School Gate Ignorance

28 Jun

I had to write this.

Strangely following my blog post on school exclusion I was directed to a blog post by a fellow parent blogger regarding school trips and how a planed special trip organised by the head teacher for pupils who had “Not received a pink slip for unacceptable behaviour but instead done well on the schools reward system” had now been cancelled.

The Head teacher who promised the trip has now had to cancel it due to a parent complaining using the equality act.

Understandably parents were disappointed including the writer of the blog post. However most of the comments shocked me, making me release that some parents “May never get it”

I guess many of them commenters don’t have a child with SEN or even autism. Maybe they are not a parent like me who has a child who will always receive the pink slip for unacceptable behaviour no matter what he does! I feel for everyone of them children who lost out on the trip, it’s highly disappointing and very unfair for a child to feel such disappointment (believe my Child knows). However as a parent of the child who will never receive a gold star, I would never comment In the same way most have. It’s like some kind of witch hunt. Parents want the parent who put a stop to the trip named and shamed… Why? SO… there child can be bullied?

Now, I don’t even know if the child who’s parent has complained even has SEN, but in my experience the use of the equality act and that of the sudden change in plans make me assume so! I wonder if the child involved is like mine, a child who never got to go on a trip no matter how bloody hard he tried! I wonder if that child goes home and cries into his pillow because he feels rejected once again. I wonder if that child like my child, whacks his head against brick walls trying to make sense of it all, trying to actually pin point where they actually went wrong. I wonder if that child began scratching his arms till they bleed just because they were not allowed to attend yet another school trip?

Maybe I’m wrong… Maybe it’s none of the above, maybe the child is just dam right disobedient and needs a good taking down a peg or two… Who knows!

You see that’s my point! You don’t know! As a mother of a child who was discriminated against, a mother who’s child was naughty just for farting… That could have been me and if it was, to see those horrible comments… It could have broken me at one time of my life for sure

Quite honestly, the head teacher should have known better, reward systems don’t work for every child. My child would be on a red card daily because the way it worked didn’t work for a child on the spectrum like him. It took sometime but he was removed from the system and followed a different type of behaviour programme. This situation is even worse for the child who is undiagnosed slipping through the system branded a trouble maker.

Ignorance hurts, especially when it’s done when the facts remain unclear. I hate school gates and try to keep away from them! Why? Because its a fest of back biting and bitching and I just don’t have time for such crap. What type of message does this give our children.

I felt as if I was stood at the school gate as I read such comments, I felt like I now stand out like a sore thumb from many of my fellow bloggers just for writing this.

I may lose followers over this… But I don’t care… Honestly!

I blog from my heart and it’s my heart this is pouring from!

Think before you judge another especially If the picture remains unclear. We parents should stick together, the world is hard enough for our children, we shouldn’t make it any harder.

7 Responses to “School Gate Ignorance”

  1. donnajordan June 30, 2012 at 12:10 am #

    Why should the parent or parents have to explain their actions to anyone but the headmaster, especially when those acting as self imposed judge + jury have already found them guilty of (supposedly) maliciously setting out to make sure that no child went on a trip that their own child wasn’t going on…. grow up!!!
    The explanations should come from the headmaster +/or chair of governing body as to why the mere threat of litigation had them doing a u-turn + cancelling the trip. Did the Equality Act 2010 make them rethink their actions?

  2. clairelouise82 June 28, 2012 at 9:11 pm #

    Thanks all for your comments. I found it quite hard to write as hate upsetting people however it’s what I believe in and I’m just speaking up for that. In a weird way thanks to those who sent link .x

  3. Rebecca Mitchell June 28, 2012 at 8:20 pm #

    I read the post and the comments and simply put all I thought was – how easily people judge something they weren’t involved in. It happens on FB a lot with school Mums. One will say how a child did something to their child and other parents and non-involved distant friends will wade in with harsh comments about the child, their family, about how kids like that shouldn’t be in school etc etc. It makes me cringe. It’s sad how easily people will give judgement. There is always so much more to every situation than appears on the surface and I feel so so sorry for that parent now to have had all those comments and demand for comment publically on Twitter. People often don’t recognise that they are bullying but the mass of those comments turned it into what I would call bullying – it detracted from any possible valuable points in the post and taught me a lot about what I don’t want to do in my blog.

  4. jessica whitehead-stevens (@jessws2011) June 28, 2012 at 7:53 pm #

    When I worked in a school that had a special autistism sen section the children were rarely given a bad mark preventing them to go on any school trip. Only if they were totally out of order within their own understanding. It was just used in the other classes in order to improve behavior. I just presumed that all school policies were the same.

  5. Deb June 28, 2012 at 7:49 pm #

    I’m deeply shocked by some of the comments and its making me reevaluate my role in the parent blogging community to be honest.

    What I find really painful about this affair is that it has also taken me back to those terrible times at the school gates. It reminded me of the time when a number of parents were gossiping about my son behind my back. We think a scout leader had leaked the fact that my son had autism and as a result a parent dared to say to my face that my son did not have autism! I put her right but I have not spoken to her again; in fact I dont talk to anyone from the school anymore. Most of them bitch and don’t care if a disabled child or their parents become the objects of their gossip. It saddens me a lot.

    I just worry for the future of our children if children are not brought up to understand and be empathetic towards anyone who has a disability. I also worry what message we send to our children with this bullying that goes on at the school gate. Its much worse than the backbiting I remember as a schoolgirl!

  6. brinkofbedlam June 28, 2012 at 5:13 pm #

    I’m with you all the way. Don’t want to get involved as it’s obviously an inflamed subject, but that is a scheme that rewards ‘winners’ and condemns others who do not succeed as easily, no matter what the reason. Not right, and scary to see how judgemental people can be.

  7. Scottish Mum June 28, 2012 at 4:46 pm #

    You’re not going to lose me. Perhaps I shouldn’t have pointed people to this post as it really has knocked the wind out of my sails to realise just how much some kids will never, ever be accepted by the perfectly formed sector of our communities, who only think in terms of stereotypes.

    I really have struggled to understand the backbiting the calling children little shits, joking about throwing veg on the parent who caused it, and all without knowing the facts or the story. I’d suspect disability to some level if the equality act was used, but the letter sent out by the headteacher was only ever going to distract the blame for this from the people who took the decision to the person who voiced concerns.

    I sadly think in lots of cases we are really banging our heads up against brick walls and I felt like I was the one standing at the gates being judged as that could have been my child. Although I would never have got a trip cancelled for other kids, I would have been spitting fire on both sides at the staff, not the other parents or kids.

    Very, very sad situation and looks like few are willing to listen to any sort of reason. A couple of bloggers surprised me very much with their opinions as they were just bullying. I am not sure how to react to those in future, knowing they’d think my brain damaged kid would be classed as a shit, or worse.

    Very sad.

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