You gotta be kidding me!!

13 Jan

As most of you may already know I’m a mother of a 9 year old boy that has been diagnosed with Asperger’s. You may also have read in past post that over the last few years I have had many problems with my sons schooling. Well just when I thought things were finally improving they have become so much worse. I received a letter a few weeks back informing me that I have been summons to court for the time off school little man had last year. Are you kidding me! What a joke.  I was informed that as a parent of a child with a formal diagnosis of Aspergers I myself and my child would receive a great deal more help and more services would be on other to us. This has not been the case and to be honest I’m sick of the way my sons school have treated my son and my family. This stems back for a long time and I’m sure at some point I have mentioned just a few of the many problems I have experienced with little mans school life. Yes his attendance was not the best but this was for reasons beyond my control, reasons I feel could of been avoided if more help and services were on offer. At the beginning and the best part of last year I had problems with little mans sleeping patten. Problem was he didn’t seem to have much of a patten! Most will know that children on the autistic spectrum live their lives dominated mostly by a routine. Without routine things seem to go a little of the rail so to speak. But most will also know that getting a bedtime routine into place for a child with Autism/Asperger’s is also a pretty hard task in itself. Little mans bedtime routine was practically none existent. He had no issue with spending the whole night awake. I don’t mean getting up several times in the night I mean not sleeping till 5-6am in the morning. Yes this is a huge problem when he needs to be in school for 8.55am and so by 7 am it would be a good idea for him to be getting ready. But I could only dream. It would be a long and tiring ordeal to get him ready and into school. There would be screaming and swearing on his part that is and he would nearly always refuse to get up let alone get dressed. Let’s not forget I’m sleep deprived too. What also makes me mad is at least half of these absences are in fact not absences at all! More like lateness. If the children are in school past 9.15 am which is the time they shut the main gate meaning all children must report to the school office, then the child will be marked in as attending just half the day. They will lose their morning mark. But if there is a fire the school are well aware that the child is in fact in and not absent. So all the mornings missed are then added to make full days and then added to their over all attendance. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?? How in gods name can this be the case. This makes the case against me in court look a great deal worse. There was many days in which the children, I say children as I’m including my daughter have got into school way past 9.15 am. When I expressed my concerns to the school about little man’s refusal and reluctance to go to school and this matter making him and indeed my daughter overly late for school I was assured that bringing him rather them not bringing him was most  defiantly the best option. When I did the office staff were nearly always rude and made me feel like a naughty school girl. No matter how hard things become and how much I asked for help I still struggled on alone. I did however get our doctor to prescribe the natural medication Melatonin. This has helped but took time for everything to come together. We still had to get him used to the meds and settled into a routine. It’s only been since around the end of last year that huge improvements have been noted. And since then a large improvement has been made with little mans schooling in terms of lateness and overall attendance. However his behavior at school has taken a turn for the worse with many more letters and phone calls being made to me to report his bad and unmanageable behavior. This has to be due to the fact he is sleeping much better so has a lot more energy to get rid off though out the day. With this turn around I feel as if I have gone from one huge problem to another. At least at long last they see a different side to him. As It was fault that most of his undesirable behavior was happening at home and at school he was a more manageable child. I’m not pleased for his unruly behavior but now you must be able to see my parenting skills are not to blame.

So you may think that the improvements that have occurred towards the end of last year and this year would be enough to stop any future court action from going a head. Well it don’t look that way. I feel that after many meetings that have taken place and just as many promises that have been made I would be receiving some help with little man instead of having to stress about a court date right on top of just having had a baby. Why wont you just help me that way we both get what we want! Better attendance and most of all a better education for little man. Well with this latest kick in the teeth and a string of other problems and broken promises I have taken it upon myself to try my upmost hardest to remove my son from his current school placement and into one witch is better suited to his needs. A school that looks at helping the child achieve their goals and lead a full and happy school life. And this way he would be picked up for school and I can concentrate on getting my daughter to school on time. Yes sounds like a win win situation. You would think so! but firstly I have to get his uncooperative school to statement him. He has Aspergers and this is something that still has not taken place on their part. After a recent phone call with the new deputy head and senco of the school I was told much to my disbelief that she was not aware of him having Aspergers and she had no notes on the matter. She then went on to label him to be a child that suffered merely with behavioral problems and instead of one to one education and extra help he just needed to undergo behavior modification. This is the straw that broke the camels back! How bloody dare she. My son has a recognized fully diagnosed condition in which I am registered as his full time carer and have done everything in my power to work with the school and not against. It was not long ago you proceeded to say the problem behavior I reported was not a problem that you experienced with him in school hours and now he has a behavioral problem!!! Crazy cow.

With this I will deal with the court case and then seek advice on removing him with out delay. I think I have a solid case to do so. How is it that with a diagnosis of Aspergers my son receives no SEN at school he has no statement and worse still you have no record he was ever diagnosed despite the fact we have had meetings on the matter and  I have a letter from the school stating you have received his diagnosis in the post.

If anybody has any advise what so ever it would be greatly appreciated. I live in the UK and my son attend a mainstream primary school.

6 Responses to “You gotta be kidding me!!”

  1. Accidental Expert January 25, 2010 at 12:20 am #

    I’m so sorry you have to go through this.

    Our school did almost the same thing last year. My son was so anxious because they weren’t following his IEP, so he just refused to go most days.

    In an IEP meeting, when the principal chastised me for his attendance and threatened further action, I basically told them to bring it on. Maybe that way they’d be forced to provide services for him.

    My only advice. Document, document, document. And if they refuse to put proper accommodations in his IEP, call a meeting every week. Its your right. I’d keep them in meetings until they listened to reason.

    Hope things get better soon.

  2. John Kirton January 23, 2010 at 4:04 am #

    Hey Claire, long time no hear. Sounds like the school is out to do you in. Hope thing can work out. Of course we and our six ASD pumpkins are still in Utah and our schools have been great. So I have not advice tht may help. Drop me an email or friend me on Facebook (

  3. Gaye D January 20, 2010 at 1:42 pm #

    Hi Clarelouise,

    I have AS, and galloping insomnia, used to be slow sleep insomnia like your son, but, now, well I suggest you all give thanks that there ism’t much chance of your son’s insomnia combining with female hormones in middle age…the end result is bizarre :o)

    Insomnia is somthing you just cannot argue with, when your body will not sleep, it will not sleep, and when you are too sleep-deprived to function there is no reserve tank to run on.

    Anyway, practical suggestion here…insomnia IS a recognised medical condition quite seperate to AS. Would your Doctor give you a sick note for your son’s insomnia for the courts?

    Also, something left of field that might work, if he is willing to try it, is getting up at the crack of dawn and spending a couple of hours just chilling, doing his favorite stuff until it’s brekfast time. That works quite well fo me.

  4. Superlittlemen January 18, 2010 at 10:03 pm #

    I have only just started blogging but my reason seem pretty like yours. My son is 6 and since the age of about 2 we have known he was didnt conform to the norm, his behaviour has always been awful no matter what we did, very little eye contact, toucing and stroking hair and clothes, hurting others but not realising what he was doing, it wasnt a vindictive, intentional type of hurting others, just that he had no clue why he shouldnt do it, no control over it and the list goes on. Nursery school was a horrid experience, I use to dread walking across the playground to pick him up, it was like the walk of shame and the number of times after dropping off, I walked back to the car crying. It was at this point we started hearing the terms autism, ADHD, special needs etc.

    Looking back I dont think the nursery teacher had much experience anyhow and she clearly didnt know how to handle Isaac. Once he moved into reception the teacher was brilliant and unlike you the school have done nothing but support us and try and get help for Isaac.

    My main frustration is
    1. the way he is percieved by other parents,
    2. the fact other kids already know they can tell Isaac to go and kick someone or break something and he’ll just go and do it and not question it, then get into trouble, but of course this is all related back to the parents,
    3. How slow it is to get a diagnosis, if I hear isaac is a very complex little boy, he shows signs of aspergers and probably has ADHD but lets not label him with aspergers, arrgggghhhhh, without the label we get no help, its so frustrating.
    Although my frustration is the other end of the scale, and more with the health professionals, I really understood your frustrations, good luck especially with the court thing

  5. data file recovery January 18, 2010 at 5:21 pm #

    I stumbled on this place a little while ago and I seriously can’t get enough! Please keep writing!

  6. vale sarcone January 13, 2010 at 8:01 am #

    hi claire i see the school has not changed when alfiewas there (lil mans cousin) they said the same he didnt have autism as he didnt show the typical signs of it it was just a behavoural prob lol he is now in a specisl needs school brent knoll and is doing very well. i’ve spoke to other parents with children with special needs n it seems that the headmaster doesn’t want these children in his school. the safety needs of the children is not being met as alfie was foun in the street when he was 6 n annova boy with autism got out of school n walked home n he is the same age as alfie good luck claie from lil mans nanny vale x

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