Please let me come too

26 Jun

I stood heart in my mouth, I no longer could find the words needed to comfort him, I couldn’t make this pain go away.

I tried to be strong, really I did! But it was hard, it was incredibly hard to see him this way yet again.

As he sobbed, catching his breath through his endless stream of tears he tried to speak “Mum, please beg them to take me… please”

He would normally explode in a fit of anger, haul himself into a wall smacking his head as he screamed and used endless obscenities as he raged. Not this time, it was like he had no energy, no fight left in his body… He was broken.

“What use will it do” I asked him…

“I knew he would do this, I knew it” he sobbed as he lay in a heap on the hallway floor.

I turned away so that he wouldn’t see my own tears for I needed to be strong, strong for my child.

Two hours later my son was still laid out on the floor, red faced with bulging sore eyes. He wasn’t having a tantrum, he just laid silently as if in a deep trance.

My child had been told he wasn’t allowed on a school trip, he would be excluded on that day instead! Do you think his reaction was a bit extreme?

I don’t!

My son had been uninvited from many school trips, coincidently excluded whenever one was planned. I was in no doubt that this was just because my son has Aspergers Syndrome.

This was however a trip he had looked forward to! One they had continuously used as a reinforcement tool for gaining desired behaviour. They excluded him for two days, except one of these days feel on an inset day meaning it would consequently role over onto the next day, the day of the trip! What had he been excluded for? Something so small I can’t even remember!

It wasn’t just the missing out that hurt my child, it was every single act of rejection he was submitted to, each one breaking down his self confidence a little more.

So, why am I writing this now… Of course I mentioned it before, back when it happened, his now in a special school and enjoys many trips. However, this is not the case for every child and when I hear of another child being continuously subjected to the same treatment, it breaks my heart a little more!

The UK is fall of children stuck in pupil referral units, treated like a criminal when many just have SEN and have been failed by the system. Others are out of school because no one is willing to take them (especially when they see that exclusion record with your child’s name on it) this was the case for my child for around 6 months.

In my opinion the laws surrounding exclusion are slack. Why is it that children are excluded on trip days, given a double dose of punishment. Surly regulations should be made much tighter!

If you have a child subjected to this type of treatment then it’s time to speak up. Your not alone and if we all come together we have a much stronger chance at getting heard.

15 Responses to “Please let me come too”

  1. Marc Gravell (@marcgravell) June 30, 2012 at 10:41 pm #

    If they barred him for behaviour relating to a recognised SEN, that could be on a very dubious legal footing. I feel for both of you, as a parent of an ASD child (and also as a school governor, at a mainstream school that fortunately really “gets” ASD).

    That sound so harmful to him. Makes me want to shout.

  2. random pearls of wisdom June 29, 2012 at 7:18 pm #

    A familiar story to most of us. We gave up trying in the end, actually to be fair so did our son these things became so difficult to cope with. Sometimes we kept him off too, just to make it easier for everyone else. Its not right if they are able to cope with adequate support though and you always sense there isn’t enough effort or willing.

  3. Deb June 29, 2012 at 7:05 pm #

    My son has gone on few trips not because he was deliberately excluded but because the school didn’t provide the support to enable him to go. Often on the day of the trip he would be ill with anxiety and end up at home whilst his class mates went. Even with school events such as plays, sports days etc my son was never encouraged enough or supported enough. At christmas concerts he was often shoved to the back where noone could see him; I was so upset. I always got the feeling noone in the school liked him or cared about him.

  4. super amazing mum June 29, 2012 at 1:04 pm #

    I also don’t know what to say. What a horrible situation, so glad he is in a great school now, there must be so many though that have to go through this same situation.

  5. Special Needs Mum June 29, 2012 at 12:46 pm #

    If it’s an unofficial exclusion, it’s actually illegal as well!

  6. tanja maynard June 28, 2012 at 8:19 am #

    Hi guys
    My son has aspergers and is 12! I fought for a statement for many years without getting one! Finally I said enough, removed my son from school and gave him a well needed break! I stated that he would only be accepted back into School with a statement and a full diagnosis! I was sick of the bullying and the lack of help! Needless to say, within 5 weeks he had a full statement and a full diagnosis of ASC! Drastic is sometimes the only way! Ofcourse I had to leave my very good job to be around to make this happen! If things are really bad for your child as they were for my son….maybe a drastic action is your only way forward!

  7. lynne broughton June 28, 2012 at 8:02 am #

    My son was kept away from every school trip in every school since he was five even trips down to the local allotment. the only way he could go on a school education trip to a water facility was if i went too. he wasnt allowed to participate in any in school activities either. he was asked to stay home during ofsted week so as not to jeopardise the report. he was excluded more times than i can count and spent 2 years in a SHORT stay exclusion centre. happily after 7 years of fighting he is now in a special needs school getting a proper education and recently had a weekend stay in london with school. my son has adhd and aspergers he is 15 this year.

  8. Carolyn Allen June 28, 2012 at 6:04 am #

    My son is always excluded from school trips, he has Aspergers and is 10. His school have ‘Provision’ which he is a member off and this provides 1:1 but the support disappears whenever a trip comes along. We’re expected to accompany him or keep him home.

    It breaks my heart knowing that whilst he’s in this school it will continue to happen and honestly, I’ve thought about moving him many times and WILL move him soon but there’s one reason he’s still there. He’s not yet Statemented without that little document we’re stuck in this horrible situation in the only local school able to take him.

    I feel like I’ve failed him, every day he attends and is dealt an injustice.

  9. simone oiller June 28, 2012 at 4:55 am #

    my son is 9 and has been excluded quite a few times, and had to miss out on a few things that was going on at school, removed my son from the school last month and has a new school, i feel that the schools need to stop worrying about how children with any form of needs will look on paper.

  10. Scottish Mum June 27, 2012 at 8:45 pm #

    I feel your pain. I’ve had a similar issue with my middle one who struggles to keep it together every second of every day of his life. Few appreciate how hard it is for him to just exist. I have similar posts on my blog. The converse of this was posted on Sian’s blog today where I had a bit of tantrum I have to say..

  11. jbmumofone June 27, 2012 at 2:08 pm #

    That is so so awful. Keep writing though. Someone has to listen.

  12. Romanian mum June 27, 2012 at 5:41 am #

    How horrible. I’m sorry Hun. Really don’t know what to say…


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