The stranger who got right on my wick

31 Oct

I like to write about the positive side to Asperger’s after all the first two years of this blogs content, was filled with nothing but rants, brought on by a mix of discrimination & my battles in obtaining appropriate education for Little man.

 However, I’m really sorry to do this to you all, but this is in-fact a “Rant” 

 Sometimes life isn’t all rosy and you need to unleash the not so good stuff… Today is one of those days!

 There are a few things troubling me that I need to get out my head and onto the blog, somehow just letting my fingers do the talking for me, helps me to adapt my mood and somehow go about getting on with things.  

 Now, the first is one that I’m convinced most will read and think, “Get Over It” and to be honest if you did, you would properly be right in thinking this, I should just “Get over it” I know this! However there are some days when something like this happens and it’s just the icing on the cake (so to speak)! 

 What am I rambling on about, I haven’t even told you what it is troubling me, yet here I am trying to justify my own thoughts! Well, basically I am hacked off by a person I’m pleased to say I have never had the privilege to meet, a complete and utter stranger who really shovelled a generous amount of judgemental bull in my direction! 

 So what! I deal with this shit daily, right? True! However I wasn’t in the most stable mood this day (Note this was a few days back) I was actually darting to a Halloween party in an attempt to save my panicking 11-year-old with a diagnosis of Aspergers, from a pending firework display. My iPhone pinged and alerted me that I had mail (email) this is when I discovered the comment below. 

I was reading that one difference between boys with aspergers and girls with aspergers is that girls mimic people around them and end up blending in with neurotypical people. I believe aspergers has a genetic base. I think you and your daughter also have aspergers. It also sounds like you favor your daughter over your son, and he notices and resents it. The most annoying thing with mothers with aspergers is that they think the way their children are acting is somehow done on purpose just to frustrate, like they thing they are the center of the universe, them when in fact children with aspergers are just trying to do what’s best for them.

  Yes, I’ve had crap like this before but this however really rubbed me up the wrong way. Now here’s what drives me that bit more crazy… You get dealt this type of ignorance, become somewhat fired up, yet all you can do is leave an angry “Mind your own business” reply, containing a fair portion of swear words (which I just about reframe from adding) as well as a load of typos that occur as a result of your mad frantic typing! Then you wait… and wait… In reality I don’t want to get into some full on bitching match with this numb nuts above, yet somewhere muddled within the haze of my angry mind, I want to see his response and I want it now! Yet it never comes, ever!

 I’m my head I was screaming you cheeky patronising *#¡# how dare you read just one, just one post and think you have the right to judge me as a parent! 

 What’s more, what right do you think you have to diagnosis not only myself but also my daughter as having “Aspergers” Goodness me, you have never even met either of us. 

 Oh… and you can cut the other crap about my son acting out his aggressiveness in the direction of his sister because he feels she is my favourite, thankfully you really don’t know me.

 Yes, this asshole thinks he knows it all, when actually he doesn’t even know the slightest. I don’t care if the individual has a diagnosis himself or is even a parent, he still has no sodding clue about me and my family!

 Here’s the thing people! I spend hours punishing myself mentally, due to the guilt I feel every single day! Guilt towards my daughter! Why? Because she deserves so much more attention then I have been able to offer. I spent days and nights, writing to schools, filing in complaint forms, collecting evidence for a discrimination case and more besides.

Then there were and still is the trips to CAMHS (child adolescents mental health service) the nights he sleeps in my bed though his far to old, yet if my daughter asks I have to state she can’t and this is purely because Little man would never sleep and likely complain with every movement she made. So, why not refuse to let my son? Consistency is sometimes hard to withstand when its 4am and his been sat outside your bedroom door since midnight in tears! 

 So, when I sit there thinking about this stranger who I have never met, sat at his computer typing this judgemental bull, when this mother has not had a wink of sleep in three days I tend to become a little bit touchy! 

 I would like to state quite loudly that although I love my son with Asperger’s and try to activity embrace the diagnosis, No, myself nor my daughter have Asperger’s.

How this conclusion was drawn from that one post almost makes me want to roll on the floor laughing but at the same time really rattled my cage!

 Now, here comes trouble number 2! I’m worried that once more, yet on a worse scale, my son’s aggressive and growing violent behaviour is going to draw to a serious end but only when his seriously hurt someone (who knows, maybe this won’t even draw an end to it)! 

 At 11 years old his tall for his age, and is no longer the skinny little boy he once was. His gaining strength and today he punched and kicked me so hard I feel to the ground. This was only after he had finished with his sister and I’d tried to intervene. 

 I hear the same thing from high-end professionals who claim that removing the trigger will solve such issues, but what if the trigger is his sister, seriously she only has to like something he likes for him to feel it’s justified to give her a dig. Planned ignoring wont help either! You can’t ignore one of your own children who you love dearly beating the hell out another, it’s just not  worth contemplating. 

5 Responses to “The stranger who got right on my wick”

  1. clairelouise82 November 2, 2011 at 1:26 am #

    Thanks guys, sometimes you just can’t help but rant about it. Gavin thanks so much for your great input as always. You have given me some great ideas for dealing with Little mans aggression. Hope your well, Claire

  2. Gavin Bollard October 31, 2011 at 10:23 pm #

    I’m going to take a risk and leave a comment 🙂 don’t post a rant about me…. (obviously only kidding).

    Whoever posted the comment that upset you seems to be making some pretty direct statements which could only be made with close interaction and observation. Yet you say that you’ve never met them and they’re making these assumptions based solely on your blog posts. If that’s the case then you know they’re not qualified to say those things.

    “Get over it” is actually probably quite good advice. There’s nothing else you can do. Those sorts of comments would upset anyone and there is nothing you can do about it. Feeling angry won’t help you or your family. It’s just a sad fact of life that there are judgmental people out there. For what it’s worth, it sounds like you’re doing an excellent job of mothering under some very difficult conditions.

    I too have been worried about the escalation of violence in some of your posts. It worries me that I have exactly the same problems with my own youngest son because he’s getting older, stronger & bigger, yet we don’t have his defiance under control. I never imagined that I might one day fear my own child but sometimes I wonder if that will happen. You’re not alone and I’m sure there are many parents out there who read your posts and feel relieved that they are not the only ones.

    What to do if the trigger is his own sister? Again, that’s a sad fact of life. Children with sensory issues can be irritated by the smallest things, sound, touch, smell etc and his sister isn’t going to be able to stop accidental irritation (and she might deliberately tease too…I know my kids tease each other constantly despite being repeatedly told not to).

    It’s a trigger that you can’t deal with – so perhaps it’s time to start dealing with situations. It’s clear that your son becomes aggressive when cornered (the school posts make that obvious) so although you can’t control his teachers, you can make sure that he doesn’t get cornered at home. Perhaps give him a way to escape the sensory problems – a plan.

    If he has a specific plan to follow; ie: Go to room x, sit in chair draw picture or rock or whatever calms him, he might be less likely to lash out. Of course, his sister will need to know that if he’s following “the plan” she needs to stay away and stay quiet.

    Best of luck.

  3. Crystal Jigsaw October 31, 2011 at 9:12 pm #

    We do come across ignorance like this on a daily basis, but it doesn’t mean we will ever get used to it. There are some very deluded individuals who assume they know much more than we mere parents of special needs children do. After all, isn’t ADHD otherwise known as “the naughty syndrome”? No matter how frustrated we get at these ignorant, patronising, know-it-all knob heads, they will always be there, ready with their judgemental attitudes and unwanted opinions. What really matters is that *we* know best, and they are simply missing out on the wonderful rewards our beautiful children bring. In that respect, I think we can be forgiven for pitying them.

    CJ xx

  4. donna October 31, 2011 at 12:50 pm #

    If the beliefs of ‘stranger’ , as stated in his comment, are to seriously be taken as a bona fida opinion then Google needs to rewrite their definition of the word opinion –

    ‘a view or judgement formed about something,not necessarily based on fact or knowledge’

    – leaving out the word ‘necessarily’!!

    I doubt he’ll have time to send a response as surely he’ll be too busy informing the medical community that questionaires, observations and tests etc are not needed when using his new method of Asperges diagnosis lol.

    Here’s another definition-
    JUNK – anything that is regarded as worthless or meaningless
    So press the ‘junk’ button and send the offending comment where it belongs.

  5. Jess October 31, 2011 at 12:29 pm #

    We all have days like that, where something that you would shrug off just makes you see red. Every now and then it is like the straw breaking the camel’s back, isn’t it? You can’t cope with it all the time, sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself. I had a similar thing on my blog – a single, one-time comment from someone who plainly had no clue about it. Feel free to rant, sometimes it is needed.

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