I’m Sorry If My Child Offends You

27 Feb

Being a parent to a child with Aspergers means I’m somewhat used to the reactions of others when my child says something a little off the wall. I’ve found myself having to explain away inappropriate remarks, actions and more in between! Do you know how many times I’ve found myself saying “Sorry” on Little man’s behalf? If you do, please let me know as I’ve honestly lost count.

Well… These days I find myself somewhat reluctant to do so. Why? Its just manners right! Because sometimes its just not necessary anymore.

There are days Little man decides to tell the checkout girl she’s over weight or announce to the entire supermarket that his now going through puberty and I find myself cringing with embarrassment as I feel a thousand eyes fixed upon me. Sometimes I’ll explain that he didn’t mean a comment to intentionally offend, yet some of the responses I’m greeted with are of such an offensive nature in themselves that I then feel any need to apologise instantly melt away.

I don’t find myself constantly announcing that he is on the autism spectrum, especially in his presents as, as his aged I’ve decided that by doing this in his presence could make his condition become something of an issue for him and I don’t want that!

What I do now is try and remind Little man that his chosen words are not appropriate and maybe he should keep them to himself. Little man then has the option to apologise if needed.

As a parent of a child with Aspergers, as time progresses we ourselves go through a series of emotions. Back in the early days I found myself to scared to take him anywhere in fear of incidents occurring. I’m not stating that I still don’t have days when I feel this way but what I am saying is I’m now inclined to take chances! After all we can’t live our life’s hiding away, after all we are a family and we have nothing to be ashamed off.

Yes… You can sometimes find me saying sorry for some inappropriate comment but you won’t ever find me saying sorry for Little mans Aspergers.

We as parents of children who sometimes find it difficult coping with the world they live in, don’t make it our aim to bring up children designed to offend you. We often struggle to find solutions to such outspokenness (not rudeness)! What we don’t need is a dose of judgemental crap from those who haven’t a clue about our life’s.

We don’t all drag up our children… Sometimes there is just more to a situation than actually meets the eye.

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3 Responses to “I’m Sorry If My Child Offends You”

  1. Crystal Brothers February 27, 2013 at 9:47 pm #

    This is one of the most frustrating aspects of it for me, because my innocent, tender hearted, sweet son comes across as being rude. And it saddens me because I KNOW that it’s not his intention at all. He just doesn’t understand things in the same way.

  2. clairelouise82 February 27, 2013 at 2:17 am #

    Thanks for your comment:)
    Of course totally agree. I’d never dream of not making my sons teaching staff aware of his diagnosis, teachers need to know this to meet his needs.

    My point was I reframe from explaining his diagnosis to shop assistants etc in his presents I tend to use an awareness card.

  3. Chris February 27, 2013 at 1:42 am #

    Don’t apologize for your son. But tell me. I’m venting a little here because I am a little frustrated.

    In the last couple years, I have had co-workers with aspergers. At first it was difficult for me because I didn’t understand. As I learned and worked with these individuals, I’ve gained a lot of appreciation for them. I love their knowledge. I love their creativity. I have a relationship with one that has been especially good for both of us. She has taught me to curb my sarcasm and she has learned to deal with my bouncing between subjects. We have both learned a lot from each other about how to work together.

    My frustration — I teach a weekly class of students ages 6-9. There are 25 students and, as expected in that age group, they are very, very active and noisy — especially 2 who are hyperactive. There is one boy in the group who has caused problems with crying meltdowns and disruptive behavior. After an especially bad class last week, I talked to his mother. Her response was “It’s just his aspergers.” What?? Why didn’t she tell us? The class year is half over. If I had been aware, I would have handled some things in the class differently thanks to the things I’ve learned from my co-worker. I would have also handled the meltdowns differently.

    Whether a child has aspergers, ADHD, allergies, or is just missing a deployed parent, his/her teacher needs as awareness of what is going on so that teacher can react to the child in an appropriate manner. So please, please tell us what is happening with your child. You don’t have to apologize. Each/every person and child has special qualities and special needs. But if we are going to work together, we have to know what those qualities are and what those needs are. My co-worker can tell me when she doesn’t understand what I’m trying to say and I can tell her when I am confused with the way her mind is working. The same is not true of a child. So, don’t apologize, just tell me.

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