Summer Dreams

Summer dreams… I’m lying on a sun lounger some place hot, the sea or pool ( I really don’t mind which) is a stones throw away. I have a generous Glass of pims in one hand and a good read in the other!

So… Ordinary, wouldn’t you agree?

I used to have summer dreams like that of the one above. But dreams change, they no longer seem like dreams, more like desires that I long to achieve. My dreams are simple in theory but often unreachable in life. Not because they are not possible, they are… If I give it all I have to live them.

Now although a holiday is much needed by all, it’s something that I’m sure will not be happening this summer, so as the days draw on I begin to kick my own backside and remind myself that I have a dream that needs fulfilling, that dream… To have a well plan out and organised summer!

Sounds boring and yes somewhat pathetic, but for me it’s the key to a long and happy summer. Doing things on a whim is a speciality of mine but such a skill is unethical when your a parent to a child with Aspergers Syndrome.

Some days you wouldn’t know my son was on that Autism Spectrum. Like everything some days are more difficult than others.

Little man is currently on half term as is his younger sister ‘Alice-Sara’ (I’m bracing myself for plenty of sibling wars!) Now, although this week will get little man into a bit of a mess with the lack of structure and routine, (Yes, I do try but I can never complete with the structure of school) the summer holidays are for a much lengthier time period, this huge change and the pending anxiety about the coming new school year (new class, teacher, ect…) can mean an explosive 6 weeks.

So, what’s the solution? Well, I wouldn’t call it a solution, but a semi one at least. Organising activities in advance, making little man aware of where and when we’re going, good organisation and structure is the key to his and of course my own sanity.

You would think that I have learned my lesson by now.There’s been plenty of trips and occasions that haven’t been planed as well as they could have been. We’ve had our fair share of meltdowns as a result.

I maybe a mum of a child on the spectrum, but I’m in no means perfect and the whole organisation thing is not my strongest trait.

So… Although the dream of a day spent soaking up the sun’s ray, while relaxing on a beach some place inviting, still exists, it’s in the back of my mine it will stay.

If all is organised and I start booking trips and planing days out now… My summers dream could go something like this…

A day out as a family some place nice, we would laugh and smile, eat a picnic fit for a fussy eater. The children would run around having fun, playing games together… No screaming, arguing… No violent meltdowns, abusive language! There would be no tears, no anxiety, just enjoyment being had by all! And If I could control the weather and public transport I would!

Ok, almost, because life isn’t always so simple, anything can happen! A sensory related trigger, a delayed train or even a wrong turning (getting lost is my little man’s pet hate)! But I will try as by planning and preparing that summers dream will be that much closer to a summers reality!

This post was inspired by this weeks Britmums blogging prompts! If you’re a blogger why not check them out and join in.

A Holiday Worth Remembering

There was no beautiful crystal blue waters laid beside a bed of golden-yellow sand! Instead there was muddy fields, trees & a lake! 

 There was no all-inclusive 5 star resort, a room with a sea view, instead there were tents, lots and lots of tents, all with a view of the portable loo’s. 

 As you may have guessed already, this wasn’t a holiday in the exotic Maldives or even a week in Spain, this was a Friday-Monday break in “Sunny” Oxfordshire England. 

 I’d be lying if I stated this was my favourite holiday, yet this is one I feel worthy of a write-up, one that showed me that a good family holiday didn’t have to mean an all-inclusive package dream holiday! 

 We couldn’t afford a family holiday in the summer of 2011 and I was grateful to have won the opportunity to have a weekend away with my children. Yes, I worried how the non structured holiday would sit with the Little man (aka A boy with Aspergers) but despite some ups and downs we had a pretty amazing time. 

 We arrived quite late on a Friday night having gotten lost a number of times down what seemed to be the same country lane! We found a great spot on the ground amongst a hundred other tents and tried to pitch what was to become our home for the next 3 nights! I say “tried” as we were still trying to pitch this thing some 2 hours later and almost took to sleeping under the stars when some jolly campers helped us out. 

 Little man and his sister embraced the whole camping experience pretty well, with little man sleeping better than he actually ever has (maybe it was the fresh air or the sheer exhaustion of it all, who knows)!The Wilderness festival: Little man places his wish on the tree, Alice with her face painted, Little man looks on at some wacky insects and right the beautiful lake.  

 By morning I started to see the experience in a whole new light! There was no swimming pool but instead we swam in the beautiful natural lakes under an array of slopping willow trees, I even swim under a beautiful star lite sky. 

 There was no hotel bar but instead we had open log fires with bars that resembled mini beach huts, to dance amongst the deers and trees was a totally awesome experience.

 We didn’t slip on our sandals and stroll along the beach, instead we wiggled into wellies and strolled along the river bank in the early mornings sunlight that shone between the cracks of the branches of the tall trees of the wilderness. To say it was beautiful would be an understatement!The beautiful lake, Little man has his face painted and his delight at his reflection. Alice runs in the Wilderness. 

 I sat and watched my son get his face painted for the first time, a huge step for the child with sensory sensitivity! Was it the magic of the Wilderness, who knows? I know that the smile on his face when looking in the mirror will stay with me forever!

Little man becomes Little tiger! Alice-Sara and Little man love the Little Alien & a magical tunnel in the Wilderness secret garden

  My children enjoyed boat trips along the river and strawberry picking in the near by fields that surrounded the Wilderness, we took them on long drives to neighbouring villages and stood by watching the wild horses race in the huge green fields. Yes, this may not have been an exotic break away, there was not a glimpse of blue sea and I swear it even rained on one of the days we were away, yet this was a holiday that taught me that holiday’s are what you make them. Yes, we do hope that this year we will visit some place that bit warmer, but we will never forget the holiday in the Oxfordshire Wilderness, for it was simply a holiday that is…and always will be worth remembering!

Above: Alice in a wig and hat, Alice with flowers in her hair & bottom Alice and Little man enjoying the festival.

This post has been posted as an entry into the Tots100/Al Fresco Holidays competition, as well as a link to the Al Fresco website http://www.thomsonalfresco.co.uk/

A Christmas party- Mummy blogger style

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DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS

Well, it’s a whole week since the Tots100 Christmas party at Butlin’s (where does the time go)? So… I thought it was about time I shared with you all the positives of our family trip, my overall thoughts on the Butlin’s resort located in West Sussex’s Bognor Regis, plus fill you in on all the gossip from the Tots100 Christmas meal & afternoons festive activities.

 Some of you may have read my last post which mainly focused on my sons difficulties in his inability to adapt to the new surroundings, he was therefore unable to settle during the break and as a result he became quite challenging. It didn’t seem right, nor fair to write about my overall experience at Butlin’s or my thoughts and documentation on the Tots100 Christmas party! Basically that was a real negative post and to mix the two just wouldn’t have worked, nonetheless I had to write it, clear my head, move on and hopefully  learn from it! 

 On a lighter note, we were incredibly lucky to be given the chance to go to Butlin’s especially during such a festive period! It was the Christmas fantasy weekend and as a result there was a great deal going on. As the Tots100 party was being held at the Butlin’s resort, attendees were given an awesome deal on a weekend stay in one of its two lovely hotels, and what’s more the family could come along too (something I wouldn’t have otherwise been able to afford to do at this expensive time of year). 

 We got booked to stay at the Ocean hotel which has beautiful views over looking the sea front. Now I have been to the Bognor resort before but this was some years back and the first hotel was just in the process of being built. It had changed somewhat and seemed that bit classier (if you know what I mean). 

 I don’t know what I expected in terms of the hotel, what with it being part of the resort as I’ve only every stayed in the apartments on pervious visits. We didn’t arrive on the resort till gone 11pm Friday night, as we approached the entrance to the hotel, my somewhat whining tired children suddenly become wide eyed and excited. Harley absolutely loved the Snowmen that line the walkway into the hotel and spent most of the weekend saying, “Look Snowman” every time we passed them. 

 The Ocean was fabulous what with its Disco lifts and magical lighting… Yes, you may think it sounds a little tacky but it really wasn’t, it was far from it in fact! The Ocean really did have all the makings of a top hotel that catered for both Children and adults, what with it’s beautiful spa and restaurant, you could even hire games and DVDs from reception. Little man did love the lighting in the room, it was really calming and would actually be great in any sensory room. As you lay in the bath the lights above the bath would slowly change from one colour to the next, one minute you were bathing in a heavenly red tub, then the next you were soaking in a blue lagoon. Little man was so drawn by this feature that for once he was the first person in the tub (seriously I normally have to carry him and force him in the bath kicking and screaming, so this was a welcomed change). We also had the same mood lighting above the bed which looked extremely impressive. 

 There was loads to do, so much I only wished we had more time (well if the Little man wasn’t so challenging that is)! Sadly we didn’t get to go swimming and this did result in a few tears. Little man had in fact forgotten his trunks but a trip into town via a little train that ran along the sea front fixed that problem (the town is just a 10 minute walk from resort if you don’t fancy the little train) sadly by the time we arrived at the swimming baths known as ‘Splash Waterworld’ It was closing, I must admit I did expect it stay open a little later then it did. 

 There was still lots more to do and discover, Harley even enjoyed his second birthday on site with friends such as Barney and Baby Bop, Fireman Sam, Pingu and his all time favourite ‘Bob the builder’ Yes, it was a little tots idea of paradise. 

 The fact it was Christmas fantasy weekend made it all the more special! Children could meet Santa in his magical wonderland, get up close to real reindeers, have their pictures taken in an oversized snow globe and meet Bojorn the huge white mechanical Polar Bear. 

 There were shows throughout the day right through till the end of the evening. By day tiny tots could enjoy the puppet shows in the skyline and families could watch Panto together at centre stage. In the evening we enjoyed tribute acts such as Lady Gaga who was so good Little man couldn’t get over the fact it wasn’t actually her and all the children seemed to enjoy the Abba sing along and once it that was all over Little man and his sister had fun making the odd request to the DJ and getting her to wish their baby brother a very happy 2nd Birthday, which I thought was really sweet. If that was enough Centre Stage also has a pretty funky show shop where you can buy everything from bubble blasting guns, flashing necklaces, funky coloured wigs, fairy wings and glow bracelets (just checkout the photos below, as you can see my daughter was really feeling the dressing up vibe). 

 Saturday was the day of the Tots100 Christmas party, it was broken down into two sessions, which worked well for me because of the children. First you had a festive afternoon of mince pies, mulled wine and some fun festive activities and later in the evening it was drinks at a cocktail bar before heading of to Butlin’s newest restaurant Tuner’s a more finer dinning option. 

 The Christmas party was a bloggers only occasion which meant no Little one’s (Thank goodness, as I can’t imagine what my fellow bloggers would have made of the Little man’s mood). First it was planned that their father would accompany us to Butlins but he feel ill which meant I got to invite my very Lovely friend Donna to join us, who thankfully being such a close friend has experienced one or two of Little man’s worse meltdowns to date. Regardless, I was still worried that while gone they may somehow go to far maybe leave her hanging upside down from a Christmas tree or something! 

 Of course I was a tad late for the afternoon’s fun, Little man was practically hanging from my ankles begging me not to go and in no uncertain terms telling me how selfish I was for leaving, while Harley was so over tired he was throwing his own wobbler. Alice-Sara, my daughter however seemed quite relaxed in terms of she didn’t bat an eye lid as I left, just sat chilling in the kids den watching some children’s television show. Once there I was greeted by the lovely Sally Whittle writer of ‘Who’s the mummy‘ and the lovely lady behind the Mad blog awards, had planed the whole thing for us load of mummy bloggers. Sally is a woman who I owe a lot of thank you’s to, she really does some pretty special stuff and along with the Mad blog awards has now given me two great memories to grow old with. 

 Once inside I joined a team who had just started decorating a christmas tree, the challenge… to use your imagination and create a spectacularly decorated tree with the use of shop brought decorations alongside craft materials which would require us to think outside the box. Competing against four other teams we had just one hour and I’m pleased to say we won 🙂 even if the shoe blogger did pinch wrapped gifts from around another teams tree, to which Karen from all about the boys gave us all a good telling off for:)

 Before the evenings dinner it was back to the hotel for a few hours (in which I was pleased to discovered my friend was thankful still alive) before getting changed in to something a little more glam and heading back out again, while my friend took the children to see a show. 

 I first joined my fellow bloggers for one or two cocktails that I must add where scummy, then it was off to Tuners to eat. There were 36 of us in all, 35 mummy bloggers and one daddy blogger all taking up too long rows of tables, I got to sit with Lou from bloggomy who I got to meet for the first time at the Mad blog awards and it was lovely to catch up over a glass of white and a festive feast. 

 Tuners opened it’s doors in 2011 and is named after the famous chef Brain tuner who helped create the restaurant which is advertised as affordable fine dinning. The restaurant boast some top chefs such as Nigel Davis (formerly of the ivy) cooking its six course Christmas dinner. 

 I really did have an enjoyable evening though I really did feel a little sad at not being able to join some of the bloggers such as the lovely Romanian mum, who went on for drinks and dancing after the meal! Sadly with my children, I really did need to get back and save my friend from any meltdowns or sibling punch ups.

 All in all despite my stress and parenting dilemmas while at Butlin’s, I really am pleased I went and will definitely be going again…. Someday! 

Related articles

• Never Ever Again (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• Preparing my child with Aspergers for our family festive break (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)
• We’re planning a break away (aspergersinfo.wordpress.com)

NEVER EVER AGAIN

This is the post where I try to explain why I never want to take my child with Aspergers on holiday ever again.

 Most of you will know me as the mother who is first to state that, ‘Just because a child is on the autism spectrum, doesn’t mean they should not be given the opportunity to enjoy life’s pleasures such as day trips and holidays’ I stand by this, really I do!

 Now, I will try my best to put into words what I can only describe as one of the hardest, emotional draining and tiring, three days of my entire life.

 This past weekend saw me on the edge of a breakdown as myself, good friend Donna and three children (Little Man aka A boy with Aspergers, Alice-Sara & Harley) embanked on a mini weekend Christmas break at Butlin’s Bognor Regis.

 I had been extremely lucky to be invited to the tots100 Christmas party which meant an awesome deal on accommodation and presented me with the opportunity to also bring along the family. I will talk more about the Tots100 Christmas party and Butlin’s itself in another post, right now I need to get this out my system!

 It’s never easy taking Little man on days out and its even harder trying to embark on any type of Holiday no matter how short or long it maybe. The change and the anxiety mixed with the unknown often brings about havoc, and if you have ever read any of my post relating to such event’s you will already know this (remember the camping trip or even the day trip to Chessington)? 

 Nonetheless, when stating like many do “Never again” I somehow never really mean it and with passing time I find myself trying to do it all over again! Why? Because his my son and I don’t want to leave him behind!

 Despite things starting reasonably well (his delight over the funky hotel lighting which was a sensory pleasure was most welcome) things soon turned sour and within an hour or so all hell had broke loose.

 OK, Ok, I half expected this! After all we have just arrived, everything is different and a mix of both anxiety and excitement fills the air. 

 After a soak in the bath, just before heading to bed he started to argue with his sister. I know arguments between siblings are the norm with most children, but these really are over the top, Little man becomes far to angry and loses his temper rapidly. Worse still his now able to throw an almighty punch. On trying to break up yet another blow up that had become somewhat out of hand, Little man thought he would also hit out at me, not only punching but kicking me too. His not a baby anymore and his growing which I guess kind of worries me if I think about it!

 No, this isn’t good, I don’t show him that I’m frighten of him, I’m actually not, I’m just worried that one day he will go that bit too far!

I don’t like having to restrain my own son but it did have to be done before he hurt himself or somebody else, it was then he spat in my face and then laughed inappropriately. 

 The fact that his violence stopped and I thought we were over this hurdle makes this so much harder.

 After lots of tears Little man finally slept and I convinced myself that as the days went on things would get better, however they didn’t and despite trying to structure all the activities his need to control everything and everyone around him was just too much. Yes, I know things are hard for him, but there were stages of that holiday that I felt like running away especially when he carried on hitting out at me leading me to seek first aid for what was a suspected broken finger (I had pointed at him and he had hurt my fingers so bad I had no choice but to get them strapped up). This was the last day and in all honesty I was so thankful it was. By now I had cried till my eyes were sore and seriously felt like smacking my own head repetitively against the wall. 

 Harley also spent the best part of his second birthday amongst meltdowns and my pleads for a little respect and if anything a five-minute break. I know many people will think, “It’s hard for him too” Believe me I know that, of course I do! I didn’t care about the disapproving stares as Little man hauled abuse at me, I did however feel terrible for the children stood in ear shoot of his language. There was even one episode that resulted in me having to leg it out of a local fish restaurant leaving my poor friend with three kids, one who wasn’t in the friendliest of moods. 

I sat on a bench looking at the sea and really felt like I couldn’t return and carry on with this job called “Parenting”. I left a message on my Facebook page which read, “I don’t think I can cope with Little man’s behaviour anymore” and at that moment in time, I really did feel this way.

 My friend said something to me as we sat talking in the hotel once the children were finally sleeping, she said “I can honestly say I have never seen Little man 100% happy unless his indoors” I thought about this and realised just how right my friend was.

 Once we did finally return home, a lot later than expected following unexpected car trouble (the word unexpected is not one little man favourites) I noticed how his mood calmed! Yes, he fights with his sister in the comfort of our home and yes he can still be abusive, but as I sat watching him cuddling his younger sister watching the end of Eastenders (yes, cuddling, the cheek of them, I know) I realised that in-order to parent and parent Little man well, It needs to be at home (well, at home meaning not on holiday)! I’m not stating I’m NEVER TAKING HIM ON HOLIDAY AGAIN! Though I did state this more than 1000 times during the course of the weekend, I’m just stating that for now, and in-till there are clear signs of improvement in this type of challenging behaviour and yes, my ways in coping and dealing with it, I will not be booking any family holidays in the near future… and that my friends is a ‘FACT’!

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Preparing my child with Aspergers for our family festive break

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Days till Christmas

We’re off to Butlin’s this weekend and are all rather excited about it.

 However, it’s really not a case of “just up and leaving” for us! Well, I suppose it isn’t for anyone really, but for us such a trip means extensive preparation.

 Little man is looking forward to the trip, however he has many concerns, things that for most add to the excitement of a holiday!

Image via Wikipedia

 Little man wants to know, how everything will plan out! Just how will we get there; how long will it take; how long does each and every activity last; what are the bedrooms like; what do they use to clean the pool; does the hotel smell of bleach, will there be a shower?

 OK, OK… Most kids ask questions but for Little man it’s not just a question but a real concern!

 When it comes to days out we need to ensure good preparation has played its part, otherwise Little man will suffer and the entire family will pay dearly. The truth is, I’m unsure why god considered me the “Right” person to mother a child on the autism spectrum! Organisation has never been my strong point! Well, when it comes to actually getting somewhere on time, I’m the worst ever! Seriously no matter what I do, something always seems to happen… always!

 We went camping back in July and absolutely nothing went to plan. It was extremely hard work and at certain points of the holiday I did have to stop and ask myself why I was actually putting myself through this. Yes, that may sound selfish and maybe a thousand adults on the spectrum reading this will now jump on my back! I know it isn’t easy for the Little man either, but at the time when his having an almighty meltdown in the tent at 2am, I did ask myself why!

 I always come up with the same answer! His my son, and just because he has Aspergers doesn’t mean he should miss the experiences that all children are entitled to. As a family, we are all entitled to a holiday and as hard as this may be, I’m determined to keep on trying! It’s my belief, the more we do these things, the better Little man is able to deal with them. It’s not that he don’t want to go on holiday’s or have day’s out, if this was the case then of course I wouldn’t push him, the fact he does want to engage in such activities, no matter how hard these things become it gives me that nudge to keep trying.

Camping wasn’t ideal for a child on the spectrum, especially camping at a festival, to be honest, it was the most unstructured place to take a holiday and as much as he now declares his a big camping fan, I would need to be thinking long and hard before embanking on such an adventure again.

 Now, we have been Butlin’s before! Little man was around 5 and this was prior to his diagnosis. Nevertheless things went surprisingly OK. I know his that bit older and yes, things do tend to unfold quicker and normally in a bigger more explosive way, but considering how structured Butlin’s can be I think it may actually be a really good place for a family consisting of a child with Aspergers to take a break.

 Well, we’re leaving on Friday, after school so it really is upon us.

 Here’s what I have done in preparation so far.

 We are staying in the Butlins hotel and I’ve checked with facilities are in our room (tv, shower, single or bunk beds etc.)

Image via Wikipedia

 Packed his clothing separately from ours, making sure they have been tumble dried for maximum softness.

 Made sure I’ve packed him entertainment for the journey (Lego, books etc)

 Downloaded the Butlin’s iphone app which has the full weekends entertainment, including opening times of certain activities, shows, the weekend line-up and any additional special bookable extras. Also includes a Map which is a bonus as Little man is driven mad when we get lost.

 As we haven’t been for sometime (I last went about 6 years ago) I’ve been speaking to some mummy bloggers on twitter who have been telling me what we can expect (What to avoid and what not to miss) I’d like to personally thank @TiredmummyofTwo who very considerately contacted me to ask if there was anything I wanted to ask as she was aware of my situation (please note, this isn’t someone who works for Butlins just a fellow blogger) I really am grateful that she took the time to contact me and offer that bit of support (it really is the little things that touch a person’s heart)

OK…  I’ve planed transport

 As the children’s father is now unable to attend, I’m now taking a friend who knows little man really well and is as good as family. This is important as on the Saturday I’m at the Tots100 Christmas party and my friend will take care of the children (a great mate)

 Trying to plan Sunday as-well as I possibly can as it’s Harley’s second birthday and little man can find other people’s birthdays difficult at the best of times.

 Making sure Little man knows exactly how many days in-till we leave and the times in-which we are leaving.

 Plus a host of other things that are actually rather jumbled in my head right now!

 Oh… and you better believe it! I have spent so long worrying about the Little man, plus ensuring all three children’s belongings are packed that I haven’t even thought about what I’m taking! That means packing when his at school today!

I can’t wait till everything is sorted so myself, friend and the children can look forward to our festive break which is promised to be filled with Christmas Cheer.

So… Wish me luck people! I’ll have the Mac so let’s hope that the holiday update is just that, “An Update” and a happy one at that, avoiding a festive holiday “Rant!”

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