m human though sometimes I feel far from it. I make mistakes and sometimes I wish I had done things differently!

To think that a great deal of you find me and the blog inspiring means more to me then some will ever know. Days such as yesterday I fail to see myself in such a light, especially when I found myself absconding to the safety of my bedroom, closing the door behind me, sinking to the ground and sobbing like a baby! Take last week for an example… Having just attended another independent assessment (OT) with little man (not a great assessment) Little man become anxious when I took a couple of wrong turns getting us a tad lost! A stream of obscenities were thrown my way. They kept coming at me faster and each more shocking than the last… I was stood outside Loui Vuitton on New Bond Street, sobbing into my hands (and this wasn’t over my realisation that the beautiful Loui Vuitton oversized bag in the window would never be apart of my life, though this did make me a little sad) I should have been calming him, ignoring the shocked faces of the appalled public and as I normally would… Got on with it!

It takes a lot to get me on this level, things a lot worse have happened in-which I’ve dealt with in a calmer manner! You take so much, then that one thing just does it, makes you snap… no matter what the magnitude! These are the times I am overcome with guilt and question my ability to manage! I then feel selfish that its me I’m thinking about as opposed to him! Do you know how hard that is?

Wow, seriously I haven’t slept in nights, maybe that’s my reason for this, “I feel so sorry for myself post” Maybe this attempt of a post, will be one I regret! The post you wished you never wrote… We all have them… Don’t we?

I’m not to sure how this post is planning out, what it sounds like! I’ve not read a bit back nor corrected one-off those spelling mistakes I see as its been so kindly underlined in red (cheers Mac) I’m In a zone… and for all I know this could sound like complete and utter, “Shit!” I feel a certain amount of pressure removed from my head, does that mean I’m almost done? All these worries I have manifesting together as to create one huge headache have been difficult to shift. I have struggled to partition each into its own place dealing with each issue one at a time… In actual fact… I feel close to crazy!

Little man has had a grand total of nine explosive meltdowns in a little under a two-week period. These have impacted on the whole family, each one off us getting to grips with it as best we can. Meltdowns have been had for an array of reasons, such as… Stressful OT assessment; the issue of me getting lost on the monopoly board; a line failure on the jubilee line; a broken down bus; late school transport and complete lack of sleep.

These issues may well seem trivial to some, but to little man they are real everyday factors that cause him distress. Can you imagine how hard that must be, the loss all control, the struggle to self regulate your emotions… I wish people would consider such things when staring, judging or worse laughing, this only makes him worse. (Yes, sadly some find it amusing!)

As well as the meltdowns I’m unhappy to report a more worrisome issue! Given Little man’s anxiety and his inability to get much sleep has unfortunately lead to two panic attack. I felt both helpless and guilty at not being able to keep him safe from such horrible attacks. Both occurred in the small hours and when he begged for an ambulance, I almost complied! Being a person who has suffered from these attacks from a very young child… I was able to distinguish  between a medical emergency and anxiety. He felt at ten years old like he was having a heart attack as electric had entered his body and was unable to get out. (It hadn’t bless him.) He paces, opened doors and windows in a desperate attempt to breathe … It took some time but we got through them together!

Sleeping like a baby, I looked at my child laid on my bed now so peaceful. I wondered what I needed to do next? What does the foreseeable future hold for my child? I slide down the bed to the floor cried, not just a bit but more tears than I knew possible… I felt so lost a feeling I haven’t felt for such a long time! I was worried what tomorrow would bring, would he endure the same thing?

Right now I hated the big man In the sky, for my son is just a child, why can’t he be left alone!

Behind closed doors

It’s been a long day & night, I finally rest my head on my pillow a little after 4 am, you would think sleep was imminent. How wrong this was, in-fact little if not any sleep was had at all!

I closed my eyes and there she was, a child trapped in a young woman’s body, doused in water, shaking and screaming out for her mother!

It was an image that many would now find trapped at the front of their mind, unable to find its way out.

Some hours before I had sat sobbing as I watched the broadcast of BBC ones Panorama! It was deeply shocking, horrifying  & incredible heartbreaking TV.

If this was the case, then why did I watch it, why not turn it off? As hard as it was to witness the horrors unfolding at Winterbourne View… It was something that needed to be seen!

Now warm & safe in my bed I was hunted by the realisation of the situation. How many more were there… How many more care homes are operating in such a horrendous manner? We already know that Winterbourne are part of the Castlebeck chain of independently ran care homes with an estimated turnover of ninety-million pounds! Then there are the undiscovered, the thought chills me to the bone!

Within my head there are so many thoughts, questions that turn my stomach with fear.

How many more unqualified, under-trained monsters are being given the title support worker or carer?

How many whistle blowers have raised concerns and seen them swept under the carpet?

How many past complaints to the ‘Care Quality Commission‘ (CQC) have been ignored, emails deleted without a second thought for those that may be in danger? I wonder how many complaints will continue to be ignored?

How many cases of abuse have been missed at the hands of the CQC due to poor inspections of care homes?

How Many victims young & old, who are laid in their beds , will wake to the hands of evil as it grabs ahold of them and drags them from their feet?

MY GUESS IS… TO MANY!

As a mother, a human being my arms longed to hold them young victims, to keep them safe from harm. With every act of torture my heart sank a little more, the anger within me tore at my gut as I felt powerless, so bloody powerless!

Some may say that to have anger within yourself is a bad thing but I’m sure those that like me sat and watched that report, feel exactly the same way I do. The only good that can come from such anger is to channel it into something positive such as change!

Its well documented that social care has been worse hit by the government cuts, leaving the most vulnerable in frightening situations. This is anything from children with special educational needs not getting the support needed; individuals with mental heath problems facing the stress of reassessments leading to the loss of incapacity benefit; the closure of support groups & day centres and those in care homes. Yet the government  fail to address such issues despite the compiling evidence that keeps on growing. Things shouldn’t have to get this far before action is taken, yet somehow it always does.

The media has brought about some pretty disturbing headlines off late. Although I am In the uttermost agreement that those seen abusing the young  residents residing at Winterbourne view are total scum that in my opinion should not have been released on bail, we have to look at the bigger picture.

The CQC, local authority and management of Castlebeck have a lot of explaining to do. As mentioned the CQC had not only inspected Winterbourne view more than once, but also failed to respond to the whistle-blower who is reported to have contacted them on three occasions.

The Local Authority use the tax payers money to fund placements at ‘Winterbourne View’ for  young adults with autism, learning disabilities and challenging behaviour. With a weekly fee of up to £3,500 (that and the fact they have a duty of care), you would have thought the Local Authority would carry out all the appropriate checks before splashing the cash.

Last but not least you have the management of the establishment. Are you telling me that this was unknown to them? Does this included the upstairs locked corridor with bedrooms either side, no CCTV but a security system at each end! Does this not ring alarm bells? This is an area that holds the rule, “NO GUEST ALLOWED” Yet In a statement Castlebeck said, “We are deeply distressed by the completely unacceptable and appalling behaviour of a small number of our employees at one of our facilities…” (Full response) Castlebeck itself is owned by a Jersey-based investment vehicle called Lydian Capital. It is said that Lydian Capital is backed by a group of Irish tycoons led by JP McManus, John Magnier and Dermot Desmond.

The guardian reported,“Castlebeck is not the only care home business owned by the group. A Jersey investment vehicle called Grove Limited – chaired by fellow Irishman, Denis Brosnan – also counts Desmond, McManus and Magnier among its investors. It controls the Barchester Healthcare empire of more than 200 homes, making it the second largest in the UK behind Bupa and Four Seasons Healthcare.” For me this is terrifying news.

The latest report given by the guardian tells how this isn’t the first time the quality of care at Castlebeck facilities have come under scrutiny. With the mention of a death that may have been party caused by restraint (an open verdict was given) There was also an alleged sexual assault that was not reported by staff to management nor the  police. This alongside smelly dirty accommodation that had poor infection control was discovered during an unannounced inspection (which clearly shows the need for such measures) The guardian have named the semi-secure hospital/care home for men with learning disabilities & autism as, ‘Cedar Vale’ .

 Was the place closed down? It would seem not! Castlebeck claim the problem has now been addressed…

As a mother to a child on the autism spectrum I found the report extremely upsetting, yet it’s my opinion that any half decent human being would feel this way following a programme so direful it shocked the UK and beyond!

Yes, we need a more effective inspection regime and no we should not employ those who are under-qualified or have not undergone the appropriate training needed to care for those with complex needs. 

WHY IN GODS NAME IS THIS PLACE STILL OPEN?

Correct me if I’m wrong, When health and safety inspections are carried out in food courts, restaurants and take away outlets, given they are not up to scratch they are closed down! Why isn’t it the same for a place that has a duty of care to those with complex needs and autism? I struggle to find any explanation as to why the place wasn’t and still isn’t closed down! There is no need for talk or pending investigations, Panorama provide unquestionable evidence! What more is needed

The only answer I can come up with is that the NHS/Local authority have nowhere to place the residents from the home if they are forced to move them. At the end of the day it all comes down to money and its likely no-one wants to foot the bill, they never do!

Winterbourne View is a place that needs closing down for the sake of the residents and their families.

So come people are we going to stand back & allow any more shame on our country, or are we going to do something about it? Remember two voices are better than one so, lets start talking! 

Did you watch the Panorama report on Tuesday 31st May or see it in the news? 

Do you want to try to help change the system?

Do you think the care home in question should remain open?

Maybe you just want to have your voice heard by speaking up for the vulnerable  

There are a number of things you can do to help prompt change!

• Sign the online petition, created by the National Autistic Society (NAS);
• Contact your local MP (Find your MP with this twitter list);
• Leave me a comment;
• Join the discussions on Twitter using the #Panorama;
• Blog  about it and Link up to other blogs;
• Join in with today’s (Friday 3rd June) tweet storm Friday. Just log on to twitter & tweet your comments using the tag: #aaukcampagin;
• Join one of the many facebook groups.

Bloggers Reactions 

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Watch the BBC Panorama Report: Here

Related articles

• Panorama care home investigation prompts government inspections (guardian.co.uk)
• Rich investors with a stake in care home abuse hospital (telegraph.co.uk)
• Care home fears ‘raised months ago’ (independent.co.uk)