Social isolation

15 Dec

It seems that every post lately is full of doom and gloom!

I hope that 2011 brings with it lots of smiles, because lately we just aint seeing any!

I have decided that I may have to visit the GP and ask about getting little man signed off school for a while. It seems that for the last few months I have had to repetitively deliver disappointing news to little man! It’s always the same… “Sorry darling but you can’t take part in your school play” or “I’m really sorry, i tried but they won’t let you join the class for the christmas party!” I think you get the point!

I just can’t do this anymore! It’s heartbreaking informing your ten year old that he wont be joining his class again because his school state they can’t take that chance! It’s got to the point that he is punished for behaviours that haven’t occurred… But they assume that they might and to them that’s good enough. How do you explain this to a child on the spectrum? In all fairness, How do you explain this to ANY child?  You can’t!

It’s bad enough Little Man has missed so much time at school due to exclusions. His missed activities because his considered a liability, and now he misses Christmas (Well Christmas at school that is!)

It crushes him everytime…. And I never know how to answer the whys. If he isn’t sat crying himself to sleep, his angry, so angry that his throwing his whole body against brick walls. Things were so bad last month that he whacked his arm against the wall so many times it bleed. This wasn’t due to discovering he wasn’t attending a trip or taking part in a school activity, this was for a reason unknown, that I expect was a build up of emotions and anger due to the time he spends isolated in school.

Little man has spent something silly like six afternoons in his classroom since the beginning of October on returning from an exclusion! He is Isolated (spends time alone learning with TA) in the mornings and home in the afternoons (School wanted him isolated the whole day)

When I broke the news about the school party yesterday, he cried so much his eyes were sore. He didn’t kick, punch, destroy anything like he often has! I think he was to worn out to do so…. After all it’s happening all the time. I just sat thinking I honestly can’t do this anymore. His mental well-being & self esteem is deteriorating and I can’t sit back and willing watch it happen.

I’ve tried so hard to make him feel better by creating our own elf day, school trips and parties trying to compensate for the ones his missing. At first it did the trick but over time it just isn’t enough! He says it’s not the same! And I know it isn’t!

It’s sad seeing the disappointment plastered all over his face. He may have Aspergers but this don’t make him stupid and unable to see what is going on around him. I took him in to school on Monday morning and by the time I collected him at mid-day he was a mess! He had heard the other children outside singing christmas carols but was unable to join in. It was Elf Day and the children do christmas activities and crafts. His TA made a Santa decoration with him… But it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t the same, and no way was this inclusion. All the way home he keep asking why he couldn’t join his class!

I had a meeting that same afternoon. It was at this meeting the Head teacher and Senco told me they didn’t want little man returning to his class & that he wouldn’t be allowed to join them for the class Christmas party. Instead we were told they maybe able to organise for some of his peers to come out of class and spend time with him in the Den. My mother who was at the meeting was gob smacked! She made a valid point off…. This will only make him feel more “different” then he already does!

I have been informed by the Sen Caseworker that Little mans purposed statement is in the process of being drafted and should be with me sometime this week. I just hope that something has gone right and it’s been done to a high standard “No corners cut”  The school talked about little man returning to school in Jan 2011 given his not yet got a school placement in a “special school” There would be a change In TA and even more isolation. I just refuse to do it anymore. To be frank, If the doctor doesn’t sign him off… Looks like I will be taken to court for non school attendance. I’ve been there before and to be honest this time I will have a lot more to say!!!!

So that’s my decision and I’m sticking with it! Let’s just hope Little man gets the right school and the chance for happiness in 2011.. Resulting in post that are full of happiness for a change!

7 Responses to “Social isolation”

  1. Grant Harman December 16, 2010 at 5:46 am #

    @clareluoise82 Absolutely not a problem, if you drop me a line I will let you know what sort of ammunition we need to pull together to get ready. I’m on 12 hour shifts for the next 2 days then off to the carribean for 2 weeks coming back on the 4th (through London) as I live in Gloucester and my family live in Essex. Apart from that when I get back I will be able to give you my shift pattern at the hospital for Jan as I am doing 3 days on 4 days off. Alternatively my mobile is 07931451566.

    All the best,

    Grant A Harman (DipEYCE)

  2. clairelouise82 December 16, 2010 at 4:50 am #

    @ Grant
    Thanks Grant for such informative information & links. These really have helped a great deal. I already have a pending DDA tribunal in the next month. However as you can see this has failed to stop his school from carrying on with these discriminating acts against my child. If anything it’s got worse. I have contacted the tribunal and awaiting a response. The new laws are far more clear cut and to me much more as they should be. I may have to take you up on your kind offer of help and don’t be surprised if one day soon you receive an email from myself🙂
    @ Fiona Thanks hun I really needed that (((hug))) xx

  3. Katie December 15, 2010 at 8:40 pm #

    I agree with Grant there are laws against this type of treatment against our children. I believe the new Equality Act 2010 backs you on the above Claire.

  4. children educational support Mary December 15, 2010 at 3:25 pm #

    Thanks for sharing!

  5. Grant Harman December 15, 2010 at 12:01 pm #

    I am now extremely angry. I have been fighting this beuraucratic rubbish for years now and still some areas still don’t seem to get it. On so many levels the school are breaking the law. First of all the UN convention on the rights of the child found here:

    Article 3 clearly states the best interests of the child are of primary concern. – Somehow me thinks that excluding a child from activities, singling them out and isolating them is not in their best interests.

    Article 23: “States Parties recognize that a mentally or physically disabled child should enjoy a full and decent life, in conditions which ensure dignity, promote self-reliance and facilitate the child’s active participation in the community.”
    By excluding your son the school are preventing him from enjoying a full and decent life and are demoting your child’s “active participation in the community. They are also removing dignity by singling him out.

    Article 29 states that all children have the right to an education.
    If you look at the website however
    you will see that you are well within you rights to “home educate” so long as you inform the school and preferably the LA in writing that you are doing so. They can’t stop you , It’s Law!

    Article 31
    1. States Parties recognize the right of the child to rest and leisure, to engage in play and recreational activities appropriate to the age of the child and to participate freely in cultural life and the arts.

    2. States Parties shall respect and promote the right of the child to participate fully in cultural and artistic life and shall encourage the provision of appropriate and equal opportunities for cultural, artistic, recreational and leisure activity.

    Currently your sons school are preventing him from having equal access to said rights in article 31 by excluding him from activities his peers are partaking in.

    You may also like to take a look at and quote a good proportion of the Equality Act (2010) appropriate section foun here =>

    What your childs school is doing is wrong, leagally, ethically and morally. It’s like saying let include someone in society but only with a 15 metre cordon around them. It is wrong and it is sick.

    Would they stop a child taking part if they had asthma or epilepsy just in case? I think not because that would be discrimination! Well excuse me but isn’t there an element of double standards here?

    Your child deserves the right to an education that is best suited to him, not to a group of teachers to make their life easy. He deserves to be happy and secure. He deserves the opportunity to socialise and develop the skills of making and maintaining friendship.

    Anyhow I best go now I have to continue preparing my 10 minute micro-teach on guess what “Aspergers within the mainstream education environment”. Now I could just talk for 12 hours but sadly when you are studying for a paediatric nursing degree they want you to reference everything and I’m only allowed 10 minutes =)

    If you need any help please email me or via facebook, because I am so much better than a lawyer, I am an extremely angry and on fire and highly educated aspie who will throw so much of the proverbial at them they will be attempting to dig themselves out for years.

  6. fiona2107 December 15, 2010 at 11:06 am #

    Claire, my heart is breaking as I read this.
    NO parent or child should have to endure such a horrible chain of events.
    It’s just not fair!!!

    Hoping it doesn’t get to court again, but if it does…..I am pulling for you over here in oz.



  1. Tweets that mention Social isolation « A boy with Asperger's -- - December 15, 2010

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Rebecca Mynter, Claire Sarcone. Claire Sarcone said: A child with autism isolated from peers. Social isolation: […]

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