Shutting Down

22 May

I’ve been pretty silent, I know! Its not like me, not to blog for long periods of time, but these past few weeks have been different! I’ve actually been completely out the loop when it comes to social networking, my tweets have been few and far between and Facebook has been left unvisited.

I’m not to busy, I won’t lie! I’m not on holiday or having some girly time someplace fun. I’m at home, in pyjamas on the sofa mostly.

In my everyday life, my social commitments have suffered too. I’m not spending much time with friends, I’m not even answering my mobile or home phone when somebody calls. Its actually really stupid but I haven’t been able to complete the smallest of tasks. I dread having to do almost anything.

That’s how I knew…. The signs are all there, ones I’ve experienced before making them so apparent this time! Depression… I was depressed and knew I had to do something about it, and do so fast. But that was just it… I was lacking any get up and go which meant that the prospect of visiting a doctor or even booking an appointment to see one was all to much to bare.

Thankfully, I’m starting to feel myself again and though it will take some time to get on top of it all, I’ve started and that’s the hardest bit done.

So, why was she depressed, you may ask? Many assume its the pressures of parenting a child on the autism spectrum but for me that’s a little bit of a cop out. I’ve been parenting little man for almost 13 years. Since the age of 18 its been my life. I’ve since had two more children and being a mother to all three of my children has brought great joy into my life. Yes, when little man is refusing to get up from his bed or even leave the house of a morning I do feel a tad close to breaking point, but guess what? Its not made me depressed… I don’t think it has anyway!

The truth is, life can be a bit full on somedays and when all your problems collide that’s when things go a bit tits up. I can’t put my finger on just one thing and say its this whats caused this depressive period. That’s impossible!

With deadlines looming for reviews and guest post, I just shut off. This blog and that of my other were left at times for days without a post. With my hair thinning at age 31 years and my doctor telling me it was down to stress I just had to let go a little and remember what it was like to be me again.

I love blogging, that much I’m sure off. I just wanted to take a little me time in order to remember that.

So here’s to the continuation of blogging… Here’s to me smiling again.

Oh, and before I drop off, a message for the world! “If you ever feel like your slipping into a black hole of depression then act quickly to nip it in the bud! Many of us are not visiting our GPs, mainly due to the stigma associated with depression! Just remember its an illness and lucky enough its a fixable one too! To be the best we possible can we need to feel our best… Fact!

7 Responses to “Shutting Down”

  1. throughacceptinglimits May 27, 2013 at 7:38 am #

    I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this difficult time. Have been through depression twice myself I really do understand. My good friend writes an absolutely beautiful blog and has recently written very movingly about her own depression. You might find it a helpful read: xx

  2. oneelleoftheball May 24, 2013 at 8:35 am #

    Lovely post! Make sure you take care of yourself – and really good advice for anyone suffering from this. I’ve gone through this myself and it can be really hard to make that step to try and get help. Hopefully you’re on the up!🙂

  3. Lila May 23, 2013 at 4:47 pm #

    Hi Claire Louise, I literally feel your pain. I could have written this myself as I sit here in my pajamas on the sofa not answering my phone.

    I think my depression has been going on (and unacknowledged) for months. I could time the start of it, more or less, to my own son’s Aspergers diagnosis last summer, though I think that is really only a piece of the puzzle. It isn’t his autism itself that has contributed to my own depression, but the hundreds of life adjustments to be made and that just happen naturally around that… leaving my job that I loved, constant financial strain, the stress of dealing with uncooperative private insurance (I am in the States), the stress of dealing with uncooperative public schools, the stress of quarreling with unempathetic relatives, the loss of friends that suddenly aren’t so keen on those playdates (seriously), the social isolation as we have struggled with avoiding public meltdowns, the ignorance out there about autism, the diet experiments, the realization that I myself am on the spectrum, and the worry, unrelenting worry for my son’s future opportunities and happiness.

    I don’t think it is a cop out to surmise that parenting a child on the spectrum contributes heavily to depression. That is not the same as saying the child is the cause of the depression! In fact, I am happiest when I am with my son, laughing and playing with him, not giving a thought to the outside world. But then reality sets in and he needs to get his socks on so that we can go to the grocery store, and that simple task turns into a power struggle that lasts an hour.

    I truly believe that more consistent, uncomplicated support for parents, better community awareness of autism, and better health care could ease some of these risk factors for parental depression. The reality is that parents (especially moms) of children on the spectrum experience stress levels that are beyond normal, way beyond.

    I’m so glad you are starting to turn the corner and feel better. You have inspired me. Perhaps I will revisit my GP and suggest more strongly that I need some help in the way of medication.

  4. mandy neal May 22, 2013 at 7:17 pm #

    feel better hun.x

  5. Gill Phillips - Whose Shoes? May 22, 2013 at 10:50 am #

    Welcome back Claire and thank you for being so honest. Talking openly about depression and other mental health issues is the very best way of reducing stigma. Glad you are starting to feel better – look forward to your continued blogging but only in your own time and convenience. Blogging does indeed need to be fun… not yet another thing on a busy Mum’s “to do list”🙂 x

  6. StephsTwoGirls May 22, 2013 at 10:40 am #

    Glad to see you back. Anytime you’re feeling down, do remember that you help so many people with your blogging so it’s very worthwhile – but sometimes you do need to put yourself first and take that break. Hope you’re back on top form v soon – but don’t overdo it now!!! x

  7. brinkofbedlam May 22, 2013 at 10:25 am #

    Firstly …hugs. Secondly….I know exactly what you mean. I’m a bit the same on and off. I do hope you’re feeling ok and that you’re not slipping further down that damn awful black rabbit hole of depression. It’s so hard to climb out of isn’t it. Look after yourself and hope life eases off a little for you. Kay xx

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