3 Feb

What do you do when your 9 yr old Aspie son developes a taste for bad language?

I have to say that I don’t think I have the answer. I’m lost and at my wit’s end. Not only do I feel that I have lost control of the situation I also feel that everyone else is thinking the same thing. I got passed the looks and rude comments pushed apron me from other parents or members of the public. As I wrote in a past post some months ago I’m not going to feel like I have to explain every single thing little man does or action I take to deal with it. Yer I used to do this but I was losing the battle. How can you get the world to see things in a different light. Some people will always be stuck in their ways and little old me can’t do much to change it. It’s just that old fashion way of  thinking. There is no such Thing as autism or in our day it was just called bad behaviour. Yes I want to raise awareness for ASD and hope people do begin to see past bad behaviour in children on the spectrum but there is only so much you can do. The thing is Little mans use of swear words has become so bad Its making me avoid taking him anywhere. I can’t help worrying what others think when they hear his disgusting fool language during an outburst of rage. I tell him off though my tears of shame. My father used to go ballistic if me or my brothers and sister swore. If we ever dared swear at an adult we would be punished to the highest standards but saying that I don’t think it ever happened. We were pretty polite children. I try to stress how important it is not to swear, I tell him it doesn’t sound big, clever or cool. Sadly I just think that now his using certain words without even thinking. A swear word seems to appear in every other sentence and a habit is forming . A very embarrassing habit! As a parent to a child with Asperers I feel that life will alway hand you a problem to try and over come. Once you have mastered it something else comes along. It’s like one long test. But as a friend once told me God will only dish out what he thinks you can handle. Being a parent full stop is a learning game we parents of the ASD child just have a little extra to get through. I guess I’m just finding this one a little harder to overcome.

Techniques I have tried to help stop little mans use of bad language.

  • Taking away his belongings.
  • No playing  outside with his friend next door.
  • No treats.
  • Pocket money lost or reduced.

I know that following a punishment though is important with all children. there times I caved but as the behaviour has become worse I have  stood my ground and Little man has hindered his punishment but still with no long-lasting effects. So this is to all you parents out their that have been though it. I need your advice! How do I reduce his swearing and then finally stop it?  All suggestion welcome from parents with or without children on the spectrum.

Something has got to be done. If little man is like this with me and other family members he must be using the same language in the classroom. I already know he is rude to stuff and has problems separating Children and adults so I think that this could be highly likely.

13 Responses to “WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT.”

  1. mcdc98 July 27, 2013 at 8:33 pm #

    I am so glad that I found this post. My 9year old son who has asd and adhd also swears when he is angry. It makes sence now to know that he is frustrated and has is usibg swearibg to get his frustration out. Will be trying some of the suggestions in this post to try to get him to say different phrases to articulate his frustration. Thanks everyone.

  2. do it November 25, 2010 at 12:21 am #

    Thanks pal. Awesome site you have here. Have some more links to direct to with more info?

  3. MJ August 27, 2010 at 3:33 pm #

    I commented a few months ago about similar issues with my son. I wanted to give an update. His language had been getting worse and worse. It didn’t help that his school van was playing the filthiest rap songs and he was repeating them (we called the van company and stopped that quick). He also hears a lot from the older boys he goes to school with.

    Recently we started giving him an allowance but we tied it to his swearing. For every swear that comes out of his mouth we take a nickel away. The first week not only did he lose his whole allowance (he gets $5) but he also went half way through the second week’s allowance as well.

    It didn’t seem like it was going to work; he was even saying that he would probably never get an allowance again. But this is Friday of week 5 and he has only lost about $1; he gets paid tomorrow.

    It has taken awhile but we have finally seen some changes.

    BTW, he is a bipolar aspie kid with adhd.

  4. Jaime August 24, 2010 at 7:51 pm #

    I feel your pain as well…my 7 y/o Asperger son has the mouth of a sailor–BUT he only uses it at school and around other adults in disciplinary roles but oddly he NEVER uses bad language in front of myself or his father. This makes it very difficult to address since we never “catch” him doing it and only hear about it second hand and it’s often hours after the school day has ended, etc. When my older son comes and tells us he’s cursed and we confront him he immediately says, “I’m sorry, but…” and will explain what set him off. He has a great program at his school, but I still have to hear or read about his “bad behavior” every single day as they document his entire day–activity by activity. He’s been kicked out of multiple day cares due tp his bad language because it’s not a good example “for the other kids.” Thankfully his “disability” is fully documented in the school system so they’d have a very hard time kicking him out. Homeschooling is out of the question as his father and I do not live together therefore I am my only source of income.

    He just started the 2nd grade today so I’m bracing myself for another school year of notes home, phone calls, pick ups, and research to find something that will work for him.

    Good to see I’m not the only one dealing with this—though I think it’s understood that I wish none of us had to!


  5. Carol Poyser July 11, 2010 at 12:05 pm #

    I am glad too I found this post as our 7yr old son is having the same challenge. He knows that he shouldn’t swear but he finds it difficult to control is emotions when he gets frustrated. I think we will try some alternative words that can be yelled instead of the current inappropiate ones! I think also we might try to get a punching bag so he can pysically let it out frustration on this instead of the verbal & hits his younger brother copes!! Will keep watch of the post to see other ideas as it is such a hard issue to deal with and would like to see some improvement before teen years.

  6. Maddie July 5, 2010 at 5:40 pm #

    I am 21 years old and I am very certain that I might have Aspergers. I am struggling with cursing too. I mentioned to my boyfriend ones that I think about pink bunnies when I need to calm down so he suggested that I should scream: pink bunny rabbits! when I’m angry. It worked at least one time… but it hasn’t worked every time yet. Maybe I can get used to it one day:)

  7. Penny hales April 5, 2010 at 10:57 am #

    swearing could b underlying tourettes.hes frustrated and this is now showin.You could mention this 2 his pychologist.You need 2 understandthat hes releasing pent up anger 2. Get him a punch bag and do sum wieghts and count along wiv. As 4 wen he does swear just say ‘stop swearing’ calmly and ignore . Treat him like a human bein and talk and give him an outlet. If need b have one day a week wer he can have a good swear for 5mins.he needs home education as he cant cope in school! .

  8. MJ February 10, 2010 at 7:25 pm #

    Like the people here my family is dealing with this with my 8 year old. So far he has confined it to home (though it slips out sometimes elsewhere) and school has not seen any evidence of this. But as far as home life is concerned I don’t mind the swearing in general or at me but when he uses some of these expletives against his mom it drives me up a wall. Have tried taking things away from him (he now will voluntarily hand them to me after he speaks to his mom), taking money away, taking away outdoor privileges, nothing has worked. I happened to be sitting with a counselor yesterday that said a lot of the same things Gavin said. Going to try what he suggested.

  9. Gavin Bollard February 6, 2010 at 1:40 am #

    I can understand exactly where you’re coming from. My eldest son, aged 9.5 had/has a similar problem. There’s not much you can do. He wasn’t doing it because he was thought of as “big”. It was partially for attention and partially because it seems normal. After all, they’re just words you should use when you’re angry … right?

    Swearing is everywhere. I don’t think you can watch popular films these days without a fair amount of liberal swearing. Even cartoons, (South Park, I’m looking at you) are full of bad language.

    The thing is that language is evolving all the time and the bad words of today don’t mean as much as they did years ago.

    There’s no point punishing your son since he’s unlikely to be bothered by the loss of privileges. All it will do is add stress to your relationship with him. Instead, it’s best to encourage him to say in words what’s bothering him.

    So instead of running around shouting ##$%#@! !! he should come and say I feel so angry about xxxxx. That way you can both find a way around it. Swearing can make you feel better (it’s actually scientific fact) but fixing a problem will make you feel even better.

    Will this change happen easily … .er … no. Not overnight at least. Probably not without years of reinforcement. In the meantime, work on the problem, keep reminding him not to swear (and explain why it’s bad) and keep telling him what you want him to say instead.

    Most of all, don’t disable your quality of life (by not going shopping etc) simply because you’re worried about what other people think. Who cares about them. You’re living with it. You’re dealing with it. Why should their opinions matter?

  10. transitionalthoughts February 5, 2010 at 8:00 am #

    We started a tally with my 7 year old Aspie for bad words or loud piercing screams (of frustration). When we reached 10, serious consequences would follow. This heightened his ability to recognize that he was doing something wrong, but only added to the frustration, since he couldn’t stop it. We realized it was more of an OCD than swearing and thus introduced alternatives to swear words (“Oh golly!” “No way” etc). We practiced those A LOT and also informed teachers. We successfully shifted away from swear words this way and he is much happier, too.

  11. CritiqueDirect Reviews February 4, 2010 at 7:57 pm #

    Just wanted to let you know that its not showing up properly on the BlackBerry Browser. Anyway, Im now on the RSS feed on my laptop, so thanks!

  12. Sunshine February 4, 2010 at 2:02 am #

    Not that many will agree with this, & that’s okay. Here’s my take anyway.

    What if you totally changed your thoughts/feelings/energies/approach to this? Think about it. This is something that happens w/all kids at some point. Bad language is a part of the process. For our kids on the spectrum, it’s even harder to stop the things they CAN express when the need arises.

    As far as just general public, I wouldn’t be apologizing to anyone for anything. Really. They wouldn’t last 5 minutes in your shoes, let alone the proverbial mile. You don’t owe them anything. I’d give a polite smile, but nothing more.

    As for school, can you let your son know that you need to have him NOT do it at school, but as soon as he’s in his “safe zone” (home), he can let it rip & get it out of his system?

    I don’t know this is something that can be fully eradicated w/o extreme measures based in fear, & I don’t think even those would work, so why put the extra pressure/hardship on the child who’s really just trying to express themselves/make themselves heard/get their point across with what they have?

    I’m not saying this is an easy process or an easy way to go about it. But it is an option, one I think most don’t think about because we can sometimes spend more time worrying about what others think instead focusing on what’s in front of us. Not saying that’s what you’re doing, but it is definitely a pitfall that can befall each of us from time -to-time traveling down this road called autism.

  13. Gina Harris February 3, 2010 at 10:00 pm #

    Glad I came across this post as our family are dealing with the same problem. It’s out of control and lees teacher has asked for a meeting. I’m worried they won’t understand and blame me.

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