Why I’m not looking forward to my toddler starting school

8 Oct

Who said it was meant to be easy.

They stand in little groups chatting to one another about their wonderful children. They sound as though they are almost in competition, yet desperate to impress one another.

Do I wish I was stood there with them. One of the mums who gets invited around the chief mummy’s house for a cuppa and a biscuit… No, not even for one minute!

Its strange, we see these social gatherings happening when we were at school! Yet some 15 years on its almost the same. Even stranger still is the fact that half of these social gatherings consists of the exact same people only older. They are now mothers themselves yet still raise their snobby little noses just as they did when we where teenagers.

I can’t sit here and label all mothers in this way… After all I know I’m not. And I’ve seen others who give a friendly smile and a node as they walk on by. But on the whole they keep themselves to themselves.

I have nothing against the mother who easily befriends every other child’s mother in their child’s class! However I do have something against the ones who make the business of other mothers their own and everybody else’s for that matter. Worse still they never normally seem to get the gossip quite right, resulting in some top notch bull shit or another flying around the community you live in.

I once read in the paper about two mothers kicking off at the school gates with their children present and of course everyone else’s. One mother was so badly attacked she was hospitalised while the other was taken of to the cells for some cooling off time. Another horrendous story I saw splashed all over the national news was that of a father attacking another father during their children’s Christmas production. The guy actually bit of the other guys finger and spat it out like some sick animal. I only hope they got the children out of sight because that’s the stuff of nightmares.

I’m not worried about having my finger bite of or anything (though that wouldn’t be fun) I’m just expressing my point which is “School playgrounds can be hellish places, not just for the pupils but for that of their parents too!”

So… Why am I banging on about all this now?

It’s simple… I’m already fretting about the day that will come and see my youngest child take that giant leap into education. His now almost 3 years old, and the time so far has just flown by. Before I know it I’ll be there… And again i’ll be stood in the playground with a new group of mums.

20121008-134937.jpgmy youngest Harley almost 3

As regular readers will already know, When it comes to schools I seem to always have some kind of crappy issue. History is my proof.

I know that my eldest child being on the autism spectrum meant he didn’t fit in with his “Typical” peers and this therefore meant that I as his mother failed to fit in with their “Typical” mothers. Well, lets be honest here… I never overly tried! Friendships just happen and don’t need to be pushed (some need work but these are existing ones). If I don’t instantly click with someone then its 98% chance I never will.


I remember when we’d be stood waiting in the infant playground for the bell to ring indicating the start of the school day. Up in-till that point, little man would be running around like a rabbit with headlights. He’d bump into everything and everyone. Some may think… “And what? Isn’t this what boys do?” And to a certain extent, yes it is! However, little man had no regard for boundaries. He’d just roar into another’s conversation… Speak his mind and therefore say the most inappropriate things (normally stuff I’d actually be thinking but never likely to say aloud). He’d run and grab footballs from the ground while others tried to play a game and many peers therefore saw him as a really big pain in the butt! Me, I’d be dashing about after him like a crazed headless chicken, failing miserably at any attempt to catch him let alone control him. Mothers would stare, some shaking their heads and tutting, others turning to their friends in disgust. Whenever Little man dared attempt to approach their child they’d quickly be dragged away and warned “Don’t play with that child, you hear me?”

I hate it when parents act like my child is some sort of diseased being. They look at him like his some little demon child who could potentially convert their child into something similar. I used to let the ignorant stares upset me and remember that at one stage what others thought meant a big deal to me. But in all honesty you cannot spend each waking day like this. Yes you can advocate for your child but running after every parent who looks at you slightly funny probably means you’ll be spending most of your life running. Yes, I’d be a lot fitter but I don’t fancy it all the same.

So, there you have it! This is one of my many reasons I’m dreading the toddler starting school. I just wished he stay little forever.

20121008-134721.jpgLittle man just about to melt down.

4 Responses to “Why I’m not looking forward to my toddler starting school”

  1. mrsjcblog October 11, 2012 at 11:56 am #

    I have learnt quite early on that I needed to develop a thick skin to the looks and stares on the school run. My middle child is undergoing observations for autism/aspergers and my youngest turned three in August and has turned into the monster from hell with his behaviour, so I’m always struggling with one or the other of them on the school run. It’s hard, but unfortunately as I still have at least 7 years of the primary school run to go, I need to suck it up and get on with it. x

  2. Mummy Whisperer October 9, 2012 at 8:45 am #

    My son’s new school is weird (he moved there the last term of year1) – everyone seems a bit isolated from everyone else.

    It’s taken me ages to get some people to acknowledge me at all – I’m the irritating one that continues to keep smiling at people until they cave because my son is so social that he wants me to be his social diary organiser.

    I’m sorry that people are so ignorant and you’ve had to face such horrid behaviour. I kind of understand it – we’ve had a really scary incident in my son’s class with a boy throwing desks and pens and having to be manhandled by a couple of teachers. My son hasn’t gotten over it yet, because he had tried to befriend the boy and now doesn’t know how to deal with it, especially as the boy isn’t back in the classroom yet. But he has agreed to still invite him to his birthday party, so I hope he gets over it.

    Just remember though lovely – not every class is the same and not all the mums. Try not to shut yourself off, because there could be some lovely mums worth the effort there who might just get the feeling that you don’t want to be friends because when we expect crappy behaviour we tend to pull down the hatches a bit.

  3. Benedicte October 8, 2012 at 3:34 pm #

    I hate the isolation of being a special needs mum on the playground. I looked forward so to making new friends when Eldest started school… but his oddness was soon such that I was “apart”. Not nastily, I’ve been lucky, but apart nonetheless. When he left school (at the end of yr 1 I homeschooled) and Sweet Girl started, I had another shot… but of course, by then I was the mum whose baby had a tube in his nose. By the time Little Man started school, Sweet Girl was already struggling. This year, Eldest is thriving in a special school, Sweet Girl is falling apart on a very sparse timetable and Little Man has such an individual timetable that he isn’t included in any meaningful way. I’m not even in the playground anymore as I have to collect them at the office. Do I miss it? yes, I admit I do… but then what I miss is what I never had – time to just chat and enjoy comparing similar lives…

  4. pinkoddy October 8, 2012 at 2:55 pm #

    That’s interesting because I’m waiting to have my lad diagnosed as having autism and none of that is why I don’t want him to go and probably going to defer him starting.
    I agree though and as usual very well written.

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